Savage (Demented Souls #15)

24. 24

24

D onna did her best to keep Savage from seeing how badly her hands shook as she dug out the shorts and shirt she planned to sleep in. It wasn’t that she was scared of him. But Noah had pointed out every flaw in her body so many times that she didn’t want anyone to see her. She didn’t know if she’d ever get past it but for now, the best she could do was to stay covered whenever she was around anyone, especially men.

Once she had her clothes, she shot one last look over toward Savage before quickly taking off her shirt and replacing it with the one she would sleep in. This one was loose and long, giving her enough room to easily slip off her bra while staying completely covered. Once that was off and tossed on top of her backpack, she hazarded another glance back at Savage, then stood and stepped out of her jeans. Only then did she realize that even if he’d been looking, all Savage would have seen was from mid-thigh down. Her shirt covered everything else. For a moment she considered leaving her shorts off, but what would she do if her shirt rode up in the night?

No.

Shorts was better. She stepped into them, pulled them up over her hips and sat back down.

“Okay. You can look now.”

She spun on her butt and put her clothes in the pocket of her bag she was using for dirty things.

“You ready to climb in?” he asked.

“I will be in just a moment.” She zipped the bag and put it back where it belonged before turning to look at him.

“Climb in when you’re ready,” he said as he lifted up onto his knees and reached over her head.

Donna found herself staring at his bare chest as he stretched up and unhooked the lantern from where it hung. She wondered what his skin would taste like? Her face heated and she turned away, hoping he wouldn’t notice. She couldn’t remember the last time her fingers had ached to touch someone, but they did now.

“You okay?” he asked, as she moved to the edge of the sleeping bag closest to where the zipper was and slid inside.

“I’m good.” She shivered as she slid between the layers. Between the temperature dropping and the cool feel of the material she couldn’t help it. But it wouldn’t last long. It would only take a few minutes for her body, and soon Savage’s to warm the bed. She looked forward to not getting cold tonight. She fidgeted a moment, getting comfortable, then froze as she felt the sleeping bag behind her lift and heard Savage slide inside.

“You good for me to turn out the light?” His voice came from right behind her, sending her senses into overload.

“I’m good.” She stayed where she was, not wanting him to feel like she was too needy, but her chest ached as she wished he’d move up behind her and wrap his arms around her, like he had the night before after dragging her bed across the floor.

A soft click sounded, and the interior of the tent went dark. She lay there for several seconds, wondering what would happen next. What did she want to happen, well other than his arms around her? That she knew she wanted. She wanted more but she didn’t know how to ask for it or tell him what she was feeling.

Not the least of her fears was what he would think of her if she ever screwed up the nerve to tell him she wanted him to touch her. And more than in the chaste ways he’d touched her so far. Doubts filled her mind. Would he think she was a slut? It had only been a few days since she’d been in Noah’s bed. Not that she’d been there by choice for the last several months, but she hadn’t had a way to get away either.

No, she was better off keeping her feelings to herself. She didn’t think Savage would hurt her on purpose, and yes, he’d told her he wanted her, but did he really? Or did he just want sex. Not all men were like Noah, she knew that. But sometimes she couldn’t shut off her mind nor ignore all the things Noah had said to her over the last year and a half that she’d been seeing him. His words snuck into her brain when she least expected it, making her doubt things she thought she knew and leaving her feel like a foolish idiot.

“You’re thinking too hard again,” Savage said as his arm snaked around her middle and pulled her backwards until her back collided with his warm, hard chest. “Tell me what you’re thinking about so hard.” His chest vibrated against her back as he spoke, no matter that his voice was soft enough that someone standing outside the tent likely wouldn’t have heard him.

“It’s stupid.” Her face heated and she was thankful it was dark so he wouldn’t see her blush.

“That doesn’t matter. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.” He fell quiet for the span of several breaths, and Donna hoped he’d let it go. Her hopes were dashed when he spoke again.

“Come on, babe, tell me. It will stay between the two of us, but I can’t help you fix it if you don’t tell me what’s bothering you.”

“It’s not that I think you’ll tell anyone. I don’t think that.” She stared into the darkness and wondered what she was really afraid of. That he would turn her down? No. He wouldn’t be mean if he wasn’t interested. She lay there for several long moments trying to find the words before she finally spoke. “I’m afraid.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper but at the way his arm around her waist tightened, she knew he’d heard her.

“What are you afraid of, babe? It better not be that douche of an ex of yours. I told you he won’t get to you.”

“No,” she said automatically, then stopped and amended it. “I take that back. I am afraid Noah or someone else from the commune will find me. That they’ll force me to go back with them, but that’s not what’s bothering me now. I believe that you won’t let them take me.”

“If that’s not it, then what are you afraid of, babe?” his voice was as quiet as hers had been, barely more than the whisper of his breath against her neck.

She took a deep breath and tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. “I’m —” she stopped and took another deep breath, trying to force her racing heart to slow, at least a little. “I’m afraid of what you’ll think if I tell you what I really want.”

“Wait. What? Run that by me again slowly because it made no sense the first time.”

