Chapter 58
The air is sharp and cold, snapping at my cheeks as I climb the stairs to Dragovari Tower, clutching my coat around me.
My heels click against the marble, each step sounding louder than it should, and my stomach is tight.
I can’t tell if it’s anticipation or dread that I’m feeling.
Probably both.
It’s New Year’s Eve again, the gala of the year, and I know Simone Ashford is hoping that I will take the lead on some of the networking conversations she’s been having regarding opening up the ports for greater distribution.
Control of the ports means control of the votes, the lobbyists, the money for Assemblyman Donovan, and the man is dead set focused on becoming senator.
The Irish don’t want to lose any of that power, though, so it’s taking longer than planned.
Even though this is my project and Tommy works closely with Donovan, I never see him in the course of my work.
That doesn’t stop me from thinking about him, wondering if the pages I’m drafting will end up in his hands, noticing when his name is on the list of attendees on meeting notes that I scan for information related to my dock project.
I pause in front of the giant concrete doors and steel my nerves.
Antonio should be arriving with me, but he’s already inside as far as I know.
For months now, I rarely see him , communicating primarily through the occasional text message, always short and direct.
My focus has been work all year, and in that area of my life, I am crushing it.
Simone offered me a permanent position, and I happily accepted, spending most of my evenings at work and not getting home until late at night.
My father is furious that I’m not working with his legal team and learning the international law that applies to Luminous & Co.
I’m dreading the day when my father finally figures out a way to manipulate me back into the fold, doing the job for him that he wants me to do.
I can feel that day coming every time I see him scowling at me.
Antonio is angry about that, too, plus so many other things.
I think things might have gotten more serious with his girlfriend, because he almost never sleeps at my apartment on Bleeker Street anymore.
Even my mom has been keeping herself busy, traveling around the world, and Lexi is still in Dubai.
If I didn’t have Simone Ashford rooting me on, I’d have no one in my corner.
I keep trying to tell myself that this is enough, that the career I’m building is enough.
That I don’t need a real relationship. That I don’t need Tommy.
But the truth is, every time I close my eyes, it’s Tommy I see.
Tommy I crave. Tommy I have always craved.
And tonight, I want to see him again. I know I shouldn’t, and I don’t even know what I want to happen, but I just can’t keep pretending he’s not in every corner of my mind.
I just want to put eyes on Tommy in person, to make sure he’s okay.
But it’s not Tommy I see first. It’s Vin.
He’s leaning against one of the posts in front of the building, a cigarette dangling between his fingers, smoke curling in the icy air.
He flicks it away when he sees me, straightening, and my irritation spikes.
“Well, look who finally showed up. Princess is late to the ball. And without her Prince Charming.” He grins as he saunters toward me, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Christ, really?” I mutter. “You’re waiting out here like a creep?
”
“Creep? Nah.” He gives me a once-over, smirks.
“Just the welcoming committee. You look nice, princess. Too bad it’s wasted on Tony the Hack.
”
“Don’t start, Vin.”
But he doesn’t stop.
He never does. I try to step around him, but he blocks my path, looking down at the ground as I sigh, then lifting his gaze to meet mine through his long lashes.
“My brother’s a little weird. You’ve noticed, right?
” He doesn’t wait for me to answer.
“Intense. Quiet. Don’t get me wrong: he’s the smartest motherfucker I know, makes split decisions better than anyone, and he’s always fucking right, the asshole.
Brutal as fuck, too. But he’s got a few…
quirks. He can get obsessive, for example.
Focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else, to the point where he doesn’t even notice when it’s burning him alive.
”
I swallow, bristling. “So?”
“So, you’re the obsession, princess.
You left him five years ago, and he hasn’t dated anyone since.
”
“That’s not what I heard.” My voice sounds more jealous than I want it to, and I flush with embarrassment when Vin grins, wolfish.
“Taking someone out to dinner and fucking them in the mouth until he comes saying your name is not dating someone, Giovanna.”
My gasp tears out before I can stop it.
Heat floods my face. “Jesus Christ, Vin! Do you have to be so disgusting?”
“Hey, it is what it is. I’ve heard the same story from easily two, three dozen women, which means it’s probably the same with all of them.
My brother is a creature of habit. He doesn’t deviate.
”
“Two or three dozen. That’s nice,” I snap, disgust curling low in my belly.
Disgust, and—God help me—hope.
“Oh, at least,” Vin shrugs.
“But don’t sit there acting holier than thou.
You’ve been slamming Tony the Hack pretty much since the day you walked away from Tommy.
Biggest downgrade I’ve ever seen in my life, by the way, but hey, I don’t judge.
”
“Sounds like you’re judging.” My voice is sharp, defensive, because he’s right.
Vin leans in closer, dropping his voice.
“If you left Tommy because he works with us, you should know Antonio’s been doing the same thing.
Always has.”
“I know,” I admit tightly. Of course I know.
I lived with Tommy long enough to see the signs, to recognize the late-night calls, the bloody shirts that never came back from the wash.
Antonio’s version comes with all that plus perfume and lipstick smears.
Same poison, different bottle.
“Do you also know Tony’s cheating?
”
I glare at him, hating the way my silence says more than I want it to.
“What the fuck do you want, Vin?” My voice shakes, anger lancing through it.
“You’re not my priest. You don’t get to stand out here and levy your judgments on my life’s choices.
If you want, I’ll say a couple of Hail Marys and be on my way.
”
“What I want is for you to stay the fuck away from Tommy.” His words slice through the cold night air.
“You don’t see the mess you leave behind when he sees you at these galas.
It’s gotten to the point that I can tell whether he talked to you, if he just saw you from across the room, or if he fucked you.
”
I half cough and look over my shoulder to see if people are listening to him.
