Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
DEZ
I couldn’t leave without one person, and I would take her kicking and screaming if I had to.
Who else but an angel would look at a scrawny, dirty teenager, who’d been trying to steal from her at the time, and invite him inside for a plate of food?
What would it say about me if I left an angel, the only mother I’d ever known, behind somewhere I didn’t think was safe?
She wasn’t in the kitchen, so I stopped by her place in Hawthorne.
I knocked on the door.
An older man poked his head out.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“I’m…oh, wait, are you Dez?” He raised an index finger. “One second. Hey, Mae? I think your son’s here to see you.”
I shoved my way inside. “Who are you, and what the hell are you doing here? Where’s Mae? Mae? Are you in here? Are you safe?”
I scanned the front room.
My rage dissolved into horror.
It wasn’t uncommon for the lights to be off around Totten or for people to resort to using candles. However, there were far too many for this to be a simple case of poor lighting.
Artificial rose petals were scattered all over the floor. Chocolate-covered strawberries sat on a platter on the four-person dining table. Then, I realized what the male guest was wearing: a tank top and a pair of black shorts adorned with red lip designs.
“Hey, Edward?” Mae, wearing a silky purple nightgown and a full face of makeup, emerged from the dark hallway. “You ready for me, Big Da—Dez?”
I faced the door.
“Dezzie, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
I fiddled with my fingers like a seven-year-old, and I was sure my face was redder than the top half of those strawberries.
“Need to talk to you,” I said.
“Can it wait?”
I groaned.
I didn’t want to imagine what I would be waiting for to finish.
“No, not this.”
“Edward, will you wait for me in the bedroom?”
I squeezed my forehead and waited until I heard the man’s footsteps retreat before I turned around. Even then, I peeked first, as if they’d somehow manage to go from clothed to nude back to clothed in the time it took for me to turn.
Mae flipped on a light switch and headed toward me. “Look at you, redder than the inside of a beet.”
“I wasn’t expecting…” I motioned around. “All of this.”
“Are you embarrassed?”
“Um, yeah? Mae, you’re like a mother to me.”
She smoothed my shirt and adjusted my sleeve. “Dezzie, do me a favor. This might be the last time we see each other. Call me your mother. It won’t kill either one of us.”
“What do you mean by ‘the last time we see each other’? I came to tell you you’re coming with me.”
“And I’m telling you I’m not.”
Already anticipating resistance, I shook my head. “Mae—”
“Mom. I’ll also accept Ma, Mama, and, because you’ve never had the chance to use it, Mommy.”
“You really think I’m going to call you ‘Mommy’ after hearing you call some man ‘Daddy’?”
“Big Daddy,” she corrected.
Groaning yet again, I dragged my hand down my face. “Look, Mae, you and I both know that Totten’s too unstable to trust its longevity. Me and Larke are leaving tonight. We’re headed for a settlement in South Carolina. You’re coming with us.”
She took my hand and examined my finger, caressing the ring with her thumb.
I knew I was being a hypocrite with my minor heart attack over her romantic night when I fucked Larke against any surface I could find.
Then, I also never planned to stop making sweat dampen those little curls at Larke’s temples.
But that was different.
“I proposed to Larke,” I said. “Well, actually, I didn’t propose.
I asked her to be my wife, but not for an engagement.
I asked her to be my wife, right now, because the way I feel about her is out of this fuck—freakin’ world.
Sorry, Mae. And she said yes…but, now that I’m thinking about it, what if she wanted something more formal? Even a little bit formal.”
“What if?” Mae asked.
“But she’s wearing the ring. That probably means she’s fine with it, right?”
“Right.”
“I mean, she’s been engaged before. Still, she didn’t get married, so our relationship is the only one that counts. Honestly, her ex is probably dead somewhere. Nobody can take care of Larke the way that I can.”
“Nobody.”
I narrowed my brows.
Chuckling, she tapped my fingers. “You should have brought my daughter-in-law with you.”
Despite the fact that Larke was an adult, Mae thought she was “the most adorable little thing ever.”
I agreed that Larke was adorable at times.
Gorgeous, always.
And sexy as fuck.
I had Wade watching Neal, and so far, I hadn’t received any updates that made me think I had to go running.
Still, I was starting to get a twisting sort of discomfort in my midsection that I could never quite discern whether it meant, “Larke is in danger,” or “You need to be inside Larke in the next ten minutes.”
Mae released my hand and headed to where the strawberry platter lay. I followed, my footsteps tentative as if I expected them to be covered in something other than chocolate.
“Strawberry?” she offered.
I shot her a look.
She giggled. “You’re so easy. We’re both adults now, Dezzie. You’re old enough now to know where babies come from.”
“Are you really not leaving with me and Larke? I love you, Mae. I don’t want to be out there while you’re in here.”
