Royally Rebellious: An arranged royal romance (Resplendent Royals Book 1)

Chapter 5

Ireturned to Neandia wanting to shed everything. I was back to my prison—locked down and depressed. Yet, I had hope. I wanted my freedom now more than ever. I had tasted it, now I wanted to bathe in it. Was this what a power trip was like? Or was it me advocating for myself?

Every Monday, I was forced to attend a tea with Celeste. It was mostly her complaining about how I was getting fat and telling me I couldn’t do things.

“You know you put on weight in the time you were there.”`

Even recovering from pneumonia, she was relentless. I hate to admit it, but I often wanted her to just die already. She was in her eighties but fit as a fiddle. It was a pipe dream. My younger sister, Astrid, was more vengeful. She read about poisons and contemplated killing our grandmother years ago. Of course, she wasn’t serious, but it seemed a good creative outlet for the darkest among us.

I said, “I cannot have gained weight.”

“They weighed you this morning?”

I nodded. I was weighed on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I feared the Monday weigh-ins most. If I even put on a bit of water weight, she would come after me as if I had let myself go over the weekend. I was grateful I hadn’t gained a pound. I attributed that to the panic attack and lack of appetite I’d had upon returning home yesterday and realising the dream was nothing more than that.

“Hmmm…”

“I promise you I was on my best behaviour, Grand-Mama!” I insisted.

“Well, Margaux’s review of your behaviour was promising. She said you were a perfect guest and complimented all your manners. She asked when you would officially have your coming out. I am tempted to wait another year.”

“Another year?” I choked, spilling my coffee all over the skirt of my dress.

“Calm yourself. This is why you aren’t fit for public consumption!”

Tears welled. “I cannot do this anymore.”

“Do what? Drink coffee? I didn’t want you to if you remember. You said it would be good for you to drink coffee—to feel more adult.”

“I… I cannot be both chastised about my public persona and forced to attend engagements. I am ready to be out and about. I am ready to attend parties. This proves I am. Please, believe me.”

“You do not have a choice, young lady.”

Your Majesty. I was the Queen. She didn’t care I was a queen in my own right, not some sort of consort-turned-tyrant.

“Grand-Mama, I met many people there—lovely people. And Queen Margaux was keen to introduce me, but without your blessing could not in good conscience do so. I am ready to be out in society. I know my duty to marry and have children is pressing. I want to take the next step.”

The words rolled out of my mouth, my stomach turning. I was in no way excited at the prospect of having children. I wasn’t ready. Yet, if my choices were to have children and freedom or no freedom for the next few years, I knew which I would choose. Lord, to be able to ride a horse and eat pastries would make the sacrifice worth it. And, sad as it was, I knew Celeste fancied the idea of some man telling me what to do. The joke was on her because I’d never settle for that type of man.

This was my only card and playing it was difficult. I stood firm and put my neck out. I had only this domestic card to play. I was not powerless because I held all the cards. I was empowered. She didn’t expect it. I blindsided her. I worried Celeste might take it out on my sisters. I could take her wrath. She could hurt me, but not them. It killed me to see my baby sister, Ingrid, tortured at her hands. Ingrid was the same age I was when I became queen. I wanted her to have a better, happier childhood.

My grandmother thought for a moment. She crossed her arms and set her jaw. I knew my defiance perturbed her but I must play this hand. Emboldened by the sheer joy I experienced in my three-day-stint as a free girl, it was now or never.

“Well, if you think you are old enough, then it is time to get serious about it.”

Worry crossed my face.

“I cannot let you be out in society—not officially—until we can end the regency.”

“But you won’t end it. I’ve begged for years, grandmother, and?—”

“And it was imprudent. I will end it under one condition.”

“Yes?” I was on the edge of my seat. I suspected a bait and switch, but what else did I have?

“You marry. Well, you get engaged with the intent to marry. I will end the regency right before your marriage—no funny business—after there is a point of no return where I am assured you will be properly invested and cared for. Should you become engaged, I will allow you to be out in society and grant you more freedom.”

I beamed. “Alright, if you feel it is best.”

“I would like to marry you off before you have time to fall for the tricks of men, end up sullied, and disappoint us all. I only want the best for you.”

I nodded, trying not to look too excited. I hated that she saw my virginity as such a selling point. Part of me loathed having to carry it around as if it meant something.

“Take it or leave it. I will find a suitable?—”

“You will find?”

“I arranged your father’s marriage. Did you not love your mother? Was she not good enough for you?”

Of course I loved Mamma! She was everything to us. She was the one who took care of us until her dying day. Unfortunately, when delivering baby Ingrid, she was taken from us. My father left us shortly after that—first mentally and then physically. It was too much for him. Celeste’s words cut like a knife.

“Mamma and Papa met through friends.”

“Untrue. Mamma and Papa met when I introduced them. They met at a royal wedding, but who do you think engineered your mother’s appearance? She was visiting from Denmark. She was young, beautiful, and a perfect choice for your father.”

She was. They loved one another endlessly.

“Mamma and Papa… they had a choice?”

“Royals don’t get the benefit of a love match. I didn’t, either. Your grandfather and I learned to live together. That was the point—partnership. Love may come later. It did for your parents. They fell in love soon after they wed. The same could happen for you, my dear. It is easier this way.”

It wasn’t. I worried about the choice she would make. When I decided to engineer this, I did so under the assumption I would choose my match—not her. Celeste again held the cards. I refused to let her win. I needed to get my freedom. I would figure it out. I had to fight her.

“So you could choose some controlling brute of a man?”

“I would never!” Celeste was scandalised by the mere mention. “No. I would choose someone suitable for you.”

“Someone old?”

“Certainly not. You must have children! He would be young, handsome, and never rough. I would pick someone who I knew would take care of you.”

