1. Roxie
One
Roxie
T aking a deep breath, I look around the shop. It’s one I’m unfamiliar with and isn’t filled with people I know and care about. But I need this. I need to prove that I am good, and with the right training, I can be great. They never doubted my talent, but they doubted my ability to make something of myself. Because I am my father’s daughter, I am stubborn and sometimes can’t keep the inside thoughts inside.
“Have you heard a single thing I said?” Duncan snaps me from my reverie with his harsh question. “You want to be here, and you want to learn, get your shit together. I am not wasting my time on someone who has daddy’s money and her head in the clouds all day.”
“I’m sorry, this is just a dream of mine. I’m trying to take it all in. Sorry, it isn’t on your timeline.” I snap at his goofy-looking face.
“If you weren’t Stanford’s little pet, I would kick your ass out of here so fast. Un-fuckin-fortunately, I’m stuck teaching you.” He steps up to me like he wants to hit me, but I know better than to back down. You aren’t raised the way I was and cower to a fight. The angry look in his eyes suddenly vanishes, and something sinister rises. “Maybe if you gave me the same perks as Stanford, I would be a bit nicer to you.”
Barf.
I can’t help the look of disgust that crosses my face. This shithead thinks I slept with the manager to get this apprenticeship. I stick my finger down my throat and start making gagging noises. This causes him to take another menacing step toward me. I hold my head up high again and continue to stare him down. I am not going to break. I’ve seen Angel do this with apprentices who think their shit doesn’t stink. It’s showing them their place in the pecking order. I know I am a low man on the totem pole, but I refuse to be demeaned as if I am nothing.
I look around, and when I notice we’re the only ones in the room, I hit him where I know it’ll hurt. “I am here to learn, and I am here to work. I am not here to tell you I like the size of your inverted cock.”
“Then time to put you to work,” Duncan growls at me.
Three hours later, I am wiping the sweat off my forehead as I look at the sparkling white tile in the bathroom. The hazing started, and I was forced to clean the men’s bathroom at the back of the shop, which has three disgusting stalls, by the way, with only a toothbrush and a bottle of gel bleach cleaner. As I stand to admire my work some more, the door to the bathroom swings open, and a rotund man in a stained wife beater shirt comes barreling in. He drops mud and grime off his boots as he makes his way to the farthest stall and processes to drop the loudest shit I have ever heard.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I jump at Duncan’s voice from behind me. “You would think in three hours you would have made a dent! I guess this is going to be your job tomorrow, too.” The evil smirk on his face tells me I shouldn’t even bother fighting it. This was a lesson I needed to learn, and I was sure my smart mouth was going to get me in even more trouble.
I nodded, picked up the tools I was given, and made my way out of the bathroom. The smell was starting to get to me. Duncan made no effort to get out of my way, forcing me to either stay here with the smell or brush my body past him to leave.
“Duncan! Your client is waiting!” The receptionist calls to him, saving me from having to stay in this rotten-ass room.
* * *
“Now, do you think—” Manda starts to ask over the phone, but I cut her off.
“—I don’t want to know what they did to that poor man to make his shit smell that bad. I’m gonna puke just thinking about it. It’s not funny!” I whine as I chop up vegetables for dinner.
“I mean, it’s kinda funny. Do you really think if you worked at Angel’s shop, they wouldn’t have treated you like gold? You wanted the real experience. You’re getting it, babe.” There isn’t a shred of sympathy in her voice. I called her on my way home from work. I needed to let someone know what happened, and I couldn’t tell my mom. I love my mom more than anything, and I know she supports me in all that I do, but she would tell me to do what my dad is asking or deal with it. Plus, I don’t need her to tell my dad shit.
I raged out when he and Angel threw down the hammer and told me no. I went through so much to put myself in a place where I could shine and show my true passion. I’ll never forget the defeat I felt when they shot me down. It was as if I was a child all over again. You know those moments when you’re little, and you’re so proud of something you created, and your parent doesn’t give a single shit about it? Or when they look at your creation, and they can’t be bothered to react, or they’re honest and tell you it’s horrible? That’s what I felt that day.