It had taken everything she had to say it the first time, Donna didn’t know if she could say it again. She was still struggling when he spoke again.

“Let me see if I got this right.” His voice was a little louder but still not full volume and much to her relief, he wasn’t yelling at her. “You’re afraid of what I will think if you tell me something about what you want? That makes no sense to me, but I’ll know it’s not about me. It’s about you and what scares you.”

The arm around her middle tugged until she rolled on her back, though he didn’t move much, just enough to let her lay comfortably but still snug up against the front of his body. The hand that had been tucked around her waist came to rest on her belly, the gentle weight and warmth of it sending heat through her body.

Donna was thankful it was dark. She had no doubt he would push until she told him what she wanted. She was afraid of his reaction to it and at least with it dark she wouldn’t be able to see the disgust on his face.

“Babe, I think you are one of the strongest people I know. I’m awed by your bravery and resilience every day. I don’t know what you want that you think is going to upset me in whatever way. Well. I can imagine a few things that would bother me, but I hope you know I wouldn’t hurt you. I would never.”

Donna shook her head. “No. I’m not afraid you would hurt me, and I don’t think it will make you mad. I guess I think it will make you think less of me.”

His hand on her belly started moving, he made slow, gentle circles as if trying to soothe her. “Babe, the only way I could think less of you or be disappointed in you in anyway is if you’re going to tell me you want to go back to that fucker. Everything else we can work with.”

He paused, as if waiting for something, but since he couldn’t see her face any more than she could see his, she didn’t know what. His hand never stopped moving though, and for that she was grateful. She liked it when he touched her. Hell, she wished he would touch her more. And there was the problem.

“I don’t want to go back to Noah. Never. I don’t ever want to have to see him again.”

“Good. I don’t want you to ever have to see him again. I’ll do what I can to prevent you from having to, as much as you will let me.” His hand continued to make little circles on her belly. “Now that we know what’s it not. Will you please tell me what you want that has you afraid of how I’ll react?” His voice dropped to barely more than a whisper again.

Donna wondered why but didn’t want to ask. She was too busy trying to build the nerve to tell him what she wanted.

That lump formed in her throat again. She forced herself to swallow, once, twice, until it was gone, and she could speak.

“You.” The word came out as a whisper. She was afraid he wouldn’t know what she meant. But the hand that had been making slow circles on her belly froze.

He’d heard her all right.

“Donna?” His voice was louder than hers, startling her and making her flinch. He never called her that. He always called her babe. His calling her by her name couldn’t be good.

“Yes?” She couldn’t seem to get more than a whisper to come out.

“I want to make sure I’m one hundred percent clear on what you’re telling me. Did I just hear you tell me that you are afraid of what I think about you because you want me?” The way they’d been talking so quietly made it difficult for her to read his tone.

Had she been wrong to tell him? Her heart thundered in her chest and the lump seemed to be back in her throat again. She couldn’t swallow enough to force it down so she nodded, even though she knew he couldn’t see it.

“Babe, I need you to say it. I can’t see you.” His voice was a little louder and from what she could tell, a little desperate? That was odd. Why would he be desperate? No. That wasn’t the right word. But she couldn’t find the right one.

She tried swallowing several times, but the lump in her throat wouldn’t let her speak. Finally, her brain kicked in and she could think enough to grab his hand from where it still sat, still, on her tummy, and lift it to her face. She laid his hand alongside her cheek and nodded again.

“Yes?” he asked.

She nodded again, still holding his hand along her cheek.

“I don’t know why you would think I’d think badly about that. I’ve already told you I want you. Just like I told you I wouldn’t push for more than you’re ready for. If you’re afraid of that, I would never—”

Donna shook her head, stopping his rambling.

“Babe, I need you to talk to me.” This time the pleading in his voice was clear.

Donna closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He knew and wasn’t judging her. She could do this. It took several breaths but finally, the lump seemed to shrink enough so she could speak.

“I know you won’t push.” Her voice sounded raspy and hoarse, at least to her, but at least it was working. “I was afraid you would think I’m a slut.”

“Babe.” His voice had dropped to a whisper as he cupped her cheek and lowered his head until his forehead rested on hers. “I would never do that, babe. I want you to know that. I know we haven’t known each other that long. You don’t know me well enough to know I would never do that. I hate that word and I never want to hear you use it to describe yourself again.” His voice grew stronger, but only slightly louder as he continued, “And it makes me want to beat the living crap out of that fucker even more. But at the same time, in a twisted way I’m also grateful. Because without him, and his being the shithead he is, I would never have met you and I’m starting to think that may have been the most fortuitous moment of my life.” He held her gently in the dark.

Donna’s heart seemed to overflow. She couldn’t help the tears that pooled in her eyes. And was again grateful for the darkness so Savage couldn’t see them.

“I’m sorry. I can’t always help it.”

“Shh. I know you can’t. I don’t blame you. I blame him. But let’s not think about him anymore tonight. I want to know more about what it is you’re wanting from me.” His lips pressed against her forehead.

Who had known men like this existed? Until Savage, Donna hadn’t.