Chapter 17
I decide to wait until Ruckus has left the clubhouse before I make my way downstairs, something tells me that I’m not going to be good at this whole sneaking around thing. Especially now that I’ve had a reminder of how things felt between us. Just one look from him will have me blushing red and giving us away.
I don’t know how to feel about the arrangement we made last night, but I do know that it’s for the best. Ruckus still doesn’t know the full story as to why I left. If he did I doubt he’d ever wanna speak to me again, let alone be friends with benefits. I can’t get into anything deep with him but I also can’t stop thinking about him. At least this way, neither of us has to suffer that tension. We can unleash and enjoy each other. And Aaron won’t have to be hurt.
Ruckus was right about this place, it has changed. The people here have changed. I love being close to my brother again, even if he isn’t in the right headspace. I feel like I’ve already made friends here. Alicia, Eden, and Peyton have all welcomed me so warmly. The world outside is starting to feel big and lonely. I’m getting too comfortable, I’m allowing this place to start feeling like home and I can’t let that happen.
I watch Dev, Saint, Sasquatch, Vike, and Saul leave through the gates and when Ruckus and my brother follow behind them a few minutes later, I decide it’s safe for me to show my face. Picking up my purse I head out the door, hoping that Polly hasn’t closed up the kitchen. I worked up a real appetite last night.
I’m walking past the arch when I notice that Alicia is sitting in her car, and it looks a lot like she’s crying.
I rush over and let myself into her passenger seat, before putting my arm around her shoulder.
“Alicia, what’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing bad, Saul was supposed to take me to Bakersfield today. I was planning on telling Griller’s mom about the baby.” She bursts into more tears and I squeeze her a little tighter, she’s been building herself up to this and I know she’s scared. “I know I’m being dramatic. We can go another time but I… I just wanted to get it done. Saul wasn’t even supposed to go with them, they decided they were gonna take an extra cage, last minute, and needed another driver.” She snuffles and suddenly I see a solution to both our problems.
“Bakersfield, that's where Griller’s mom lives, right?” I check.
“Yeah.” She snuffles and looks up at me.
“Well, I get that it’s not really safe for us to be alone in Long Beach, but is there anything stopping us from taking a drive out to Bakersfield?”
Alicia smiles through her tears.
“Are you saying you’d come with me? I really don’t wanna go by myself.” She looks hopeful.
“Of course I’ll come with you, if you want to get this over with, let’s just do it. You shouldn’t be getting stressed about things, and Griller’s mom should know she’s going to be a grandma. I think it’s going to give her some comfort. Let’s do this… right now.” I sure as hell don’t want to face Aaron today, this is the perfect distraction, and I get to help my friend.
“You’re right, let's do this.” Alicia has a newfound confidence as she starts her engine, and when she starts creeping forward toward the gate, Rocco stands up from the plastic chair he’s slouched in and steps up to her window.
“Where ya going, ladies?” I figure he’s starting to accept his brother's return because he seems a little happier today.
“Did Saul not tell you?” I roll my eyes theatrically. “Alicia has an appointment for the baby today.” I’m surprised at how quick and easy the lie rolls off my tongue.
“Saul was supposed to take me but, plans changed.” Alicia catches on and shrugs her shoulders.
“Well, you girls shouldn’t be driving anywhere by yourselves. Let me head into the clubhouse and see who’s around.”
“Rocco, you know as well as I do that everyone’s busy. The doctor’s office is three miles away and Saul said it would be fine to go by myself,” she assures him.
“He said that?” Rocco looks confused.
“It’s just a doctor's appointment, and it’s for the baby.” I reach out my hand and tap Alicia’s flat stomach.
“Yeah, you should get to that.” Rocco quickly gets to work, opening the gates while me and Alicia both have to hide the smiles on our faces as we pull out of them.
I try and make the two-hour trip to Bakersfield as light and fun as I can. We talk about baby names and play a little marry, snog, kill. I decide to throw her off the scent by telling her I’d marry Sasquatch, snog Dev, and kill Sinner, but then I feel bad for Saint because he’d have to die too. He was new to the club when I decided to leave so I don’t know much about him. But I do remember that Sinner was making trouble right from the start. Polly tells me to treat them as individuals, not as one, and I guess that’s how the club brothers judge them. If it wasn’t, I’m pretty sure Sinner would have got them both killed by now.
Alicia doesn’t surprise me at all when she opts to marry Vike. Anyone can see from the way she looks at him that she’s got the hots for him. She chooses to snog Ruckus, and I had no choice but to swallow the bitter taste it puts in my mouth. She didn’t want to kill anyone, but I told her that wasn’t the spirit of the game so she decided on Sinner too.
We eventually arrive outside the one-story house on Deanbrook Drive, and it stands out from all the others in the neighborhood for all the wrong reasons.
There are three disassembled cars on the front lawn, making it looks more like a scrapyard than a home. The paint on the house is flaking the path that leads to the front door has weeds growing up through the cracks in the concrete and the gate to it is rusty and hanging off its hinges.