The worst part was them shutting me down in front of the entire MC. All the guys witnessed my embarrassment by the two men who mean the most to me in this world. Well, so long as you don’t count my little brothers. Either way. It was the worst moment of my life. Okay, maybe not, because I’ve been through some fucked up shit. Like, fucked up and survived, but still. It sucked dick.
Letting out a sigh, I get my ass back into the conversation with Manda. “I was forced to do things this way. My dad left me no choice. I mean, I’m an adult, right?” She snorts at that, but I ignore her bitch ass. “I should be allowed to decide my career path. I don’t want a business degree as a fallback plan. I want to tattoo and share my art with the world. I wanted them to believe in me the way I do. Not give me some bullshit about what I should be doing with my life because it’s what they want. Shit. Do they even look at themselves, or listen when they talk, when they say shit like that?”
“Maybe that’s why they said it? They want you to have more than they do?”
I scoff, “Bitch, you can’t be serious?”
She laughs, and I know she’s joking. “No, I’m not. I know they have a lot. Sure, we all went through a ton of fucked up things to be where we are, but even with the shit we all experienced, we all came out on top. Especially your dad and Angel.”
“Right? Yet they want me to do the things they want. I can’t sit and waste my time on something like that—not when I know I can be great at this. It’s taken me a long time, but I feel passion. I feel so much when I’m drawing or bringing my art to life on my skin. Which, by the way, do you know how hard that is?”
“I can imagine,” she chuckles.
“I know I’m bitching. I know it’s probably stupid to be this upset.”
“It’s not, babe. You’re allowed to feel this way. You know what you want to do with your life and what’s going to make you happy. I’ll admit, I understand where they’re coming from as a parent and older brother; I do. I can’t sit here and say that I don’t. I only want the best for Teddy, so I get it. But at the same time, I could never force him into doing something that would cause him so much hurt. Emotional damage is just as strong as physical. You need to do what you feel is best.”
I hum in agreement. “Maybe this is better. I mean, you said it. They would have treated me with kid gloves. I’m going to get the experience I wanted and need here. Maybe it will make me a better artist?”
At that comment, she scoffs. “First of all, you’re already fucking amazing. And second, how is cleaning the bathroom on your hands and knees with a toothbrush going to make you a better artist? Because if that’s all it takes, why aren’t my doodles in the Met Gallery? All I do is clean up after these two!” Manda complains.
I smile, knowing she won’t have it any other way. She found her happily ever after here. Her new husband has been a blessing to her and loves Teddy as if he were his own. He is a great guy with no club affiliations. He’s just a regular Joe, which is all Manda wanted in a man.
“I’m pretty sure that’s just for clothes,” I laugh as I tell her.
We talk more about our days while I cook my dinner. It isn’t long before she has to go, which works out for me. Eating dinner before falling into bed with a trashy book and forgetting all about the day is all I want to do now. I set myself up at the kitchen island, ready to dig into my hard-earned dinner when my front door bursts open.
For a normal person, this would be cause for alarm. For myself and my family, it’s Tuesday—or any day that ends with day. The pattering, well, more like a stampeding of feet, runs from my front door to the couch, diving over the back to landing hard on my already well-loved cushions. My house is small and cozy, but the open floor plan allows me to see everything my little siblings are doing as if they own the place.
Briar Rose and Remy wave before turning on the TV. My mom shakes her head before she turns calmly into the kitchen. She gives me a sheepish smile as I hit her with a glare. I love my siblings more than life itself, but sometimes, I should really lock my door. My mom is my best friend. She and I had been through hell and back together before my dad came into our lives and fixed it. I am close to him, but my mom and I have a bond that can’t be explained.
“Please make yourselves at home,” I mumble, shoveling my forkful into my face.
Because my siblings went right into the living room to turn on the TV, it tells me my mom is here for a reason—a reason I’m not going to like. I know what she’s doing. Briar Rose and Remy are here as buffers, so I can’t pull a “disgruntled teenager” move. While I eat my meal, my eyes track her going from the cabinet where I keep my glasses to the fridge before she pours herself a glass of ice water. When she finally leans across from me, I can see the tiredness in her eyes.
“Roxie,” she starts. I don’t know what her tone is, but I don’t like it. I drop my fork and lean back in my seat. “Roxie, don’t. I’m just here to see if you’ll join us for dinner on Sunday. You know how much it means to your dad.”
