31. Sierra
31
SIERRA
I’d spent a lot of time pacing back and forth in hotel rooms lately, but tonight was different. First of all, this was a suite, not a regular room. Though the studio hadn’t exactly stood by me, at least they’d gotten me decent accommodations for the premiere.
But the biggest difference was that Tristan, Carter, and Drew would soon be joining me. Given the fact that half the country thought I’d been videotaped engaging in a gang bang, we’d decided not to chance being seen entering a hotel room together. Consequently, they were going to stop by their own hotel before heading here.
So they were definitely coming, but I didn’t know what to say. Or do. Or wear.
That last one had to be decided first. The gown I’d worn tonight was lovely. It was a strapless royal blue number that under other circumstances, I would’ve enjoyed wearing immensely.
Now that it was off and hanging in the closet, I was just wearing panties and a pushup bra. That was definitely not what I wanted to be wearing when the guys came, so I changed into lighter underwear and put on a white skirt and a pale blue button-down blouse.
When I checked my hair in the bathroom mirror, I realized I still had on the elaborate makeup the stylist had applied hours ago. I washed it off and reapplied the bare minimum I needed to look human.
Then I waited.
Finally, there was a soft knock at the door. My knees were literally weak when I crossed to the door, and my hands shook when I reached for it. But then they were there, looking like they always had. They’d changed, too, and I was glad. When we’d dressed up for each other back in the cabin, it hadn’t exactly ended well.
Carter came in first. He had on black jeans and a button-down black shirt, same as he so often had at the cabin. The only difference was that his boots didn’t look like they were made for climbing mountains.
Tristan had on a light blue shirt that brought out his eyes, though his jeans were black, too.
Drew had on some kind of stretchy long-sleeved shirt that had a V-neck in front. It was maroon and it made his jacked biceps look amazing.
They filed past me, one at a time. No one touched me except Drew. He brushed my hand with his and looked like he wanted to do more—or maybe that was just my imagination. We’d exchanged somewhat awkward hugs at the after-party, but that had been in public, so I wasn’t sure if it counted.
“Can I get you something to drink? I’ve got some wine.” I automatically fell into hostess mode, which was a ridiculous place to start, since there was so much we needed to say to each other. And so much history between us.
“I’d like some wine,” Tristan said, and the others concurred.
Unlike the hotel room in Miami that didn’t even serve alcohol, my suite here had a little bar in the corner of the living room. I started toward it, but Carter stepped past me. “I’ll get it.”
I nodded and turned to face Tristan and Drew, who looked just as nervous and ill at ease as I felt.
“Shall we sit?” Tristan said, gesturing toward the couch.
That seemed like a good idea. Drew sat on one side of the long sofa, and Tristan on the other. After some hesitation, I sat between them, leaving the armchair for Carter. It suddenly occurred to me that we were sitting in the same spots we had back at the cabin.
Tristan noticed that too, and he nodded his head at the television on the other side of the coffee table. “Seems like there should be a fireplace there, doesn’t it?”
“Yep,” Drew said, and I nodded.
Carter brought four glasses over. He’d poured generous servings. I took a nervous sip of mine, and the others followed suit. No one proposed a toast, but that didn’t bother me. I doubted they’d want to drink to the success of the movie, not when it had caused so many problems for me. And we couldn’t exactly toast each other when we didn’t know where we stood.
For a while, we were quiet as we sipped the red liquid. I was too tense to figure out if I liked it or not. At the very least, it provided some moisture for my dry lips.
I wondered if they didn’t know what to say either, or if they were waiting for me to go first. Finally, I took a deep breath and started with something I’d been wondering about ever since I first saw them on the screen of Aiden’s phone.
“How did you end up here tonight? At the premiere, I mean.”
Tristan answered. “We tracked down your friend Ronnie, first. Then she got Aiden Hunt to arrange it, and your friends were nice enough to give up their real dates for the evening.”
Why?
That was what I wanted to ask next, but a lump had formed in my throat. One way or another, we had to figure out where we stood tonight. Had they only tracked down Henderson out of a sense of duty? Or was it something more?
I stared down at the coffee table, trying to steady myself. A week ago, I knew I missed these men, but I couldn't have told you if I truly wanted them back in my life. The betrayal I felt from them watching the tape was just too deep.
But now I knew my answer. I knew I did want them in my life—more than anything.
But what I didn’t know was if it was too late.
Then Drew spoke. He’d always been so open and honest—it made a certain amount of sense that he’d be able to share his feelings while the rest of us were trying to figure out what to say. “We’re sorry. So sorry that we watched that tape, Sierra.”
