Chapter 15
Cameron
“Oh, my gods,” I whisper in giddy awe, watching the pitiful stream plunk from the showerhead. Without power, the well won’t function, but the large water tank in the center of town gravity feeds the pipes in its absence. A loud, delighted laugh bursts from my throat as the rusty color clears from the chilly water. “It works! The shower works!”
Manic grin on my face, I dart into the bedroom where Ronan stands, muttering to himself as he sorts through supplies. Despite his exhaustion, he went straight to work, determining what to keep close and what to leave in the van. He rattled on and on, rambling about our need to have the vehicle stocked for a quick getaway. Piles on the floor and dresser grow as he tosses stuff on top, and Boomerang sprawls in a chair behind him.
Domestication is a captivating sight on him, and I stare at the careful way he folds clothes and divides food. A few strands of dark hair hang over his face, his lip caught adorably between his teeth. My heart skips, fluttering in my chest as he glances up at me with a soft, pleased smile. I devour those smiles—hungry for more as he relaxes around me.
“That’s great. You need it after the day we’ve had.” There’s no sarcasm behind his words, and I’m too exhausted to add my own to the mix. “Take advantage of it and get washed up while I make sure the bed is clean.”
I’m too tired to argue, too tired to even think about what I’m doing as I rush forward and wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. He tenses for a moment before his muscles relax, and he tosses the clothes he was holding aside as he wraps me up in a hug. “Are you alright?” he asks, his lips ghosting over my hair. “Today has been a lot.”
“I will be,” I whisper, because that’s always the case, isn’t it?
Strong when I need to be, and always on guard.
Except… maybe with him that isn’t entirely true.
I’m deep in my head as I release him and offer a wobbly smile, retreating into the bathroom to gather my thoughts. The water pressure has increased from a trickle to a steady stream. Air bubbles rattle the pipes occasionally, trapped inside from going so long without being used.
Clean running water is an indulgence after years spent bathing in creeks, even with the chilly temperature. Goosebumps rise across my limbs as I tilt my head up, letting the water run over my hair. A closet in the bathroom was loaded up with supplies, and I feel like fucking royalty as I scrub the lavender and pine soap over my skin.
My lungs fill with a deep breath as I allow myself to process everything that’s happened over the past few days. When Ronan originally told me about the marks, I almost laughed in his face. Some mythical power binding us, fating us to be together? Fairy tale is a generous term for that fantasy, and I renounced it out of pure spite. That nonsense is meant for someone who has the luxury of believing they have a happy ending.
But as much as I tried to deny the pull between us, our connection is proving stronger than my fears. He risked his life, pulled me from that prison, killed a man who had been in his life for gods know how long… all for me.
He’ll just leave you, that little voice inside my head argues. When he figures out you aren’t worth it, how fucking broken you are, he’ll walk away, too.
And for the first time in my life, another voice echoes its quiet response.
But what if he doesn’t?
What if there’s more between us than I’ve been willing to admit before now? What if he actually supports his words with actions and stays ?
What if he doesn’t go?
Heat builds in my gut and spreads, purring its approval at the thought. It’s a tingle that warms me all the way to my fingertips and toes, despite the icy water pouring over my head. The fear is still there, iron-clad and woven into my very being, warning me that he has the power to hurt me, too.
All it would take would be for him to walk away.
But maybe… just maybe…
He won’t.
Conflicted, I step out of the shower into the muggy air and dry myself, putting on a t-shirt and pair of boxers to sleep in. Nerves fire in my belly as I walk back into the bedroom, only to find Ronan in one of the armchairs, sound asleep. His head has fallen back against the cushion, mouth slightly open, and soft snores roll from his throat. A quiet, huffing laugh pushes from my nose as I watch his chest rise in steady breaths.
I hesitate before I walk over and place a gentle hand on his shoulder. A sharp inhale startles him awake, and he launches to his feet, eyes wide. “Hey, hey,” I soothe as the wildness in his eye settles. “It’s just me. You fell asleep in the chair.”
“Did not,” he mutters, and I bite my lips between my teeth at how flustered he seems from me catching him napping.
“You need rest, Ronan. We can share the bed.”
Deep purple spreads high on his cheeks, a blush forming as his tongue flickers to wet his lips. He gestures behind him. “The chair will be fine for me. I can get comfortable there and keep watch.”
