Chapter Fifteen
All the new stuff theylearned about while out in nature and far away from anything resembling society or access to the internet seemed insane to Hati. It was like the distance to everything they already knew opened them up to find all they’d never thought they needed to know. It gave him a better understanding of why seclusion was so popular among those who needed to look inward to find a clear vision for their own lives. It was the same, considering the habitat they lived in was also what made them blind to opportunities to be found outside it.
But Hati didn’t feel equipped to help with the Draugr stuff or Valkyries or why his mate’s eyes were the same color as the threat to Rigr and thus their unity. He couldn’t even figure out the significance of their differences or why it felt so important to gather all those differences into one unity, but he knew it was needed. Just not why.
He was pretty sure it wasn’t his to worry about, though, so he’d leave it for Sk?ll, Steffen, and the old King and instead focus on helping where he could. Seeing Rasmus sit at a distance and sketch made Hati decide to see if he could help get his mate’s love life back on track. But he needed some qualified backup.
He’d overheard what Matt and Rasmus had chatted about under the blanket after the blue feral eyes had interrupted their latest attempt at intimacy. They’d seek out Thyra and Vivi, and Hati could see why, but he also figured he, as Sk?ll’s mate, had the needed insight to stand in for the overworked Warlord. Also, it was the only thing Hati could come up with to ensure his mate wouldn’t drown in the blood the Warlord had to face as he continued the goal of finding and getting Fenrir home.
Rasmus was an integral part of that balance, so it was in Hati’s best interest to see them stay together.
Following his powerful pup bond to locate Finn was no problem, and Hati found him with his Alpha mate Lukas and Vivi, all lounging with Jes, his old Pack Alpha, Tage, and his Alpha mate, Max.
“Hi, pup—Hati.” Tage grinned, catching himself.
Finn sent Hati that miffed look at still being called a pup, but his eyes held way more amusement now, which kinda ruined the grimace.
Hati plopped down by the fire. “Hi, Tage.”
“What’s up?” Finn poked Hati’s shoulder. “You have that...I’m disgruntled feel about you. And it’s not from being called pup.”
Hati snorted when Tage rolled his eyes, grinning. “I came in the hopes of an intimate conversation.”
“You got it,” Finn said.
“Want me to...” Lukas made a scram gesture.
“No, you’re my best friend’s Alpha mate, and Vivi’s my mate’s best friend, so...”
“Thought that was Freki,” Jes said.
“It’s possible to have more than one,” Vivi said. “Is it about Matt and Rasmus?”
And this was why Hati needed her. She and Sk?ll were so close that she could feel the tension between them, too. Or she was just clever enough to pick up on way more than Hati could due to psychological insight.
“Want us to...” Tage copied Lukas’ gesture.
“Not Jes because he’s both Matt and Rasmus’ first bond, and...I’ve always appreciated your thoughts. In this case, how can I best help my mate and Rasmus.”
“I see.”
“That’s a very intimate conversation then.” Vivi gnawed her lip for a moment, then rummaged through her backpack and pulled out a little notebook. She wrote something in it, then passed it to Hati.
Matt has a childhood trauma that has resulted in a problem with certain levels of physical intimacy. Do not talk about it around V?lsung! But maybe we can help Rasmus as his fear of the V?lsung side in Matt is just as big a problem.
Hati nodded and passed the notebook to Finn, who read it, and passed it on, until they’d all been brought up to speed. “Rasmus barely wants to look at Matt when he’s in the Warlord form. Last night, they were intimate, but Matt’s eyes turned feral, which frightened Rasmus enough to stop. He said it means Matt’s in Warlord mode. Matt says it doesn’t.”
“You feel him,” Tage said. “Who’s right?”
“Both, unfortunately, but Matt doesn’t see the separation in himself anymore because he accepts himself as he is now. Rasmus is right that the Warlord is easier to rouse once the eyes are feral, but it just makes Matt more level-minded and less prone to let little things stop him. Like that little problem.” Hati pointed to the notebook. “But not enough to easily overcome it. I clearly feel when Matt’s in the Warlord form. The mental calmness can seem unreal. But we all have that, don’t we? It’s why it takes time for us to merge with our feral side.”
“Yes,” Tage said. “The feral instincts are different.”
“So, my nephew by blood is mainly insecure about something regarding the Warlord side of his boyfriend?” Jes asked.
“Or what’s demanded of the Warlord,” Vivi mused.