She sat and patted the chair next to her. I took a seat, already not liking where this was headed. I already knew what she was about to say, and it wasn’t the first time we’d had this conversation.
“Dr. Lin has been helping me live as comfortably as possible in here, but I’m still sick, sweet pea,” she said.
“Even if the world was still as it was, it wouldn’t change much.
You know that. I’ve told you that. The time I’ve had has been good.
The time waiting for me, I’m going to make even better. ”
I leaned against the back of the chair. “I know.”
“Plus, it runs in the family. Although it doesn’t start showing until we’re past fifty, you still need to be careful.”
My lips parted.
“And don’t argue with me. I said what I said.”
“What would you need?” I asked. “You’ve told me about this before. It’s hereditary, and it’s a type of fibrosis, right? We could find you oxygen.”
I knew I was being impossible.
Mae’s best bet was inside these walls.
Even if this new location in South Carolina had better options than Totten, it would make the most sense for me to confirm that first and then come back for her. One slip-up on our journey, and I would put her in more harm than Cerner and Neal ever could.
I blinked back the same tears I kept at bay the first time I had to leave her. It was after I received my ship date, and I’d waited until I was on the bus, face hidden, before letting them fall.
“Mae, we might never see each other again. Before, I could go two or three years without seeing you because I knew where you were. I could hear your voice. I won’t be able to do that once I leave here.”
She nodded. “I know, baby.”
“So what do I do?”
“You take your wife away from this place.”
“And leave you behind?”
“Dezzie, you’ve never told me you love me.”
“But I do,” I argued. “I always have. That’s not debatable. I just have a lot of extra attachment-related shit—stuff that I’m dealing with. Sorry.”
“You can say what you want out there. You’re a grown man now, and I can acknowledge that...out there.” She flicked her fingers at the door, then the windows. “But, with me, I want to see the boy I raised.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And Dezzie, I know you love me. I’ve always known, but you’ve never said it. Not like you did earlier. Baby, you’re in love, and it’s a good love. A real love. So, it doesn’t matter what I tell you. I could tell you to stay. You’re going to go where Larke goes.”
“She’d stay if I asked her to. Stay here with me.”
“Would you?”
I tipped the chair up on two legs.
She lightly swatted my thigh, and I set it back down.
“No, I wouldn’t. Larke’s not safe here. Even if things eased up, she and Neal have history, which makes her a target.”
“Romantic history?”
“No, it’s something different. Something less ‘sexual power’ and more ‘intellectual power.’ She’s amazing.
I could brag about my wife all day. So I wouldn’t be surprised if he was intimidated by that.
Imagine thinking you’re the shit your entire life, and then you meet someone who’s flawlessly better than you are. ”
She lightly swatted me again.
Grinning, I scratched the back of my head. If there was one habit she’d likely never get me to break, it was what she’d often referred to as my “vulgar” vocabulary. However, she’d done a fantastic job with manners, dressing, and grooming.
“So you understand why you have to leave, then,” she insisted.
“You have to keep my daughter-in-law safe, and once you’re safe, love each other openly and freely.
I’ve heard about your arrangement, and that worked in here.
It helped you see each other, express your love, and make love to one another. ”
I leaned forward until my forehead bumped the tabletop, and she eased me back up using a tender grip on my shoulder.
“But just like I’m sure you never thought you’d meet Larke, good things are waiting for you, Dezzie. Things you deserve. Out there.”
I looked at the window.
Soon, I would have to leave, and Larke waiting for me was the only reason I’d get my feet to move.
“Just don’t hurt her.”
I snorted. “Never.”
“You promise?”
I cleared my throat and adjusted in my seat.
“As crazy as this might sound, sometimes, I see me and Larke in some alternate universe. We have a daughter. They both have me wrapped around their fingers. Our daughter knows who her parents are, when her birthday is, and whatever they want, whatever they need, I’m there for my family.
Even if I’m dead, I’ve made it so that they’ll never know any starving, cold, sleepless nights, lying on some backstreet or in some alley, praying nobody finds them in a vulnerable moment.
Honestly, Mom, I don’t even know how this shit happens.
How a person can go from being a stranger to somebody you’d remove your own heart for if theirs stopped beating.
The way I love that woman? It scares the shit out of me sometimes. She’s everything, Mae. Everything.”
Mae leaned against my arm. “That’s that rare love. The one where it’s prewritten somewhere. Where, in every universe, you’re Dez, and she’s Larke, and you two end up together.”
“Have you ever had that?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“What about with Edward?”
“Edward is a booty call.”
“Mae…”
She leaned back, looked up at me, and fixed my hair. Once she was done, she continued to stare at me, tears in her eyes and a small, almost knowing smile on her face.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. Now, come give Mom a kiss. Be good, and be safe. Please, be safe. I love you, baby. And tell my daughter-in-law that I love her too.”
“You’re shooing me?”
“Yes. I have work waiting for me in the bedroom.”