20. Parker
20
PARKER
I heard Kylie calling me, but I ignored her. I didn’t want her to tell me it was okay when clearly, it wasn’t fucking okay. It was bad enough that my life had turned to shit—now I was bringing first-year students down with me.
That other student—God, I didn’t even know her name—was right. I was useless as a cohort leader. She had every right to request someone else. Hell, I’d do it myself. I strode toward the admin office, determined to have my group of mentees reassigned to someone who’d actually help them.
“Parker?”
I flinched as I heard Kylie’s voice behind me. How the hell had she kept up? She was such a little thing. Abandoning my plan, I dashed up another set of stairs and hurried down the hall. It was cowardly, yes, but I didn’t want to talk to her. Not unless it was to make her moan like I did last night. And even then, it was mostly Mason and Jude. These days, I barely helped someone have an orgasm, let alone pass a class.
By the time I made it to the fourth floor, Kylie was nowhere in sight. That was good. She was better off without me. I wound my way through the cubicle farm of graduate teaching assistants and entered yet another stairwell. It’d led up to the seldom-used top floor.
The air was staler up here. I passed a library looking as if the most recent book added was from the 1920s. Then there were some offices for the more prestigious retired professors, though they were rarely used. Finally, I found what I was looking for. A dusty old classroom that had a heap of desks stacked on top of each other at the back. And off to the side was a three-quarters size door. I ducked my head as I entered the narrow passage running along the side of the classroom. Then it opened out to a small, round turret at the corner of the building. From the outside, it looked like the tower of a castle. Inside, there wasn’t a lot of space, but the large windows provided a good view of campus and the Rockies in the distance.
“Parker?”
I was shocked to see Kylie enter the room after me. “How the hell did you do that? Your legs are about as long as my index finger.”
She brushed some dust off of her oversized sweater and smiled, moving to a window, taking in the view. “My superpower is being able to locate every spot on campus that has a good view of the Rockies.”
In spite of my mood, the corner of my mouth twitched upward. She sure had a thing for mountains. I wished they inspired me even a fraction as much as they inspired her.
“How’d you find this place?” she asked, still mesmerized by the view.
“The leader of my cohort showed me last year. Because I was in a cohort that actually did something, unlike the one you’re in.”
That made her turn around. “I’m sorry you heard that.”
“Why? It’s true what she said.” I slammed my hands down at my sides. “I’m supposed to be helping that student and I don’t even know her name.”
“Paige,” she supplied.
“I’m supposed to be helping you, too.”
“I know.”
“So are you asking to be put in a new group?” My voice was harsher than I meant it to be.
“No.” She took a step closer, but I moved away—or at least as far as I could get in the small space.
“You should,” I said. “You’ve already said you’re struggling with your courses. That’s what the cohorts are for.”
“I know. And I still believe I’m in a good one with a leader that can help me.”
That pissed me off. “So you’re risking your grades on what you think I should be like instead of what I’m actually like?”
“Yes.”
“Well that’s stupid of you.” I didn’t look at her when I said it.
“Probably. But the thing is, I know you, and Paige doesn’t. I know you’ll do the right thing.”
“When?” I looked out the window with my back to her. “When the semester’s over and it’s too late?”
“No. You’ve already helped me.”
I snorted, turning to face her. “I’ve probably answered maybe five questions for you all semester. Which is five more than I have for the others.”
“It’s been more than that,” she insisted. “And that wasn’t the only thing you helped me with.”
Leaning against the windowsill, I looked down at her. She was delusional if she thought I was any good to anybody this year. “What else did I help you with?”
“There was that time the woman from the housing office caught me going into the room and you pretended to be my boyfriend.”
That caught me by surprise. I hadn’t thought about it in a while, but I remembered how her body felt nested against mine with my arm around her.
“You rose to the occasion, and I don’t mean that in a dirty way like Mason would,” she said. “You kissed me, and you flirted with a woman twice your age and made her blush. You made her so flustered, she forgot to check my ID. You saved me.” Kylie looked down for a minute, shaking her head. “Not you, exactly. Not the quiet, brooding guy I know. The man who saved me was the old you.”
I hated this conversation, but I was trapped in it because I didn’t hate Kylie. Not by a long shot.