“Funny,” I reply with nothing but animosity in my tone, “being a tattoo artist means a lot to me, but because I want to do it on my timeline and not his—” my voice raises the more I go on before she cuts me off.
“—I know, and I get that. I get that you want this to be the only option and not a secondary one. I know you have your mind set on this, but try and see it from your dad’s perspective.” I can’t help the humorless laugh that huffs from my mouth.
“Why? Why should I see it from his perspective? I love that he wants us to see his point of view but he never makes an effort to see it from ours.” I push my food away from me.
“You know your father,” she starts, but I cut her off.
“Yes, I know him and his irrational need to control everything!” I move to stand from my spot, losing my ravenous appetite.
“I’m trying to watch my stories.” Briar Rose yells over the couch.
“Ya! Keep it down in there!” Remy parrots. I can’t help but shoot them both a dirty look before turning back to Mom.
“Mom, I love you, and I will always love you, but this isn’t something you can mediate. He won’t see it my way, and while I get where he is coming from, I won’t follow his way of thinking this time. I’ll try to keep the peace as best as I can. I won’t talk about the shop, and what I am learning. I can’t stop what I’m doing to go to school for something I want nothing of.” I lean against the counter.
I have to put some distance between me and my mom. I know, realistically, she isn’t taking his side over mine, no matter how it feels that way. But at the end of the day, she has to live with him. So, I will try to make her life easier. It’s not that my dad would be mean or rude to her, but she has to listen to him whine and complain. I think she gets enough of that from my siblings. I mean, there are five kids and a grown-ass man-child in her house. Not to mention, she is basically the den mother to the MC boys. All while helping run a therapy farm. My mom can do it all. I know listening to my dad would make her at-home life easier, but where would it end? When would my words, hopes, dreams, or stumbling to learn a life lesson take place?
“I know that, but he just wants to ensure you are safe,” she tells me. It’s clear she’s as exasperated as I am.
“That isn’t going to keep me safe. It’s going to keep me under his thumb, which I won’t be. Been there, done that. Never again.” She flinches at my words, but I can see it in her eyes. She knows I’m right. “Besides, I need to fall to learn. I need to fail sometimes to grow. I’m not going to sit back like a nepo-baby and watch as everything is handed to me. And I’m also not going to do something I don’t want to do because my dad says so. I know he wants to protect me from everything and everyone, but that’s not doing me any favors.” I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. I can say everything over and over again until I’m blue in the face. Nothing is going to change her mind. And it sure as shit won’t change my dads or Angels. “Can we please just talk about anything else?” My stomach growls, and I give in, taking my food back to finish.
“Yes, after I say this one thing.”
“Ugh!” I let out as I throw my head back. My mom laughs, which causes me to look at her.
“I’m your mom. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I just let shit go.”
“True. Continue.”
“I’m on your side with this. I know it may feel like I’m not. I may be confusing with the things I say, but I am on your side. I’ve seen your work, Roxie. Hell, everyone has if you’re wearing shorts. You’re talented. I’m sorry if myself or anyone around you doesn’t tell you enough. You have the talent to become as massive as Angel is.”
“Mom, he’s ginormous. I don’t think Roxie should get that big. I’m pretty sure she’s done growing,” Remy calls out.
I can’t help it; I laugh. “Not at all what she meant, but thanks, bud.”
“I got you, sister.”
“Anyway,” Mom chuckles, “you have it. I think doing what you want to do on the timeline that’s best for you is exactly what you should do.”
“Yeah, but it’d be nice if they believed it too. Instead, all I got was a gigantic dose of embarrassment and disappointment.”
She sighs before she continues. “I think they’ll come around eventually.”
“Probably not. I’m sure they’re determined to be as stubborn as fuck with this. Besides, all of the guys watched what happened. They all know, and they’re gonna back dad no matter what.”
The joy of living with an MC since I was nine is I know how they work. I know loyalty and brotherhood. I know the men who make up this club will die for each other. They’ll also lay their lives out for me, my mom, and my siblings. Once you become a member of the Nameless Order, your brotherhood and family are more than those that wear a patch. It’s everyone. I’ve always felt safe surrounded by the men who follow my father. But that loyalty comes at a cost for me. They’re not going to choose me. They’re going to choose him. If he says no, so do they.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”