19. 19
19
S avage shook his head and wondered why he’d added that last bit. Yes, Kinard had included it in his message as a safe activity, but had Savage needed to say it out loud?
“Okay,” he said after a moment of uncomfortable silence. “That sounded like I was making hints or pushing and that was not my intention. I was only trying to pass on all the information I was given.”
Donna laughed, a soft chuckle that made his body respond. Savage reminded himself that this was not the time, not with her sitting on his lap and able to feel every twitch his body made.
“So we have a couple of things we need to pick up in town, can you think of anything else you want or need while we’re there?”
She took a deep breath. “I can’t think of anything I need. I know you want to get me some kind of slip-on shoes, but I can do with what I have. I don’t know what the other thing you think I need is. I really don’t need you to buy me more. You don’t need to spend more money on me than you already have.”
“The other thing is a test, just to be sure. But I’m sure if I think about it, I can come up with a few more things you need. And the more you tell me you don’t need, the more I’ll buy, until you get the idea that I don’t care what it costs, got it?”
She twisted around in his arms, and he let her. He could have tightened his hold on her to keep her from moving, but he wasn’t trying to control her, and that was what keeping her from turning to face him would have been. She’d had enough power plays, and it wasn’t something he needed to do. He just wanted to make sure she was taken care of.
“Why? Why do you insist on spending your money on me? What makes you think I’m worth it? That I’m worth your time and the money I know you had to have worked hard to earn?”
“Babe, first, get comfortable.” He used his hands on her hips to turn her, so she sat sideways instead of facing forward on his lap, then he continued, “Second, I’m the one who gets to decide how I spend my money. And who said anything about worth or deserving? I’ve met people with millions who don’t deserve to be the gum on the bottom of my shoe. Since when does the world award worth and value? I see something you need, or something I think you need and I’m going to get it. Don’t worry about money. I’ve got enough.”
“I just don’t want to see you spend it on me when I don’t need it.”
Savage tilted his head back and looked at the top of the tent while he took a deep breath and tried to remember she’d been abused and needed patience. “Let’s move on from that for a minute. You said something earlier that I didn’t want to go into out there, but now I’d like some answers, if you can give them to me. You know you can trust me and I’m not going to hurt you, right?”
She didn’t look up at him but nodded, her gaze on her hands that were folded in her lap.
“Donna?” He kept his voice gentle.
“Yes?” Her voice was soft, as if she was afraid of what he was going to say next.
“Look at me, please, babe.”
Time seemed to stretch between them. It seemed like an eon had passed before she looked up at his face. He couldn’t help the pleased smile he flashed her. He’d been afraid he’d have to lift her chin till she looked at him, but she’d done it on her own. He was proud of her for that.
“Thank you. Now I need to hear you say the words. You do know that you can say anything to me, you can tell me anything and I will not raise a hand to you, right?”
A look flashed through her eyes that he thought might be panic. He pushed back his urge to growl and demand who had hurt her. He suspected he already knew, though he hadn’t bothered to ask the fuckwad’s name. He didn’t want to know, not yet. If he knew he might make a few calls and have the man taken care of. Savage wanted that pleasure for himself.
“You’re serious?” Her eyes went wide, and she stared at him, as if she wasn’t sure if she could believe what he was saying.
“I’m serious, babe. I don’t know what all your loser ex did or said to you.” She started to say something, but he shook his head and continued. “You don’t need to tell me. Not yet. I’m not saying I don’t want to know. But I want you to get to know me better, to want to tell me, not feel like you have to. I know enough for now and we’ll deal with it together when you’re ready to tell me the rest, okay?” He used one hand to smooth her hair back from her face.
She stared up at him for several seconds, blinking twice before speaking again. “Okay. I will do my best.” Her gaze dropped to her lap again. “It’s hard but I will try. I’ll probably screw it up. I seem to screw everything up, but I’ll do my best.” Her gaze flicked back up to his, as if she remembered she was supposed to be looking at him and didn’t want to be in trouble for looking away.