I sat with that for a moment. It would never be so easy.

“You are precious, but you need someone to guide you. And right now, you will never be worth more to a respectable family than you are. You’re a virgin, you are of good breeding, and you haven’t had time to develop bad habits or a negative view in the eyes of the press. You’ve never been seen out doing something dreadful. This is for the best.”

But was it? She never had my best interest in mind.

“As a queen, your prospects are limited. No man will prefer you to a princess born lower in the line of succession. Your appearance is rather unremarkable, you are small, have the hips of a broodmare, and lack the beauty your mother possessed. She didn’t come laden with the responsibility of being a monarch out of the gate. You not only have that, but you have an immediate need to produce heirs.”

My grandmother was right. No man would want to sign up for this mission. I was in charge and he would always be secondary. A husband”s job was to like me enough to bed me and produce children quickly. I had little desire for perfunctory sex for the sake of popping out babies. It frightened me. We’d lost my mother that way. Maybe we could agree to hold off on that bit for a while? Once the regency ended, Celeste had no say in my affairs.

“I don’t think you are ready for this,” Celeste sighed. “But, if you do change your mind, I know of one possibility that would fit the bill. Even Queen Margaux is sure he might benefit from such a match. I am glad to invite him here. Let you get to know one another. Give you some time to see if it would work. You may decide it is a favourable choice?”

I sighed. What could I do? And if Margaux approved, maybe he wasn’t the worst choice in the world? Given how kind and sensitive her boys were, I assumed she’d never stand for an abusive, controlling sort of man. Her husband was a sweetheart. She knew what it took to be a queen and what to look for in a consort.

“Sure,” I said quietly. “I can try.”

I wanted to end my regency at any cost. I returned to my room and flopped on the bed. Astrid came up.

“Did the bitch release you?”

“Astrid, don’t use such language!”

“Oh, come on. You could. You just won’t.”

Astrid was only a year younger, but we were so different. She was feisty. She watched American crime dramas and liked to swear. She was rough-and-tumble and down for a fight. Astrid protected me by causing unrest and provoking Celeste. There was no one in this world I loved more than my dear sister. I envied her. She would never know this burden, but I couldn”t free her until I was free myself. The guilt weighed heavy on me.

She lay down next to me. We both stared at the canopy on my bed.

Astrid asked, “What’s up, buttercup?”

“The most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“What?”

“Celeste agreed to end the regency if I married a man of her choosing. She has someone in mind. She is bringing him here.”

“What!? That’s madness!”

I sighed. “I know. And yet, it could make us all much happier, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“If I wed, I am free. You all are free.”

“If you wed, you are tied to some dickhead who could ruin your life, Alex. That’s no better. I don’t want that for you.”

“You don’t understand, Asti. I saw freedom. I saw it and it made me happy. I am circling the drain. I will end up like Papa if I stay like this. Four more years? I will be mad by then!”

Our father was a complicated man. He struggled to maintain normalcy and keep himself together. He had always been eccentric, but my grandmother’s controlling behaviour and constant shaming of his differences made him spiral out of control. Then, when he needed help grieving the loss of our mother, she stowed him away in a country house. He wasn’t seen for two years. And then, we lost him. We never got a chance to say goodbye. It was heartbreaking. I knew she would relish doing the same to me.

“What can you do then?”

“I can meet him.”

“What if she changes the rules?”

“I will only become engaged if she makes a formal proclamation about the regency ending? I don’t know. I didn’t get into it because it sounds ridiculous. In our world, who does this?”

“Royals. Just royals. It’s backwards and fucked up.”

I looked at Astrid. Her pretty face was twisted. All Astrid wanted in this world was to be free. She was a wild spirit. She could be an unbridled force for good left to her own devices.

“I admire you so much,” I said, tears welling. “You remind me every day of Mamma. It is heartbreaking to think how much she would have adored you, too. But… I know it. And… I only want for you and the girls to be happy.”

“You shouldn’t sacrifice your happiness, Alex!”

“It’s my lot. I was born first, Asti. It’s the way it was always meant to go. I can do some good or I can hurt you all. What would you have me do? Besides, Mamma and Papa began this way. Celeste said so. They eventually fell in love. Mamma loved Papa like the moon and stars, and he didn’t want to live without her. Maybe it is for the best after all?”

“Do you really believe that?”

“If you were able to go to school abroad and study whatever you wanted, wouldn’t you?” I asked. “If I could give you that…”

“I could never ask you to! God, I couldn’t?—”

“Stop!” I shook my head. “Just stop. I must make this choice for myself.”

“I’m not going to say anymore, but I think it’s stupid!” Astrid popped up. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“No, I think I’m going to go take a walk.”

I stood up and walked down a long hallway, opposite our TV room. I stopped before the door to Celeste’s sitting room. She had the best quarters in the house, while I remained in my childhood bedroom. I was announced. I entered and remained standing.

“Yes, have you thought better about our conversation?” Celeste asked.

“Possibly. If I do this, I expect you to proclaim an end to the regency before my engagement. Then, you can ask parliament to dissolve it just before the wedding. I need that assurance.”

She shrugged. “Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“I also want you to assure me the girls will be free. They will report to me.”

“I cannot guarantee?—”

“I will only do this if you comply. I will marry a man of your choosing—quietly and meekly do so if you promise me this.”

“I will promise you this,” she said. “But really, you won’t need that. You will be queen in your own right. It will be up to you and your husband to make those calls.”

She was right. If I could make this work, everyone would get what they wanted. If I could tolerate being married to a man for a few years, having a baby or two, and existing with my freedom, my sisters could have much better lives. Celeste was still running a grift. When wasn’t she? This time, it might benefit all of us for me to play along.