38. CHAPTER 38
CHAPTER 38
ARI
“ W hat is he doing?” Ethan asks as I pull the Jeep into the driveway and park. I lean across to see Larry bent over a pile of rocks in the side yard, trying to heave one into a wheelbarrow. His face is red with one blue vein popping out by his temple, and he’s panting. He gives up and lets the rock roll back into its place in the pile, stepping back and wiping his brow as he curses and reassesses the situation.
“He looks like he’s having a heart attack,” I say.
“No kidding. I better give him a hand.”
“Sorry.” I cringe. “I didn’t mean for you to get roped into fall yard work.”
Ethan shakes his head. “I don’t mind. You do what you need to and come get me when you’re done.”
After taking the Jeep for a drive along the backroads, then on the parkway, I found out that driving is like riding a bike—you never un-learn it. On the way back, I asked to swing by the Millers’ so I could pick up some stuff.
Hearing the Jeep doors slam shut as we exit, Larry turns around and his face brightens. “Oh, thank God!” He strides over to us, clutching his chest as he gasps for air. “Ari, can I borrow the Hulk for a few minutes?” I giggle as Larry bends over and places his hands on his knees and catches his breath. “That OK?” He looks up at Ethan for approval.
“Yes, sir. Put me to work.”
My foster dad continues to wheeze as he leads Ethan over to the pile of rocks and explains how he’s trying to move them elsewhere, and Ethan shoots me a wink as I make my way inside.
I open the door to my apartment and almost jump when Sophie bounces off my bed and comes rushing over, barking out my name. “Ari!” She drags me over to the couch and we fall onto it. “It’s a disaster! Everything is a disaster!”
I shake my head. “Wh— What’s a disaster?”
Sophie scrapes her fingernails into her scalp—sending her glasses askew—and gives her roots a tug. “Gino! What do you think?!” She throws herself backward, into the cushion. “After we left the bar last night he drove me home and when we got here we made out in the car for a hot minute and then we went up to my apartment.”
“You went upstairs?”
“And then clothes were coming off and body parts were getting sweaty and then we realized neither of us had condoms because neither of us planned on having sex last night and then, get this”—Sophie shoots up and grabs my arm—“he got dressed, drove to the nearest gas station, and he came back!”
“He came back?” I yell, eyebrows shooting through the roof.
“Yes! And while he was gone I did the fastest shaving recon of my life and like two minutes later he came bursting through my front door again and we picked right back up where we left off and before I know it we’re having sex!”
“You had sex?!” I slap my hands on the sides of my face.
“Like four times!”
“FOUR TIMES?”
A knock at the window causes me to turn and see Ethan standing, eyebrows pulled together as he shakes his head and mouths w hat’s happening?
Sophie hurls a decorative pillow at the window, and he shakes his head some more and walks away laughing.
“Anyway,” Sophie continues, “he stayed over, and I was totally preparing myself for him to skedaddle out of there in the morning. Like, faster than Sonic the Hedgehog. But nope. You know what he did?” I shake my head, eyes wide, speechless. “He sexed me again!”
“Noooo!” This time I pull my hair.
“Yep. Morning breath and all. Then he insisted we go to breakfast. When he took me to get my car, he kissed the life out of me before we said our goodbyes and he’s already texted me since we parted ways.” Sophie holds her phone in front of my face for emphasis.
I stare at her, mouth hanging open, eyes blinking. “Oh my God.”
“I know!” She throws her hands up in the air and falls back on the couch again. “Like I said, it’s a disaster.”
I shake my head to clear it. “Wait, hold up. Why is this a disaster? It sounds like Gino is—”
“Fucking perfect? Prince freaking charming? The Eric to your Ariel? Yeah, exactly.”
I open my mouth, but no words come out.
“What is wrong with me? I don’t do that. I don’t have sex on a first date. And it wasn’t even a date! I was all hot and bothered because he beat the tar out of that guy, and it was sexy as hell and then he had this whole alpha thing going on—”
“Oh, yeah, the alpha thing gets me every time. Ethan has that.”
“Exactly!” Sophie points at me. “Hey, you guys got it on pretty quick, right? How long did you make Ethan wait?”
I blow a breath out through puffed cheeks as I tilt my head this way and that. “Oh, maybe, like twelve years.”
“Oh, sweet Jesus.” Sophie grabs another decorative pillow, but this time hides her face in it.
“I mean, that’s if you’re counting from when we first met. If you count from the first kiss, it’s more like seven-ish years. But then if you count from when we reconnected, it was a few weeks. Although, it would have been sooner if Lars hadn’t walked in on us that one night.”
A moment of silence passes, and I turn to fully face Sophie. “OK, so … What’s the problem? Gino is still texting you? Text him back!”