His gaze was sincere but tinged with sadness. I wanted to reassure him, to tell him it didn’t matter, but it had. Instead, I said, “I understand why you did it.”
“We meant well, but we screwed up,” Tristan said, suddenly finding his voice. “I didn’t even realize it until much later, but it was just like when I was such an ass about you being a virgin. We watched the tape because we wanted to help you, to rescue you from something so violating. But watching it was a violation, too.”
“Of your privacy, and of your wishes,” Carter added. “You told us not to.”
I blinked, trying to think back. I’d been so devastated after learning about the tape. I remembered sobbing and crying my eyes out… but I’d definitely told them I’d never watch it and that I didn’t want them to, either.
“I’m sorry, too,” Carter said.
“You tried to take all the blame,” I said softly, more memories from that awful time resurfacing.
“Yes, I did. It was my idea.”
“But he didn’t do it alone,” Tristan said. “We all agreed.”
“Yes, we did,” Drew added. He looked devastated. I wanted to reach for his hand, but I just couldn’t yet.
“It was Tristan who made me understand what we’d done.” Carter’s gaze was steady on me from the armchair. In this light, his eyes looked lighter—and as if they could see right into my soul. “When we rescued you from your cabin, we were genuinely helping. When we watched the video after you told us not to, we were assuming we knew better than you. That it was okay to take the choice away from you, because we thought it might help.”
“I get it now,” Tristan said. “That wasn’t our call to make.”
This was all so confusing. The truth was, they had helped. Though they hadn’t been able to definitively prove it was Henderson, they’d confronted him. They’d let him know that someone was aware of the awful things he did. And they’d gotten him banned from future Aiden Hunt films.
But the fact that they’d watched the sex tape in the first place had upset me every bit as much as learning about the tape in the first place. It was like having the most humiliating thing you could think of happen—and then having that humiliation doubled because the people you cared for the most witnessed it.
I crossed one leg over the other to keep myself from doing what I really wanted to do, which was to hug my knees to my chest. Instead, I picked up a throw pillow that was between Drew and me, and I hugged it to my chest. I happened to glance at Drew, and though he still looked sad, he glanced pointedly at the pillow and then mouthed, “Puppy?”
It almost made me smile thinking about the fun night we’d had, laughing, playacting, and fooling around. I wished we could get back to that level of intimacy, but I didn’t know if we ever would.
Since I didn’t know how to talk to them about where things stood between us, I shared my thoughts on Henderson. “I knew he was a creep. An asshole, too. But I never thought he’d do that . I mean, if the studio had decided to back me, it would’ve hurt the film—which would’ve affected him, or at least his reputation, too.”
“The studio damn well should’ve backed you,” Carter growled. “They were the ones who let that prick steal the footage of the sex scene in the first place.”
I didn’t disagree, but there was no way in hell I could hold a powerful studio accountable—but it sure would’ve been nice if Henderson could’ve gotten his just desserts.
The others agreed when I told them that. Then Tristan spoke up. “Drew had an idea. Not one that’ll take him down, but one that might help.”
I turned my gaze to Drew, only to find that he’d been staring at me this whole time. “It’s just a thought,” he began. “But we were telling the truth tonight about finding other women he’s done this to. Well, not something quite as big as the leaked sex scene, but something similar. We’d never reveal their names to anyone, but we did ask if any of them would agree to speak with you. Since they also know what it feels like. And they’d like to if you would.”
My first thought was that I wanted to put this ugly experience behind me. But just as quickly, I reconsidered. First off, no matter how much I wanted it behind me, as long as I stayed in show business—and as long as the internet existed—there was no getting away from it for good.
But maybe it would be helpful to talk to other women who knew what it was like. I’d already planned to start meeting with a therapist once the tour was over, but talking with these other women might help even more. Or in addition to it.
“I’d like that,” I said, hugging the pillow even tighter against me.
“Are you cold?” Tristan asked.
That wasn’t why I was clutching the pillow so tightly, but I realized that it was a bit chilly in here. Lots of hotel rooms were. “A little.”
“Can I get you a jacket or something?” Drew offered.
“There’s a robe in the bedroom closet,” I said, pointing out the correct door. After he left, Carter spoke up.
“He feels awful about this.”
“We all do,” Tristan added.
“Yeah, but you know how Drew is. He wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s been kicking himself since the second you left,” Carter said.
That broke another piece of my heart, but I didn’t know how to respond, so we waited in silence until Drew returned.