“Keep watch?”
His brow arches, some of his sass returning. “Who’s the parrot now?”
“Um, in case you’ve forgotten, you were bleeding to death less than twenty-four hours ago and have only slept a few hours since, and that was only because you passed out from blood loss.”
“That’s a little dramatic… I’m not even tired,” he says, the words muffled by a massive yawn that stretches his mouth wide, and I can’t help my smugness.
“That was the least convincing argument in the history of mankind.”
“Not a man.” My eyes narrow as he smiles.
“But you aren’t invincible either, no matter how much you try to convince me otherwise. Your injuries are fresh, and you drove all night. You are exhausted, and you need sleep just as much as I do… hell, probably more.”
“I’ll be fine,” he insists, the stubborn set of his jaw a clear sign of his defiance.
Time to play dirty.
I push out a heavy sigh as I walk over to where he stands, getting into his space until only a few inches exist between us. His gaze doesn’t leave mine as I place my hand on his chest, leaning in as I stare up into those dark eyes. “What’s the matter, big guy? Don’t want to sleep with me?”
My name leaves him like a curse, low and grumbly, and I grin at the effect I’m having on him. I fist his shirt, tugging him closer. “Ronan, come on. We’re both exhausted, and it’s a big bed. Besides, it’ll be easier to protect me if you’re close.”
Those eyes stay locked on mine for a long time, his stubbornness shining through. “Okay,” he finally says, and I open my mouth to argue when his response hits me.
“Wait… okay?”
He nods, a lopsided, sleepy grin forming on his face. “Yeah, Cameron. Okay.”
Light blue sheets cover the bed, the dusty comforter removed, and Ronan leads me to the bed with a delicate grip on my arm. He gestures towards a bottle of water sitting on the table beside the bed. “Drink that and get some rest. You look exhausted.”
“Hey,” I say with a frown. “So now I’m not only skinny but also tired-looking?” He huffs a quiet laugh that fades as his gaze falls to my mark. It’s the first time I’ve left it uncovered, and he watches, enthralled, as the light pulses and shifts beneath my skin in a warm glow .
“No, Cameron. You’re unexpected… and perfect,” he finally whispers, and there’s unfiltered emotion in his eyes as they meet mine. “Lie down and rest now. I’ll join you when I’m clean.”
Unconvinced he’s not going to just stand watch over me all night instead of sleeping, I start to argue, but a giant yawn forces my mouth wide. Ronan chuckles and nods towards the bed. “Sleep.” Too tired to fight, I flop down with a groan. After so long spending nights curled up in bushes or on top of a pile of hay, the mattress is like a cloud underneath me.
“Oh, holy shit,” I whisper, pulling the thin sheet over me. It’s hot outside, and the solar panels are not functioning, which means it’s warm and a touch muggy inside, but I’m not about to be a choosy beggar.
Not when so much has worked out in our favor today.
“I’ve died and gone to heaven,” I announce, my voice muffled by the pillow as I flip to my stomach, getting comfortable. Ronan chuckles, checking the windows once more before securing the door to the bedroom. Another sweet smile curves his lips as he walks closer, reaching to remove my glasses. I jerk back, heart racing, as one of my hands grabs his wrist while the other clutches the frames.
“Cameron?” A worried frown creases his face, the picture of caution, and I inwardly curse my knee-jerk reaction.
“Sorry… I’m sorry. You did nothing wrong, I just… I don’t take them off in case I need to run in a hurry.”
“You never remove them?” There’s concern in his tone, but no judgement.
“No,” I whisper .
Ronan kneels beside me, pushing my damp hair from my forehead while careful not to touch my glasses. “You don’t have to run anymore.” His voice is gentle, fingers lingering in my hair. “And I’ll do the fighting for you, mo’sziv. But if you’re more comfortable keeping them on, do it. I’m not trying to steal your sense of security.”
I want to take them off.
Want to show him I trust him.
But I just can’t bring myself to do it. “Maybe just… for today?”
“As long as you need,” Ronan says as he leans in and places an infuriatingly sweet kiss on my forehead. I can’t tear my eyes away as he walks to the bathroom. A tiny smile finds my lips as the pipes vibrate, water plunking into the bathtub again. Exhaustion threatens my consciousness, and despite the sun being high in the sky, I lose the fight to stay awake and fall into a deep sleep before he even returns.