“And then it happened again at that bar when Jude’s band played. When that guy came at me and Mason shoved me behind him, you came to get me. You led me off to a safer spot. That was the old you, too, wasn’t it?”
I frowned. “No. That man is gone.” Aubrey had made sure of it.
“Well, then, that was you pretending to be the old you.”
My eyebrow cocked as I stared at her. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yes, it does,” she insisted. “It’s—can we sit?”
Her change of topic caught me off guard. “Here?” There weren’t any chairs in here, just an old table and a few boxes.
“Yeah.” She sat down and leaned against the wall, her bare legs out in front of her. “You know me, if there are beautiful mountains to look at, I’ll tune everything else out, and this is important.”
Important.
Before she arrived, I was only important to two people in the entire university. Now the count was up to three. I sat down next to her, stretching my legs out next to hers.
“I’m sorry I said you weren’t a good mentor,” she said.
“I’m not,” I shrugged.
“It was disloyal.”
I looked down at her, momentarily distracted by the green and blue orbs staring back at me. From that close, I saw the flecks of gold in the green eye and gray in the other one. They were like precious gems. But it wasn’t what I needed to focus on. There were some things she needed to hear. “You can’t think like that. Not in the world of business. Friendships are fine, but blind loyalty isn’t. If an employee isn’t doing the job well enough, you’ve got to get his ass out of there and hire someone who can. Doesn’t matter if you like him or not. What matters is the bottom line and what’s best for your business, because that’s what's best for you.”
Kylie was silent for a moment, her mesmerizing eyes still on me. “That sounds like something a mentor would say.”
I shook my head. “If you want any more of that, you need to find another cohort to be in.”
“I don’t want to.”
Irritation filled me. “I just told you, personal loyalty has no place in the business world. Not unless it’s helping you move toward your goals.”
“You could help me.”
“Clearly, I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” She turned to face me, crossing her legs. “Because I’ve seen you do it when I almost got caught, and at the bar. And you know what those two things had in common? Both of those times you thought of me, not yourself.”
“So?”
“So, maybe that’s a step in the right direction. If you won’t take charge of the cohort because it’s the right thing to do, then do it for me. God knows I could use the support.”
She looked so small sitting there. Small and young. She was only a few years younger than me, but she seemed somehow both naive and wise. “Isn’t that just another form of loyalty? Me helping you because I like you?”
“You just said that the only way personal loyalty has a legitimate place in the business world is if it helps you move toward your goals. My goal is to learn as much as I can and pass my classes. Your goal could be to return to your old self.”
I shook my head. “You’ll probably be retired by the time that happens.”
“So fake it until you make it. Isn’t that what you did when you flirted with the woman from housing? You faked your interest and helped me out.”
“And helped myself out, too,” I muttered, almost under my breath.
“You did? How?”
“Because it meant my friend didn’t get kicked out.”
Kylie’s face lit up at that. I’d heard that expression, but I’d never seen it so perfectly exemplified. “Maybe if you keep helping me—and the others in the group—you’ll find benefits in that, too. Maybe you’ll feel more like yourself.”
I groaned, getting to my feet. “I don’t feel anything anymore.”
She jumped up, and I wondered if she’d planned to follow me, move for move, for the rest of the day. “How about last night? Did you feel something last night?”
I sat on the edge of the table as I thought about it. “Yes.” At first, I thought their X-rated, role-playing bedtime stories were a ridiculous waste of time. They were adults. If they wanted to screw, they should just screw. But eventually, I’d gotten into the fantasies. They were a slow tease, but a damn sight better than just rubbing one out on your own, thinking about a woman you’d never see again. Never hold. Never touch. “Yeah, I did,” I admitted.
“That’s a start.” Kylie looked encouraged. “If you felt something at night in the bedroom when we’re all together… maybe you’d feel something somewhere else.”
“Like where?”
“Like here, for starters.” She moved close to me, standing between my spread legs. She put her hand on my cheek. “Does this cause you to feel anything?”
“No,” I said, but I couldn’t help placing my hand on top of hers.
“How about now?” She wrapped her arms around my back, pressing herself against me. After a moment, my arms went around her. When was the last time someone hugged me? It felt strange. It felt different.
