30. Abigail
ABIGAIL
“And it’s… done.” Tally hits a button on the computer in the student council office, and glances back at me, a look of pride shining in her eyes.
“Okay,” I breathe. “Okay.”
“It’ll be okay, Abs.” She squeezes my hand. “You’ll see. But you probably need to find Elliot before he discovers it from somebody else.”
“We’re meeting for lunch.”
“Then let’s go find our guys.” Tally laces her arms through mine and tugs me gently towards the door. “I’m so proud of you, babe. And I really think this could help a lot of people. But I can’t help but think I should have realised?—”
“No.” I peek up at her. “We’re not doing that. If I’d have wanted you to know, I would have told you.”
“I know, I know. But what you’ve been through…” Guilt flashes in her eyes and for a second, I mirror her emotion. Because she’s right, I didn’t tell her.
But that’s no reflection on our friendship.
“You’re a good friend, Tally,” I say. “I just hope this works.”
The article had been my idea, but I knew she was the right person to help me pull it off. I just don’t know if it’ll be enough to get Mr Eaton to back off.
News travels fast because the second we reach the hallway leading to the dining hall students start staring and whispering and staring some more.
Tally gives my hand another reassuring squeeze. “Hold your head high, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.”
For the first time in my life, I believe it.
Anxiety, depression, grief… They are valid feelings. Feelings so many of us—especially young adults—experience. But somewhere along the way, we’re taught that it’s better to keep those things inside. To put on a smile and pretend we’re fine.
I’m not fine.
I haven’t been fine ever since I survived the accident that killed my mum and turned my father into a shell of a man.
And yes, maybe I didn’t deal with it all in a healthy way. Maybe losing my father was the catalyst that sent me spiralling into a dark, dark hole, but I survived.
I’m still here.
And I know that’s partly thanks to Elliot.
My scars, my grief, the darkness that lives inside me didn’t scare him away. Because he gets it. He knows what it’s like to hide those parts of yourself. To go through the motions.
To pretend.
A smile graces my lips as I think about all we’ve been through. The things he taught me about myself, about what I’m capable of.
It’s his acceptance, his love and friendship that makes me lift my head higher and meet their stares with my own.
“Go girl,” Tally chuckles as the group drop their gazes and pretend to be talking about something other than the article.
“Oak.” My friend lights up at the sight of her boyfriend heading towards us but his expression is anything but happy.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” she asks.
But he looks straight at me. “I need you to come with me,” he says grimly. “Now, Abs.”
I nod, my heart plummeting into my toes as I rush out, “Where is he?”
Oakley leads us through the crowd gathered around the stairwell just past the dining hall just in time to see Elliot’s fist fly straight into one of our classmate’s stomachs.
“Oh, shit.” Someone nearby lets out a low whistle.
“What the fuck did you say about her?” Elliot growls, all up in his face as he pins him to the wall.
“I-I… Come on, Eaton. It’s all good. I was just?—”
“Elliot, no!” I cry, hurrying over to them. His head twists and his eyes find mine. “Don’t do this,” I beg.
“Thank fuck,” the boy breathes, relief skittering across his face as Oakley and Tally manage to disperse the crowd.
This is all my fault.
The thought hits me like a fist to the chest.
I didn’t prepare him for the fallout of the article… because I knew if I told him my plan, he’d try and talk me out of it.
But I thought I could get to him, to explain before anything like this happened.
“Elliot,” I say again, calmer this time, as I lay my hand on his arm.
A shudder goes through him as he shoves the boy away and grits out, “Get the fuck out of here and keep her name out of your mouth.”
“Y-yeah. Of course, my bad, Abi.” The boy gives me an apologetic half-smile as he scurries away.
Elliot’s head drops in defeat, anger still rippling off him. I cast a wary glance towards Oakley and Tally and she grimaces. “Do you need us to?—”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’ve got this.”
“You need anything, you let us know, okay.” Oakley adds, and I nod.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t do anything stupid, big man,” he adds before leading Tally away.
The corridor suddenly feels too small, the walls closing in around us.
“I’m sorry, I should have?—”
Elliot grabs me and hauls me into his arms, his mouth crashing down on mine as he backs me up against the wall.
“Elliot,” I breathe between kisses, so overwhelmed at the frustration and desire pouring off him in thick, angry waves.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” He presses his head to mine, trapping me in his icy gaze. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“I did it for you. For us.”
“But everyone?—”
“I don’t care.” I slide a palm to his cheek and inhale a shaky breath. “I’m tired of hiding, Elliot. I’m tired of living in the shadows. For so many years, I thought my scars defined me. That my grief and pain made me different—too different. The odd, shy girl who didn’t know how to make friends or trust people.
“But the past does not define us. Our scars do not define us.” I hold his face in my hands, willing him to understand.
To accept my decision to stand up for him.
To choose him.
“You know, it’s supposed to be my job to protect you.”
A soft huff escapes me. “Can’t we protect each other?”
