Ruckus (Dirty Soul MC: Long Beach #3)

Chapter 39

I stand by the window, chewing on my thumbnail and waiting to see a sign that they’re coming for us.

“You still there waiting?” Ruckus comes out of the bathroom, ruffling one of the towels through his hair before tossing it at the bed.

“Josh was from your charter and he killed their president,” I point out.

“Josh was a prospect, and I killed him,” he reminds me, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking hold of my hips so he can turn me to face him.

“Now, you need to tell me what Cam knew. No more secrets.”

I drop my head because I know he’s right. I can’t run from the past anymore.

“Why did you come here, Ruckus? Why do you do things that make me feel like I’m special?” I’m so confused.

“Because you are fuckin’ special. Freya, I told you I loved you, what more can I do–”

“Well, you could stop taking whores to the lifeguard tower.” I wait for his reaction and when he starts to laugh, I stare down at him and let him see how hurt I am.

“How is that funny? Ruckus, people who love each other don’t sleep around.”

“I was with Sinner in the lifeguard tower all night, and I can promise that we weren't doing that. We were talkin’ about you.” He still looks amused and I move my lips but nothing comes out.

“But Cam said…and you. Were you really with Sinner?”

“Why would I lie to you? I was mad at myself for being jealous of you and him, though it turns out I was kinda right to be.” He makes a valid point but I don’t acknowledge it. “I was mad at you because I know you’ve been keeping shit from me. It’s time to be open. Don’t be scared.” He smiles at me, and I feel my heart beat faster.

“I’m not who you think I am.” I take in the way Ruckus looks at me one last time. Once he knows the truth, he’s never going to look at me in the same way. “I knew what my father was involved in, sometimes he’d have the women at the house. Chop would come in a cage and take them away,” I admit, resting my hands on his firm shoulders while I find the strength to go on.

“One night, I came downstairs and I recognised the girl who him and his friends were raping.” My eyes blur with tears and when Ruckus goes to wipe them away, I shake my head and step away from him.

“It was Eden,” I admit, as tears catch in the back of my throat. “She was out of it, but I knew she was there against her will.”

“Freya, Aaron knows what his father did. Eden and him–”

“You're not listening to what I’m saying.” I shake my head. “I knew, Ruckus. I knew . I could have told someone. I could have helped her but I was too scared that I’d end up like her if I did.” I hide my face in my hands and Ruckus takes my wrists and pulls them away.

“None of that was your fault. You must have been, what? Sixteen, back then. Of course, you were scared. And if your dad ever did touch you like that?—”

“My dad was going to give me to Chop,” I interrupt before he can say it.

“ Chop? ” I see the horror on his face.

“I was going to be Chop’s little bonus for doing all the things my dad needed him to. He was supposed to become president of Arizona and when he got killed, I guess Dad decided Cam should take his place,” I explain and suddenly his facial expression changes.

“So that night, after the first time, you were running from Chop, not from me?” His fingers entwine with mine.

“I was running from everything… Except you.”

“Freya, all this is sad, and traumatic, but Wrath and Eden are gonna forgive you. They love you. Chop’s dead, your dad’s dead and, thanks to Josh, so is Cam.” Ruckus sounds so confident.

“You might be dead too, when Aaron finds out why you came here.” I smile, reminding him that my secrets aren’t our only problem.

“Baby, I fessed up.” He looks real pleased with himself

“You did what?”

“I told Wrath everything, how d’ya think I got this.” His finger points to the angry bruise under his eye.

“You're telling me Aaron knows?”

“He knows and he’s mad, but he wants ya home, almost as much as I do.” He brings my hand up to his mouth and kisses my fingers.

“There's more.” I swallow the lump in my throat, because he needs to know everything before he makes that decision.

“I’m the reason Davy was killed on that run,” I confess, and now Ruckus really does look confused. “Chop had turned up at the club and I was freaked out, Davy must have picked up on it, and I had to tell someone. I thought it was Chop that told Dad he’d seen us talking, but it was Cam who dropped me off at Davy’s house that afternoon. Davy said he trusted him, but I know differently now. Davy died because my dad knew I’d spoken to him. I was hiding in his closet when Mac and Rex came to fetch him. Even I could sense that something wasn’t right. Davy knew something was up. I could see it in his face when he left.” I start crying again.

“Darlin’, your dad was always suspicious of Davy, his death was on all of us.”

“No, Brody, Dad came to my room that night and told me to take Davy’s death as a lesson, and that's what I’ve done for all these years. I’ve stayed quiet and I’ve stayed away. I can’t deal with the guilt. Do you have any idea how hard it is to look at Eden, knowing I let them hurt her? Then, when Finn showed up…His dad should be with him, they should be building Montana up, together. And Willow…I just left her.”

“Freya.” Ruckus takes hold of my arms firmly.

“Just stop. Your dad was an evil, evil man, and instead of blaming yourself, admit that you were a victim too. He may not have raped you, or beat you, but he hurt you on the inside and he manipulated you,” he tells me firmly, and when I nod my head and break down in tears, he holds me close to him again.

“Now listen.” He waits until I’ve stopped sobbing before putting a little space between us. “You are not gonna let that man, ruin another second of your life. You're comin’ home with me as my old lady, and we’re gonna fight and piss each other off.” He smiles.

“Nothing would make me happier.” I dry my tears and snuffle, then when he takes something from his cut pocket and drops to the floor, I almost choke.

“Well, then, you might as well do all that and be my wife.” He looks up at me waiting for an answer.

“Brody, are you seriously asking me to marry you?” I laugh.

“Well, I ain’t down here for fun. I love you. So will you put on the pretty ring and, just for once, agree to something without a fight?”

“Just this once.” I hold out my hand and let him slide it over my finger, then when he stands back up and kisses me, I unleash the towel from his waist and force him back onto the bed.

“It really is a pretty ring.” I climb on top of him and kiss him some more.

“It was my mom's.” His voice comes out a little weak so I pull back.

“I didn’t know you had a mom.” I see a sadness in his eyes, despite the fact he’s smiling.

“Sweetheart, I know I look as if God, himself, created me but everyone came from somewhere. She died when I was thirteen, got murdered and they never did find her killer.”

“How did I never know that?” I frown.

“We all got secrets, darlin’.” He takes my hand with the ring on and kisses it. “I wanted you to have this because she would have liked you. She’d have liked even more the way you make me feel.”

“Irritated and mad?” I laugh.

“No.” He shakes his head and “Like I wanna live.

“I came to the club when I was fourteen, because I knew it was dangerous. I was numb inside and I wanted to feel again. You did that. You wound me up and irritated the shit outta me, but I felt it and liked it and every day I wanted more.”

“I thought you hated me.” I smile sadly.

“I hated the idea of you. Of having another thing I could lose,” he admits.

“Then I left.” I feel the regret of that decision right to my bones.

“Then you left, and ya broke my heart, and I stuck around because I was desperate for you to come back.”

“Then I left again,” I whisper, hating that I’ve caused him so much pain through my stupidity.

“You’ve really put me through it.” He looks up at me with that sarcastic grin on his face.

“Well, you're stuck with me now.” I wave my finger in his face to remind him, and when he flips me onto my back and rolls on top of me, I giggle.

“That's such a perfect sound,” he tells me.

“I’ve got a much better one for you.” I smile up at him.

“Try it.” He looks doubtful.

“Take me home.”