17. 17
17
S avage’s mind spun what seemed like a million miles an hour as he walked to the bunk house with Donna. She was pregnant.
How bad did her situation have to have been for her to go on the run while pregnant? And knowing what he now knew, that her ex, because that was the only way he would consider the bastard, had forced her. That made him want to hunt down the son of a bitch and make him suffer before he killed him. There were few things Savage had no tolerance of, and abusing women and children was on that list.
He fought to keep Donna from seeing how her abuse enraged him. He knew he hadn’t been able to keep from her that it had angered him, but he could only hope she hadn’t seen the extent of his rage. It wouldn’t help her feel like she could trust him, and she could.
Savage didn’t know how, especially in such a short amount of time, but Donna had found her way under his skin, and he found he didn’t mind. In fact, he liked having her close.
When they’d both had a chance to use the facilities, they found there was food ready, so instead of going right back to the tent, they got food, then settled at one of the picnic tables, just the two of them.
“Do you want to talk while we eat, or would you rather wait?”
He would rather talk but he wouldn’t force her to do it now, when they could be overheard. He knew this wouldn’t be an easy conversation for her and didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable than necessary.
Donna looked down at the plate in front of her then back up at him. She blinked, then glanced around before speaking.
“Can we start, then if I decide it’s too much for here and now, call a halt?”
“You can. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable or hurt you in anyway, babe. I just have some things I need to know, and things you need to know too, alright?”
“Okay.” Her voice was soft as she spoke between bites. But at least she didn’t sound terrified. He could handle that.
“I think the first thing we need to know is how far along are you?”
She frowned. “I don’t know. How would I know that?”
“There are several ways, but we’ll get to that? Aside from the sickness, how do you know you’re pregnant?”
“I’m late. I’m never late.”
“Okay, that’s good. How late?”
“Two weeks.”
“Good. That’s good. It gives us some options. First, does anyone else know? Will the father be coming after you for the baby?”
“No. I didn’t tell anyone. I have been wanting to get out for a while, but when I realized I’m pregnant, I knew it had to be now. If they found out, they’d never let me go. Not that they will let me go now, but I couldn’t let a child of mine be raised in that group.”
“Okay. That leads to the next question. Before I ask it, I want you to know I’m not going to try to push you in either direction, and I’ll help you either way, but do you want to continue the pregnancy?”
Donna looked at him for a moment before dropping her gaze back to her plate. He thought for a moment she might not answer him. Hell, for all he knew she hadn’t even thought about it. He was about to give up and move on to the next topic, planning to come back around to this one, when she spoke.
“It would make things easier, I know. But I can’t. I know it’s an option for a lot of people and I don’t object to it, but I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.” Her voice was soft, and she kept her face turned toward her plate, but he could see her watching him.
It didn’t escape his notice that she’d never said the word abortion, neither had he, and that was deliberate. But he hadn’t lied. He wasn’t going to push her either way, only help with what she wanted.
“Okay. I can understand that. Next question is kind of a follow up, and I totally understand if you don’t have an answer yet. In fact, I don’t expect you to have an answer. I just want you to start thinking about it. Again. I’m not going to push you toward either option. We just need to know what you want so we can move forward, do you understand?” He set his fork down and watched her. He didn’t want to miss any tiny indicators in her expression or reaction.
“Okay.” Her voice was soft, and she never looked up from her plate, where she pushed her food around but hadn’t taken a bite since before his last question.
“Babe,” Savage gentled his voice, “I need you to look at me a minute, okay?”
Slowly, she lifted her head, then after another moment her gaze flicked up to his face then dropped again.
“Babe, I know this isn’t a comfortable conversation, but it’s an important one. I need you to pay attention to me.”
“I’m listening.”
“I know you are. But I want you to see me too. I want you to see that all I’m interested in is what you want. I want to take care of you, but I don’t want to be one of what seems like a long string of people telling you what’s best for you. I want you to have an active participation in all the decisions.”
It took another couple of moments, but she lifted her gaze to his.
“Thank you. I’m serious, Donna. I want to help you. I want you to think about what you want and let me know, okay?”
The silence stretched between them. After what seemed like an eon, but was about thirty seconds, she nodded.
“I need you to say it, babe.”
“I understand.”
“Good. Now, what I want you to think about, I mean really think about is do you want to keep the baby.” She started to say something, but he lifted one finger and continued. “I’m not done. I’m not asking if you want to terminate the pregnancy. You said no, that’s fine. We’re moving on. I’m asking if after the baby is born, do you want to keep it. To raise it and know that you will likely look into a face that, at least a little, reminds you of their sperm doner. There are other options. Options that could have you in the kid’s life or not. And don’t give me an answer now. Think about it. In the meantime, we need to see about getting you medical care. Damn, I wish Kinard had made this trip.” The brother wasn’t a women’s doctor, but at least he would be able to give them an idea of Donna’s general health and tell them what they should do. Hell, maybe he should call him and find out.
He watched as she blinked several times then took a deep breath, never looking away from him.
“Okay. You’re right. I need to think about that. I hadn’t even gotten that far.” She looked away for a moment then back at him. “What else?”
“I’m going to make a couple of calls later. We’ll figure out what we need to do to make sure you get the care you need. If you decide you want to go home to wherever you came from, I’ll help you get there. From the way you spoke yesterday, it seemed like you didn’t have anywhere to go. That’s okay too. I’ll take you back to Arizona with me, if you want to go. I’ll give you a bedroom and we’ll figure things out.”