“I’m not… good at relinquishing control. When I heard that arsehole talking shit about you…”
“I should have told you, given you time to accept things.”
“No, you’re right, I would have tried to talk you out of it.”
“I’m okay with everyone knowing my secrets, Elliot.” Because you’re more important, I swallow the words, unsure he’s ready to hear them. “Besides, if my story can help just one person… That has to be a good thing.”
He stares down at me, something warring in his eyes.
“What?” I ask, a little breathless at the intensity in his gaze. The admiration.
“You are one of the strongest people I know, Red. And does it gut me that you felt you had to do this, for me? Yeah, it does. But I’m in fucking awe of you.” Elliot brushes a wisp of hair out of my face. “I love you.”
“I love you too, so much.” I press up on my tiptoes, brushing my lips against his.
This kiss is softer. Sweeter.
The tension slowly ebbs out of Elliot as he holds me close, holds me like he might never let me go.
And I don’t want him to.
I want this—him—forever.
Forever.
The word clangs in my head, sending a spike of anxiety through me.
“What, what is it?” He breaks the kiss to search my face.
“Nothing.” I smile. Because my thoughts, no matter how cruel and sabotaging, no longer hold sway over me.
Will a part of me always wonder if I’m strong enough, pretty enough, good enough to be with someone like Elliot?
Probably.
Do I intend on that stopping me from loving him? From choosing him? From fighting for him?
Never.
“Here she is.” Theo grins as Elliot gently nudges me into the Chapel.
“Proud of you, Abs.” Liv comes over and gives me a big hug, Raine not far behind her.
“What you wrote… You’re made of strong stuff, babe.” Raine offers me an understanding smile.
“Always knew you had it in you,” Tally adds, and I’m sure I see tears glistening in her eyes.
“It was nothing, really,” I murmur, not entirely comfortable with their attention.
The other students at school are one thing. I don’t know them. But these people are my friends.
My family.
And now they know everything.
Well, not everything. I kept some small details out of the article.
A bolt of lust goes through me as I glance up at Elliot only to find him watching me intently.
“Want me to tell them all to fuck off?” he asks quietly, and I chuckle.
“Oh no you don’t, Eaton,” Reese says. “Abs is our friend too and you already stole her away for the afternoon.”
It’s true, he did.
After the incident earlier, we skipped afternoon classes and went for a drive. We didn’t get very far before Elliot pulled over in a deserted rest area and put his mouth on me, but it was just the distraction I needed.
The boys all give me a knowing look and heat stains my cheeks.
“Quit it,” Elliot barks. “I’ll get us a drink.” He drops a kiss on my head making a beeline for the kitchen while the girls herd me towards the sofa.
“I think you’re Millie’s new idol,” Raine says. “She highlighted half your article and sent it to me.”
“She did?”
Raine nods. “You made her feel understood, Abs.”
“I… I wasn’t really thinking about how people would react to it.” I glance over at Elliot and the boys. “I just wanted to show Mr Eaton I’m not afraid. Struggling with mental health is nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Did you and Elliot talk about what happens next?” Tally asks quietly.
“I think he’s accepted I’m not walking away from this. But there’s still things we need to figure out.”
Like what if Johnathon doubles down on his threats? What if he completely cuts Elliot off financially and he still refuses to accept my help?
As if sensing my thoughts, Tally reaches over and grabs my hand. “It’ll all work out.”
“Yeah.”
God, I want to believe her.
The boys join us and Theo switches the TV on, settling on some reality show about rich men and fast cars.
Elliot drops down beside me and drapes his arm along the back of the sofa, toying with my hair. “You good?”
I give him a reassuring smile.
“Fuck, exams start next week.” Theo grumbles. “They came around way too quickly.”
“Maybe if you actually revised during our sessions, you’d feel more confident about?—”
“Hey, I revise.”
Raine gives him a pointed look and everyone chuckles.
“Have you ever considered that you’re too much of a distraction?” He throws back. “I can’t help it if numbers and you get me horny.”
“You should try Liv’s trick,” Reese adds. “For every question I get right, she rewards me with?—”
“Don’t you dare fucking say it.” Oakley groans.
The two of them start arguing, the girls watching on with mild amusement.
“You really want to stay down here with these idiots when I could take you upstairs so you can help me revise?” Elliot leans in and nips my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.
“And how might I do that?” I simper.
“Well, for starters, you can?—”
The doorbell rings out through the Chapel and everyone stops talking.
“Who the fuck is that? We’re all here.”
“Maybe it’s Millie?”
“She’s at therapy.” He pads towards the door, disappearing into the hallway.
“Who is it?” Oakley calls but Theo reappears, his expression hard and unforgiving.
“You’re not going to believe what the cat dragged in,” he says, his eyes falling on Elliot.
Before anyone can speak, a hooded figure steps out from behind him and shoves his hood back, glaring in our direction.
“Hello, little brother.”