Blackness surrounds me when I open my eyes, and for a moment, I forget where I am. The soft, clean bed underneath me takes me back to my childhood, but the smells are unfamiliar. Mustiness mixed with the subtle perfume of the lavender and pine soap I used in the shower, and the scent jogs my memories.
The shower. I almost crawl out of bed just to marvel at the running water .
Rhythmic breathing stirs me from my thoughts, and I roll over to find Ronan fast asleep on his back. Faint light shines from both our marks, illuminating him enough for me to stare.
The sight of him in a slightly-too-tight t-shirt and rumpled cotton shorts is odd and intimate. Forbidden, like I’m seeing something not quite meant for this world. He came to bed after I fell asleep, so I hadn’t had the pleasure of watching him walk around in something other than his armor.
He’s different like this—peaceful, missing the tension he carries like a trophy.
Long, raven strands fan out and form a chaotic halo underneath him, his tails drooping over the side of the mattress. His marked hand rests on his chest, moving with the subtle rise and fall of his breathing, while the other flops lazily above his head.
My fingers twitch at my sides, resisting the urge to reach over and touch him.
Gods, I want to touch him.
The thin cotton of his clothing leaves nothing to the imagination, and those stupidly defined abs are visible through the white material. Pecs that are strong and sculpted, but not bulky, strain the fabric, a hint of a shadow where his nipples stand taut.
My gaze travels downward, taking in the outline of his cock between his parted legs. Arousal pools low in my belly, tingling and warm as I shamelessly stare, memorizing the shape of him underneath his shorts. He looks… different from me, but not in an obvious way. Thicker and longer, but with a swell towards the base and no flaring at the head .
My dick perks up, thickening in my boxers, and when I drop my hand to brush over it, the light touch causes a low groan to climb from my throat.
Stop being a creep, Cameron, I tell myself, but do I listen?
No, I do not.
I’m a habitual offender when it comes to ignoring my own advice, and this is no exception. Now I’m having an internal battle and I’m horny, which is probably never a great combination.
My fingers graze along my erection and I shiver at the contact, glancing back at Ronan. Would he turn me away if I woke him up and made a move on him? He’s said he’s in this, that he wants to try , just like me, but that nagging insecurity makes me second guess myself. Hell, he wanted to sleep in the chair rather than risk sleeping beside me, so how the fuck would I even approach the subject?
“Hey, Ronan, I know you were hesitant to sleep in the same bed as me, but now I want you to maybe stick my dick in your mouth?”
A classy option.
“Gag me with your giant cock until I can’t breathe, and I’ll die happy?”
Another winner.
“Fuck, stop it, ya perv,” I mutter under my breath, and I shift to face away from Ronan when my cock rubs against the mattress. My hips thrust against the bed, rocking as the throbbing in my core gets stronger. Dry-humping the sheets next to his sleeping body is no less perverted than ogling him, though, so I roll onto my back.
My palms slap the bed in a tantrum as my erection tents my shorts, and Ronan grunts beside me. Mortified, I freeze, but he’s sound asleep as he stretches and smacks his lips, rolling onto his side to face away from me.
Now, instead of staring at his dick—which is a loss that needs mourning, honestly—I’m looking at his broad shoulders. His ass somehow fills those loose-fitting shorts as his tails curl up in a cute, tangled pile. Frustrated, a low, rumbling sound escapes my lips as I push my head into the pillow, desperately trying to force sleep.
My cock twitches in my boxers, and I lift my head, glaring at it as it waves hello.
This isn’t going to work.
The light illuminates Ronan’s body as he sleeps, his torso moving with his slow, rhythmic breathing, and his muscular ass pushes out at me like a fucking invitation.
Maybe I can curl up with him and pretend it happened in my sleep.
The thought of pressing myself against that ass almost makes me moan. A needy pulse from my cock makes my hand return to it, feeling a wet spot forming on my boxers. I inch closer to him, wondering if he’ll believe it was an accident, but I’m so turned on that I’m beyond caring.
Another scoot forward, and I run into something soft. My brows furrow as I glance down, wondering how in the world I missed the pillows shoved in the space separating us.
My irritation grows with each passing second as I stare at them, a knot forming in my stomach.
He put them there.
Between us.
His purple ass came to bed, intending to keep me away from him. He even constructed a small, fluffy fortress to prevent the needy, pathetic human from crossing into his space.
