13. Elliot
ELLIOT
Ithought my father made me feel like a failure, a fraud, but he has nothing on how fucking useless I feel as I walk away from my room.
But she asked for it,a little voice pipes up.
I shake my head.
It doesn’t mean I should have done it.
I pushed her into it, I know I did.
I used every move I’ve learned to make her bend to my will, and I got what I wanted.
Mostly.
I am no different to him. To them.
If I were a better person, I’d have taken Abi back to her dorm last night and let the girls look after her.
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
The Chapel is silent as I make my way to the kitchen, the place is fucking wrecked though, with evidence of the suddenly abandoned party the night before everywhere.
I groan. I’m usually the one up first to embark on the tidying up, even before the paid help gets here. But today, all I want to do is go back upstairs, to attempt to make up for what I did this morning.
I grab two bottles of water and some painkillers because despite what Abigail’s body craved this morning, there’s no way she’s not suffering from the hangover right now.
She was wasted last night. Thoughts of what could have happened if Tally hadn’t called Oak make my blood run cold.
In seconds, I’m climbing the stairs once more, closing the space between us.
She might not forgive me, or ever be able to forget about what I did, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to steal every second of time I can get with her.
When I’m with her, she makes me feel different. Not worthy, because this morning alone has proved that I’m not that. But I want to be. I want to figure out a way to be good enough for her, to be what she needs.
But you can’t…
I sigh as I head towards my room.
No matter what happened between us from here on out, there can’t be an us.
Scott has already tried to ruin it once, what is going to come next?
It’ll be from my father, I know that as much as I know I’m going to take my next breath, and he won’t mess around.
I can’t put her through that, I know I can’t but also… I don’t know how to let her go.
My room is still in darkness and completely silent as I slip inside. For a second, I think she’s gone, run into the night to escape me. She should, but then Abi hasn’t ever done any of the things she should.
As my vision adjusts to the darkness, I find that she’s curled back up in my bed, probably praying that I didn’t return.
Walking over, I drop to my haunches before her and pass her a bottle of water and two pills.
She hesitates but eventually takes them.
“Good girl,” I whisper into the darkness.
My heart is in my throat, my stomach a tight knot of anxiety as I watch her, waiting to see what’s going to happen next.
But when nothing does, I push to my feet, stalk around to the other side of the bed, and slip in behind her.The warmth of her body instantly heats mine as I press my front against her back, tucking my crotch tightly against her ass.
I shouldn’t do it but… fuck. I can’t not.
“Elliot,” she whispers brokenly as I slide my hand across her stomach, my arm locking around her.
“Sleep, Red. Everything will feel better in the light.”
It’s a lie. We both know it. But right now, it’s all I’ve got.
Just like the rest of the night, I lie there listening to her as she drifts back off to sleep.
It never comes for me though. Instead, my head spins with a million and one thoughts, most of them completely useless. Almost all of them are about her and the life I know we can’t have together.
Every time she moves, I hold her tighter. This could very well be the last time I get this.
I’m fucking well going to make the most of it.
By some miracle, I must eventually drift off because I startle when Abi attempts to slip from my hold.
“No,” I grunt, my grip tightening.
“I need the bathroom,” she whispers, her fingers dancing over my arm before peeling my hand from her.
I groan in frustration, irritated at myself. Our time is over, and I fell asleep and missed some of it.
Knowing I can’t keep her here forever, I finally relent and allow her out of bed. With the sun streaming through the window, I watch her pad through my room wearing only my Saints rugby shirt, my dick aching painfully beneath the sheets.
My body burns up and I throw the covers off as the sounds of the Chapel waking up around us fill the air.
The start of a new day should bring the promise of hope, of new beginnings, and all that.But all I feel is dread.
Dread and desire.
Reaching out, I squeeze my dick through my boxers, praying it’ll be enough to squash the ache but already knowing it’s not.
But it’s hopeless.
I smother a moan as it jerks hopefully, desperately.
I’m so lost in my own head that I don’t hear the bathroom door open, or her step out. I damn sure feel the second she turns her gaze on me though.
The fire that was burning through me turns into an uncontrolled inferno the second our eyes lock.
“Red,” I breathe, pushing myself up so I’m resting against the headboard, not bothering to cover up how my body reacts to her.
I want her to see. I want her to understand how badly I need her.
Her eyes drop down my body. They get darker with every inch she takes in until her breath catches.
Precum spills from my tip as I let my mind run away with me, imagining her crawling on the bed between my feet, curling her fingers around my boxers and dragging them down my legs and?—
“You were the best head of my life,” I blurt like an imbecile.
Her cheeks blaze as red as her hair. I fucking love it.
“Elliot, y-you can’t say?—”
“It’s true,” I assure her, cutting off her argument.
