Chapter Fourteen
Ellie
“How can I make it up to you?” Ryder asked.
I looked at him and thought about every man in my life that had ever hurt me. My father, who ignored me. My oldest brother, who despised me. Sebbie, who had left me without a word. Boyfriends that used me, or worse, cheated on me.
“You can’t,” I whispered.
I unlocked the door and walked out. He didn’t follow me. I really didn’t expect him to.
But I hoped he would.
I wanted to live what I wrote about. The happy ever after. I wanted the guy in my story to realize he couldn’t live without me. There was nothing wrong with wanting what I wrote about.
“Ellie, where are you going?” Sam asked.
I didn’t answer; I couldn’t. These were his friends, not mine. Instead, I left the shop, climbed into my truck, and drove back to my trailer. I texted Jessie and let her know I was heading home. She would have to have dinner without me.
The one good thing about this was, I had plenty of inspiration to write about my asshole character, Samuel. I could write everything I wanted into his story. That was where I would get my happily ever after.
When my phone rang, I was again distracted and hit the button without thinking.
“Miss Livingston?”
“I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.”
“Miss Ellery Livingston?”
“As I said, you have the wrong number.”
Cutting the call, I blocked the number. I didn’t know who was calling or how they had connected Rayne Perry to me, but I couldn’t deal with that right now.
When I returned to the trailer, I sat at the table, my laptop open in front of me, and I wrote
I wrote my love story. The one I wanted. The one where the guy fell first. A hero who obsessed about having the heroine. Wanted to protect her. Did everything he could to pursue her. Never giving up until he won her.
No, it wasn’t realistic. Who wanted that? My readers loved fiction, or they wouldn’t read my books. My men were over-the-top alphas. They didn’t let their baggage get in the way of what they wanted.
My women were strong. They were independent. They didn’t give a fuck about the men until they proved themselves worthy.
I was nothing like them.
I wanted the fairy tale.
I wanted the knight in shining armor.
The prince that would defeat the villain.
I wanted a hero.
Maybe my standards were too high. But why should I settle?
Why couldn’t I get what I wanted?
The truth was, I wanted Ryder Thomas. I wanted Chrissy and Tabby, and I wanted to be their mom. But more importantly, I wanted to be Ryder’s wife. I thought that night at the bar was the start of something. The way he held me on the dance floor; the way he couldn’t wait to have me.
I was stupid.
Men didn’t act that way. Assholes did. They took what they wanted and didn’t care who they hurt.
I was still sitting at the table, tears pouring down my face, when Jessie walked in.
“What happened?” she asked, rushing over to me.
“Why can’t I have my happy ever after? Am I so bad that no one thinks I’m worth it?”
“Oh, honey, you are absolutely worth it. You are the sweetest, kindest, most awesome person I know. One day, you will find the one who will worship you the way you deserve,” Jessie said. “Do I need to kick his ass?”
I laughed out loud. Jessie was tiny. Just barely five feet tall and about ninety pounds soaking wet. But she was fierce. She didn’t take shit from anyone. She was like one of those tiny yippy dogs who thought they were bigger than they were. She had the bark, but she also had the bite to back it up.
“No need to get your hackles up. I was writing. That’s what most of this is,” I said, waving my hand over my face.
“But not all of it.”
“No, not all of it.” I sighed. “Ryder apologized.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? Was he not sincere?”
“He was completely genuine. I have no doubt he meant every word.”
“Then what the fuck is the problem?”
I looked up at my friend. How could she not see it?
“Me. I’m the problem.”
“Ellie, girl, you know I love you. But you are so fucking annoying sometimes.”
“Hey!”
“You are not a fucking problem. You love with everything you have. If there were more people like you, this world would be a better fucking place.”
That had me smiling. That was why I loved her. She always reached down into the pit and dragged me back up. She knew how to take what I thought was my biggest weakness and convince me it was my biggest strength.
A few days had passed, and I had made my decision. I would go to the bookstore and accept Ryder’s apology. I had the book signing coming up and I couldn’t let the tension between us ruin it.
I wasn’t just thinking about my release, that would survive even if I canceled the signing. I was thinking about his girls. They needed the bookstore to be successful. This was how he provided for his family.
Doing the signing there would ensure that success. People would drive the hours for the signing but would also do it again and again just for the store.
So, I had decided to be the bigger person. As soon as I had the courage to walk in there. I had walked up and down the street at least three times when Rachel found me.
“Hey, Ellie. Everything ok?”
Sighing, I stopped and turned to her.
“Yea, I just need to eat a little crow and, well, it’s never been a favorite of mine.”
Rachel smiled. “Yea, I’ve never found a way to sugarcoat it myself.”
I looked over at the door to the bookstore and sighed again.
“Anything I can help with?” she asked.
“Maybe just come in with me for moral support?” I winced.
“Absolutely,” she replied, sliding her arm through mine as we walked to the bookstore arm in arm. When we reached the door, Rachel released me to open it, allowing me to walk in first.
Ryder looked up from his computer when the bell jingled, and I saw the surprise on his face.
“Ellie,” he breathed.
“Ellie!” Chrissy screeched as she and Tabby rushed over, crowding my legs.
I had missed these girls. Lifting Tabby into my arms, I looked over at Ryder and waited for his reaction.
