Chapter 19 Ryan
RYAN
If you’ve never seen thirty thousand people in matching Christmas sweaters on their feet and hollering, you’ve never lived.
The floor is shaking, my eardrums pulsing with the noise from the crowd. The ball goes up against our net, and I catch it off the rim.
Ten seconds.
Adrenaline pounds in my veins as I throw it forward to Jay, who’s almost at center court. I run up after him, and he brings it over the line and passes it back to me.
The final seconds of the game tick down, and I sneak a glance at the scoreboard. Satisfaction roots in my chest. I dribble out the final seconds, LA pulling up because they know they’ve lost.
The ref blows the whistle, but it’s impossible to hear in the deafening arena. I toss him the ball.
“Only pie they’re gonna be eating is the humble kind!” Jay hollers as he fist-bumps me.
Even Clay is grinning, and the guy has seen it all.
A few of the LA guys come up, and we trade hugs and fist bumps. It’s the holiday after all.
Denver won. On Christmas Day.
Against one of our biggest rivals.
I used to dream of these moments as a kid, but living it for real…
There’s no better feeling.
Except that even as red-and-purple streamers flutter from the ceiling, the media descends on the court for the post-game interviews, and everyone is in an objectively jovial mood, something’s missing.
I feel it through the on-court interviews, TV personalities wanting to know if it’s easier or harder to play on a holiday.
It’s there when I make my way back to the dressing room and I hit the shower.
Definitely there when I grab my phone in my locker to find it blowing up with messages from family and friends.
Probably because I’m thinking of one person who’s not in my phone.
Sierra.
She should have been here. I pictured it in my head, was so damn happy when she said yes. But she’s not. She pulled away, and whatever shot I had is over.
“You’re onto something with this Christmas cabin,” Jay says, pulling his phone and gear out of his locker. “We should make it a tradition.”
“Yeah. I’ll see what I can do,” I say, but I’m distracted.
“We’re all going back to Clay’s,” Miles is saying, but I’m tuning him out.
The past few days felt almost as good as being home for the holidays. It was spending time with the guys, but it was also her.
My phone rings with a video call. My parents.
My heart lifts a little.
I answer but put my thumb over the camera.
“Merry Christmas!” they chorus.
My sisters are there. Cousins and aunts and uncles too.
“What’s wrong with your video?” one of my sisters demands.
“I’m in the locker room so can’t put you on video.”
“A bunch of sweaty naked guys?”
“Is Clay there?” my other sister asks. “I will give you everything I own if you put on video.”
They laugh and I grin, tossing a look at my teammate who’s changing.
I feel right at home here. I’m missing my family, but I have another one with these guys.
“We need to go check on the turkey,” my mom says, capturing the phone and taking me with her. “What’s wrong, honey? It’s just us.”
“Nothing.” I take my thumb off the camera as she walks.
“I know you. You play tough, but you have a soft heart.”
I sigh. “There’s this girl I’m really into. But she’s not willing to go there with me, and I don’t want to be that guy to drag her for it. She has people telling her what they want from her all the time.”
Mom’s eyes shine with understanding. “Then tell her what you want to give her instead.”
“And if she still doesn’t want it?”
“Her loss, honey.”
Funny. It feels like mine.
Voices drift into the kitchen alongside my mom’s. My cousins are arguing about the dessert.
“Are you on video now?!” one demands. “Is Clay there?!”
A message comes in, capturing my attention.
Sierra: Great game.
“Thanks, Mom. I gotta go,” I say quickly. “Call you later?”
She agrees despite the protests behind her, and I say goodbye and hang up.
My heart is thudding as if I’m still on the court as I type back.
Ryan: Thanks. You’ve never texted me before.
Sierra: I promised I’d text you after we hooked up this time. So, Merry Christmas.
My chest warms, my hands tingling.
“Be good to her. She’s been through a lot.”
Clay’s gruff voice has me looking up.
“What do you mean?”
“Mile High’s been through some rough times. Dragged Sierra and her family with it. It’s doing better now, but when you’re used to giving your all to something, it’s hard to think about anything else, not to mention trust it.”
I don’t ask him how he knows, because it doesn’t matter. I believe him.
That won’t happen with me.
I have to prove it to her.
* * *
The sign on the door says “Closed,” but there are still patrons inside Mile High when I make my way through the snowy streets and park close by the bar. The warm lights inside can’t quash the nerves in my stomach as I adjust the stuffed Christmas bear under my arm and push my way inside.
Jingle bells over the door tinkle brightly.
“We’re closing,” Sierra calls without turning around.
“Damn it. I was hoping to get a drink.”
Then she does turn. Her eyes widen in slow motion. “Ryan.”