“Well…” She fidgets on the spot, clearly not knowing what to do.
She still wants me, I felt it in her touch, in her kiss, in the way her body responded to me.
It’s her head that’s the problem.
I get it. I really fucking do. But I want her more.
Throwing my legs over the edge of the bed, I stalk towards her.She takes a step back, but quickly discovers that an escape is futile because all she achieves is bumping into the wall behind her.
Abi gasps, but I don’t make the most of the opportunity like I should, instead, I slide my hand to her throat, holding gently as her pulse flutters against my fingertips.
“W-what are you doing?” she asks, her wide eyes bouncing between mine.
“I’m not going to kiss you again,” I confess, hating every single syllable in that sentence.
Kissing her is all I want to do. But this isn’t about me. It’s about her.
“The next time I kiss you, you’ll have to beg me for it.”
She swallows, the tendons in her neck pulling tight against my palm before I lean closer letting my lips brush her ear and my cock rub against her hip.
“The next time you want me to touch you, you’ll have to beg too.”
I smirk at the quiet whimper that spills from her lips.
It drives me fucking crazy with need.
Reaching for her hand, I wrap my fingers around her wrist and press her palm against my length.
“Elliot,” she whimpers, attempting to pull her hand away, but I hold it steady.
“This barely scratches the surface of how I feel about you, Red,” I confess with my face tucked into the crook of her neck.
We’re in a little bubble. A place where it is only us. Somewhere no one can hurt us.
“I’m obsessed with everything about you, every single inch of you. I’m so fucking sorry for what happened, I was—” I cut myself off, swallowing and attempting to force down the lump clogging my throat. “I was trying to protect you… from me.From my fucked-up life.
“When I want something, I usually get it no matter the consequences. But you’re different. The consequences matter with you, everything matters with you.
“Elliot, I?—’
“No,” I say, releasing her hand in favour of pressing two fingers to her lips to cut her off.
I stare her dead in the eyes, unable to notice that she hasn’t pulled her hand from my body as quick, and she’d probably like to.
She’s as addicted to me as I am to her.
It’s a fucking heady feeling. But also one I know she isn’t going to give into easily.
“I want you, Red. Never ever forget that. Everything I’ve ever done, will ever do has been for you.”
She shakes her head refusing to believe me.
I shouldn’t be surprised or disappointed, but I am.
“Have breakfast with me,” I demand.
“I can’t, I need to go?—”
“It’s just breakfast, Red. It’s not a date.” It’s totally a date. “Just two friends eating and spending time together.”
She stares up at me as silence stretches between us.
She wants to say no, but she can’t.
It’s the sign I need that I should step back and let her go. But I can’t do that either.
“Come on,” I say, grabbing her hand and pulling her from the wall. “We need coffee. Everything will seem better then,” I lie.
I pause to grab a pair of sweats. While I might be willing to allow her full, unrestricted access to my body knowing that she’ll understand the pain it shows, I’m not willing to share it with anyone else.
The second I’m covered, I retake her hand and tug her out of the room.
She doesn’t say a word as we descend the stairs. My heart is in my throat thinking that she’ll bolt the second she discovers that we’re no longer alone, but we can’t hide forever.
All eyes turn on us the second we emerge, and she stills behind me.
They want to ask all the questions under the sun, I can see it in their eyes, but being the kick-arse friends that they are, they hold it back… for now.
“Abs, do you want coffee?” Tally asks, jumping to her feet.
Pulling her into my side, I wrap my arm around her shoulders and press a kiss on her temple.
The weight of their stares presses heavily down on my shoulders, but while she’s in my arms, I don’t give a fuck.
“Reese and Theo want to go out for breakfast,” Olivia says, attempting to shatter the tension. “You guys want to come with?”
Abigail freezes but then her stomach growls loudly, answering for her.
“Looks like I’m going to have to share you,” I whisper in her ear.
“I… I’m not sure?—”
“We’re your friends, Red. You deserve it.”
Dropping my arm from her shoulder, I tap her on the arse, gently pushing her towards the girls. It’s the last thing I want to do, but it’s also what she needs.
I stalk towards my boys, keeping my eyes on her the whole time, and not just so I don’t have to see their gleeful smirks.
“So…” Oak starts.
“Nothing happened,” I warn. “Don’t get excited.”
“Fucking hell, man,” Theo groans, scrubbing his hand down his face. “You do know that you’re at risk of losing it if you don’t use it.”
“Give him a break,” Oak barks, slapping Theo across the head. “He’s already finding it hard enough. He doesn’t need you making it worse.”
“Trust me,” I mutter. “Nothing about Theo makes anything hard here.”
As they laugh, Raine says something to Abigail that makes her do the same and I swear, the sight of her happiness, of her smile, lights something up inside me.
Fucking hell, I’m in real trouble here.