“How so?”
“Rasmus is Beta, and he was tasked with making Matt feel at home when he first arrived at our pack at a very vulnerable time in his life,” Vivi explained. “He’s been there for Matt every step of the way as his angry early ember burned him and caused fits of rage at being inactive for not understanding what the ember wanted.”
Finn smiled at Hati, who easily saw gratitude for Hati having been there to support Finn as his angry ember had ignited years before his rise. It had been difficult and sometimes confusing, so Hati was in the perfect position to empathize with Rasmus.
“He’s a strong and loyal Beta,” Tage said. “For him to come on this run? He’s doing very well.”
“But he doesn’t feel that way,” Vivi said.
“Should I pull Klaes and Mom?” Jes asked.
They all nodded.
While waiting, Finn began boiling water.
Thyra, Klaes, Silas, and Torben came over.
Alpha mates. They went everywhere together. Unless one was working on something like Sk?ll was at another fire now. That Torben joined wasn’t bad, either, considering. Klaes scooted in to sit next to Jes for some piling, and they shuffled around until they could all fit.
Thyra was in her Warlord form, and the scar on her cheek still interrupted the fur pattern, making her look the part.
“What’s up, brother?” Klaes asked.
“This.” Jes grabbed the notebook for Klaes and Silas to lean together to read. They nodded, and Jes sent it to Thyra and Torben.
“Rasmus and I have talked about it,” Torben said. “I don’t always run with the Alpha bond, either, because I’m a Beta with an angry enough ember to be Alpha at the moment.”
“Same,” Jes said. “But the V?lsung side of me is strong enough to take me through the run even without a mate. After today, though? I’m starting to feel it!”
“The power of the collected embers is insanely high,” Silas said.
Hati had heard about this many times, of course, and Freki seemed to do nothing but chat and sometimes fight as he pulled Alphas from the bond to run with the group of Cubi, humans, and the disgruntled Beta.
“This is just part of it.” Torben waved the notebook. “My brother’s afraid he’ll lose his lover.” Torben looked at Hati. “It’s no longer the part of his lover being Alpha mated to you because I know he and Dad and Tris have had long conversations about that, but I think he fears losing Matt to the V?lsung side. To the bloodlust. That he...”
“Drowns in blood,” Hati finished.
Torben nodded, looking equally afraid of that outcome. “But should we just get him here to let him know we’ve all got his back?”
Vivi nodded. “This isn’t an intervention. It’s us trying to aid a struggling pack member.”
“I pulled him,” Klaes said.
While they waited, Finn’s water boiled, and he began handing out mugs. Hati accepted and went for herbal tea with some fresh berries they’d picked. That made it herbal soup, he guessed.
“Hey, guys.” Rasmus plopped down with his sketchbook and leaned into his grams. But he quickly caught onto everybody’s attention on him. “What’s up?”
“We noticed you’re struggling, so we gathered here to let you know that we know and that we’ve got your back,” Vivi said.
“I’m not the only one struggling with the run.” Rasmus pointed to Torben.
“This, sweety.” Thyra handed him the notebook.
Rasmus read it, sighed, and let his arms and the book drop. He closed his eyes. “I wish I could see Matt in the Warlord.” He looked at Thyra. “Like I can see my grams in you.”
“Maybe it’s not just the Warlord form you dislike,” Vivi said. “The V?lsung side is also the symbol of the warrior side of your lover.”
“Yeah, you’re a sweet-natured and fun-loving Beta, loved and cherished by the pack as the big brother of the pup bond,” Klaes said.
That praise put a sweet smile on Rasmus’ face, and the need in him to simply be that tugged at Hati to see to the Beta’s prosperity. He was not prospering on this run. He was pushing himself in ways that gnawed away at his very soul.
“And this geeky little new pack member, your big brother vibes helped settle during such tumultuous times, becomes your lover and rises as frigging Sk?ll,” Torben added.
“The idea of that was at least one I had time to grow accustomed to,” Rasmus mumbled, stroking the spine of Vivi’s notebook.
“Also, you know what to do with the Vargr side because you know it so well,” Thyra said. “But the V?lsung side was bred for war, and Sk?ll rose to lead the Vargr to war.”
Rasmus looked at her. “Why don’t I feel that way about you?”
“Because I’m not the lover you fear losing. I’m the old Bitch already known for challenging every Alpha around. When I’m not playing with pups, that is. My combatant ways are why I never accepted a Pack Alpha Bitch spot, and you already know my reputation as a Bitch not to piss off.”