When he exited the bedroom, I set down the pillow in anticipation of putting on the robe, but that wasn’t the only thing he’d brought from the closet. The white, terrycloth robe was slung over his arm, but he also had two hangers, both holding men’s shirts.
Crap.
I’d completely forgotten those were in there.
He held out one of the long-sleeved cotton shirts, displaying the front to us. “What’s this?”
Carter frowned at Drew. “She’s allowed to have male visitors. We don’t have any claim on her.”
But then Tristan was on his feet. He took the shirt from Drew and held it in his hands, staring at it in disbelief. Then he turned to me. “When did you do this?”
Carter looked confused, so he rose to his feet. Then he, too, studied the front of the shirt.
“In Chicago,” I said.
“But how?” Tristan asked.
“I talked to a well-known graphic designer a friend had recommended. I told him about your company and what you were trying to do, and he designed that.”
“It’s perfect,” Tristan said hoarsely as he looked at the design. It was in the shape of a circle. The letters S and F were prominent, along with the silhouette of a tree and the sun, representing solar energy and sustainable forestry. “It’s the perfect logo for us.”
“It’s yours,” I said softly. “I bought the rights for it. I’ll give you the paperwork.”
He looked dazed. “I can’t believe you did this.”
I gave a bitter laugh. “I had a lot of time on my hands during the tour.”
“This really is a great logo,” Carter said. “But why make it into a shirt?”
“They have our names on the back,” Drew said, turning around the one he was still holding. “This one’s mine. That’s Tristan’s.”
Carter’s expression didn’t change, but something flickered behind his eyes. “Were there just two in there?”
“Yes, just one for me and Tristan,” Drew said, a note of sympathy in his voice as he looked at Carter.
All three of them looked at me.
I took a deep, calming breath, and then told Carter the truth. “I’ve been taking turns sleeping in them, and I wore yours last night. It’s in the laundry.”
There was a long second of silence and then Carter strode directly toward me, shoving the coffee table aside so that he could stand right in front of me. He grasped my upper arms and pulled me to my feet.
Then he kissed me.
Shock hit first. One moment I was sitting down, and the next, I was in Carter’s arms. We’d barely spoken tonight. Barely touched. And now he was kissing me.
And then I just melted. Melted into his arms and into his kiss. His large body was warm and protective. It felt safe. So damn safe. I circled my arms around his neck and kissed him back.
Then there was warmth on my left side, and a hand slid around my waist. Then the same on the other side. We were all hugging. We were all connected.
We were all together again.
Finally.
I couldn’t tell you how long we remained like that, but after an unknown amount of time, Carter loosened his grip on me. He didn’t let me go, but he eased me to one side so I could kiss Tristan, then the other side to kiss Drew.
Then he sat down on the sofa, pulling me onto his lap. The others piled onto the sofa next to us.
Carter ran his fingers through my hair. Tristan stroked my back, and Drew pulled my feet into his lap.
“I love you,” I said quietly.
The fingers in my hair stilled. “What?” Carter said.
“I love you guys. All of you.”
I couldn’t meet his eyes, nor Drew’s, who was in front of me. Did they feel the same way? Maybe it was too soon. Or maybe it was too late. Maybe it would’ve happened if I hadn’t left the cabin. I snuck a quick peek at Carter’s face.
“I can’t believe you said that.” He sounded shocked.
My stomach gave a painful flip flop. “I’m sorry, I?—”
“I thought it would be Drew,” he continued. “I was sure he’d give in and say it first.”
What?
I looked from him to Drew. The latter nodded. “I was planning on saying it.”
“Me too,” Tristan said, with his hand still on my back. “But I thought Drew would go first, too.”
My mind was still reeling—it seemed almost too good to be true that those two amazing men had been planning on telling me they loved me—so I focused on Carter’s weird thing about order.
“Why did you think Drew would say it first?” I asked faintly.
“Easy,” Carter said. “He’s the most open among us.”
That was certainly true.
“So, I figured it would be Drew, then Tristan, then me, and then you last—if you actually felt that way, that is.”
He’d wanted to say it, too? My face flushed with pleasure, but my brain was still focused on ridiculous details. “Why was I last?”
“You were the least open,” he said simply.
“We understand why, of course,” Tristan said. “We know now about how you’ve been treated in the past. And how you’re still being treated in this industry, for that matter. But when you first arrived at our cabin, you were the most closed off person I’d ever met. But once we got to know you, and you us, I knew what I felt. If you hadn’t left, I definitely would’ve said it. Sierra, I?—”
“Wait.” Drew had a twinkle in his eye as he held up his hand. “That’s not the right order.”
