53. Remy
53
Remy
I can see through it now— Win crying out for me from within the fortress he built to survive. I recognize it because I've been there before. It's a reflection. A two-way mirror. Our brains are complicated things. They’re conflicting and confusing even without the added trauma and illness. For years, I’ve struggled in therapy and school to understand the madness that overtakes me despite my best efforts. But in the pursuit of answers, I’ve equipped myself with the ability to understand him too.
“You said I was too sick to be what you needed,” I murmur, stepping toward him. He's vibrating, frantic grey eyes tracking my every move. “As much as it kills me to admit, I was.”
He’s silent.
My heart twists.
But he’s listening. Not running. Not arguing.
Stay with me, love.
Another step.
“Back then, I put you on a pedestal. You swept into my life and made me question everything while somehow answering every one of those terrifying questions.” Choking on a wet laugh, I rasp, “Falling in love with you was as easy as it was inevitable. You were perfect .”
The tiniest shake of his head. My nails dig into the meat of my palms. It’s taking everything not to pull him into my arms and kiss away his pain.
Two more steps.
“It wasn't until you crashed from that impossible height, that I realized I was fucked.”
His bottom lip quivers.
We’re close enough to touch. My knuckle grazes his.
A quiet gasp.
“Because like me, you’re the furthest thing from perfect. Both of us are brain-sick and broken. We blame everyone while blaming ourselves. Sometimes we’re too selfish, others we’re too self less .” Eyes stinging, I lace our fingers. “My point is, you may think you’re mangled and marked, but those imperfections have made me fall in love with you even more .”
Tears track down his cheeks. His fingers squeeze mine.
“How?” he whispers, voice cracking. “I don’t understand.”
Emotion strangles me. Blinking back another wave of tears, I squeeze his hand back. “The only thing you need to understand is that I love you . All of you. Even the dark parts.”
A soft, broken sound escapes him. I hold my breath as he lifts our joined hands and places them over his heart. It's pounding . “You’re the reason this is beating right now. You’re a ray of light in this cruel world. You’re my safe place where the walls come down.” Smoky eyes bore into mine. “What I feel for you goes beyond love. That word is too small to define this all-consuming, overwhelming thing that drives me to want more. To live , not just exist. And I’m fucking terrified it’ll get torn away from me like... ”
My forehead falls to his, the ache in my throat on the verge of rupturing. “I know, baby, I know you’re scared, but I refuse to lose you again. I won’t survive it.”
He sniffles, mumbling. “You never really lost me. I've been yours since the day we met.”
He has no idea what that means to me. “God dammit, I love you so fucking much.”
Pink tints his cheeks as he peers through thick black lashes. “I love you too,” he whispers and I swear stars come to life in his eyes as soon as the words touch the air.
“Say it again.”
A shy smile. “I love you.”
“Holy shit,” I breathe. His brows knit in confusion. “I really need to fucking kiss you.”
His chin lifts a fraction, lips grazing mine. “Kiss me. Love me. Protect me from myself.”
The thread of restraint snaps.
Framing his jaw, I tilt his head back and inhale him. My tongue breaks into his mouth, tasting the truth of those three precious words. He fists my shirt and tugs me fully against him, giving as good as he’s getting. We’re dissolving into each other, feeding off the drastic switch in heightened emotion.
“I should’ve told you,” he whimpers into my kisses. “I should’ve told you so many times,” he gasps as my teeth sink into his bottom lip. “I love you. I’m so fucking in love with you.”
The more he says it, the more feral I become, biting and sucking his lips until they're swollen. My hands slide down his throat, his chest, his taut stomach, then smooth around his narrow hips to his firm ass. We’re moving on instinct— he’s clawing at my shoulders while I’m sucking bruises into his neck, guiding him to the bed. As soon as the backs of his legs hit the mattress, he takes me down with him.
I prop up on my elbows, panting as I scan his face. A few faint freckles decorate the bridge of his nose. Smeared kohl and dried tears line wide eyes.
“You're beautiful.”
Beneath me, the outline of his cock throbs against mine. His gaze goes hazy like he’s high. Blunt nails drag up my back, raising goosebumps in their wake. I groan, head dropping.
“Don’t treat me like I’m fragile,” he whispers. “Remind me how good it feels.”
Braced on one forearm, I weave my fingers through the inky strands at the base of his skull. Shimmering, heavy-lidded grey eyes stare at me like I hung the sun, stars and moon.
“You want me to remind you?” I murmur, stealing his bottom lip and rolling it through my teeth. He makes the most delicious little moan that has my dick leaking. “I’ll fucking remind you.” My hips rock. The friction even through our jeans draws groans from both of us. “Over.” Thrust . “And over.” Thrust . “And over again until I’ve erased all your pain.”