41. CHAPTER 41
CHAPTER 41
ETHAN
I t’s a full house at the bar tonight for our usual meetup. Dee is here, and Tommy tagged along with Gino and Sophie. Lizzie and Knox just showed up, but Fonz opted not to come since he and Matt are on a break.
Well, another break. Apparently they have an on-again, off-again relationship. Now I’m just waiting for Ari. After getting a pedicure with Sophie earlier today, she made a trip to the mall with Meg. I called earlier but she didn’t answer. Although I expected a response by now, I figure she’ll get a hold of me when she sees the missed call.
“Hey, how’s that big project at the waterfront going?” Knox asks Tommy and Gino across the table, again checking in on his dad’s workers.
“Eh, it’s a little bit of a clusterfuck,” Tommy replies.
“How so?”
“Well, Jenny screwed up some paperwork big time, and it caused a whole bunch of setbacks …”
The table grows quiet as Tommy realizes he brought up she who shall not be talked about and an awkward silence descends as the name of Knox’s former mistress hangs in the air. I look up at Lizzie, who is chewing the inside of her cheek and aggressively swirling a tiny cocktail straw in her drink. Knox puts a hand on her back.
“So, Dee,” I pipe up, grasping at anything to throw Lizzie a lifeline, “bang any weirdos from the Internet lately?”
“Two words,” she says without skipping a beat. “Inflatable. Penis.”
Gino spits out his drink while Tommy rubs his hands together. “Oh, this should be good.” The table erupts into questions and inquiries, and I catch Lizzie’s eyes across the table as she mouths thank you.
I nod at her and see my phone dance across the table with a text. Grabbing it, I’m disappointed to see it’s my mom confirming my visit the following day. I check the time of my call to Ari and see it’s been hours, so I ring her again. When it goes to voicemail, I frown at the phone before hanging up and sending off a quick text.
Hey, just checking in. Haven’t heard from you in a while. Call me
“Was that Ari?” Sophie asks.
I shake my head. “No. I just texted her. She hasn’t answered two of my calls.”
“Weird.”
“When did you guys have your pedicures?”
She pauses, her drink halfway to her mouth. “Our pedicures? Today?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. Um, they were earlier. Why? What did she say her plans were for later?”
I keep checking my phone, even though it hasn’t vibrated. “She said she was going shopping with Meg. But doesn’t the mall close at like, eight? She should be here by now.”
“Hmm.” Sophie pulls out her phone. “Yeah, well, maybe they stopped back at the house to drop off their bounty, you know?”
“Maybe.”
“I’ll call Meg.” She puts her phone to her ear as she steps away from the table.
“She’s probably stuck in traffic,” Lizzie says. “There was a snarl up on the highway tonight. I bet she’s caught up in that mess.”
“I just can’t understand why she isn’t calling or texting back.”
“Her phone could be out of reach in the car. Or it died. Don’t worry yet.”
Sophie rejoins the group, shaking her head at me. “No answer.”
“You couldn’t get a hold of Meg either?”
“No, I couldn’t.” She won’t look at me as Gino slings an arm around her and she picks her drink back up. But I see her keep checking her phone, too.
I try calling again, and this time I leave a message when her voicemail picks up. “Hey, Red. I’m getting a little worried here. I haven’t heard from you in a while and you’re not returning my calls or texts. Just, uh, send me a sign of life, OK?” I swallow. “I love you.”
The table breaks into mindless conversation but I can’t follow. I send Ari another text.
Seriously, Ari … where are you???
I bounce my leg up and down on the footrest of the bar stool, then type out another text.
Gonna send out the cavalry soon!
Finally, unable to sit still any longer, I stand up and push away from the table. “I’m going to drive over to the Millers’ and see if they’ve heard from Ari at all,” I say to the group. “You guys mind hanging out for a bit in case she comes by?”
“Of course,” Knox says, looking concerned himself.
“Thanks.” I pat my pockets to make sure I have my keys, wallet, and phone before turning and practically running out of the bar. I send another text when I get to the Jeep.
And another when I’m stopped at a light.
And then I call her again when I’m on the backroads headed to the Millers’ house.
And just before I lose my mind, as I’m pulling onto their street, the phone rings over the Bluetooth in my Jeep and the name Red comes across the screen on the dashboard display.
I hit accept. “Ari?!”
There’s a beat of silence. “Ethan, I’m so sorry, I just … I got caught up and I couldn’t answer the phone. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
Something’s up. Her voice is shaky. “What’s wrong?”
