Chapter 14
Rowan was in love. Okay, she’d already been in love but hearing Hugh talk his son through a parenting crisis…heart emojis were probably shooting from her eyes. Calm down, Row. No jumping and leaping into anything yet.
Hugh was barefoot. As if he needed to be any hotter. Good Lord, the man was a walking fantasy. And those joggers—hello, frontal outline. Rowan took another sip of her Slane hoping to cover any drool leaking out.
Hugh set his phone on the bar after he disconnected with Bran. Now that the call was over, he seemed unsure. Nervous. Did she unnerve the great Hugh O’Faolain? Rowan sat on a barstool. Hugh leaned two feet away. They said nothing, only watching one another. She wasn’t sure what she thought might happen tonight, but silence hadn’t been one of them.
“Your mom and I had lunch with Diana today,” Rowan said, breaking the tension.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” Conversation—0.
“Did she let you know all the ways you are losing at life?” Hugh asked, a small grin tilting his lips.
Rowan snorted at that. “Of course. Three main things for sure. Let me see,” Rowan paused to take a sip of her whiskey. “I should have discussed the importance with my client that she needed to have a soft opening for ‘certain people.’ One can assume she meant ‘affluent people’ who weren’t interested in rubbing elbows with, gasp, commoners.”
“I’m unsurprised. What else are you doing wrong?” Hugh asked, moving one step closer.
Lord, Hugh was intense. His presence was nothing short of lightning, causing the small hairs on her arms to stand erect. “The second…I should focus on my painting. I’m apparently wasting my time in design.”
He moved just that bit closer. He was still leaning against the bar, but now his leg was so very close to her own. “You’ve never wasted your time in design. You and your sisters are extremely talented. However,” Hugh began, pausing to take a sip of his whisky, “she is right that you should focus more on your painting. Mom showed me what you painted for her, and, damn Row, your talent is breath-stealing. It stole mine,” he admitted.
Hugh calling her by her nickname was…she didn’t know, but she wanted to hear it pass his lips as often as possible, and at the same time, she was aware that they were skirting all the big issues.
Why did you push me away?
Did you like kissing my ass?
Did you like the picture of me naked in the shower?
Why are you touching me now?
Did you see the pictures of Will and me?
What changed...?
“The third?” Hugh asked.
Rowan froze. It was about the pictures of her and William, of course. And why had she ever admitted to three things? Damn. “My style,” Rowan lied. “It’s lacking, apparently.”
Hugh set his glass next to Rowan’s and moved to stand directly in front of her. Her knees touched the top of his drawstring. He placed his hands on either side of her body, palms flat on the marble top. “Your style is impeccable. Try again.”
Rowan attempted to gauge his mood. Did he know about the pictures and assume, correctly, that Diana would bring them up. “Tell me, Hugh, what occupied your day?”
“Golf, picturing you naked, and you kissing William Stanton.”
Notavoiding the big issues. Noted.
“Do you love him?”
Hugh’s body appeared to double in size, swelling and surrounding her. Rowan inhaled, centering herself. She’d done nothing to be ashamed of and, in fact, she was the one who had everything to be pissed off about.
“Why do you care, Hugh? You told me, with all the clarity the English language allows, that “we” would never be a thing. So, why the sudden interest in my love life?”
“Love life?” Hugh growled.
Rowan held her ground, but Christ Almighty, the temptation to wrap her legs around Hugh’s waist and pull him tight, was tempting.
She chose not to answer and gave the infuriating man a taste of his own medicine. Silence. Hugh placed his scorching hot palms on her thighs, giving each a squeeze. When he started rubbing his thumbs in circular motions, a gasp escaped.
“Are you in love with him? Please tell me,” Hugh begged.
Rowan couldn’t deny Hugh anything. Not really. Not ever. “No.” A whoosh of breath escaped his mouth, his body pressed closer.
“Thank Christ,” he whispered.
“Why, Hugh? Why now when I’ve finally started to move past you? Will wants to fly me to Houston next weekend. I’m considering it.”
“No.”
“You can’t just tell me no and expect me to obey. You’ve tried to keep me all to yourself for as long as we’ve known one another. You’ve also left me incredibly lonely and sad,” Rowen confessed.
Hugh’s hands slid up her thighs to grasp her hips. “I know.”
Rowan watched as Hugh’s broad chest expanded as he took a deep, shuddering breath. Her truth was hard for him to hear, but he wasn’t denying them. “You can’t give me hope—you can’t ask me to give up a man who might make me happy.”
