Ryder (Phoenix MC #1)

Eight

D ecision made. I’m not some pussy who’s gonna break because some bitch decided to take what she wanted without my agreement. I’m gonna find her, and show her how it feels, and that’s out of character for me, for sure, but I’m pissed as hell.

I’m a fucking biker. I’m a fucking man who has killed other men with my bare hands, and she used drugs and restraints to weaken me enough to use me.

“Brother, you gotta stop pacing, you’re driving me insane,” Torch said, as I forced myself to stop moving. We’d gone to that bar, the one from last night, but the bartender was busy doing the job he actually gets paid for, so we were forced to wait. My eyes were scouring the place, settling on any blonde woman I saw, before realising that it didn’t matter worth a damn, because I couldn’t fucking remember her face.

“I’m wound so fucking tight right now,” I gritted out, my fists clenched.

“Look, I don’t know the ins and outs of what happened, but I’m with you. You’re pissed as fuck, and that’s good. Angry is good. We’ll fucking make this right.” His hand was gripping my shoulder, almost tight enough to hurt, but it helped. It diverted my focus from razor sharp murderous anger, and let a little common sense creep in. I’m planning to hurt a woman. To violate her. To force her into the one act that a man should never force on a woman, on anyone at all. Am I really fucking capable of that?

“Jesus… what exactly did they tell you, brother?” I dragged him away from the bar, and he shrugged.

“We need to find the blonde from last night, because she dosed you with something. You know, attacks on our club are serious shit. I’ll kill to protect my family. To protect you. We’ve been in this shit together for far too long.”

I grabbed his cut, pulling him closer to whisper at him, frantic with rage, and desperate to make him understand just how fucked up things were.

“They didn’t tell you?”

He shook his head, not fighting my hold, just watching me carefully. The bastard was too fucking good at seeing what we try so hard not to show on the outside. I was surprised he hadn’t somehow guessed already.

“Talk to me, brother. I’m on your side.”

I groaned. “This is humiliating as fuck. You ride me for this, and I’ll break your fucking neck, you get me? You tell anyone, and I’ll kill you and them.”

He smirked. “You can try. We both know I could wipe the floor with you.”

I released his clothes. “Fair point. I just… this is serious, yeah? Anyone else knows, and I’m done. I’m out. This is…”

“Well, now you’ve finished trying to demolish my cut, I’m listening.” He leaned against the wall I’d dragged him over to.

“She, uh… she drugged me.”

“Yeah, I kinda got that point. I know you don’t do that shit. Must have hit you hard.”

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling edgy and frustrated.

“Yeah. You could say that. She didn’t just dope me up. She gave me Viagra too.”

His head turned, his eyes focused on me at last.

“She did what? What the fuck…”

“ That bed… ”

He cursed, rubbing his hand over his shaved head. Another sign of agitation, from a man I know as well as I know myself.

“She had you tied there?”

I shrugged, like it was no big deal, but it still fucking was.

“That’s the suspicion. I can’t remember a damn thing.”

“So you don’t know if you even…” He scratched his head. “This is not fucking okay.”

I shrugged again, suddenly wanting to try and make light of it. Feeling pathetic for it being any kind of issue. People go through worse every day. Women go through worse.

“Look, I’m cool with fucking some random chick. I’d just rather be the one in control, you know.”

He cursed again. “You don’t have to make light of this. If this happened to me, I’d be tearing the fucking place apart looking for the bitch. In fact, that’s exactly what I plan to do. I have the added benefit of remembering a little about what she looked like, so I’ll find her.”

I grabbed his arm, halting him as he started toward the bar again.

“Nobody can know. I feel like a fucking pussy. I should have been able to fight this off. I just don’t get it… You know me, I’ll fuck pretty much anyone who looks at me. I’d have fucked her without this. I just know it.”

He pulled free, straightening his clothes, as he pushed away from the wall again.

“Sure. I get that. Must be some kind of messed up power trip shit for her, but she’ll regret it, brother. We’ll show her the error of her ways.”

It felt good to have him onside. Him knowing didn’t make me feel as weak as I expected, because I knew together we’d find the bitch, and we’d exact justice.

The bartender finally made his way to the end of the bar, and waved us over. He took one look at me, and smirked.

“Let me guess. You didn’t get her number, and you want to fuck her again.”

I glanced at Torch, hoping this might be easier than I thought, since the dickhead had given me the perfect opening.

“Something like that. Any idea who she was?”

He shrugged, gathering up some used glasses and moving them under the bar.

“Never seen her before last night. I mean, we get a lot of women in here, but she was all over you, man. Practically went down on you, right here at the bar.”

I leaned on the sticky bar top with a grimace.

“And, uh… was I, uh… into her? Like… was I planning to get it on with her?”

He frowned. “You don’t remember? You had a couple of beers, and a couple of shots of tequila. Not enough to make you forget, well, unless you took something, but that’s not on me. I’m nobody’s fucking daddy.”

I reached for his throat, before Torch pulled me back.

“Listen, asshole. I’m not blaming you for anything, I’m trying to fucking remember my night. I, uh…”

“He lost his phone, mate. We’re just trying to retrace his drunken steps,” Torch added, with a forced chuckle.

Shit. That actually sounded feasible. I should have thought of that, instead of acting like a fucking psycho. I leaned casually on my elbows, trying to look like I didn’t just want to tear the guy a new one.

“Yeah… phone cost a fucking fortune.”

He nodded, smoothing his long beard.

“Yeah, I get that. My daughter’s phone cost nearly a fucking grand. I’ll keep an eye around here, but if it’s that fancy, it’s probably been pocketed already.”