I smiled as he scooted closer and took my hand.
“I love you, Sierra Brogan.” The kiss he gave me was sweet and tender.
“I love you too,” I answered.
Carter grinned. “It’s not your turn.” Gently, he tilted me backwards. Tristan’s upside-down face came into view, and he smiled.
“I love you, sweetheart. And I’m so glad I got the opportunity to say so.” His kiss was more forceful than Drew’s, but it meant just as much.
“I love you, too, Tristan.”
Carter shook his head, as if disappointed that I wasn’t following his prescribed order. Then he grasped my waist and lifted me, turning me so that I was facing him. I reached down to adjust my skirt so that I could straddle his legs as he set me back down.
In this position, I no longer had to look up to see him. I stared into his dark eyes for a long time. His gaze swept across my face, as if memorizing it. When he spoke, his voice was full of emotion. “I love you, Sierra.”
“Am I allowed to say it now?” I teased, but the feelings evident on his face touched me in a way I couldn’t ever articulate.
“Yes.”
“I love you, Carter. So much.”
He pulled me against him and kissed me again. I sank into his embrace and probably could’ve happily spent the rest of my life there if it weren’t for wanting to include the other two men I loved.
At last, Carter broke the kiss, and I rested my head on his shoulder, slumping against his broad chest. It felt like I’d run the emotional equivalent of a marathon tonight.
Drew found one of my hands, and Tristan took the other.
We were silent for a very long time.
Finally, I couldn’t help but voice a simple but important question. “What happens next?”
“Next?” Carter said, as if I’d asked a question with a very obvious answer. “Next, you come back to San Francisco with us.”
“What?”
Tristan came over and crouched on the floor next to Drew so that he could see me better. “Do you really want to stay in the industry that treated you so badly?”
“It’s my job,” I said. “I’m an actress.”
“You’re also a writer,” Drew said. “Didn’t a famous director ask to see your screenplay?”
“I didn’t do it,” I said in a rush. A tear ran down my face as I told them about backing out of the meeting with Miranda.
“It’s okay,” Tristan said. “I’m sure that wasn’t your only chance. But the point is that you can come with us and still have a career, your writing career.”
“And if you wanted to act in something, you could fly back and forth,” Drew said. “It’s not that far.”
“But what would I do? Where would I live?”
“With us,” Drew said.
“Live with you? Like in your house?”
Carter chuckled. “Drew has a small studio apartment. I believe he just invited you to come live with me.”
Drew’s cheeks flushed, but he didn’t retract the invitation.
“I live in a three-story townhouse, so I’ve got room,” Carter said. “Tristan lives there, too.”
“So… it would just be the three of us?” That couldn’t be right. Living with two out of three of them seemed worse than living alone.
Tristan shook his head at the same time Carter said, “No. I’m inviting you and Drew to move in.” He smiled at Drew. “We’re a set.”
“Live with all of you?” I breathed at the same time as Drew said, “Really?”
“Really,” Carter confirmed. “But it’s a package deal. Either you’re both in, or you’re both out.”
Drew and I grinned at each other. There wasn’t very much to think about. “We’re in,” I said, and Drew nodded.
“Good,” Tristan said. “Now can we get the hell out of here and go home?”
“Right now?” I was startled.
Drew gave me an understanding smile. “We’re never going to truly lose the urge to protect you.”
Carter nuzzled my neck. “And in this case, protecting you means getting you the hell out of Dodge.”
“All right,” I said slowly. “I guess we could go—or we could sleep here tonight.” Feeling like a part of me that had been asleep for a very long time was finally awakening, I wiggled my hips, grinding against Carter’s thighs.
Fire lit his eyes. “I suppose that’s a possibility,” he drawled. “Do you have a big bed?”
“Yes.”
“One that will fit all of us?” Tristan asked.
“Yes.”
“One that we’re invited to?” Drew asked hopefully.
“Hell, yes.”
“Then all right, we’ll stay the night,” Carter said as he scooped me up.
It wasn’t easy for us to reach the bedroom because I refused to let go of Drew and Tristan’s hands. But finally, we made it. Drew kicked the door closed behind us, shutting out the rest of the world.
The rumors. The trolls and haters. And just for a while, even the good people, like Ronnie, Kylie, and Alyssa.
But that didn’t matter, because for tonight, only three people existed for me.
Tristan.
Carter.
Drew.
They were my world and the men I loved.
I never in a million years would’ve predicted that the movie premiere I’d been dreading would end up being the best night of my life, but it was.
Against all the odds, it had turned out to be the perfect Hollywood ending.