“I’m asking, damn it, Row, I’m asking,” Hugh’s deep voice boomed.
The pleading in his voice almost undid Rowan. Almost. He’d yet to explain…anything. “My answer will be no, and I’ll walk out that door and not look back if you won’t tell me why! Why are you pursuing me now? Why are you touching me?” Rowan felt near tears.
“Let go of me, Hugh. Let me stand. Give me space.” Reluctantly, he dropped his hands from her waist and stepped back. She stood, and with a hand that was less than steady, Rowan picked up her drink, swallowing Slane before breathing out a fiery breath in relief. She’d needed a different type of warmth filling her chest.
Stoic Hugh was sexy. A trembling, emotional Hugh was destroying. He was clearly fighting a battle with himself. He’d asked her to come over so he could explain, but within a few minutes, he’d reverted to his trademark guttural grunts. At least he wasn’t touching her. She couldn’t think with his hands on her body.
Rowan finished her whiskey and set the empty glass down with a finality that made Hugh flinch. Pushing away from the bar, she began to walk to the front door. Without looking back, she quietly said, “Goodnight, Hugh.”
One second her hand was reaching for the door’s handle, the next, a seething giant was pressed against her back, both of his hands reached above her head to ensure the door stayed closed, which proved how exhausting and unpredictable Hugh O’Faolain was.
Rowan didn’t try to force the issue of leaving, nor did she ask him to explain himself. She would give him a few minutes to sort his thoughts and if he still wasn’t capable of communicating them, she would leave, and she wouldn’t allow him to stop her.
Taking his hands from the door, he gently placed them on her shoulders, making her body shiver from the contact. He turned her around. Ignoring his gaze was impossible. “Come to the living room and sit. I want to explain.”
“Do you? Really?” Rowan raised her brows in question.
Hugh took one of Rowan’s hands, leading her toward a soft looking white couch. He sat and pulled her down beside him. When she was situated, she was sitting at a slight angle from Hugh’s body so she could give him all her attention.
He took her hand and placed it on his thigh. Briefly, she wondered if sitting this close was a mistake. Rowan could feel heat and muscle through the thin joggers. It was hard to not dig her fingers in.
“I need to talk because I need you. But do I want to? No.”
Honesty. That was a good start. “Hugh, I’ve always wondered—” she stopped mid-sentence. No wonder Hugh was struggling. Rowan opened up with her sisters all the time, but even between the three of them, there were some topics they avoided.
“Wondered what?”
Hugh probably hoped by getting Rowan to talk, there would be less limelight on himself—but…she did want to know. “I wondered if those times we, umm, watched each other, if you wanted me…before then. When did you start wanting me in a sexual way, I mean?” Rowan’s face was beet red, and if the flexing of Hugh’s leg muscles was any indication, he was discomfited as well.
“The day we met at Triskelion in Eufaula. The moment I saw you walk down the stairs. You were in that pretty yellow dress you love so much. I could only see you, never Raven or River. You.” Hugh smiled, probably remembering the moment. “There was also the conversation I’d overheard between you and your sisters before you came down. Apparently, you weren’t wearing any panties. Sitting so close to you at breakfast was uncomfortable because I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what I’d see if I lifted your dress.”
Well, that was…unexpected. And a total turn-on. “So, why then, Hugh? Was it truly all about our ages?”
Hugh absently placedhis hand over Rowan’s, tracing her fingers while he tried to find the right way to explain. “It was all about our age. Or I thought it was,” he admitted. “I don’t like that I’m so much older. I fear that you would come to regret tying yourself to me. That one day, you would only see an old man, and you would still be young and beautiful.
“And knowing you and your family, I knew you would never leave me because your honor and loyalty wouldn’t let you. I just…I couldn’t let you ruin your life.”
Hugh watched Rowan’s face carefully—watched as she let his truth settle. Speaking that out loud to Rowan made him realize that his initial feelings and reasons for keeping his distance were still very much valid. Maybe she’d never considered the long-term ramifications but now that he’d just painted a pretty good picture of what that would look like, she must be less enthusiastic about getting involved.
He took his hand from hers and crossed his arms over his chest. This whole night was a bad idea. Letting himself think the age issue was surmountable had been a big mistake.
“Oh no, you don’t, Hugh,” Rowan declared angrily. “You don’t get to say your piece and then shut down again. You don’t get to say you want me and shove me away.”