And it also felt good.
I rested my cheek on the top of her hair, smelling the faint scent of citrus shampoo. Her body nestled against mine, and I couldn’t quite tell if I sought comfort or gave it. Maybe it didn’t matter. I held her, trying to block out all thoughts and just focusing on the acceptance she offered me.
Kylie raised her face to mine. “Parker—” Her mouth was silenced when I crushed mine over it. She tasted as sweet as she smelled. When I ran my tongue along her soft lips, it tasted of honey. Or, maybe it was vanilla.
She reached her arms up, linking them behind my neck, making her body stretch out and her breasts press against my chest. They were soft but firm—just like I’d imagined in the dark at night.
I took my time tasting her. Exploring her mouth. Kissing her as thoroughly as I knew how. Her breathing sped up, and she moaned deep in her throat. Way back when, a good kiss made me feel that way, too. Now… it felt good, but it was a faint echo of what it should’ve been. I wanted to be fully present and enjoy this amazing respite with Kylie—but I didn’t know how.
Then she broke the kiss, taking a half step back. “I’m not pulling away, okay? I just need to tell you something.”
The look of concern on her face was oddly endearing. “What? Are you secretly married?”
She gave a small, distracted smile. “No, but I’m also not looking for any kind of commitment.”
“Neither am I.” That was the last thing I wanted after how my last relationship had ended.
She shook her head. “I’m not explaining this right. The thing is—I like you. But I also like someone else. Two other people actually.”
I groaned. Of course she did. I couldn’t fault her for liking two of the people I liked best in the world. “Do they know?”
“I’m not sure,” she said, smiling. “I think Mason’s predisposed to think every woman likes him, so there’s that.”
“And Jude’s not slow on the uptake.” He was a drummer in a band. He knew when a woman wanted him. “So, have you all acted out some of our nighttime fantasies for real?”
“No.” She shook her head for emphasis. “Just… Well, let’s just say when I arrived on your doorstep at Henderson, I hadn’t been kissed in over a year. That’s not the case anymore.”
I grinned. “Sounds like I need to make up for some lost time.” I tugged her toward me, but she still resisted.
“Just as long as you understand how it is. I’d never want to do anything to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” I said gruffly. I suspected she hadn’t given this speech to either of the other two. After all, they weren’t the ones she considered fragile and broken. That thought rankled, but I knew if I pressed my mouth to hers again, it’d fade away.
Kylie moved in again, and I took her face in my hands, reclaiming her mouth. The contact made the intrusive thoughts in my mind recede. But it still felt like my reactions were off. A gorgeous woman was pressed up against me. She had the best legs I’d ever seen, and her unique eyes with their dramatic eye makeup was sexy as hell. She was enough to make any man’s blood boil, but mine still simmered.
I broke off the kiss. She looked startled as she bit her swollen lower lip and looked at me. “I want to do what we did in the fantasy.”
Kylie looked shocked. “W-which one?”
“The one last night. And the first one, too. I want to go down on you.”
Her mouth formed a perfect O of surprise. “Why?”
I gave her a crooked grin. “It’s really not that much of a surprise that a man wants to go down on a beautiful woman.”
To her credit, she knew it was more than that. “Why?” she repeated.
I sighed and looked away, my hands on her shoulders. “Because… because I’ve been the tin man lately. No heart. No emotions. But maybe if I make you feel something… I will, too.”
Her cheeks colored as she thought it over. “I can’t decide if that makes no sense or perfect sense.”
“Go with the latter,” I urged. “I guarantee I can do a few things your little pink toy can’t.”
Her cheeks were full-on crimson. “I like you, Parker, I really do, but?—”
“I heard you twice the first time,” I interrupted. “You like all of us equally.” I put a finger under her chin, making her look up at me. “From what I overheard before, you’re having a crappy day. I get it. Classes are hard. Mondays suck. But I’m offering a way to make your day a hell of a lot better, if you’ll let me.”
She was torn. I could tell she wanted to—but she wasn’t sure if she should.
“You said you wanted me to help you,” I reminded her.
That produced a hint of a smile. “I’d hoped you’d help the cohort.”
I grinned. “I think my tongue would tire long before I was through with the whole group. Now, are you going to take your shorts off or what?”
