Ruin My Life (Mangled Masterpieces #1)

19. Win

19

Win

Six Years Ago

F ine white sand filters through my fingers, slipping like time through an hourglass. The grey sky kisses the horizon, dismal navy waves retreating with the tide.

I've decided I don’t hate the beach when it’s cold. Or when Remy is sprawled out on the blanket beside me, lips puffy from kissing. I’d stay on this strip of sand and sea, fused to his perfect mouth forever if given the option.

Curious fingers creep under the hem of my shirt as the wind whips the cotton higher to expose more skin. A lazy grin tugs at the corner of his mouth. I snap a mental picture of it. Ever since returning to school after break, his smile has been a rare sight.

“How did your parents take it when you came out?” he asks out of nowhere, tracing the tattooed rose on my side beneath my tee.

He’s barely touching me and I’m ready to blow.

Tone it down, Win .

I shake my head. “Mom said she always knew. Richard didn’t care.”

He props up on an elbow. “And your dad?”

“I came out to him first, right after they finalized the divorce. He thought I was upset about Mom moving, but they’d been separated for a few years by then and I was used to it. It took some convincing for him to believe I just was scared to admit I liked boys.”

Remy smirks, falling into contemplative silence. He chews his lip. “I don’t think my parents will care.” His warm palm cups my waist. “I mean, Ma already worships you, so she’ll probably be insufferable when I tell her we’re together.”

Lucy Sullivan is the definition of involved and supportive, but what he’s implying makes my stomach twist. It’s like being at the top of a rollercoaster, waiting for the drop.

“So we’re… together together?”

He blushes. “I don't know about you but I'm not messing around with anyone else, so… yeah.”

“That’s what we're calling this? Messing around?”

The pink in his cheeks deepens. “No,” he huffs, “You know what I mean.”

I take his hand, lace our fingers and kiss his knuckles.

Literal gold stars dance in his eyes as he sits up and straddles me. I grin when he cups my face, pressing a kiss to one side of my mouth, then the other.

He whispers against my lips, “Is it weird I want everyone to know you’re mine?”

My little rollercoaster car takes the plunge. Images stream by at lightning speed: Remy ditched by his friends and the track team. Bullied and beaten. Ostracized and gossiped about. Demoralized and hollowed out.

And it hurts. It hurts more than anything I’ve suffered or inflicted on myself because I want nothing more than to scream from the rooftops that this beautiful ray of sunshine belongs to me. Even on his hardest days, he breathes life into my decaying lungs and I can’t publicly shower him in the affection he deserves. Hiding who he is to me feels wrong. More than wrong. It’s criminal.

Keeping us a secret will destroy me.

But going public will destroy him.

I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer.

“We can’t, baby.”

He stiffens, eyes rounding.

I smooth a palm up his back to the base of his neck and squeeze, suppressing the tidal wave of agony swelling in my chest.

“Not everyone understands,” I explain and lightly graze his mouth.

“The people that matter will,” he argues.

I adore his innocence and I’ll protect it with everything in me.

Nipping his bottom lip, “Let’s give it a little more time, yeah? See where it goes… if you even like being with a guy in that way.”

Remy sits back with a frown. “What do you mean? I clearly do,” he insists, grinding on my lap to emphasize his point.

Damn him and his stubbornness.

“Yeah, dry-humping is one thing. Sucking cock is something else entirely.”

His dimple pops out. “Are you suggesting I give it a try right now?”

I’m so fucked.

Cradling the back of his head, I hold his gaze.

“What I’m trying to say is, there’s no rush. This is between you and me. Right now, everyone else and their opinions are irrelevant. We’re figuring this out for us, so let’s focus on each other first.”

He melts, dropping his forehead to mine and nodding.

Nausea rocks me, but I refuse to show how sick it makes me to deny him what he wants. Even if it kills me, I’ll sacrifice my sanity, my heart, my fucking soul if it means he doesn’t have to experience what I have.

But when it’s just the two of us, I can offer him everything.

Closing the centimeters between us, I kiss him slowly— reverently. He responds with a soft whimper. God , the sounds he makes drive me insane. I’m fucking obsessed with how needy he is— how insatiable.

“I should’ve kissed you that night,” he whispers as his drugging lips migrate to my jaw.

“What night?”

He nips my earlobe, grinning into my heated skin. “When you stayed over.”

My brain can’t keep up with the conversation while he’s exploring my throat with his tongue.

“The night we got drunk?”

“Mhmm,” he hums, sucking on my Adam’s apple.

I hope it leaves a mark.

“I didn’t think you remembered much.”

That sweet mouth finds the crook of my neck.

“I remember you in my bed.”

“Oh?”

“And waking up in the middle of the night, hard and holding you.”

My heart soars, my hands gliding underneath his shirt. Touching him is a luxury I’ll never take for granted.

“You know what I remember?” I ask. He shakes his head. I trace the ridges of his spine, eliciting a shiver from him. “You asked me to promise you something.”

He stills.

I lean back to find him avoiding my gaze. Cupping his cheek, I lift his face to mine. Hazel eyes scan me with nervous apprehension.

“But you fell asleep… what did you want me to promise?”

His body trembles, hands braced on my chest. Swallowing hard, he pinches the cotton of my shirt and whispers, “To never leave me.”

The wind threatens to sweep away his confession. Chills wash through me. I don’t know what the future holds but he’s already branded on my bones. An integral part of my existence. The sole source of light in my dark world.

“I think I can manage that,” I murmur. “Though, I need you to promise me something in return.”

His head tilts.

I rub my thumb over his bottom lip. “One day, we're gonna escape this place… together.”

“Deal,” he whispers and seals it with a kiss.