She scooted closer to Hugh and shocked the hell out of him when she straddled his lap. She was so tiny compared to him that her knees couldn’t reach the cushion. She poked his chest in her anger and continued her tirade.
“You told me your reason about our ages. Great, you got that off your chest. Why you couldn’t have spoken to me months ago about your fears, I’ll never understand.” Hugh placed his hands on her hips. Having his obsession sitting on his lap was distracting the hell out of him.
“Had you talked it out with me, I would have told you that your concerns were noted, but they weren’t my concerns. So, we could have moved on!”
Rowan was panting, she was so pissed. She was gorgeous in any mood, but angry Rowan might be her most stunning look, and since he pissed her off so often, he enjoyed it quite a bit.
“I did believe that you wanted me, Rowan, but I also believed you’d never studied all the ramifications of dating a man so much older. It has destroyed me to push you away, but if you look at all the cons, I think you’ll change your mind. I won’t deny I want you, but I struggle with the tomorrows, not the right nows.”
“I would always be here for the tomorrows.” Rowan looked defeated as if Hugh was being unfair.
Rowan’s words were very similar to his mother’s. Mom didn’t think Hugh was giving Rowan enough credit to know her own mind. Still…“My concerns are valid whether you admit it or not,” Hugh cleared his gravelly voice. Rowan shifted her legs, finding a more comfortable position. Her ‘comfortable’ meant that her sex was very close to Hugh’s, and his concentration was unraveling.
“I’m done talking about your age drama. What’s the other reason? You mentioned that you thought age was the only reason.”
Age drama. Rowan had been spending way too much time with that old dragon, Diana Gaines. Everyone in the damn family knew how he felt about the age gap between him and Rowan. That was hard enough to talk about—the other reason…the other made him look weak. Hugh O’Faolain didn’t do weak.
Rowan placed her hands on either side of Hugh’s jaw before combing her fingers through his beard, which reached to his chest. Was Rowan into beards? That fucking William didn’t have one. Her massaging fingers felt so good. It was reflex to tug Rowan closer. She sighed, allowing the move.
“This is off-topic, and don’t worry, we’ll get back on track, but I’ve wondered for weeks why you shaved off all your pretty hair.” Rowan moved her fingers from his beard to massage and scratch her nails over his buzz cut. It was Hugh’s turn to sigh. There surely wasn’t a human alive that didn’t like a scalp massage.
Hugh huffed out a laugh. “Something different. No great reason. Do you like it?”
“Asking for compliments, Mr. O’Faolain?” She grinned. Her dimples made him want to kiss her cheeks—before he took her mouth. “You’re handsome no matter what style you choose.”
“I’ve thought about shaving my beard. I’ve had it for years, and you never know, I could be hideous once all that hair is gone.” Rowan’s wide-eyed shock amused Hugh immensely. She liked his beard then.
“I wouldn’t mind seeing you without it someday, but don’t you dare shave it yet. You’ve never kissed me, and I’ve had too many fantasies about how it would feel against my skin.”
Hugh leaned toward Rowan, his hands fisting her waist. “I could show you now,” he whispered against her lips.
Rowan reared back. “Oh, no. We are talking. Only talking.”
“For now?” Hugh needed clarification.
“For now,” Rowan agreed. “Tell me the other reason you pushed me away.”
Hugh rolled his hips against her body, creating friction. They both moaned. “I’m not pushing you away now. I’m pulling you toward me.”
“You are,” Rowan agreed breathlessly. “As good as that feels, I will walk out your door if you don’t explain all the reasons why you kept hurting me and why you seem willing to…touch me now.”
Hugh swallowed past his shame. “Christ, Row. You have to know I never wanted to hurt you.” He leaned into her quickly and placed a kiss on the underside of her jaw. She stretched her neck to give him better access before catching herself and pulling back.
“Explain.”
There was obviously no getting out of talking about his fucking feelings. “I didn’t understand...or realize maybe, what else might be holding me back in…in taking what I wanted—you—until I came back to Oklahoma.” Hugh could tell Rowan was biting her tongue so she wouldn’t interrupt his explanation with questions. “It was Mom that helped me see what my problem might have been.” At Rowan’s smirk, Hugh added, “Yes, my mom. Don’t be so smug about it.”
Hugh took a deep breath and just said it. “I realized even before the ink was dry on my marriage license, that I’d made a huge mistake with Helen, but I’d never quit anything in my life. So, I stayed the course. It’s what my father had always taught me to do. I was young, twenty-three, your age actually, and I believed things would get better.”