Donna tilted her head and watched him, the look that reminded him of a beaten dog almost vanishing as she watched him, a question in her eyes.
“Why?” she said when he stopped talking and looked back down at his plate. He still had a few bites left.
“Why what?” he asked before taking a bite.
“Why do this? Why help me? You don’t know me, this isn’t your kid. Why would you do this?”
Savage tilted his head to one side, watching her a moment.
“You need to actually eat, not just push that around your plate and if you want an honest answer, I don’t know.”
Donna pulled her plate close again and took a bite but when he said he didn’t know, she looked up at him and frowned.
“Don’t think I’m lying to you. I’ll do my best not to do that. There may be things I can’t tell you, and I’ll not lie to you then, I’ll just say I can’t tell you. We’ll get more into that later. As to why I want to help you? It feels right.”
She opened her mouth to say something, he wasn’t sure if it was a question or to protest in some way, and he didn’t care, he wasn’t finished. He pointed to her plate and continued to talk as she took another bite.
“Something about you yesterday spoke to me. I couldn’t have walked away without talking to you, and once I did, I was kind of a goner. Something in me needs to help you, at least as much as you’ll let me.”
“What do you want in return? You can’t just want to help me and not get something back.”
A couple of the guys wandered up, got plates, then looked around and sat at another table, as if they realized this was a private discussion.
“I’d like to say I’m that altruistic, but we both know that’s not reasonable.” He looked down at his own plate for a moment before lifting his gaze to watch Donna once more. “I’m trying to find a way to put this that doesn’t sound self-serving. There are a lot of things I want from you, but I don’t expect them. I will help you if I get none of what I want.” He gave her a wry half smile. “I told you yesterday that you’re welcome to go with anyone you want, and it’s true, I won’t stop you if you decide you want to hook up with one of my brothers, though I recommend you pick one of the single ones if you do. I hear some of the wives can be touchy as hell if you touch their man. That said, I hope you don’t. I hope if you want something, to be comforted, held, taken care of in any way, you’ll come to me.”
She stopped eating and stared at him for a moment, a frown marring her brow. Savage wanted to reach out and smooth the wrinkles from her skin but held back the desire. She may not be comfortable with such a casual touch, not yet but he hoped to get her there.
Yes, he’d held her not an hour ago while she’d cried and let out all her pent-up emotions, but this was different, this would be a casual touch and he didn’t want to frighten her. She’d been through enough of that.
“Come to you? You mean you are still interested? Even with…” She used one hand to motion toward her own body. Savage assumed she meant even with her being pregnant.
“Babe, just give me a chance and I’ll show you how interested I am.” Despite his trying to hold it back, the words had come out as little more than a growl.
Her eyes went wide. “Oh.” She dropped her gaze back to her plate. “I thought you wouldn’t want to touch me again, not once you found out.” Her voice had gone soft again and he barely heard the words.
“I’m not sure where you got that idea, but we can discuss that after you finish eating.” He gave her plate a pointed look, took his last bite then turned the subject to something more pleasant. “Tell me more about you. You said you’re from Kansas? Where about?” This had been a tense discussion and he wanted her to have a chance to relax. Maybe she would eat more on her own if she wasn’t stressed about what they were talking about.
“Dodge City.” She lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “What about you? Where are you from?”
Savage didn’t like to talk about himself but since he was asking about her, it seemed only fair, especially since he wanted her to trust him.
“I’m from California. Though I don’t normally admit to it,” Savage said after a moment.
She’d just taken a bite and was busy chewing but the quizzical look on her face let him know he’d confused her. Still, he waited until she could speak before saying anything more.
“Why?” she said after a moment. “They too extreme to suit you?”
“Nah, it’s more that I got tired of incorrect stereotypical assumptions. And not in the way you probably think. You say California and most people think of Sunshine, beaches, and surfers. And yeah, part of California is like that, but not the part I came from. I’m from up north, think mountains, redwoods, and weed.” He watched for a moment as she continued to eat.
Good. Talking about something else had her more relaxed and he was glad to see it.
“Anyway, I quit telling people where I’m from about the fiftieth time someone called me surfer boy.”
“I take it you don’t surf?”
He rolled his eyes. “I’d never even touched a board before I joined up. It wasn’t until I was at Coronado that I learned. Where I grew up was too far from the ocean to spend much time there, plus the water was way too fucking cold. Not that it’s much better farther south, but the waves are better down there. I did eventually learn to surf, but I’d rather dive.”
“Dive? You dive?”
“I do. It was kind of a requirement when I was in the Navy.”
“I really don’t know why I’m surprised.” She took the buttered biscuit that was the last thing on her plate, tore off a chunk and popped it into her mouth.
Savage lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “Why would you know? We’ve only known each other for a little over twenty-four hours. In that time, I’ve been more concerned with making sure you’re taken care of then sharing my life story.”
“I guess. I just feel bad that I know so little about you other than you live in Arizona, you call these men brothers,” she motioned around them where several of the people he’d ridden up with milled around or sat at other tables eating, “and you are incredibly kind and generous.”
Savage shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with her assessment of his character. He would admit he didn’t go out of his way to be unkind, unless someone deserved it. But he didn’t think of himself as generous either. But oddly, he couldn’t watch Donna do without, especially if he had the ability to make sure she had whatever she needed.