CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
O skar
Once dessert is over, I stand. Dmitri has been subjected to my family for long enough.
“Thank you for the delicious food,” Dmitri says.
“It was nothing,” my mother says, because she cooks amazing food every night.
Pappa has always focused on his career, while she dedicated her time to raising me, and now, Linnea and Olivia. We say more goodbyes, and then Dmitri bundles me in my coat and drags me out of there.
“Do you think the pictures turned out good?” I ask as Dmitri opens the car door for me.
Dmitri snorts. “Your father’s technique didn’t seem good.”
“Yeah, I should have given him tips.”
“Your photographs are beautiful,” Dmitri says, closing the door before heading to his side. “We’re going to a party now.”
“We are?”
“At Finn’s and Noah’s.”
“Oh.” I smile.
Most parties are at Finn’s and Noah’s.
“Will be nice,” Dmitri promises.
Dmitri is driving, but he reaches over and takes my hand. I glance at him, but his gaze is focused on the drive. Snowflakes fall, a not infrequent occurrence in Boston this time of year, and I watch the flakes flutter downward and melt onto the windshield.
Dmitri turns the windshield wipers on, and the car fills with their swish-swish.
Finally, Dmitri parks his car in his apartment building, and we walk together to Finn’s and Noah’s apartment.
Dmitri takes my hand again.
“Smart thinking, someone might see,” I say.
Dmitri’s eyebrows fly up, then he winces, but that doesn’t seem right. Maybe it’s too dark to read his expressions properly or something.
He doesn’t let go of me when we enter Finn’s and Noah’s fancy apartment complex, he doesn’t let go of my hand when he nods to the security guard, and he doesn’t let go of my hand when we take the elevator to the penthouse floor.
He knocks, and the door swings open. A rosy-cheeked Noah beams at us. “Welcome!”
Noah ushers us inside. “The star couple is here!”
I step into the apartment, and hockey players cheer. A banner drops that says “Congratulations on Your Wedding,” and romantic music starts to play.
“Who wants champagne!” Troy exclaims, and soon he’s thrusting flutes of bubbly liquid into our hands.
It’s still strange to realize that I have a husband, even if he’s the pretend kind.
I take a sip of champagne and distract myself from the sudden ache in my chest that occurs whenever I remember that all of this is fake.
The lights sparkle and the penthouse gleams. Finn is on the top of the hockey game, but he’s also from a super-rich Boston family. In fact, his cousin Cameron is supposed to be a very big deal in tech circles and is already a billionaire.
I smile happily into the crowd, then I feel Dmitri’s arms slink around my waist. He nuzzles his cheek against mine, and when he speaks, his breath is warm.
Team members soon surround us, because this might be Finn’s and Noah’s apartment, but it’s our party. Everyone is here except Jason, but from the unfriendly looks he shoots me, I’m not wildly surprised, though I thought he and Dmitri got along.
“I hope no one else is going to have a wedding without inviting the team,” Troy says, elbowing Luke hard.
Luke laughs, but his face reddens a bit, and he clutches his boyfriend to him.
“I promise,” Luke stammers.
“We should set up a poll for when they marry,” Troy says, whispering to me.
“Stop whispering to my husband,” Dmitri says. “Is inappropriate.”
Troy’s eyes widen, then he starts to giggle. “You got it.”
“Is our wedding celebration,” Dmitri says.
“You going to dance for us?” Troy asks.
Heat burns my cheeks because this isn’t that kind of marriage, and I hate that everyone is pretending that it is.
“Of course,” Dmitri says, and in the next moment, he’s dragging me to the middle of the room.
“You want to dance?” I ask.
“Is happy occasion,” Dmitri says, and a frown appears. “Is time for dancing, right?”
“Um, yeah,” I agree. “I guess that’s normal.
His shoulders ease, and I swing my hands around his neck. He’s taller than I am, and I crane my neck up to find him right there, smiling into my eyes.
Something romantic is playing, but Dmitri doesn’t grimace. Instead, he stares into my eyes, then pulls me closer to him.
I guess he truly wants to convince everyone this is for real.
“Enjoying the party?” he asks.
I nod. “You?”
“I enjoy every chance I get to spend with you.”
This man is going to ruin me for anyone else. He already has. It was ridiculous he was jealous of Blaine the Canadian. I’ve been Dmitri’s all along, whether or not he cared.
He doesn’t care, I remind myself.
This is all for pretend.
I tighten my grip on his neck because I want to pretend a little longer that all of this is real, even though I know it’s absurd. I close my eyes and inhale his masculine scent, letting myself feel the warmth of his skin against mine.
DMITRI
The music thumps, and I clutch Oskar tightly to me. I smile and run my fingers through his silky blond locks, and something in me warms when he emits a groan. I suddenly wonder what he would be like in bed. He’s so responsive to my touches, even when he pretends not to be. He’s cute and cuddly and compact. He fits easily beside me, like he’s always supposed to be there.