Her indecision lasted for another twenty seconds… and then she reached under her sweater to undo her shorts. Relief filled me. I still didn’t know if this kind of thing would make my heart finally beat again, but I was determined to make hers race so hard, it nearly pounded out of her chest.
Her lavender sweater kept her covered as she slid her shorts and panties down, stepping out of them, but it made a difference, knowing she was bare under there.
I circled her small waist with my hands and picked her up, turning her around and setting her on the edge of the table. Her cute little mouth opened, but before she said anything, I pressed my lips against hers. This time, she was the one who spread her legs and I stepped in between him.
I stroked her hair as she linked her wrists behind my neck. Then I rubbed my way down her back. At last, I cupped her soft ass. Even through her sweater, it felt amazing. I’d always been a sucker for a girl with a heart-shaped ass, and even in my deadened state, I’d noticed hers a time or two back at the suite. Or more.
She moaned into my mouth as I squeezed her soft cheeks. God, she felt amazing. But again, it felt like my reactions were dulled. Like I was hearing someone talk underwater. Or feeling someone touch me through several layers of clothing.
But at least I felt something .
I slid my hands along the outside of her hips to her thighs. I rubbed and squeezed her bare skin, and her legs parted further in what seemed like an involuntary response. Gradually, I moved my hands to the inside of her thighs, rubbing up and down and moving closer to her folds with every stroke. Then I knelt down.
Kylie gulped as she watched me. I still couldn’t see between her legs, not with the sweater hanging down, but I knew my goal was just inches away. She knew it, too. I grasped the edge of her sweater and looked up at her, as if asking permission.
She nodded, and I lifted the hem of her sweater, throwing it entirely over my head. It was big enough for two people anyway. Kylie’s gorgeous pussy was right in front of me, but I ignored it, looking up and waiting for her reaction. She didn’t disappoint. She pulled the neckline of her sweater away, staring down at my upturned face. It was like looking at each other through a tunnel.
Kylie giggled softly, and I was glad I hadn’t gone straight for the prize, so to speak. Then she did something I hadn’t expected. She pulled her sweater up and over her head. It bunched up behind her hair so it only covered her arms and back. Her sweet breasts were still concealed by a camisole, ending at her waist.
I was a little taken aback by the way she’d bared herself to me, in the middle of campus, during the day. But then again, her courage had never lacked. If it had, she never would’ve spent even one night with three strange men at Henderson.
I smiled once more, peppering kisses on the inside of her thigh. I worked my way up to where she was spread wide, skipping over the fun part. Instead, I kissed my way up the inside of her other thigh. Kylie spread her legs even more, until she was practically doing a split, but I placed my hands on her thighs and pushed anyway. Her gasp told me it turned her on to have a man hold her open like that.
I dipped my head, blowing warm air over her slit. She was neatly shaved, but had enough hair left to prove she was all woman. I liked what I saw and was eager to taste it for myself—after I’d teased her enough, of course.
One of Kylie’s hands gripped my hair. Not in a rough way, but more like she’d tried to brace herself. That was smart of her.
I splayed my fingers wide, holding her thighs apart while my thumbs rested on either side of her seam. She gasped and her fingers trembled against my head. Slowly, I slid my thumbs apart, spreading her soft skin. In a sea of pink, one spot stood out. I leaned in and gave it a solid lick, nearly making Kylie bolt off the table.
I couldn’t help smirking. Even if I didn’t feel things the way I used to, that didn’t mean I couldn’t have some fun.
Still holding her open, I moved lower, licking past her opening and back up again. I circled her clit, but didn’t make direct contact before licking my way back down again. I made my tongue flat and wide as I pressed against her tight channel, pushing just enough to let her know it wouldn’t be empty for long. Then it was back up to her clit. I flicked over it once, then twice, sucking it into my mouth. Kylie shrieked and arched her back. I glanced up, admiring how the hard points of her nipples thrusted out of her shirt.
Time to up the stakes. While I teased her clit, giving it light pressure but not enough to push her over the edge, I let my index finger glide up and down her wet slit. Then, when I circled her clit with my tongue, I circled her entrance with my fingertip. Sometimes the circles were in the same direction and sometimes the opposite.