I nodded, that urge to punch him returning a little quicker than I liked.

“So you don’t remember the chick? No name? No number? Not a fucking single detail?”

He leaned forward, jabbing a finger at my chest.

“Listen, fucktard. If you can’t remember every chick you fuck, that’s not my problem. I answered your fucking questions. Next time, take a damn picture if your memory’s that crappy.”

I lunged at him, and Torch pulled me back, just in time, before my knuckles buried themselves in his face.

“And I don’t think I wanna see you in here again. Get the fuck out,” the bartender snarled at me, reaching under the bar for a baseball bat, which he held up, trying to illustrate his point.

I smirked at him. “I’m gonna ram that so far up your ass, that-”

“We’re going. It’s fine. Hold your fucking horses.” Torch started dragging me out of the bar, while I made more threats at the bartender on my way out.

“You’re a fucking headcase right now. You wanna calm down?” He shoved me against the wall outside, and I took a deep breath.

“I’m so fucking fired up, man. I need to punch something or someone. I need to let it out, or I’ll go fucking insane.”

He held his arms out. “So fucking bring it. Get it out of your system, because I need you using your damn brain right now.”

I glared at him. “I’m not gonna hit you, dickwad. I just need to get out some anger.”

He shoved me again, my back thudding against the wall, and my head cracking back against it.

“Fucker!” I snapped, shoving him back, before I rubbed at my head.

He lunged again, and this time I was ready. Instead of him crashing me back against that wall, I spun, throwing him against it. He snorted, straightening up, and then he cursed, when I slammed a fist into his face, my fingers taking the brunt of the punch.

He blocked the next punch, and shoved me hard, before I came back at him, and we tussled against that wall for a few minutes, each getting in the occasional face or gut punch.

“Hey, sod off and fuck each other somewhere else. Nobody wants your kind around here,” some guy yelled as he approached. We both stepped away from each other, and turned to look at him, both of us now pissed enough for a real fight.

His eyes widened, as he finally focused on our cuts, and realised just who we are.

“Fuck.”

He turned and ran back the way he’d come, and fuelled by our anger, and adrenaline, we gave chase.

We caught up with him in a dark alley between two closed businesses. He quickly realised he’d gone down the wrong route, and had no way out. Perfect.

“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He held his hands up. He was a big guy, but he knew he was outnumbered, and about to get his ass handed to him.

I rolled my shoulders, cracking my knuckles, and getting my head in the game. Yeah, punching some homophobic prick would do the trick nicely. Maybe break a few bones for him in the process.

Torch was laughing beside me. “ Wrong night to piss him off, fucker .”

“Jesus. I… look, don’t hurt me, please.”

I glared at him. “You got a problem with gays, asshole? You yell that shit at others? Think you have some kind of righteous fucking superiority?”

He groaned, starting to back up.

“Look, I was a dick, okay?”

“Yeah, I got that part.” I lunged at him, catching him as he turned to run, even though there was nowhere to go. I let his momentum, and mine, carry him face-first into the brick wall. He yelled out in pain as his face slammed into hard stone, and his nose probably broke. I pulled him back, and slammed him against it again, then threw him on the ground. I straddled him, crouching low, so I could grab the front of his shirt, and drag his head up.

“After tonight, you’re gonna think twice about being an intolerant cunt, right?”

He was desperately trying to break my hold on him.

“Jesus. Stop. I said sorry. Just let me go.”

“Did he? Did he actually say sorry like he meant it? I didn’t hear that. I heard a pathetic little bitch begging us to not hurt him.” I punched him, grinning when his head crashed back against the dirty concrete, and did it again, because it felt fucking amazing .

“Brother, maybe don’t kill the fucker. We don’t need that kind of heat on us right now.” Torch leaned close, trying to get my attention.

“Maybe he needs to learn a real fucking lesson,” I growled, grabbing the guy, and forcing him onto his front.

“What the hell?” Torch yelled, grabbing at my arms, as I grabbed the waist of the guy’s trousers and pulled at them.

“God no, stop!” The man was screaming, and Torch was hauling on my arms, and all I could think about was my need to make him feel how I’d felt. To make him feel the shock, and shame, and horror. His jeans wouldn’t fucking move, so I had to roll him again, to pull at the fastenings at his waist.

A fist hit me hard in the face, knocking me off my feet, and then I sat and stared at the terrified, bleeding man, who was scrambling up from the ground, and running. Torch ran after him, catching him around the throat, so he could talk at him, while I felt my mind whirling.

What had I been doing? I’d been so caught up in my anger, and my frustration, and his asshole behaviour and… what… I’d been trying to get his pants down? What, did I think I could rape a guy now? Was that who I was turning into? Was that what she’d done to me?

I was still sitting on my ass, my knees up, and my hands over my face, when Torch was suddenly crouching beside me.

“I’m sorry, brother. I didn’t know how else to get you to stop.”

I couldn’t speak. I was still caught up in the horror of what I just tried to do.

“Ryder, look at me.” Torch pulled at my hands, and I fought him, because my eyes were wet, and yet again, I was a weak-ass pussy, who should be manning up, and facing this shit head on.

“Dammit. Stop hiding. Look, I get that you’re all kinds of messed up. But that… you couldn’t come back from that. Ryder, you know that, right?”

I nodded, finally letting my hands fall. He looked just as horrified as I felt.

“I’m losing my mind,” I whispered, feeling my eyes burning with tears that I absolutely refused to fucking shed.

“You’ve been through something none of us can imagine, brother. Let’s get you home. We need to update Reacher anyway. He’ll be pissed we haven’t done that yet.”

Reacher. Fuck.