The other patrons recognize me instantly and call my name. A few guys clap me on the back, and I nod and smile, but I’m focused on only one person.
I cross the room, stopping opposite the bar and taking in her outfit. “I like your sweater.”
“Thanks.”
There’s too much space between us.
I round the bar.
“What’re you…?”
I pull up right in front of her. “I’ve been into you for a long time.”
She bites her lip, looking up at me with wariness and maybe a sliver of hope.
It’s hard to stay focused when she’s so beautiful, but I need to say my piece.
“When last year happened, I thought that was it. That was my shot. And for sure you’d text me after we hooked up.
” There’s a holler from behind me, one of the guys overhearing what I said.
Shit, too late to take it back. “Then you didn’t, and I figured you needed time.
Then we were on the road, and it was a month, and two months, and then it was too late.
“It’s not like I hit on you thinking I wanted more.
Hell, I didn’t even hit on you thinking I wanted sex.
It just happened. And because I liked you—more than I could admit—I didn’t want to be some asshole who texted you because I’m sure you have a million losers blowing up your phone…
” I go to shove a hand through my hair and realize I’ve got my Santa hat on.
“You obviously had my number because you’re in the group chats. So, I figured you forgot all about me.”
There’s silence behind me. The patrons must have left.
There’s mistletoe hanging over the bar.
“You’re kind of hard to forget, Ryan,” she says at last.
A smidgeon of hope blooms in my chest.
“Because you work at a bar with my jersey on the wall?” I ask.
She inhales. “Because every time the Kodiaks come in here, I look for you.”
“Awww,” erupts behind us.
She looks past me. “Pete! I mean it. We’re closing.”
“Come on, Sierra. This is better than the game!” he pleads, his friends nodding and clutching their hands together.
“Go,” she says firmly, pointing at the door.
They head outside, dragging their feet. She follows and shuts the door behind them.
They’re staring through the window when she returns to me, and I know she knows because she rolls her eyes.
“I know you’re afraid it’ll mess with your vibe to date a Kodiak, but I’ll do everything in my power to make your life better and not worse,” I say. “We can take it slow if that’s what you need, but we have to start somewhere. And I really want to go somewhere with you, Sierra.”
Her eyes flicker with vulnerability.
For a second, I wonder if she’s going to put distance between us, but she returns to the spot she was in before, inches in front of me.
“When you invited me up to the cabin for Christmas, I was a little too excited.” Sierra’s lips part. Fuck, I want to kiss her so badly, but I need to hear what she has to say. “I hate Christmas.”
“I love that about you.”
She sighs. “What I mean is, I told myself it was a bad idea to entertain the idea of letting myself be into you. My entire world revolves around you and the team, and that’s a harsh reality.
But you make me question things I thought I knew.
And all I could think was, why should some rookie with magic hands change me? ”
I hold up a hand. “One, I was rookie of the year. Two… I’d like to get the magic hands part in writing.”
Sierra shakes her head at either my words or my shit-eating grin. Eventually, she smiles too.
“Well, we have more in common than you think. My world kind of revolves around you too.”
Her mouth falls open as though she can’t believe I said that.
“Did you rehearse that part?” she whispers.
“Nope.” My throat works. “Guess I’m feeling inspired.”
She steps closer. “By the holiday season?”
“By how good you look in that sweater.”
“You think?” She spins, and I get a chance to see my number on her. All the blood goes straight to my dick.
I’m picturing bending her over this bar and flipping up her skirt, fucking her like this so I know she’s mine.
Don’t get distracted.
I turn her back to face me.
“This part I did rehearse.” I take a deep breath.
“I get that you have this story about who you are. And you have one about me too.” Her eyes widen as I take her face in my palms. “I can’t say I don’t care who you are or what you do.
That I don’t care you run your dad’s bar.
That you’re suspicious of guys, especially exceptionally attractive ones. ”
Her eyes narrow, and she starts to tug back. I don’t let her.
“But I love all those things about you. And I would fucking love it if you gave us a chance.”
The moment stretches out between us. Now that I’ve declared my feelings, I can imagine everything she might say.
That I’m being impulsive. That I don’t know what I want.
It’s all bullshit. I won’t let her go if there’s a chance she could stay.
She folds her arms, never breaking my gaze.
“What do you say, Sierra? Will you date me this Christmas?”
“Only for Christmas?” Her head tilts playfully.
“And New Year’s. And Valentine’s Day. And if it’s going well… Easter. Easter is my favorite.”
“I thought Christmas was your favorite.”
“I’m a man of layers.”
“Kiss him!” the guy she called Pete exclaims through the window.
Sierra tips her face up. “I guess that’s what the mistletoe is for.”
“Damn right it is.”
Then I kiss her and cheers go up.
Those are all the holiday vibes I need.