I mean, obviously he’s not supposed to be there.
I’m straight.
But I couldn’t have chosen a more perfect person to marry.
Even if I have to return to Russia, I got to spend my remaining time in the US with him. I twirl him around because dancing is something I enjoy doing, and I watch as his long lashes flutter up and his pink lips part in something like wonder.
Finn and Noah are in a corner, their bodies plastered together. They’re making out. No one in this room cares. This isn’t Russia.
I want to kiss Oskar again. I want to feel his lips against mine, feel his tongue. And maybe, if I’m honest, it would be cool if we did more.
It would be nice if when we undress tonight, we do all the things that people generally do when they sleep in a bed. I could pull him against me and inhale his citrusy scent and no one would think anything of it.
My heart beats, and I eye his lips. They’re round and succulent, and all those memories of our kisses before the cameras come crashing into me.
I think, I want him.
I shouldn’t.
I know that.
I’m straight.
But if I weren’t straight, I would definitely want to be with him.
Once we’ve stayed at the party long enough, we decide to head out. I say my goodbyes and thank yous to Finn and Noah and Troy, tugging Oskar beside me.
“That was a party for us,” Oskar says as we walk into the crisp Boston air. Snow is still falling, and I tighten my grip on Oskar’s hand. I’m not going to let him fall into the snow and ice. Oskar’s eyes seem shinier than before.
“Did you have a good time?”
He swings around, his movements bolder. “The best.”
I take in the sparkle of his eyes and the swoop of his Scandinavian nose, and for some reason, warmth fills me.
His eyes dart to me. “What is it?”
My heartbeat quickens, and I feel on edge. “Um, nothing.”
But I know I’m lying, and my gaze turns to him again.
We return to our apartment.
Oskar fumbles with his coat buttons, and I help him.
“I can do it myself,” he protests, but he’s smiling, and not really upset.
“I know.”
“I’ve been unbuttoning coats for years.”
“I’m in the presence of an expert.”
“Uh-huh.” He nods and moves his fingers to his coat buttons. They brush against mine, and his breath catches. I pretend not to notice, just like I pretend not to notice the way my own heart races.
“Did you like the party?” I take his coat.
“I loved it.” He hesitates, and his long lashes flicker up. “I liked the dancing.”
I grin. “That’s because you’re good at it.”
“Really?” His eyes widen. “I wasn’t sure. I mean, I’ve never...”
“Never what?” I hang his coat up and turn to him. I unbutton my own coat, and his gaze darts away.
“Danced with someone... like that. Um, close.” He waves his hand in a vague manner, and suddenly I know.
“Oskar, have you ever dated anyone?”
He steps back, and his face pinkens. He bounces his gaze around the apartment. “Naturally!”
But his voice wobbles in a distinctly un-normal manner.
I narrow my eyes. “Who?”
“People. Guys. At school. You wouldn’t know them.
That’s what I always assumed, but now...
“What were their names, Oskar?”
“That’s not important!”
“You haven’t dated at all, have you?”
“I have! We’ve gone on dates!”
“But before me?”
He looks away. My chest tightens. “Oskar...”
“Don’t. Please don’t make fun of me.”
“I would never make fun of you.” I step toward him, because I’m always drawn to him. I want to wrap him in my arms, but I hesitate, unsure. He wasn’t supposed to say this, and my mind reels. “I-I just don’t understand. You’re...”
I want to tell him he’s beautiful. I want to tell him that he’s perfect.
He still doesn’t meet my gaze. He steps back, as if the wall is better protection against the world than me. “It just never happened. I thought it would. I mean, that’s what is supposed to happen, right? But I was busy with school, and...” He swallows hard. “And maybe I was waiting for someone special. I have done...other things with guys. My first week at Harvard I went to a house party and someone invited me to the rooftop, and we kissed and...”
My body grows cold. “And?”
“Nothing like that.” His skin reddens. “But when I saw him again, he didn’t remember me. I-I didn’t want that. I wanted...more.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “Maybe I was too focused on school. And later my heart wasn’t into it and...”
His hands flutter, and I take them gently. I wait for his eyes to open.
“You should have told me.”
He squirms from my arms, and I flinch. “So you could feel more guilty about the green card? I-I didn’t want that.”
“I could have made everything more special.”
“It was special.” His voice is soft, but my heart thuds.
I want to hold him in my arms, kiss him, and show him just how special he is in every way I can.
But I’m straight. But this isn’t the first time I’ve thought about pulling Oskar into my arms.
There’s no one telling us to kiss.
There are no paparazzi.
No nosy reporters either.
But all I want is Oskar in my arms.