Another moment of silence. “I’m OK, Ethan. I’ve had a bad night, is all. I just pulled into your driveway.”
“What happened?” I make a U-turn in the road and start heading toward my house.
“I’m OK. I’ll fill you in when you get home. Where are you?”
“I’m headed home now. I was almost to the Millers’ house. I was looking for you.”
I hear her take a breath. “I’m sorry I worried you.” Her voice is trembling.
“I’m worried right now,” I say softly as I speed up. “Baby, what’s wrong? What happened tonight?”
“I’ll fill you in when you get here. I’m gonna hang up and go in now. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“No, wait!” The line goes dead.
Frantic, I dial her back, but she doesn’t answer. I immediately call Fonz, but his phone also rings until the voicemail picks up.
“Son of a bitch!” I slap my palm against the steering wheel and drive faster.
A moment later the Bluetooth rings out through the car again. It’s Fonz calling me back. “Fonz! Are you home? Did Ari come in?”
“Yeah, dude. She’s here.”
“Is she OK. What’s going on?”
He hesitates. “I’m not sure. She went right into the bathroom and she’s only talking to me through the door. Are you on your way home?”
“Yeah, I’m like ten minutes away.” I speed up even more.
“OK, well, I’ll try to get her to talk, but, either way, we’re here.”
“OK … OK.” I grip the back of my neck. “I’m coming as fast as I can.”
Autopilot gets me the rest of the way home. I barely put the Jeep in park before I’m bounding across the front lawn. “Ari!” I yell as I throw open the front door. “Ari?”
Fonz comes down the hallway as I ask frantically, “Where is she?”
“She’s in the bathroom,” he answers softly, moving over so I can pass him.
“Ari!” I swing the door open and step inside. I find her on the floor in the corner, back against the wall, hugging her knees. I take two steps toward her before falling to my hands and knees and crawling the rest of the way. “What’s going on? Please, baby, talk to me. Tell me what happened.”
I get to her and place a hand on the back of her head, which is damp and dirty.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbles into her lap as her head remains buried against her knees.
“Hey. It’s OK. Whatever it is, it’s OK now. You’re here. Just … just tell me what’s going on so I can make it better. Please, Red, talk to me.”
I place my other hand on top of one of hers that’s curled around a knee, and notice bloody scrapes on her fingers. “Look at me.” She shudders out another breath into her lap. “Ari. Look up at me. I need to see you.”
Slowly, she raises her head and looks at me.
My gut twists, my stomach sours, and my heart constricts.
The first thing I see is her swollen, reddened left eye with the skin cracked open along her cheekbone. Then my eyes sweep down to the fat, bloody lower lip. Her shirt is torn at the neckline, and as she brings a hand up to brush away a strand of hair from her face, I see bruising along her wrist that looks like fingerprints.
I swallow down the bile rising up my throat. “Who did this to you?”
Ari looks down, then back up at me, and her lips tremble as she speaks. “You already know the answer to that question.”
“Wha— Axel?” I can barely stand his name on my lips. “Did you run into him somewhere? Did he come here? How did he find you?”
She shakes her head. “I went to him.”
I pull back slightly. “What do you mean you went to him? Where?”
Ari wipes the back of her hand across her bottom lip, then looks at the crusty blood left behind. “I go see him sometimes.”
“You … WHAT?” I roar, pushing away from her and jumping to my feet. “What the hell do you mean you go see him sometimes? How often? When? Why?” I claw my hands through my buzzed hair, spin and walk toward the door, but turn again and face Ari. “Why? Why the fuck would you go see him?”
“I don’t expect you to understand,” she says softly, and for the first time ever, she looks pathetic. She looks like a pitiful little girl curled up in the corner nursing her wounds after big, bad Axel took another swing at her. And I hate that he can make me look at her like that. I hate that she’s hurt. I hate that he put his hands on her. I hate that she has been lying to me.
“How long?” I place my hands on my hips. “How long have you been going to see him?”
“I started going there several months after the accident.”
I let that sink in. “How? You couldn’t even drive.”
She swallows and has the decency to look embarrassed. “I talked Sophie into taking me.”
“Sophie knew?”
“Well, she did know, but she thinks I stopped going, when …”
“When what?”
Ari takes a deep breath and winces. Damnit . I take steps toward her and kneel down. I gingerly help her stand and lead her over to sit on the edge of the bathtub, next to me. “When what?” I ask again.