I don’t know why it hurts so much.
It feels like rejection, and it hurtles me into a rage as I watch his shoulders rise and fall, sleeping peacefully on his side of the barrier. Making as much racket as I can, I sit up, but the bastard sleeps on, oblivious.
Mighty warrior, my ass.
If I was an assassin, he’d just hang out in dreamland as I slit his throat.
A serene sigh pushes from his lips, and my anger gets the best of me.“Ronan!” I’m louder than I mean to be, and he wakes with a start, leaping from the bed with his sword brandished.
Where the fuck did that come from?
His eyes scan the room, searching for danger, before zeroing in on me. “What the hell, Cameron?” His voice is thick and raspy, and so godsdamned sexy it pisses me off even more. “Why the fuck did you wake me up like that?” he bellows, and I’m very proud when I only flinch a tiny bit. “I thought there was something wrong !”
Boomerang lifts her head from the chair in the corner, but is obviously no help, because she settles back in without coming to my rescue. Ronan puts his sword away, still staring.
“There is something wrong,” I growl, launching a pillow right at his face, and it cuts off his words as he tries to respond. He gawks at me, mouth sagged open, before his jaw sets and he forces his way closer even as I try to toss the second pillow at him. He swats it away and hovers over me .
“What is it, then? You wanted my attention? Well, you’ve fucking got it. Tell me what’s so important that you needed to wake me up in the middle of the night.”
He’s in his own battle of concern versus irritation, but my emotions win as my temper flares to the surface. “What’s wrong is that you are an asshole,” I taunt, my voice trembling, and I force myself not to look away as he stares down at me, fully engaged. “A giant, pig-headed, inconsiderate, ill-mannered beast of an asshole!”
“Cameron, I was sleeping .” Some of his composure slips as he leans closer, fully awake now as he stares. It’s like I’m splayed wide open, and those eyes are examining every hidden, rotten part of me as I try not to crack. “I’m going to need some guidance here, because I’m obviously too tired or too dense to get it. Explain to me how I was being an asshole while I was asleep.”
“You really have no idea, do you? You have absolutely no idea how this makes me feel.” I gesture at the now-empty space between us, chin jutted out as he looms over me.
“How what makes you feel?” Under different circumstances, his expression of confusion and outraged disbelief would be hilarious, but not right now. “What are you even going on about?”
“The pillows!” I bellow, and he rears back in surprise at the rage in my voice. “You put the pillows between us. Do you know how hard it was to actually ask you to share this bed with me? To admit to myself that I want to try this?! It was hard , Ronan, because all I have ever done is shut others out. But I did it. I did it because I’m trying to be better at this… at all of this… but it didn’t end up mattering. It doesn’t make a difference what I do if you do n’t fucking want me.” All my insecurities come spilling out as I rush to my knees, slamming my fists against his chest, but he doesn’t budge. They slam into him again, and when he catches my wrists with gentle hands, we gasp in sync from the shock that hits us both.
“Of course I want you,” he whispers, and I try to jerk my arms away as he holds tight.
“If you wanted me, you wouldn’t put fucking walls between us. You wouldn’t be doing everything in your power to stay away from me. That’s how you keep someone at arm’s length, Ronan. That’s how you leave. ”
“Are we back to this?” His voice is a low murmur in the otherwise silent room, his hands holding me steady. “Back to you being a stupid human?”
“I am not a stupid human,” I seethe, baring my teeth at him as I fight to get out of his hold.
“Are you sure about that?” He releases my wrists, pushing his fingers through my hair and jerking my head up to face him, effectively interrupting me. “Do you not see the way I look at you? How I fucking fight not to touch you? I keep my distance because you asked me to, Cameron.”
When my brows meet, confused, his nostrils flare as a tendril of his pent-up anger shows itself. “Do you not remember running out that door and screaming that you rejected the idea of a mate? Ordering me not to follow you? Or has it slipped your mind that you told me you did not want me?”
Shame makes my eyelids squeeze closed as I force a rough swallow. “I was angry,” I whisper, avoiding his eyes at the memory and the regret that kicks me in the stomach every time I relive it .
“And I was hurt ,” he says, and my eyes open, flying back to his. “As much as you’d like to think it otherwise, I am not invincible, Cameron. You might as well have driven a blade through my heart with what those words did to me.”