“Your best is all I can ask. I know it’s not easy to change habits, and that it can’t be done overnight. Especially when these things have become habits in self-defense. I won’t hold it against you if you’re not perfect, but remember even when you aren’t perfect, and really babe, who is? No one, that’s who. We all make mistakes. We all screw up in one way or another. Even me. And I fully admit that if this lasts very long, I’ll probably say or do something that scares you or hurts your feelings.” He kept moving his hand from her brow, over her head and down to her back before starting over again. “But I won’t hurt you physically ever, and I won’t hurt your feelings on purpose. If you’ll try to trust me, I’ll do my absolute best to be worthy of that trust, all right?”
Her gaze dropped for a moment and Savage said nothing, just waited. If he demanded her trust, he was no better than the piece of shit who had abused her. He would not be another reason any woman acted like a kicked puppy. Ever.
After a long moment, maybe thirty seconds, she looked back up at him. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all I can ask, babe. Now I’ve got a couple of things I want to ask you about, questions from things you said before, then I’ll look at borrowing a vehicle so we can go into town.”
Still sitting sideways on his folded legs she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What do you want to know?”
“You said something earlier that caught my attention, I didn’t question it then because we were where we could be overheard, and I didn’t want you to feel like I was airing your personal business but it’s something I need to know about.”
She frowned and he watched as her eyes flicked back and forth as she tried to remember what had been said and what he might be wanting to know. After a moment he took mercy and just said it.
“You said something along the lines of no one else wanting you because you are pregnant with someone else’s kid. Where did you get that? Cause I assure you it’s in no way true.”
She looked up at him and opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Donna looked away, not down at her lap but across the tent at the wall.
“That’s what Noah used to tell me. While he was, well, you know. That he was going to get me pregnant with his brat, those were his words, then no one else would want me.”
“Oh, babe.” He tightened his arms around her again, just holding her close. At the same time, he wished he had ten minutes with this Noah bastard. He’d give him a few quick lessons about how to treat a woman and manners because it was clear he had none. “He was wrong. So wrong. Well, it might be true for him, but there are a lot of men who find pregnancy sexy.”
“Yeah, because puking, waddling, and stretch marks are so attractive.” Disbelief was clear in her voice.
“I’ll give you that not every part of it is appealing, but the waddling and stretch marks? Way more than you might think. I think it shows a woman’s strength. She created something precious and has the marks to prove it. It’s something I could never do, and it leaves me in awe and wonder at the whole thing.”
“Really?” She tilted her head toward him and let it rest against his chest.
“Yes, really. I told you before, honesty between us, right? I meant it.” He rested his chin on top of her head, his arms still holding her snugly as he got the sense she needed the reassurance. He stopped trying to control his dick’s reaction to having her warm and soft in his lap. Maybe if she didn’t believe his words, she would believe his body’s reactions to her.
After just a couple of minutes, she started shifting in his lap, then turned and looked up at him, eyes wide. Savage could see the nervousness filling them.
“I’m not pushing you for anything. You’re not expected to take care of it. I just stopped fighting it, thinking you might believe my physical reaction more than my words.”
Donna opened her mouth to say something then closed it again and dropped her gaze. She shifted again.
“What was the plan for today?” she asked after a moment.
“Do you want a shower or to change clothes before we go into town?”
“I don’t need a shower, but I’d like to change.”
“Okay, you do that while I go see about a car. If we need to, we can take the bike, but I’d rather not for this. Just in case we need to haul something that won’t fit on the bike.”
She took a deep breath and let it out, then started to move, getting up from his lap and moving to where the backpack he’d gotten for her things when they’d gone shopping the day before. She had remembered the hair dye Beth had mentioned but wasn’t sure if it would be safe. Did pregnant women dye their hair? She’d never paid attention and had no idea. Better safe than sorry, she’d decided. She could dye it later if she wanted.
“I don’t need that much,” she said.
Savage didn’t say anything, just folded his arms across his chest and watched her with one lifted brow until she turned and looked at him.
“I’m not telling you not to get what you want. I’m just saying I don’t need anything more.” She turned back to her bag and continued to dig through and pull items out. “But you’ll spend your money any way you see fit and I can’t stop you, even with common sense.”
“Damn straight.” He pushed himself to his feet and went to see about borrowing the SUV the girls had driven up from Tucson.