“Sophie used to drive me, and she would set a timer on her phone and tell me that if I wasn’t out in fifteen minutes she was calling the cops. But then, after the burn—”
“The burn? You mean …”
“Yes. When I said I burned my hand cooking for Meg. That was a lie, Ethan. It’s one of many lies I’ve told you.”
My mind is a flurry of hate, and betrayal, and sadness.
When Ari looks back at me, our faces are only inches apart. “He burned you?” The words barely escape my lips.
She tilts her head. “Actually, I think that was unintentional. Or at least, just a consequence of being in his presence. But, yes, that happened at his house. When I got to the car that day, Soph insisted on driving me to the hospital, and then to the police station. But I talked her out of it. Ethan, I convinced her—I promised her—that I wouldn’t go back. And she believed me.”
“But you kept going back.” It’s not a question. I carefully lift the hem of her shirt and drag it up her arms and over her head, leaving her in her bra. There’s a dark spot forming on her back, by her ribs.
“I kept going back,” she confirms.
“What happened tonight?” I reach over and grab a washcloth off the shelf against the wall, then turn on the faucet for a moment to dampen it. I dab the washcloth under her swelling eye.
“For some reason, I was just asking for it today.” I freeze while she stares off at nothing. “Remember when I was young and shy and quiet? Well, I’m not that girl anymore. Now, I take pride in standing up to him. Purposely making him angry.” She frowns and shrugs, like she knows just how fucked up the words are that are coming out of her mouth. “I like showing him I can take whatever he dishes out. That he hasn’t completely broken me.”
She laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Today, I didn’t bring him any money.”
“You still bring him money?” I ask in disbelief.
She nods. “Yep. But not today. Today I said I didn’t have any for him, so that pissed him off right from the start. Then, I told him he was useless since he couldn’t cook his own dinner. And then I went so far as to say that’s why Lena always has someone on the side.” She swallows. “It was that last part that really got to him.”
I bite my bottom lip so hard I taste blood. “What did he do?”
“He broke a wooden kitchen chair over my back, and then grabbed a leg that broke off and pummeled me with it. When I didn’t want to take anymore, I ran. I ran out back, over the empty field and to the creek. It’s still frozen right now. I stayed there for, God, I don’t know how long. I heard you calling and texting, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer the phone. I couldn’t face you.”
I can barely control the rage that erupts through me as my breathing picks up and my fists clench. I have to stand up and pace as nervous energy burns through my limbs.
“I can’t,” I stop and try to control myself. “I can’t understand this, Ari. Help me to understand this.” I look down at her as she picks at her fingernails. Her face tilts back up and she looks at me. Her cheek is already darkening, as is the dried blood on her lip.
“He’s my dad, Ethan.”
“He what? Shit, Ari, he’s not your dad!”
“He is,” Ari asserts from her seat on the side of the tub. “He’s the only dad I know.”
“Larry is your dad! The Millers are your family, Ari. They fucking love you. They treat you right and take care of you and protect you!”
“I know. I know, and I wish they were my parents. I wish to God I were raised by them, Ethan. I know this is screwed up. Like I said, I don’t expect you to understand it. But—”
“But what, Ari?”
“I don’t know! It’s like”—she huffs out a laugh—“it’s almost like I miss him sometimes.”
Turning and placing my palms on the sink, I hang my head and take deep breaths for what feels like eternity. Finally, I hear Ari’s sweet voice. “Ethan?” When I don’t answer, I hear it again. “Ethan?” This time, a sob catches in her throat. I turn my head and see tears streaming down her face.
This is the first time I’ve ever seen her cry.
“Do you hate me?” she asks in a shaky voice.
I can’t answer her immediately. The truth is, part of me just might hate her. No, not her. I hate this situation. I hate the way she thinks. I hate the way Axel has manipulated her.
Sad eyes search mine in the silence until, finally, I say, “No, Red. I don’t hate you.” My eyes hold hers. “But you break my fucking heart.”
She lets out a sob and starts apologizing, tears rolling down her face and off her lips. Crouching down, I take her face in my hands. I want to take it all away. I want to wipe away her tears, and the blood, and soothe the bruises, but I can’t. I can’t stay here one more second knowing Axel is likely passed out at home, in a satisfied sleep, proud of his handiwork. I tear my eyes from Ari’s and stand up.
“Hey, Fonz!” I call out the door, and he appears immediately. “Can you clean Ari up?” I hand him the washcloth, looking back at Ari when I add, “I can’t do it one more time. I can’t stomach it.” Pushing past him, when I reach the door, I turn back to Ari. “You should call your best friend. Sophie is worried sick about you. You used her as part of your lie, right? To cover for you today?”