Unable to read his expression, my courage faltered. Would he yell at me again to stay away from his children?
“Hi, Ryder. I was hoping I could talk to you a minute.”
“Um, sure,” he said, still staring at where Tabby sat on my hip. “Do you want to go into the office?”
“No, it won’t take long. I just wanted to apologize to you. I should have accepted your apology. With the book signing coming up, I don’t want things to be strained between us.”
He looked over at Rachel, and I didn’t know what he saw there, but he looked back at me, and I continued, “I would like to put everything behind us and be friends.”
The longer Ryder stood there staring at me, the more my anxiety grew. Would he accept my apology? Would he tell me to leave? Honestly, it surprised me he hadn’t canceled the book signing when he came home from the hospital.
I had been expecting that.
What I wasn’t expecting was for him to ask his next question.
“Is Jesse still living with you?”
“What?”
“Are you still living with your friend ?”
“Um, yes.”
“Ryder, what does that matter?” Rachel cut in. “Do you accept her apology and the acceptance of your previous apology?”
I looked at Rachel. I didn’t understand what she said, and wasn’t sure Ryder did either.
Ryder continued to watch me. His expression gave nothing away. Finally, he relented.
“Sure, apology accepted.”
“Um, thank you. I will probably be in and out of the store over the next week. If that’s ok. I have some ideas about where to set up and how to create the displays. If you’re ok with that.”
“Whatever you need. I told Sam she was in charge. So whatever you need to do is fine,” he said, leaning against the counter, then asked, “Will your friend be coming with you?”
“Um, no. Jessie usually comes to the event on the day, but just to help wherever it’s needed.”
Ryder nodded. He looked at Tabby again and his eyes softened. I looked down at the little girl in my arms and realized she had fallen asleep.
Ryder moved out around the counter. Standing before me, he placed a hand on Tabby’s back. He looked into my eyes.
“I can take her upstairs, if you’ll stay with Chrissy for a minute?”
“Of course,” I said, transferring Tabby into his arms.
He leaned in close, and the smell of his aftershave consumed me. I remembered the scent of worn leather and wood from the night he held me on the dance floor at the bar. Then, it had reminded me of a new library. The smell of newly cut wood and worn leather book covers.
A shiver ran through me, and I hoped he didn’t notice.
“Cold?” he asked with a smirk.
Shit, he noticed.
“No,” I whispered, and he chuckled.
“Be right back.”
I bit my lip as I watched Ryder walk away. The way his jeans hugged his ass had me drooling. As if seeing him carrying a sleeping child wasn’t sexy enough.
Rachel cleared her throat behind me, and I spun around.
“Forget I was still here?”
“Um, no.”
“Yea, right,” she laughed and walked over to where Chrissy was sitting on the couch. Picking her up, she pulled her onto her lap and grabbed a book.
Ryder didn’t really need me to stay. Rachel was here to keep an eye on Chrissy. Knowing how close Rachel and Ryder were, I knew he trusted her with his children.
I didn’t want to leave, though. I wanted to be here when Ryder came back down. I wanted him to see me. I knew he didn’t remember what happened between us, but I still held out hope something would jog his memory.
My phone rang, and I pulled it from my pocket. Seeing Jessie’s name, I smiled. Ryder had just returned to the store when I answered.
“Hey. What’s up, Jessie?”
“When will you be back?”
Looking at my watch, I replied, “I’m done here. If I left right now, I could be home in twenty minutes. Should I stop and grab something for dinner, or do you want me to cook?”
Jessie couldn’t even boil water, so it was takeout, or I cooked if we wanted to eat.
“Oooh, you know what I could go for? Pot roast.”
“Jessie, that would take all day. I could make that Saturday.”
“But I really, really want it,” she begged.
“Ugh, I can stop at the diner and see if they have any, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to eat until ten o’clock. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to stay up that late waiting for dinner.”
“But we have the pressure cooker. That will cut the time way down,” she reminded me.
Laughing, I nodded. “Ok, ok, we can have pot roast. I’ll stop at the store and grab what we need.”
“You’re the best, love you!”
“Love you, too,” I repeated and disconnected the call.
When I looked up, Ryder was glaring at me.
“What?”
“Kind of demanding, don’t you think?”
“Who?”
“Jesse,” he growled.
I looked at my phone, then back at Ryder.
“Were you listening to my call?”
“Hard not to when you are standing in my store. Maybe Jesse should make his own damn dinner,” he grumbled.
I stared at Ryder for a moment. Then it hit me. He thought Jessie was a guy. I opened my mouth to correct him when Rachel jumped in and moved to shove me out the door. “Ellie, let’s go. I need to stop at the store, too. We can go together. Bye, Chrissy; bye, Ry!”
“Rachel, he thinks—”
“I know what he thinks, and we are going to keep letting him think it.”
“What, why?”
“Did you not just see what I saw? That man was jealous as fuck!” She laughed.
“He wasn’t jealous. He doesn’t even like me. He thinks I was trying to trap him, not that he remembers anything, anyway.”
“I have known Ryder my whole life. Trust me, that man is jealous, and we are going to use it to our advantage. Come on.”
I followed Rachel, thinking about what she said. Was she right? Could he be jealous? I shook my head. Rachel was imagining things.
I stopped at the store, got what I needed and went home to cook dinner. Maybe I would ask Jessie what she thought.