Rasmus wasn’t the only one snickering. All her first bond did. With a hidden Warlord in her, Hati could see what caused the snickering, so he joined in.
“You know, you have the perfect one to ask about such a shock and what to work through,” Klaes said. “Your mother.”
“And feel free to ask Cristel, too,” Hati said.
“Yeah. But I don’t want to have such a conversation over the internet.” Rasmus picked up his notebook and shuffled through the pages. “I’ve been trying to change my view of him by actively looking for the sweet-natured side of him while in Warlord form.” He turned the book for all to chuckle at. It showed a cartoon Sk?ll Vargr chasing a little girl around, and he had a big pink bow tied around his stomach. Hati remembered that happening the day before, and he’d been insanely happy in his mate’s company at that moment.
The lower corner of the page was another cartoon-style drawing but of Warlord Sk?ll sitting flat on his ass with his hindlegs sticking out, and the little girl from that morning wrapping her arms around his neck. Tiny hearts fluttered around his head where a lock of fur stuck straight up. It was held there by a bow, looking like the gift she’d given him for Oline and Ulrikke that morning.
“When you first learned your grams holds the V?lsung form, how did you react?” Finn asked.
“Surprised, yeah, but...I always knew Alpha Bjárr’s bloodline resulted in huge Vargr. I mean, I’m a pretty big Beta. So’s Jes.” Rasmus stroked Thyra’s head and ended each with a tug to the ear, and she leaned into the cuddles. “And she feels like Grams. But Warlord Sk?ll doesn’t feel like Matt.” Rasmus hung his head. “He feels like he thinks I’m weak and someone not worth his time.”
“That’s not true,” Hati said. “Well, he felt like that before the merge, and I even felt like the Warlord side felt that way about me.”
“He probably did,” Thyra said. “But that’s to create the mental distance needed to not be held back by emotions. That’s the V?lsung trait that makes everybody think we don’t even care about our pups. It’s not the case, I promise.”
“I remember the hunt at Elakdon’s House,” Klaes said. “When the Warlord form took over after the race and took down the bull singlehandedly, it was to save you from getting flattened by the bull when you fell. The Warlord took over to save his mate.”
And then they’d mated, Hati remembered. In Vargr forms, luckily.
“It was just more difficult for Matt to balance it as he rose to Warlord immediately and battled from the moment his Vargr rose,” Thyra said. “It hadn’t even been integrated with the human by shifting back yet. He got bitten a lot by his Biting Warlord during that first Vargr run, strengthening the Warlord in him further. That’s what incorporated the power of the V?lsung in him. Had he been rescued after only pup fights and bites from Kresten and brought home to rise a week later during regular Vargr festivities of a Bite day, he might not even have held the form. But he killed his Biting Warlord as soon as he rose. And that bound the V?lsung form to the ember. That’s what gave him power. The power he conquered.”
“Does it strengthen a V?lsung to kill their Warlord?” Klaes asked.
“It strengthens Vargr, too,” Thyra said. “Fights strengthen Vargr, too.”
“The bites,” Hati said.
“Not just the bites. We are our embers, and an ember that burns for war will be strengthened by conquering.” Thyra looked at Hati. “An Alpha willing to fight for prosperity gains more power to secure it.” She looked at Rasmus. “And a Beta punching Alphas to teach the importance of gathering facts first gains the power to be asked for facts.”
A grin spread on many faces, including Rasmus’, although his was more sheepish.
Vivi winked at Rasmus. “So proud of you.”
“What we find worth fighting for strengthens the ember,” Thyra continued in a somber tone. “And with what we’ve learned recently about the blue curse, the power we gain is fed through the ember, yet the ember is ours to steer.”
“And the...failed Rigr?” Hati asked.
“Will be opposed by another Rigr. And the winner will stand stronger.”
“Reminds me of Highlander.” Finn held out his arms and tucked his chin in to speak in his deep, bass voice. “There can be only one!”
Vivi shivered. “Uh, I love it when you use that deep voice.”
Mischief lit in Finn’s eyes, and he glanced at her, flashing that dorky grin he kept insisting was a flirtatious one. Well, it might only be Hati who found it dorky because the look Vivi sent him meant she seemed to find it flirtatious.
“I hope we get to learn more about that blue thing soon,” Torben said.
