Chapter 27
Blavenberg was a cosmopolitan city with progressive ideas. Women sunbathed topless and no one said boo. People left their babies in prams outside of coffee shops unattended. Fathers often played a role as primary parents, hauling two or three little ones through the street. It was charming but different.
The language I only half got—grateful to speak a bit thanks to Mum and her past. Their dialect differed from what I knew, but it slowly came back. My language skills proved enough to make me dangerous but not a lot more.
Marie spoke shaky English and while I understood much of her mother tongue, I spoke little. Rick pointed out she tried to bridge a gap. Mikkel complicated it by admonishing her as she struggled to find the right words. The guilt churned my stomach. I always spoke kindly as she tried. I appreciated the effort, but neither of us knew the words to communicate effectively. I was even more out-of-sorts.
The staff at the palace were lovely as ever but I was a fish out of water. The customs differed. Celeste called ahead to make sure Rick and I would not spend a single night alone, which to some degree, made me expect we wouldn’t.
At the same time, I wanted to. Thankfully, I packed books. I was devouring a series written by one of Asti’s favourite authors. I hated to admit how much I lived for the moment one of the people fell. And, sadly, I was began to relate to those poor tortured souls waiting for the other to turn around and say I love you back.
The books were a distraction on my lonely evenings after Rick left. When his parents withdrew, his brother and sister returned to their apartments. It was so eerie to be so alone. I wanted to cuddle with my sister. And while I’d like to say the same about Rick, there were other problems.
I wanted him. Well, I wanted him but for what I wasn’t sure. Rick was glorious, dashing, and made me feel things in places I never felt them—things I realised were normal the more romance novels I consumed. The wetness that appeared between my legs after we spent ages kissing was easily explained.
It was a version of arousal, a word I didn’t yet understand. The more time we spent, the more I wanted something. I wanted to feel what the heroines in my stories described almost as rocketing to heaven. I wanted the clouds to part, the sun to rise, and fireworks to explode. I wasn’t sure how to get there, but I craved it.
I suspected Rick wanted the same after his reaction to the sleeping arrangement snafu. He brought it up every day we were in Lundhavn. Such was the case one morning when he climbed into the car with me to depart on a royal engagement at the National Museum before flying back to Neandia.
“How were you?” Rick asked. “Bored to tears?”
“I tried to speak to Marie, but Mikkel kept interrupting—even worse than when you were there. I’d like us to be friends, but he seems hell-bent on ruining it.”
“I wish I were there.” Rick squeezed my hand. “I’d tell him to calm down. My brother is awful at socialising.”
“I thought I was bad.”
“You have been clever and charming. Disarming. He is mostly antisocial. Mamma always does the heavy lifting with Pappa, but he lets her do that. He acknowledges her social suitability. Mikkel ignores all else. He is insufferable!”
“You two don’t get on?”
“We aren’t like the Deschamps girls, no. I am jealous of the way the four of you connect. It’s nice.”
I nodded.
“I missed you, though,” Rick said, voice sweet.
I wished he would kiss me now, but we were arriving at the engagement.
I grinned. “I missed you, too.”
And with that, we stepped out. Continuing the engagement looking very much like a couple, we listened to one another. Rick guided me through passages and crowds with his hand politely on the small of my back. It was a sign of ownership. Rick had no idea how much I relished the feeling that he had chosen me. Even if he had only partially chosen me, it was tremendous.
When we left the museum, the new exhibit was official. People cheered. Flashbulbs fired. Unfortunately, that was it. We had one more evening here. Rick stayed for dinner and then we all broke off again. It was so odd. I missed my sisters and fought homesickness like mad the minute Rick left.
I read a bit and took a walk. The idea of wandering was a novelty. Here, I was safe, but also free. It was odd. Yes, the palace was like a giant prison in lockdown, but here I could walk as I pleased. I paraded all around, taking stock of the dark corridors. The dark didn’t frighten me the way it did others. I loved the calm.
That was when I ran into someone.
“Oh, darling, are you just out here wandering?” Rick’s mother asked.
“Queen Karolina.” I bowed in a Pavlovian response. “I am sorry. I was restless.”
“Come, come.” Karolina wrapped her arm around mine as if we were sisters.
I followed her down to a tiny room. In it were two sofas, a television, and a small kitchenette.
“I will make you a hot cocoa!”
“Takk,” I thanked her.
“Why are you still up at this hour, my dear?”
“I usually have more company,” I said.
She blushed and I did the same, realising she thought I meant her son.
“Not Rick,” I said. “No, my sisters and I are close. And my sister Astrid and I often stay up late talking or reading. It makes it feel like home to have her with me. But… it’s odd to be in this scenario where no one needs anything, and no one wants anything.”
“You could have said he visited you and I would not have minded,” Karolina assured. “You two make a lovely couple. He’s protective of you. He doesn’t like that you are here, and he is there.”
“He’s protective of my sisters, too. I don’t understand it. He is a good person. I know some might disagree, but he has a good heart,” I said.
Karolina smiled. She came back with two hot cocoas.
“You see the good in him. That is sweet. He is a good boy—a tender boy. Most do not see it. I am grateful you do.”
I nodded.
Karolina let out a long sigh. “The next time you return, you will be wed.”
“It’s wild. A bit mad.”
“It is good. You will have a lifetime with one another still. You are young and have many good days left.”
I supposed she was right.
Karolina shrugged. “Marriage is hard, but gratifying. You need to do your best for one another, but that’s all you can do. It will never be equal or perfect at all, but still wonderful.”
“What is the best part?” I asked.
Karolina smiled. “Having someone who is yours—in your corner alone. Having that one person who will always stand up for you and care for you. It is beautiful in that way. August always takes care of me. Treasures me, really.”
I beamed. “That is sweet.”
“Your mother loved your father fiercely,” Karolina offered. “I don’t know how much you remember?”
“Enough,” I answered. “Papa was a complicated man. Mamma tried. She did love him very much. And sadly, he loved her more than I think she ever knew. Without her, he couldn’t go on.”
Karolina nodded. “Your mother was a bright spark in the dark. You are, too. And I see the way Rick takes to you. It is beautiful. You are wonderful for him.”
“He is good for me as well. I am learning to stand up for myself and talk to people. I was raised very sheltered. He is the opposite. Maybe he can be too much, but I need an overcorrection to appear normal.”
“That is a good way to put it.”
“I suppose it’s like that for Mikkel and Marie.”
The Queen snickered, covering her face playfully to avoid my gaze. “Mikkel would do well to let her manage his social affairs, but he fights her. He struggles. It annoys her. Let Rick be the talkative one. Enjoy the work you don’t have to do,” Karolina said. “Don’t do it for the sake of control. Sometimes, it is nice to give it over.”
I admitted it sounded attractive to hand over some degree of control to Rick. I trusted him. I supposed if I trusted him, it made it okay. Back when I hadn’t, I worried he was out for anyone’s interest but mine. Now, I knew we were united against Celeste. That was all that mattered. Or so I thought.