She gives an embarrassed nod before I storm down the hallway. I hear Fonz call my name, along with Ari’s broken sob.
“Ethan?” Fonz yells. “Ethan? What are you going to do?”
The door slams behind me and in three strides I’m pulling open the door to the Jeep. “I’m going to kill that motherfucker,” I say to the universe.
The drive to our old neighborhood is a blur of houses and cars whizzing by. There are no streetlights on these back roads, and with just the illumination of my headlights, it’s like I’m barreling down a never-ending tunnel.
My body hums with energy. It’s white-hot anger and pitch-black sadness.
I pull into the gravel driveway in a hurry—dust, dirt, and pebbles kicking up and hitting the sides of the Jeep. Before I know it I’m out of the vehicle and up the three steps of the old wooden stoop on the side of the house. I try the handle but the door is locked. Without hesitation I rear back and kick it. It only takes three strikes before the door gives way and swings open.
“Axel!” I growl through the darkened house. “Where are you, you piece of shit?” I swivel and check the kitchen behind me, see the broken kitchen chair Ari spoke of earlier, and my vision goes fuzzy on the peripheral. Sweeping my eyes across the living room, I take in the same old couch, saggy and faded. I even see Ari’s old sofa bed in the corner. Stalking down the hallway, I scream for the animal who kept Ari caged all these years. “Axel? Where you hiding at, you fucking coward?” I swing open the door to the bathroom, which is empty. Then make my way to each of the rooms, which are also vacant.
I go back to the living room and look out the big picture window, and realize Axel’s car isn’t in the driveway. But the old Accord is. It’s sitting propped up on bricks.
Pacing through the living room, my hands shake with fury, fear, and adrenaline.
Finally, unable to contain it any longer, I let out a roar as I grab a kitchen chair and smash it against the wall. It shatters into pieces. I turn and grip the edge of the sad little table and upend it, sending it toppling to its side. Breathing heavy, I turn and make a beeline for the television, hoisting it up in my arms and sending it soaring halfway across the room—wires ripping from the wall and taking plaster with it.
Still unsatisfied, I stalk back into Axel’s bedroom. I grab something—I don’t even know what it is—off the dresser and hurl it at the mirror hanging on the wall, causing a spectacular shattering sound to ring out as fragments of reflective glass go flying everywhere. I feel the tingles as some little pieces bite my face and arms. Turning, I see his bed, and think of all the times he tucked himself in here, warm and cozy, while Ari was out in the living room on a glorified cot. I think of that smug bastard passing out in here after beating Ari within an inch of her life. Before I know it, I’m flipping the mattress, then the box spring, sending them toppling against the wall and sliding to the floor.
Heading back into the main part of the house, I pause in front of Ari’s old day bed, then sink down and sit on the edge of it. Running my hands over the rumpled sheets beside me, I think of the young girl who would hide under these sheets and secretly text me, and how my stomach would do flips every time I saw her name pop up on my phone. And how he almost killed her when he saw those texts.
I look across the room and out through the window at the Accord. Without thought, I make my way out the door, jump down the few steps and head right for it. An old aluminum baseball bat sits against the side of the garage, and I grab it, squeezing it tightly in my hands, loosening and tightening my grip as I approach the vehicle, rearing back my elbow and swinging.
I make contact with the rear-driver’s side window, and it implodes with a shrill. Thankfully, the neighbor’s house looks empty so no one can hear it. Next, I walk around to the front and this time bring the bat up over my head and slam it down like a sledgehammer, striking the dashboard. The glass cracks into a giant spider’s web, and I have to strike it two more times before it finally gives way and crumbles.
Walking around the car, repeatedly swinging the bat, I watch the body crumple and dent and curl in on itself before my eyes.
Finally, sweating and out of breath, I hurl the bat aside, sending it flying somewhere into the yard, and sink to my knees. I fall onto my elbows and tuck my head into my hands as I let out a wail. Grabbing handfuls of broken gravel, feeling it poke through my skin, I let it fall through my fingers. After a moment, I sit back on my heels and look out at the empty field where, earlier tonight, Ari ran and sought shelter from Axel.
He’s a monster. A villain. A fucking animal.
But I’m bigger now. I’m bigger than him, and faster, and stronger.
Slowly, I rise to my feet and walk over to the stoop where I perch myself and wait.