“You sure this is the right place?” I check, though I don’t know why. I remember Griller and Greaser well, and this looks exactly like the kinda place they’d come from.
“This is it.” Alicia takes a deep breath before she gets out the car, and as we step up to the gate, a scraggy white terrier dashes off the front porch and starts barking at us.
“What’s ya business?” a shrill voice comes from the house, yet I can’t see anyone.
“I looking for Mrs. Stowman.” Alicia can’t hide the nerves from her voice and I take her hand to offer her some support.
“Shut up, Willy,” the voice hollas at what I’m assuming is the dog because he immediately quits yapping and races back to the porch.
“My name is Alicia, this is Freya… I was a friend of Griller’s,” Alicia speaks up, and when we hear the sound of metal scraping we both look at each other, confused. The front door opens and a very small, older woman stands in its center.
“You knew my Segwin?” Her bottom lip starts to wobble.
“Yes, Ma’am, I knew him.” Tears build in Alicia’s eyes and I squeeze her hand to remind her that I’m here, I figure now's really not the time to humor the fact Griller’s real name was Segwin Stowman.
“You best come in.” The woman steps aside so we can enter and, reluctantly, we step up and go inside.
“Sid, get your ass up, we got visitors,” she calls over to the couch where a tall, thickset body lays under a blanket. Then she smiles at us both warmly as she leads us into the kitchen.
“You’ll have to mind the mess, ain’t often we get visitors.” She clears the dishes from the table and dumps them in the basin before lighting herself a cigarette.
“I take it you heard that my boy is dead.” She sits on a chair, then gestures for us both to do the same. Among all the clutter I notice a picture of Griller and Greaser on the fridge together, both of them wearing their cuts and standing proud.
“I was there when it happened,” Alicia tells her quietly. “In fact, I was… I held him in my arms.” More tears fill her eyes and I quickly take her hand again.
“Well I’m sure he felt blessed to have had such a beautiful last sight.” The woman's aged, worn hand reaches across the table and I see Alicia’s eyes stretch open when it strokes her cheek. She’s frozen, not really knowing what to do, but eventually she makes an awkward smile and the woman drops her hand.
“So what brings ya here? If he owed ya money I can tell ya?—”
“No, nothing like that. He… doesn’t owe me anything.” Alicia quickly shakes her head. “I’m here because, before Griller died, me and him…”
“What’s happening, Ma?” a low growly voice comes from behind us, and when I turn my head, I’m not prepared for the sight of Greaser in his underwear.
“These young ladies knew your brother.” Mrs. Stowman looks up at him and smiles.
Greaser takes his time to look us both over, then laughs as he scratches between his thick hairy chest. “Young ladies, huh?” He opens the refrigerator and takes out a beer. “These are Soul gals, Mama, don’t be fooled.” Popping the cap, he takes the last available chair at the table, twists it around and straddles it.
“Oh…” The woman smiles awkwardly.
“Not those kinds of Soul girls. Our brothers are members.” I feel the need to intervene and explain.
“And was one of your brothers the one who took my Seggy’s eye?” she asks before toking back hard on her cigarette. I have no idea what she’s talking about, but Alicia shakes her head.
“No, Mrs. Stowman, that was the president.”
The sound of Greaser cracking his knuckles goes right through me and I can tell that now he’s here, Alicia is going to find what she has to explain so much harder.
“Why are ya here? You never gave a fuck about my brother. All those years he spent pining over you and you never even noticed him.” I don't like the way he’s looking at her. In fact, I don’t like this situation at all.
“That’s unfair, Grill—Segwin.” Alicia corrects herself and smiles at Mrs. Stowman. “He never made his feelings clear. I had no idea how he felt.”
“I can see why my boy liked you.” Mrs. Stowman reaches forward again, this time to touch the ends of Alicia's hair. “She’s pretty, ain’t she, Sid?”
Greaser says nothing, just knocks back his beer and laughs.
“However…” Alicia looks at me and breathes before continuing. “Just before the attack on the clubhouse, myself and Segwin had… united.” Her palm is sweating in mine and she’s shaking.
“He fucked you.” Greaser spits his beer across the table in shock.
“We shared a night together.” This time it’s him who she corrects.
He still looks surprised and Mrs. Stowman, well… she just looks kind of high.
“That one night has resulted in something, and I thought I should come here and…”
“If you caught something, you did not catch it from my boy. He may not have had many morals but he knew right from wrong, he knew what ya can catch from club girls, and I…”
“She’s pregnant, Mrs. Stowman,” I blurt out, watching her mouth drop open the same way Greaser’s does.
“Preg—”
“Nearly thirteen weeks.” Alicia’s hand is still shaking as she pulls it from mine and takes the sonogram photo from her purse.
Mother and son lean forward and study it once she’s placed it on the table.
“I don’t want you to think I came here asking for anything. I have support, and the baby will have everything it needs. I just thought you ought to know.” She bites down hard on her lip while she waits for their next reaction.