One couple gives us a sideways glance as they rush up the stairs.
“God damn it, Vin. It’s none of your fucking business.
”
“No, princess. He’s my brother. It’s abso-fucking-lutely my business, especially after last year.
He was wasted for over a month, refused to answer his phone, wouldn’t eat.
I’ve only seen him like that twice: once when he thought you were fucking Tony before you guys got together, and once right after you dumped him.
Seeing you last year?” Vin’s eyes narrow.
“Worst thing I’ve seen yet. It was so bad, we had to take him to see the doc, change up his medications, have him monitored overnight.
I’m here to tell you: do not fucking do that to him again.
”
My throat closes. I thought I was the only one shattered, the only one struggling to live my life.
“But he seems so…polished, so put together in the media. I thought Tommy had moved on.”
Vin scoffs.
“You mean he puts on that fake ass smile that you taught him, spouts the scripts you told him to say so he can blend in with these assholes? Yeah, you cleaned him up, princess, but you also made him meaner than he ever was, and that’s saying something.
He was a ruthless son of a bitch before you.
Now he’s a fucking trained assassin because it’s the only way he knows how to find relief.
”
Vin regards me thoughtfully for a minute, as I start to shake.
Tommy doesn’t just love me. He fucking needs me.
In the face of Tommy’s pain, Aurelio’s threat feels like a distant dream.
I thought I was protecting him, but if he’s still this fucked up over us after all these years, then I’ve only hurt him.
Maybe even destroyed who he used to be.
All because of the threats of a greasy old fuck who wouldn’t stand a chance against Tommy if Tommy decided to take him out.
I have to tell Tommy everything.
I start to push past Vin, but he grabs my arm hard and drags me back.
“Ow. Fuck.” I wrench out of his grasp and rub my arm.
“I’m not kidding, Giovanna,” says Vin, his brow furrowed.
The fact that he called me by my first name and not ‘princess’ halts me more than his words.
I glare at him.
“I had to stop him more than once this past year from fucking kidnapping you and tying you to a bed until you agreed to come home to him. He beat the shit out of Antonio more than once just on general principle. And by ‘more than once,’ I mean a few times a month. He put him in the hospital twice.”
I blink, staring at Vin.
All those nights that Antonio was gone, I guess he wasn’t always with his girlfriend.
“Honestly,” Vin continues, “even if you stay away from him tonight, I doubt he’ll stay away from you.
And your little bitch boy Antonio? Probably won’t survive the week if Tommy sees you tonight.
”
“This is my home,” I say through clenched teeth.
“I’m not going anywhere. My family’s here.
I can’t help it that his family’s here, too.
The plan was always to stay here.”
Vin’s tone turns lethal.
“And do what? Start a family?” he snorts.
“You gonna make a pile of little bitch boys with Antonio? Get married? Is that the plan? Jesus Christ, you fucking cunt, you fucking broke Tommy. If your plan is to come back around here and start parading some little sitcom family around him, I’ll fucking take you both out myself.
”
“That’s never going to happen,” I snap, not realizing that the words are true until they come out of my mouth.
I’m not marrying Antonio. I’m not having his babies.
I don’t know why I didn’t get pregnant all those years fucking Tommy, but if I’m going to get married and have kids, it’s with him and him alone.
I want to smack Vin and tell him to mind his fucking business, but then I see it so, so briefly: a flicker of relief beneath his bravado.
Vin is genuinely concerned, not for himself for once, but for Tommy.
He must be really scared for Tommy if he’s willing to stand out here and ask me for the favor of leaving him alone.
It hits me that Vin loves Tommy as much as I do.
It also hits me that my love for Tommy is never going to die.
“What if…” My voice is quiet, shaky. This isn’t a conversation I want to have with Vin, but Vin is the only person who won’t give a shit enough to tell anyone else about it, and I know he’ll tell me the truth.
“What if what?”
“What if Tommy is the one I’m supposed to be with?
”
Vin stares at me like I’m an idiot. “Tommy is definitely the one you’re supposed to be with.
Everybody knows that but you, princess.”
I roll my eyes.
So easy for him to say. “What if coming back is the first step to making that happen?”
“The first step to making that happen is losing the 200-pound bag of bitch boy you’re dragging around with you.
” He steps in closer to me, lowering his voice.
“And ‘what if’ isn’t good enough.
Tommy doesn’t do ‘what if.’ He deals in absolutes.
You’re his absolute, and you always have been.
If you genuinely want to be with him, don’t come around him until you’re ready to make it happen the right way.
Until then? Leave him the fuck alone.”
The fact that I’m the cause of Tommy’s pain and Tommy’s pain is so great that his asshole brother is out here to confront me over it has my eyes filling with tears in spite of myself.
I can barely look at Vin and drop my gaze to the ground, not trusting myself to respond.
Vin taps my chin, forcing me to look up.
He softens, just barely. “Not for nothing, princess, but Tony ain’t it.
He’s a fucking, cheating idiot.
If you’re not careful, you’re going to end up with an STI and a bunch of stepkids on the side.
That’s if he doesn’t get himself killed because he’s not smart enough to stop putting himself in Tommy’s way.
You deserve better.”
I nod, swallowing hard.
He’s right. I hate that he’s right, but he is.
Instead of walking into the glittering gala, into Antonio’s waiting smirk, into a new nightmare for Tommy, I turn on my heel and walk back down the steps.
Pulling my phone out, I type out a text.
We need to talk.
It’s not to Tommy. Not yet.
It’s to Antonio. I’m not bringing the shit show that is my life to Tommy.
First, I need to clean up the mess in my bed and in my head before I tell him everything he needs to know about Aurelio’s threat to hurt him. And how much he owns my heart.