“Was she so different while you were dating?”
He chuckled, but there was little amusement in the sound. “Like night and day. She fooled all of us. When my parents realized how bad things were, they wanted me to divorce her immediately, but she was pregnant already. I didn’t know it, but she was already pregnant when we wed. She didn’t even tell me until our wedding night. It was her excuse not to have sex. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized how truly deceived I’d been.
“She never desired me. She only consented for the sake of conceiving. Helen was a calculating bitch that I grew to despise—except when Bran was born, Christ,” he began, shaking his head in wonder, “he was…I don’t know how to describe it. He was my heart outside of my body. I would have done anything, tolerated everything that venomous woman threw my way, to create what I hoped was a perfect family for my son.
“I would say staying married was a mistake, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have had Patrick.”
“I thought she didn’t want to…umm, have sex,” Rowan wondered aloud.
“She didn’t. Not with me, anyway. I can thank her parents for telling their daughter that she couldn’t go back to her social life in Boston until she did her duty by giving me an heir and a spare.
“Helen was stunningly beautiful, and I hadn’t had sex since before we were married. When Bran was probably about nine months old, she started coming to my bedroom late at night. I was young and desperate, and I didn’t believe in cheating. If I wanted to have sex with anything other than my hand, she was it. Three weeks later, Helen was pregnant with Patrick, and I never touched her again.
“I know you’re wondering if the boys are mine by blood. They are. I had DNA tests done after Patrick was born. It wouldn’t have mattered to me. I loved them from their first breaths, but the O’Faolain attorney thought it was best to cover all our bases. If one of the boys wasn’t mine, we could have ruined her and her family name by revealing it. It was for leverage only. I would have done anything to keep them. I’m sure she had affairs while we were married, but she must have taken precautions.”
“I didn’t wonder, actually. Bran and Patrick may have gotten their mother’s white hair, but that’s the only thing that horrible woman gave them. Seeing the three of you together…no, there was never a doubt as to who their father is.”
Hugh liked the soft look on Rowan’s face. He ran his thumbs over the ridges of her ribs. The barest inch from the underside of her breasts. “Are we done talking?” Hugh wasn’t above begging. Rowan probably wasn’t even aware that she’d arched her back. She also ignored his question.
“Helen was a horrible wife, horrible mother, and undoubtedly, and overall horrible person. Did you think that I…that I could or would ever treat you the same? Frankly, if you painted me with the same brush as that…creature, I don’t think my pride would ever recover.”
“No! I don’t think that at all. I’ve never considered that. It’s only that Mom made me consider that my tragic, one and only long-term relationship, scared or, I don’t know, scarred me enough that I became a fucking coward.”
“You don’t know the meaning of cowardice, Hugh, and I never want to hear you say that about yourself.” Rowan knew some of the shit his ex-wife had put Hugh and his sons through but hearing Hugh speak of it wrecked her inner calm and made her want to find that bitch Helen and push her off a cliff.
“There isn’t a man or woman with a modicum of intelligence that wouldn’t hesitate at entering into another commitment, especially if they’d endured that reptile’s coldness. I appreciate how hard it was to talk about that time in your life. I’m grateful for the insight. I’m very grateful to know you better. I’m very, very grateful your problem with me wasn’t all to do with our ages,” she smiled.
“Whatever comes of this, you and me, I need you to know I’m not ready to jump all the way in.”
“I understand. As long as I have a chance. Are you,” he paused, appearing unsure of his next words, “still going to see Will while we’re figuring things out?”
Hugh’s stormy expression was fierce. Rowan knew who owned her heart, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t scared. This was the first time Hugh had discussed what a toll his ex-wife had taken. It didn’t mean those hurts and wounds and reactions had magically disappeared.
Rowan also wasn’t the type of woman to lead someone on. Will was amazing, but until things were resolved one way or another with her and Hugh, she would need to end things. “I’ll call William tomorrow and pause things with us.”
Hugh’s jaw flexed. He hadn’t liked the word ‘pause,’ probably preferring ‘end.’ “Good. Then I’ll have my people pause their investigation on the Stantons.”
Rowan felt her jaw drop, aghast. “Tell me you didn’t start an investigation on Will! Do you know what boundaries are? You should, you cross them all the damn time.” Hugh didn’t respond. Shaking her head...out of all the men in the world, she had to fall in love with the most annoying one. God, but his arrogant stare was sexy.