A heavy, suffocating guilt settles on my chest, the weight of my regret making it hard to even breathe. My lip quivers and his gaze drops to it, the hold in my hair loosening as his eyes soften. “But I’m here , aren’t I? I’m here with you, trying to respect your wishes while fighting for any scrap of affection you’re willing to offer me. Sitting like a dog at your feet, just waiting for a crumb to feed this addiction I have to you. So yes, Cameron. You have to be a pretty fucking stupid human to not realize how much I want you.”
“You can’t call me names while you say sweet things,” I argue, trying to hide the potent rush of relief that pours through my system. The corners of his lips pull back in the tiniest hint of a smile. “It’s a rule, I’m almost positive.”
“Unfortunately, it seems the situation calls for it.” Tentatively, he wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer until my head lies on his chest, his fingers raking against my scalp. “Is this going to become a routine?”
“What do you mean?” I mumble into his shirt, simultaneously loving and hating how it soothes me when I want to stay mad. Slowly, my body relaxes into his and the clutches on my anger loosen until it starts to fade. His hands stroke up and down my spine, and ever so hesitantly, I rest my hand on his chest. A peaceful silence is broken only by the gentle tempo of his breathing and the rhythmic pulse of his heart beating beneath my ear .
“I don’t know your story yet, Cameron,” he finally whispers as he eases us down to the bed. We lay side-by-side, arms tight around me as I snuggle into his warmth. “Don’t know what the world has done to you. And I can only hope that one day, you’ll trust me enough to share the parts of you that have been hurt so deeply. If I need to start my days and end my nights by telling you that you are wanted, I will set a routine so strict you could tell time by it. There won’t be a day that passes without me reminding you.”
His fingers tighten in my hair, the touch less irritated and more intimate this time. He tilts me up to face him, hesitating as he leans closer. “In those moments you feel insecure, I hope you remember that nothing will change my mind. The mark could disappear off my skin, the Fates could all go to hell, and I would still want you.”
He leans in, hovering just a hairbreadth away from my lips as his breath blows across them. “But Cameron?” he asks, pulling back as I chase his mouth.
My eyes swing up to his, so very close. “Yeah?”
“Wake me up like that again and I will gag you before we sleep.”
My argument is cut short as he rushes forward and captures my mouth, silencing me as the words fade to a quiet whine. Calm and in control, his lips move against mine, taking his time as something fundamental inside me cracks wide open. The defenses around my guarded heart weaken, a few more bricks in my walls crumbling as I melt into his arms. A needy sound builds in the back of my throat, and he pulls away to meet my gaze, lips glistening and eyes hooded.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper .
His nose rubs against the bridge of mine as he whispers back, “I know you are. My intention was never to hurt you, and I’m sorry I did.”
“I want to be better.”
“You don’t need to be better, mo’sziv. I don’t want you to change… I just want you.”
“But I’m broken.” My cracked words are so quiet, they’re barely more than a breath.
His fingernails drag against my scalp and make me shiver as he presses another gentle kiss to my lips. “Then I’ll hold you together until you’re not.”
A whimper leaves my throat as I fight back tears, my chest tight with the sweet agony of his words. “Please?” He nods, knowing what I need as he comes in for more, this kiss more forceful. His hands flex against me as our lips move together, tilting my head and taking control by putting me where he wants me. Gentle teeth nip at my bottom lip, and he tugs my lips apart as his tongue pushes into my mouth, sliding against mine as a whine slips loose.
Ronan smiles against our kiss as unfiltered, undeniably needy sounds escape me. “I like you this way,” he whispers, peppering my face with feather-light pecks. “If this is how I get you to be agreeable, I can work with that.”
“If you’re looking for me to be agreeable, you’ll end up disappointed.” He laughs again, his breath blowing across my lips.
“You’ll never be a disappointment to me, Cameron. An irritation, sure, and always a pain in my ass, but never a disappointment.” He kisses me, slow and gentle, running his fingers over my scalp and down my spine, until my eyes droop and my limbs get heavy. “Sleep now,” he whispers, tucking me against him and kissing the top of my head. “No pillows will attack you in the dark—I’ll make sure of it.”
A smile spreads over my lips as I nuzzle in. “Such a mighty protector,” I tease, feeling safer than I ever have as I drift back into a peaceful sleep.