Chapter 41
Atonement
May 20
Monday morning
Cabot was history.
As a good number of the agents gathered in the big lecture hall, I popped a couple of Excedrin tablets and chased them down with a swig from a plastic bottle of water.
The headache must be from the emotional rollercoaster I’d been on ever since things went bad with Cabot. At least now I had some closure.
When the agents were seated in the hall, I sat on the edge of a table on the platform at the front. “Agent Randolph’s killer was taken down last night.”
All of the agents’ satisfaction was evident, but it was hard on each of us because, at the same time, we all mourned our loss. There was no bringing back Randolph.
“Benjamin Cabot is no longer a problem, nor will he ever be a problem again.” Donovan leaned against the same table as he looked at me. “Thanks in great part to Steele.”
I raised my bottle in a gesture like I was toasting the clapping agents while a few, who’d been there, made comments like “Should have been there,” “Steele kicked major ass,” “That sonofabitch got what he deserved.”
“Cabot’s operations are going to tumble like rocks in a landslide,” I said. I could hear the roar of those rocks now. “The guys we didn’t eliminate are spilling a lot of what we need to know about Cabot’s Boston-based ops.”
Thanks to a little persuasion, and truth serum that didn’t give them the same reaction as Schilling, who probably wouldn’t live much longer. Scumbag.
An old lady named Grace, who’d been hiding behind a makeup cart, was being particularly informative. Without any special techniques.
“As some of you know, from Cabot’s hard drive we found out who the so-called ‘ringleader,’ is.” Donovan crossed his arms over his broad chest. “For those of you who don’t, the man’s name is Anders Hagstedt.”
I set the bottle of water on the table beside me. “Hagstedt’s base of operations is unknown, so far. However, we do know that he has numerous individuals like Cabot who run sex slave rings or other forms of human trafficking.”
I clenched my jaw before I added, “We’re going to find Hagstedt and take him down.”
May25
Saturday noon
I felt like I could run a mile as I hurried around my apartment to straighten up before Donovan came over.
Okay, so I’d sorta missed staying with Mr. Neat-Freak-Fabulous-Cook-and-Best-Sex-of-My-Life.
But I had my own life and I’d needed to get back to it.
Unfortunately, when he’d come over last weekend that had been interrupted, but all’s well that ends well.
The Hefty bag in my hand slipped when I chucked an empty pizza box from last night into it. Got a better grip and tossed empty Guinness and Mountain Dew bottles. Pecan Sandies packages, paper plates, along with other crap. Well, I had to pick up every now and then.
Like when I cleaned up that garbage, Cabot.
A knock at the door—that sounded a lot like Donovan’s— reverberated in the room.
I grinned, tossed the bag of garbage near the kitchen, and headed toward the front door.
My jeans felt almost too tight as I headed toward the living room. Could’ve been Donovan’s cooking from when I’d been staying with him.
“Heya,” I said when I opened the front door and looked at the hot man standing in the doorway.
Donovan grabbed me with one arm, and kissed me hard and fiercely as he kicked the door shut behind him.
I tried to get closer to him when I realized something was between us and digging into my chest. And it smelled incredibly good.
“Food!” I drew away, and he gave me a quirky smile as I took the big casserole pan from him. “Whatever it is, I’m going to die if I don’t eat it soon.”
He followed me into the kitchen. “Sour cream and chicken enchiladas.”
“Oh, yeah. You lived out in the Southwest before you came to Boston.” I was already grabbing paper plates out of a cabinet, and plastic forks from a drawer.
“I’ll make you tacos someday.” Donovan was taking aluminum foil off the top of the casserole pan. I smiled at him. “Like I said, Steele, the way to you is through your stomach.”
I pinched his butt. “And the sex. Don’t forget the sex.”
Every time I ate something Donovan fixed, I was in sheer heaven. “This is so good. One of the things I miss most about staying with you is the food.”