“We will,” Hati said. “Elakdon is calling in a huge helicopter to take all ten V?lve back to Wolf Park tomorrow morning. They had a vision and need to go. Their work is no longer here.”
Rasmus shuffled through his drawings. “Dammit, I have to get all this in order for them then. And write the last stuff down.” He looked at Vivi and held up her notebook. “Can I nick this? I need paper.”
“For that purpose?” Vivi nodded curtly. “Absolutely.”
“I noticed you hang out a lot with Marisol,” Hati said.
“Yeah.” Rasmus continued shuffling through the drawings. Feverishly.
“How invaluable is all this to the V?lve?” Hati grabbed a drawing and held it up.
“Uhm...” Rasmus looked at him, and he seemed to understand what Hati was really asking. Or suggesting. “I can’t leave Matt here alone.”
“He’s not alone,” Klaes said.
“You’re more alone here than he is because he’s a Warlord out here, not goofy and geeky Matt,” Torben said.
“I’d...” Rasmus looked down at the drawings.
“Feels like a copout?” Thyra asked. Rasmus looked at her and nodded. “Sweety, you’re an artist and coincidentally also a Beta with the greatest insight into everything that’s happened. Your artistic skills and good memory are why Marisol needs you. That you leave with her has nothing to do with you being a hard-pressed Beta on an Alpha run.”
Torben raised a finger. “An Alpha run that even Alphas can’t keep up in!”
“My subtle suggestion that you return to the pack with Marisol and the V?lve has nothing to do with you being Beta,” Hati said. “Your value is assisting Marisol. Also, your need keeps provoking my ember to see you feel engaged and invigorated again, and you don’t thrive around the Warlord or the running Alpha side of Sk?ll.”
“This is where Hati needs him,” Klaes said. “Where Sk?ll needs Hati to do what Hati does best.”
“And I’ll do all I can to bring him back to just be Matt, who can lounge with you and smile under Pernille’s storytelling tree and do just that while you draw our spectacular stories.”
Rasmus stopped shuffling the papers around and stared at them, thinking. “I’m sure Freki wouldn’t agree.”
“If he doesn’t, I’ll fucking punch him,” Vivi growled.
“Me, too,” Hati said. Without intending it, his ember pulled that Alpha of all, yet he resisted the urge to facepalm himself.
“Warlord speaking here,” Thyra whispered and leaned into Rasmus. “We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and I admire you for coming to stay true to Matt. To your first bond. And no, as a Warlord speaking, it’s not because I’m your grams. I can care that little, too, when needed, so this is quite objectively speaking.”
“It’s a balance we are learning to appreciate the strength in as we see what strength it brings you,” someone growled.
Hati looked behind himself, finding a scouting Warlord. How long had he stood still right there?
The Warlord turned his head and looked straight over them. A deep thud punched Hati in the chest. Shading took over.
Freki arrived three seconds later. “What’s up?” he asked the Warlord.
“A bear needed a reminder of who else is here.” The shading dropped. “It was a smart bear. It left.”
Freki grinned and looked at Hati. “What’s up?”
“With the V?lve leaving, I figured Rasmus’ work is more useful with them than with us.”
Freki plopped down next to Rasmus and looked at the pile of drawings. “She trusts you, and Ela says she doesn’t trust a lot of people. No one else is entrusted with those details, and those who are, aren’t good enough to put it into a medium that others can understand.” Freki looked at Rasmus. “I’m sending a Rigr with you because I need your help with their dreams. Something huge is stirring in Denmark after Chaos met his Matriarch. Valkyries are flying. You’re going to be one busy artist, and we’ll need all that to help get us up to speed once we return. Me, in particular, because I’m too fucking thick to get their rhymes and poetry if not illustrated.”
Rasmus snorted. “You’re not thick. You’re just better at looking at stats.”
“True.” Freki patted his shoulder. “And art that actually looks like something.”
Rasmus snickered.
Freki studied him. “I once said you fight too little. You run fucking hard, though. I’m impressed and proud to be of your pup bond. This, though?” He pointed to the drawings. “This is where you shine.”
Rasmus studied Freki in return, and their many small and petty feuds seemed to be hashed out in a calm staring contest. Freki smiled and looked away. That brought an even bigger smile to Rasmus’ lips, and he nodded. “I’ll go suggest to Warlord Sk?ll that I leave with the V?lve and Rigr tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, you should know...” Freki smiled. “The Rigr going with you? His little sister is eight and wants to be an artist. He might go get her because that dream put real fear in him that she’s in danger from the blue thingies.”
