Chapter 44
“How could it happen?” Alexandra asked.
“It’s not a hundred per cent,” I said.
Alexandra wailed, “I had sex for the first time. I waited all this time and was such a good girl. I waited and waited. And then, boom! I have married, sanctioned sex and got pregnant while trying to prevent it. I swear to God, this is unbearable!”
She was emotional. We had both been on edge trying to hide a pregnancy from everyone and living in close quarters. I suspected Astrid was aware of what was going on. She was the most street-smart one of the four of them.
“Baby, I am sorry,” I said.
“Don’t tell me you are sorry one more time, Rikard or so help me! You don’t have to do anything. Your life is made!”
I wanted to shout back that I was in the same boat as she was, I hadn’t abandoned her, and I was doing my best. However, I liked having my head and balls attached to my body and I feared her retribution. Moreover, I knew this came from a hormonal place. She was a mess and felt unsettled. It wasn’t what either of us wanted. And, tomorrow, we had to go see if this unknown being had a heartbeat. I tried not to feel anything about it.
I wanted to talk about the pregnancy. I wanted to tell her sisters. They would be an important support for her more than ever, but we were limited.
“I love you, okay? I am sorry this is so scary and so sudden. I am sorry your body has made you feel like this. But, Alexandra, I’m not going anywhere.”
She sobbed. There was a knock.
“Alex, are you okay?”
Great, now Astrid was involved.
“I’m fine,” Alexandra sobbed.
“I don’t trust you are.”
Astrid”s assumption I would hurt her sister offended me, but I understood her protective inclination.
“What is going on?” Astrid opened the door before glaring at me. “Rick, what are you doing to her?”
“He’s not doing anything,” Alexandra sobbed. “My life is over. Everything is over and?—”
“Why, sweetheart?” Astrid asked.
She practically pushed me out of the way, sitting on the bed. I was no longer wanted or needed here. In a fit of rage, I knew what I had to do.
“I’m going to go take a walk, leave you ladies to talk,” I said.
No one spoke to me as I left. That was alright. I was on a mission. Alexandra would loathe what I was about to do at first, but she was already upset with me. In the long term, she would get what she wanted and needed. I stormed down the hall and demanded to speak to the Dowager Queen.
“Rikard, I do not see the point of chatting,” Celeste said as I was escorted into her cat-centric sitting room yet again.
We’d have to work hard to get the smell of cats out, I thought.
“I don’t much care,” I said. “Celeste, you must vacate these rooms. We will buy you a house for you to live with your twenty-seven cats and enjoy your golden years, but you cannot stay here.”
“We have discussed?—”
“Would you like great-grandchildren?” I asked.
“Yes,” Celeste answered. “But I hear nothing about them from Alexandra. She seems resistant. I was aware she was on medication. Staff told me. The cardinal would be very upset if he knew.”
She was oblivious to Alexandra’s struggles.
“Ah, well, about that… I am working on it.”
Celeste perked up.
“Yes. I think I have converted her to the idea.”
Celeste raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“The main issue is that she is very…” I looked for the words as the gears spun in my mind. “She is almost prudish. She worries about anyone knowing and seems to fear letting on to anything to her young, impressionable sisters. Neither of us put a foot wrong before we wed. You can stop demonising Alexandra for that. She was the picture of pious behaviour.”
“Well, it is good if you have talked her out of it. We’re in a bit of a succession crisis if she cannot produce an heir. Can you imagine Astrid taking over? Nonsense!”
“She wouldn’t much like it, no,” I said.
“I was thinking we wouldn’t much like it. Alexandra is very… malleable. Meek. Astrid is a hell-raiser.”
The idea that Alexandra was prudish, weak, or pious was ridiculous. Her assessment of Astrid was accurate. I knew that was why Astrid would hate the yoke of being a monarch. But Alexandra was her own person. She was growing into her shoes and far from prudish these days.
“So she understands how it works? Did you explain all of that to her?”
I cringed, appalled anyone would neglect to tell a young woman about her body. I was far from the appropriate sex educator. Lots of sex did not a teacher make. Thankfully, Alexandra hadn’t come into this with no knowledge—clearly with no thanks to her grandmother.
“She is aware… yes.”
“Well, is she… acceptable?”
“I’d rather we not discuss this about my wife,” I said. “She would be mortified by your question. If you are asking if we are happy, the answer is yes.”
“I will assume that is a yes, then. Well, good. At least she’s not a cold fish. That’s an issue with new brides.”
I wanted to lash out and say I could understand why if no one taught them about sex or ever gave them space to discuss it or learn about it. Waiting until twenty-two to have one’s first orgasm was too painful to endure in my eyes. Now, the woman was insatiable. I was suddenly grateful for the awkward sex talk my father had with me when I was about ten.
“She’s a sweetheart,” I said. “I love her. Now, this is why we need rooms of our own—properly away from children. She will not even consider the idea until we have space and aren’t at risk of bothering the girls.”
“Can you not simply be… quiet?”
“That is not within my power alone. She is very prudish. As I said. She worries.”
She was also loud. I loved it.
“Fine. If this will allow you to move forward and produce an heir, I will move out—temporarily. It has been a long while since I went back to our country home for the winter holidays. It might suit me. If you do not conceive an heir in the next three months, I will blame Alexandra and move back.”
“Please don’t blame her,” I said. “These things take time.”
“I conceived her dear father on our honeymoon. It is the least she can do. She is good for little else.”
Celeste’s words stung. Good for little else? My heart broke for Alexandra. Then, I was enraged. I kept a lid on it and played along. It pained me. Alexandra was good for many things. She was kind, patient, and loving. She saw people for who they were deep down and was willing to forgive even though I didn’t deserve her love. The idea that she was now reduced to the contents of her uterus offended me.
“So, I shall give it a few days and then move to my country house. Please don’t destroy the place in the meantime.”
“Of course not,” I said. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”