“And the sex,” he repeated for me.
“Uh-huh.” I took another bite, and sighed when I finished. “Can I keep the leftovers?”
He just gave his quirky smile.
But then he looked serious. “How are your nightmares?”
I shrugged. “Not as frequent.”
He reached up with a paper napkin and wiped the corner of my mouth.
“Maybe saving Kristin and the girls we could, and bringing down Cabot’s operation…” I said quietly. “Maybe somehow that helped atone for my sins.” At least partially.
“Lexi.” He so rarely used my first name that I knew he had something important to say. “You did what you had to. They didn’t give you a choice.”
“Yeah, they did.” I sighed. “I don’t think I’ll entirely be free of the guilt.” I shuddered at the thought of the alternative. Being mutilated and chopped into pieces, and forced to live that way day after day. “I wasn’t strong enough for the other option. Even now I think I would have done the same.”
“In reality you were only given one choice.” His tone was firm. “Don’t beat yourself up over it anymore.”
I won’t say it was okay because at least those people had quick, painless deaths. But it was true that I’d made the only choice I could make for me.
“Never being able to see my family and friends again, and the fact that they would never know what happened to me,” I said. “That would have been a form of torture and death for them, too.” So, in some ways, saving my own life had saved others from pain and anguish.
I still didn’t think I’d ever be able to cry again. After that first assassination, every tear left me and had never come back.
“It doesn’t make it all okay,” I said, “but I have to live with it. And accept it.”
May25
Saturday afternoon
Air cooled my chest as I pulled my tank top away from my sticky skin. A beautiful day, but on the warm and humid side. Donovan had run a quick errand.
Perspiration dotted my skin as I waited. The white steps beneath my backside and legs had that bumpy/smooth feeling from someone having painted over older wooden steps without sanding them first. The odor of paint was strong, but I still smelled the neighbor’s freshly mowed grass and the white blooms of the purple sand cherry shrubs to the side of our triple decker.
My cheeks warmed in the sunshine as I tipped my head up and closed my eyes. Donovan would be back soon.
He drove up in his black Explorer a few minutes later and got out of the SUV, carrying a notebook.
I cocked my head. “Watcha got there?”
He sat on the steps next to me and opened the notebook. Inside were pictures of tattoos. “We’re going to take care of it.”
It,referring to Cabot’s initials, which neither of us talked about. I just kept a bandage over it, not even looking when I changed the bandage.
My stomach did a flip-flop. “We can have a tattoo put over it?”
He flipped open to a page with Chinese symbols on it.
My gaze met Donovan’s. “The Chinese symbol for dragon.”
“A symbol of power, mystery and intelligence,” Donovan said then smiled. “As well as bloodthirsty and fire-breathing.”
I liked it when he gave me a full smile. It was so rare.
I returned his smile. “Let’s do it.”
May25
Saturday afternoon
Donovan helped me sit up on my elbows at the tattoo parlor and he glanced at my belly. “Take a look.”
For weeks I hadn’t looked at my bare belly, and my heart rate picked up. What if it didn’t cover the initials?
When I looked down, it didn’t really register at first.
No sign of those horrid devil’s initials. Not a single sign.
I couldn’t stop staring at the new tattoo on my belly, around my diamond piercing. The tat covered about the same area the initials had—but it was like the B and C had totally vanished.
A little skip in my heart came out of nowhere.
“I can’t believe they’re gone.” It wasn’t registering yet. “Really gone. Like they’d never been there at all.”
“It’s something to give you only good thoughts whenever you see it.” Donovan’s expression was soft when I looked at him. He brushed some of my hair from my face and behind my ear. Then he smiled in that sexy way I liked so much. “And to remind me to watch out so I don’t get my ass fried when you’re breathing fire.”
Damn. An ache behind my eyes. I sat up, wrapped my arms around Donovan’s waist, and pressed my cheek to his chest. “Thank you.”