Rasmus nodded. “Got it. Another little apprentice then.”
Hati smiled as the Beta felt hopeful and excited about tomorrow.
––––––––
FROM A DISTANCE, HATIwatched as a small band of Vargr, humans, and Cubi took their leave with the ten V?lve, the risen Rigr, Nissen, and Rasmus. One by one, they moved back to leave the passengers to get into the double-rotor helicopter, and the last two to finish were Matt and Rasmus, making out and hugging each other tightly.
The saying went that distance would make the heart grow fonder. Hati hoped that it was true—especially since the two didn’t mesh during the run.
Steffen had clearly grown close to those leaving as he hugged everybody and even handed a few things for Nissen to bring home. What? Hati didn’t know or care.
But finally, Matt joined Hati and waved as the huge chopper started up and took off, which was all being filmed by a smaller news chopper at a distance. Matt’s ember needed support, so Hati put an arm around his mate. Geri, Freki, and Matt’s first bond closed in, too.
“Did he leave because I neglected him too much?” Matt asked.
“No, he tried to understand the need to,” Hati said. “He left because I suggested it.”
Matt looked at Hati. Not with distrust, but he clearly didn’t understand the entire reason.
“Also, I asked him to go do something for us,” Freki said.
“What?” Matt asked.
“Paint us a picture of what the V?lve will be working on.” Freki put a hand over his ember. Hati felt it when running. Something was driving Freki harder. A need. “Rigr are awakening in droves. I have blue dreams.”
Hati hadn’t remembered that detail until now. Freki dreamed mainly in colors and shapes. He’d revealed that during one of their many conversations when aiding Matt in integrating the V?lsung side.
“You dream of Rigr?” Steffen asked.
Freki nodded. “I asked Rasmus to draw some of it, but I can’t get a clear image of it or what it means. He did have a thought about the colors, though. Like...blue mixed with yellow gives us a green color.”
“And you keep dreaming about green,” Hati said.
Freki nodded. “With the need to steer or challenge, yes. I even see some of it from a birds-eye view. You know like the videos of the running bond those choppers share? We can see the masses weave in and out of each other, horses here, people in clothes there, wolves...” Freki moved his hands as if to imitate the moving masses of colors crossing the landscape. Hati had seen a few of those videos, and it looked surreal. “That’s how I see the colors in my dreams. And all those colors run into a steady blob of blue. Then the colors fight each other to become the dominant one, and they spread out to form an image I can’t understand. It weaves in and out. Like that fungus but not.”
“Blue fungus,” Steffen said. “And...yellow flames?”
Freki smiled. “There you go. Best explanation that makes sense so far.” Freki thought for a moment. “I once thought that no colors together could make up the color black, but three primary colors in equal measure will produce it. Red, blue, and yellow. Rasmus told me that last night when I tried to explain all this to him.
“The V?lve says it’s an ember vision. No one knows what it means. But when the blurry, colorful mass runs into the blue, some of it turns black. Some of it turns green.”
“And the blue?” Steffen asked.
“Gets smaller.”
“Blue is the enemy,” Steffen said quietly, putting a hand to his chest. “I feel it in here.”
“And I agree with you. Any ideas on the other colors?”
Steffen hung his head, shaking it. “No. Sorry.”
Freki, still with his arm around Steffen’s shoulder, gave him a squeeze. “We’ll figure it out.” He let go and walked off toward their starting point.
Hati looked at Matt, who was sulking with Torben, Klaes, Jes, and Thyra standing close by. “Ready?”
Matt nodded and took Hati’s hand. They moved to the front of the line, shifted, and fired up their embers.
The confused and longing heart in Hati’s mate grew calm, then invigorated by a sense of purpose and urgency. It ignited the same in many chests. Hati’s, Geri’s, and Freki’s embers rose with purpose, and the rest followed, supported by those that Sk?ll’s ignited.
Hati finally understood the combination of mated embers and why the four of them stood shoulder to shoulder. He and Geri were the visionaries of their pack and the unity they could build together, while Freki was the gatekeeper to leave Sk?ll with those worthy and capable of aiding him in fighting to see through Hati and Geri’s visions for the future.
But in Sk?ll burned a Warlord’s vision of home for Fenrir, too, and Hati wondered what the still unknown Wolf dreamed of doing with their territory once his stubborn mate succeeded.