“A baby?” Griller’s mom picks up the picture with teary eyes and a smile on her trembling lips. “And you're sure my Seggy is the father?”
“Couldn’t be surer.” Alicia’s hand strokes over her still flat stomach and smiles.
“You see what this is, Sid? This is a gift. It’s a sign.” Mrs. Stowman quickly crushes out her cigarette, wafting away the smoke travelling toward us, then shoving me out of the way so she can kneel beside Alicia. “May I?” She holds her hand in front of Alicia’s tummy and after my friend looks at me a little helplessly, she nods her head allowing Mrs. Stowman to touch her there.
“A baby. My boy’s baby. And you're healthy, everything is normal?” Her eyes raise up from Alicia's stomach to check.
“Everything is perfect.” She nods.
“And you're well. You take care of yourself?”
“I suffered a little at the start from sickness, but I’m fine now. In fact, I’m eating everything in sight.” Alicia giggles nervously.
“That's good, it’s good to eat.” She quickly stands back up and heads for the refrigerator. “I’m gonna fix you something up, right now,” she tells her.
“No, that's not necessary, we just ate on the way here,” Alicia lies for the second time today.
“Well, you must take something for the journey home, unless of course you plan on staying in town tonight?”
“Oh no.” Alicia comes back at her far too quickly. “I mean… We have to get back, or the club will send out a search party.”
“Is the club really the place for you to be in your condition?” Mrs. Stowman asks, tilting her head and gritting her yellow stained teeth.
“The club has had its troubles, but the members keep us well protected,” Alicia assures her, and Greaser laughs sarcastically. Mrs. Stowman nods her head, though she doesn’t look convinced.
“I wish we could stop longer, but we have to get back. If you want me to, I’ll stay in touch, keep you updated.”
“Of course I want that. Alicia, you are giving me a great gift. You're keeping my boy alive.” She wraps Alicia up in a bear hug and I notice the way Greaser frowns before she pulls away.
“You must let me give you something for the ride home.” Mrs. Stowman starts looking frantically around her kitchen.
“Really, it’s fine. I’m not hungry.”
“You say that now, but hunger can strike any time when you're carrying. Ahh perfect.” Her eyes light up when she spots something in the cupboard she’s looking through. Pulling out a ginormous jar of pickles, she dumps it in my hands and weighs me down.
“I craved pickles with everything when I was pregnant with Seggy, and he loved them. He was always carrying a pickle in his hand as a child, wasn’t he, Sid?” She looks to Greaser.
“All the time.” He nods his head and humors her.
“I’ll bet this little one will be just the same.” The woman touches her hand to Alicia's stomach again, only this time she closes her eyes like she’s saying a silent prayer.
“We really ought to go, we don’t want to hit traffic.” I decide Alicia needs rescuing and this giant jar of pickles seems to be getting heavier.
“Please keep in touch, I want to know everything, and if you need anything. Just… Please.” The woman is reluctant to let her go.
“I appreciate that, Mrs. Stowman.” Alicia smiles as I tug her away.
“Iris, you call me Iris. None of this Mrs. nonsense. We’re family,” she calls after us as I keep hold of my friend’s arm and get us to the door. Greaser says nothing as we pass him, just kinda growls, and when we’re back on the porch and out in the fresh air, I breathe a long sigh of relief.
“That was intense.” I look to Alicia, who seems traumatized, and when we reach the car we both start to laugh. “Segwin, Seggy Stowman, you know that's gonna be on your child's birth certificate, right?” The smile instantly drops from her face when she lets that sink in.
“Hey, Alicia,” Greaser’s stern voice calls out and when he rushes off the porch toward us, this time with jeans on, I immediately put my defenses back up.
“You better not be lying about who put that kid in ya.” He points his finger at Alicia accusingly.
“Don't speak to her like that.” I turn and face him.
“Stay outta this, circus girl,” he warns me, marching around the car and putting himself in front of her.
“I mean it. She ain’t been coping, and if you take that little bit of hope you just gave her away. I swear you won’t live to see your child's first birthday,” he threatens.
“Do you think that's any way to speak to the mother of your niece or nephew?” I speak up, because Alicia looks too shocked to say anything.
“I told you to stay the fuck outta this,” he barks at me.
“I wouldn’t lie. I just came here because I thought your family had the right to know. I don’t want anything from you. I explained that. My brother and the club will take care of us.”
“Raze really did turn that place into Disneyland.” He scoffs a laugh.
“The club is a better place, less assholes since you bailed on it. How is that nomad life treating you, Greaser? Because it looks to me as if you're living off your mama's couch.” I’m proud of her when she speaks up. “Don’t ruin this for your mom by making it hard for me. I want to include her in this, maybe even you too, but I won’t be disrespected.”
“And why would you do that?” His voice softens and he looks back at her confused.
“Because Griller loved you, and it’s what he would have wanted.” Her words catch him off guard, and when she opens the car door and gets behind the wheel, I load myself and the giant jar of pickles into the passenger seat beside her.