Closing the distance between their mouths, Rowan whispered against Hugh’s lips, “Is there anything else you need to tell me?” She felt his body tense beneath her.
“No.”
“You’ve never kissed me. Do you want to?” Rowan knew her teasing was about to gain her exactly what she wanted. Hugh out of control. For her.
“Desperately,” he admitted.
Between one breath to the next, Hugh’s mouth was covering hers, and oh God, it was everything. At first, they stayed soft, each of them testing and tasting the shape and feel of the other. When Hugh used one hand to cradle the back of her head and neck, the kiss intensified. Once he slanted her head opposite to his angle, nothing soft remained. They were in some sort of mad frenzy—tongues, teeth, groans, and whimpers.
Rowan’s chest was smashed against Hugh’s, his hardened length pressed insistently against her stomach. His other hand palmed her ass, grinding her center against him over and over. Rowan’s hands weren’t idle. She touched him everywhere she could reach, running her fingers over all the hard plains and muscles she’d dreamt about for months and months.
If they kept this up, Rowan knew they’d both be naked in a matter of minutes and use the couch to share far more than a first kiss. She already felt her core tightening at the continued rocking and friction.
Rowan gentled against his lips. “Hugh, we?—”
“Jesus, Row, I’m on fucking fire for you. Keep rocking on me, baby, I want you to come apart.” He took her mouth, breathing his fire down her throat.. further still.
Rowan was whimpering and shaking, her hips jerking. Hugh was expertly guiding her seam up and down his rigid sex. His pants were so thin, Rowan could feel every ridge and vein of him swelling further between her legs.
“If I come, you come,” Rowan demanded.
“Fuck,” Hugh groaned. He instantly had her suspended above his lap with one hand and used the other to free his erection. She’d seen him before, but holy cow, he was huge. He ripped his shirt off next before pulling her back to his mouth.
Rowan broke the kiss to stand with her feet on either side of Hugh’s thighs so she could strip her shorts. The panties were staying on, but they were white silk and would feel so good for both of them. Hugh locked onto her center and watched as she sunk back onto his lap. The moment her heat made contact with his naked flesh, he practically roared in pleasure.
“This isn’t going to take long, baby.” Hugh grabbed her ass, his long, thick fingers locked on, moving her up and down his length.
Rowan leaned back so she could watch their bodies. Watching the two of them, the erotic sensations were intense. It took only moments before she felt her body start to pulse. “I’m close, Hugh.”
“I’m there, Row. Give me your mouth, baby.”
He continued to move their bodies together as he took her mouth. His kiss was sexual. Intimate. Her lips felt swollen, but oh Lord, she wanted to kiss this man for days. Her body reached its peak, and Rowan finally had to break the kiss as she came apart.
“I can feel your orgasm.God, Row, I wish I was inside you.” Hugh increased their slide and grind—he was close. “You want to see me come, baby?”
“God, yes, Hugh. Do it. Now! I can’t take much more,” she moaned.
Hugh picked Rowan off his lap. A yelp of surprise slipped past her lips before he had her back against the couch. He leaned over her body so he could slide against her a few more times while their tongues tangled. He pulled back, and with a hoarse cry, he took himself in hand, pumping a few more strokes before his body seized.
Watching ropes of his cum decorate her skin where her shirt had ridden up had his balls tightening even more. He couldn’t help himself, and before his intentions fully registered, he swiped his thumb over the head of his dick to gather the last of his seed. Rowan’s eyes widened as he brought his thumb closer to her mouth. Her mouth was open and panting as he slipped his thumb between her lips.
When she sucked, Hugh didn’t think he’d ever seen anything so erotic in his life. “Jesus, Rowan. I’m going to be hard for days. Seeing you taste me…Christ.” She smiled as he removed his thumb from her mouth. Hugh pulled his pants up and grabbed his shirt to clean her stomach. She sat up then and looked for her shorts, finding them on the floor, she stood and slipped them on.
“I should go.” He never wanted her to go. “I didn’t mean for things to go so far.” He wanted things to go a lot further and several times a day—but she was looking unsure, and he hated that.
“You’re it for me. Whatever you’re willing to allow me...give me, I’m honored.” He stood before her then, taking her into his arms. She put her arms around his middle and looked up to meet his eyes.
“I do trust you. Maybe not with my heart yet, but my body? Yes.”