Sophie pushes her fingers into her closed eyes behind her glasses. “God, Ari, I’m just such shit at this. Am I supposed to appear aloof? Play hard to get? Be putty in his hands? I really like him, and I don’t want to screw it up.”
“Soph, he clearly likes you for you. Just do what you feel is right.”
“Are you sure?”
“Nope.” I grimace. “I am no expert at this.”
“Oh, forget you,” Sophie mumbles, leaning this way and that as she scoots herself to the edge of the couch, pushing off into a standing position. “I’m going to talk to Meg. I bet she’s got tons of advice.”
“Love you!”
“Love you!” I hear before the door to the stairwell slams.
A short while later, the guys laughing outside near the window gets my attention, and I look out to see them chitchatting. Larry’s hands are waving around animatedly as he says something that has Ethan in stitches. I can see their breath in the air, and I decide to grab an extra sweater or two to keep at Ethan’s. I catch their eyes and hold up two fingers, signaling that I’ll be ready to go in two minutes.
Not long after, the door to the apartment opens and Ethan comes walking in. “Holy shit, it’s getting cold out there. Come warm me up, woman.” He grabs me and buries his red and chilly face in my neck.
“Sonofabitch!” I shriek, and he releases me, laughing.
“I just gotta piss, then are you ready to go?” He heads into the tiny bathroom and I hear him peeing with the door open.
“Yep.” I shove my things into a bag to bring to Ethan’s as I hear the toilet flush and the faucet turn on and off.
“Hey, what’s that?” Ethan looks at the open shoebox on my dresser as he dries his hands on his pants.
“Oh. I just came across those in my closet.”
He crosses over and runs his fingers along the envelopes that are tightly wedged inside. “Are these …” he looks over at me with an eyebrow raised.
“Yes. Those are all the letters I’ve written to my mom all these years. Silly, I know. I should just toss them. But they’re almost like a diary. I can’t seem to get myself to throw them out.”
“You shouldn’t.” A sad look settles on Ethan’s face. “I feel bad we never found her.”
“It wasn’t meant to be, I guess.” I turn to put a few more things in my bag as I hear Ethan say my name, sadly. “Red.”
“Really, it’s fine. Anyway, I’m ready to go.”
“Ari?” This time my name is a question.
I turn and look at him. “Yeah?”
He points at my bed. “What is that?”
I turn and see he’s pointing at the packet of birth control laying on my comforter. “Oh! Thank God you saw that. That’s what I came back here to get.” I scoop it up and put it in the bag.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Ethan darts out and grips my arm. “You’re on the pill?”
“Yeah.” I hike my shoulders and nod. “I know most women opt for the IUD these days but that creeps me out.”
“You’re on birth control?”
“Um, yes?”
“You’re on birth control!”
I look to either side and then back at him, and nod slowly. “What’s with the yelling?”
“Why the hell have I been wearing condoms?” he shrieks, not in anger, but as if he’s completely baffled. “If you’re on the pill we should be raw doggin’ it. Goin’ bareback.”
“Ugh!” I throw my hands in the air. “What is it with men? It’s like you’re all cavemen. And by the way, that is so vulgar.”
“Yes!” Ethan asserts, hands on his hips. “I wish to be vulgar with you. Right freaking now. Let’s go!” He starts to unzip his jacket and make like he’s going to kick his shoes off.
“Alright, alright!” I stop him mid-zip. “I get the point. Enough of the drama.”
Ethan steps up to me. “Seriously, Ari, what gives?”
“Honestly?”
“Honesty would be nice.”
I slide my tongue along the front of my teeth behind my lips, looking to the side. “Sean never wore protection. He made sure I was on the pill, but he was never careful. And neither were, you know, his friends. I got chlamydia more than once. I know I’m free and clear of anything now because after the accident they ran blood tests for everything. But it never felt right to be with you without protection in case there was a risk … for you.”
Ethan bends his knees and dips down until he’s eye level with me. “First, do you have any idea what it feels like to hear you say you’re protecting me? Because it does something, right here.” He waves a hand over his chest. “And it’s a weird feeling. I like it, but I’m not used to it.”
I roll my eyes.
“Second, you’re not the only one who’s ever had an STD.”
He stares at me as I let that sink in. “You mean you …”
“Yep. That cheating bitch gave me syphilis. It was freaking magical, let me tell you.”
I laugh, and he reaches out and gives my hand a squeeze. “OK, well, that does make me feel a little better.”
“Good.”
I nod. “Actually, it makes me feel a lot better, to know you’re just as dirty as I am.”
“Filthy, actually.”