I’d forgotten how much I liked doing this. There was something carnal about making a woman squirm and writhe. Making her lose control and come undone. It was about power, but it was also about connection. About knowing her and figuring out what made her tick—and then giving her that until she screamed.
She gasped when I pushed my finger a half inch inside her. Shit, she was tight. Kylie groaned as I pushed further in, stroking her inner walls. “God,” she moaned. And then, “Please.”
She hadn’t asked for anything specific, but that didn’t stop me from giving her what I thought she needed. I eased another finger in her, working them in and out, slowly at first and then speeding up. Kylie’s breathing grew faster and louder. Soon, her ragged breathing filled the air in the strange little room.
As I sucked on her clit, I scissored my fingers inside her, stretching her slightly. She groaned, clutching my shoulder tightly. “Please don’t stop,” she hissed.
I didn’t intend to until I’d worked her in a frenzy and she collapsed in my arms. And that’s exactly what I did, pumping my fingers in and out of her. Tonguing her clit. Adding more intensity as she gasped and moaned. When her slim thighs trembled, I knew she was close. I stroked her most sensitive spot deep inside, working her clit mercilessly with my tongue.
“Oh, oh shit, oh, please…” Kylie babbled incoherently, and it was like music to my ears. I’d made her feel like this. I’d reduced her to this helpless state. Maybe it meant I wasn’t just a ghost with an empty soul. I still affected people. I made them happy. I even made them come.
Kylie cried out and her entire body froze, her hands clutching at me with an iron grip. She threw her head back and her arms and legs trembled like mad. I practically saw the electrifying current flowing through her body. Her inner walls clenched around my fingers in an almost painful way.
Then she released a huge breath of air and practically collapsed on top of me.
“It’s okay,” I murmured, gathering her in my arms. “I’ve got you.” It felt like every muscle had left her body. I scooted across the floor until I leaned against the wall with Kylie in my lap. Her head slumped on my shoulder and her arms rested limply at her sides.
My cock was very much aware there was a half-naked woman balanced on my thighs, but I ignored it. Instead, I stroked her hair and whispered soothing things. I wasn’t quite sure if my experiment had worked. Well, it had for Kylie. She sounded like she’d thoroughly enjoyed herself, and for that, I was glad. But it was only half of my aim. The other part of it was to feel something besides pain and dissociation from everyone else.
Had it worked?
Maybe. I certainly felt closer to Kylie than I had before. I’d felt pride in what I’d been able to do for her. It hadn’t felt like it did with my ex, however. But maybe that wasn’t a fair comparison. With Aubrey, I thought I’d found the woman I’d spend the rest of my life with. With Kylie, it was different—but somehow, not less than the other.
It was hard to wrap my head around, but overall, I’d felt something. Arousal, certainly. Pride in my abilities to make her feel good. And a playful sense of teasing I hadn’t felt in quite some time.
Actually, it’d been a bit like our bedtime stories. That made me grin. Kylie thought the answer to me becoming the man I used to be was to fake it until I made it. But what if the solution was a bit more crude than that? If more sexual stuff was the key to my recovery, who was I to argue?
The thought made me grin as I helped Kylie get dressed. She was still loose and limber and half out of it, so it was like dressing a doll.
On the walk back to Henderson, I wanted to take her hand, but we were still too close to the business building. If anyone else from my cohort saw me holding her hand, it wouldn’t be good for either of us. Not that I was much of a mentor, but maybe I’d do as Kylie suggested and put a little more effort into it.
As for Kylie, she remained in a daze until we walked past the chemistry building. Then she stopped in her tracks, staring at something along the side of the building near the dumpsters. “We need that,” she said.
I followed her gaze and my jaw dropped. “Really? It’s huge.”
Her eyes gleamed, and it was clear she’d recovered from the orgasm. “I know, but it’s perfect .”
“How on Earth would we get it back to the suite?”
She grinned. “I knew rooming with three men would come in handy someday.”
“I’d say it came in handy ten minutes ago,” I grumbled, but she ignored me as she called Mason and Jude. So I guess we were moving men now. It was a strange end to a strange day, but all in all… maybe it was exactly the kind of day I’d needed.