“OK, great. Well, in that case, let’s go back to your house and have some disease-infested, dirty sex.”
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Ethan cheers as he smacks my ass and takes my bag from me.
As he leads me out of the apartment, Ethan pipes up again. “Oh, and third, I’m gonna murder that piece of shit Sean if I ever see him.”
“He’s in jail,” I blurt out. “Or at least, that’s what Fonz overheard through the rumor mill. Some drug-related offense.”
Ethan pulls his head back in surprise. “Really? Well, I guess that takes care of one asshole.”
***
I whimper and tremble at the same time Ethan hisses and shudders, as he slides into me from behind. We’re on our sides, with one of his arms under my head and the other holding my leg. He tilts his hips and thrusts the last inch into me, and I cry out. “Ahh!”
“Mmmm … I know, baby,” he groans in my ear before trailing kisses down my neck.
I curl my fists into the sheets in front of me as Ethan pulls his hips back and slides halfway out, then slams back in and hits that spot so deep that my belly tightens and my eyes squeeze shut.
“Shit, Ari. This feels so good.” He starts moving quicker, draping my leg over his and trailing a hand over my hip to land on my lower belly where he presses gently. A strangled breath leaves his mouth, fanning across the side of my face.
“Oh, God!” he pants with a shaky breath. “I can feel everything. All of you.” His strokes continue. In, out … Push, pull …
His heart beats aggressively in his chest—I feel it against my back as my own mimics it. With each push and pull, I feel pleasure, a little pain, and need. I start to push my hips back into him as he continues to take me, and I hear him grunt in appreciation. “You feel it, too,” he murmurs into my shoulder before he nips it. His hand comes back around my hip and lands on my ass, and he kneads my cheek roughly.
It lights a spark in me, and I’m able to identify that need I feel. Maybe it’s the friction we had this morning, maybe it’s the sex sans-condom, or maybe it’s just naked desire, but suddenly I know what I need to soothe the ache that’s building deep inside. An ache that’s been building for a while. I turn my head as Ethan continues his thrusts, bringing our mouths together in a sloppy and off-center kiss, before I whisper against his lips, “Spank me.”
Completely lost in me, Ethan replies, “What?” as he takes my lips again.
Between our wet mouths, I breathe, “I said”—I flick his lips with my tongue—“spank me.”
His hips slow for a fraction of a second before he picks up speed again. His hand grips my hip as he anchors me and really starts to buck into me. “Ethan!”
“You need more, baby? Is that what you need?” He guides my leg forward, pushing me onto my stomach and laying on top of me. He spreads my thighs wide with his knees and, without pulling out, grabs my hips and pulls me onto all fours and positions himself behind me, drilling me hard. Bracing myself on straight arms, I take his thrusts as I hear him curse and pant behind me.
“Ethan … please.” It’s a plea. He pulls his hands back further and squeezes my ass cheeks as he pounds into me. “Please,” I beg. “I want—”
“No.” His hands roam up my ribs and he pulls me upright, my back to his front. One hand settles over my breast, plumping it and grinding my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, as his other hand snakes up my neck and closes around my throat. There’s no pressure. It’s simply possession.
His hips continue to buck up and into me as he brings my body down on him, and he makes a plea of his own in my ear. “I can’t, Red.” His breath is ragged as he takes me savagely. “Please, don’t ask me to raise a hand to you.”
Oh, shit …
And just like that, my heart breaks for my big guy who is hanging on by a thread, just like me. “Keep going.” I grip his forearms with both hands. “Don’t stop.”
And he obeys. Good God, does he obey.
I feel him hard as steel hitting a place he never has before, and a twitch deep inside starts. He curses as his thrusts falter. “Oh, shit. Baby, I—”
“Go!” I cry as I start to come apart from the sheer knowledge that he’s erupting over the edge—uncovered inside of me.
We grind into each other and give and take everything we have until I go limp in his arms, and Ethan slumps over me on the bed. He kisses my shoulder, neck, back. With his hands on my hips, he pulls out and I wince at the feel of it. But instead of falling onto the bed beside me, I feel his hands on my middle as he gingerly rolls me onto my back and he settles on top of me, his forearms caging me in, our faces nose-to-nose, our hips pressed together with a sticky mess between them, and our legs alternating and entangled.
Ethan kisses me softly, whispering against my lips, “I love you more than anyone has ever loved anything in this universe. You know that, right?”
“Yes.” I nod against his face. “Of course, Ethan. I know that with every piece of me.”
He rubs his thumbs over my cheek bones, his eyes darting back and forth between mine. “Please, Ari, I can’t …”
I push my finger against his lips. “Shhhh. I understand. All I need is you, OK? All I need is you.”
He swallows and nods. “You have me.”