Saving Grace (Havenwood #2)

1. Leila

Leila

“ A re you sure about this?” my older brother asks as he leans against my bedroom door. Gavin’s six-foot frame takes up most of the opening, the worry in his eyes something I’ve come to know quite well over the last several years. I’m the one who usually puts it there, after all.

I offer a smile that is hopefully more convincing than it feels, especially since my insides are twisted into so many knots that I think I might actually make myself sick. “I’m going back to Havenwood, Gav,” I say, breathing through the nausea. “It’s the right move.”

The only move, really. The last several months have been nothing short of terrifying, but by some miracle, I’m still standing.

Hell, if I’m honest, the last decade has been one gigantic nightmare after another.

But the little girl in me, the one who remembers the feeling of belonging, of safety, wants to find that joy in life again.

Especially now.

Gavin runs his fingers through his nearly black hair, the locks just long enough to stand on end when he does it. “You may not like what you find when we get there,” he warns.

I glance around the room, making a show of its emptiness with one arm stretched wide.

“You do realize this room is void of all personal items, right? We’ve already loaded up the moving truck with everything we own.

I’ll figure out our living situation once we get there.

I know you’d rather not get woken up at all hours of the night. ”

He stands tall, stretching to his full height like it’ll give him the power to sway me. “You’re staying with me, Leila. There’s no point in you paying rent somewhere when you don’t need to.” Glancing down at the bundle in my arms, he adds, “Maybe we should wait a few more weeks.”

I shake my head at the big oaf. He worries too much.

It’s justified—I’m a walking panic attack—but he put his life on hold for me.

It’s been ten years since Gavin carted me away from the cause of my night terrors, leaving our hometown and his life behind.

When the opportunity presented itself for him to move back and oversee farm operations of River Haven Ranch, he wanted to say no.

With everything that happened in the last year, he wanted to stay in Tennessee. For me. For my sanity.

I understand his hesitation. I swear I do. He doesn’t want to see me hurt again. I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t have time to go through the constant tears and feelings of inadequacy again, but staying in Tennessee is only masking the problem.

I’m done hiding from my past.

Slipping the band from my hair and undoing the tangled braid, I offer my brother a gentle smile.

This one at least feels sincere. “It’s all good, brother.

The doctor said everything looks good, just to take it easy.

And I already have an appointment set up with Kristen for next week to keep my therapy sessions flowing like they suggested. ”

When he opens his mouth to argue, I hold a hand up. “We’re going back to Havenwood, Gavin. My mind is made up. And you know damn well you won’t be able to change it.”

My brother sighs heavily, clearly conceding to my victory. Not that it’s anything new. I’m nothing if not stubborn to the bone.

“I’ll load up the last few bags. We can be there before lunch if we leave soon.” He hesitates before adding, “Did you give anyone a heads up that we’re coming into town?”

Nodding, I shrug. Not a confirmation exactly, but…

“I sent a text. You know how hit or miss things have been, though. I think he needs this as much as us. We need a support system. What better place to find one than in the best little town in Georgia?” At least, I hope that’s what we find. This idea has more potholes than a southern backroad.

“Your heart is too big, baby sister. I hope Drew doesn’t break it,” Gavin says as he walks out to put the rest of our bags in the already running Explorer. The again that he keeps to himself rings clear.

Glancing down at the bundle in my arms and placing a kiss on my seven-week-old daughter’s head, I sigh and soak up the newborn snuggles as she snoozes against my chest. “You and me, both,” I whisper to Gavin’s retreating form as I hold Kaia close and silently pray that I’m not making the worst decision of her tiny little life by taking her closer to family.

To her father.

To the one man who loved me through all the ups and downs before crushing my heart into a gazillion pieces.

To the cowboy who calls me “sunshine.”

The one and only, Drew Flynn.

***

The journey from Tennessee to Georgia is a long one of mostly mountainous roads, the Blue Ridge Mountains stretching a good portion of the trip. After nearly three hours on the highway, my anxiety reaches its max as doubts double down on the good vibes I had going.

Gosh darn it. Maybe this isn’t the best idea.

When I reached out to Kelsey Riley a few months ago about finding a way to come back home, I left out the fact that we’d have a baby in tow. She knows now, of course, because Gavin can’t keep anything from his ex-girlfriend, but that’s a story for a different time.

And while I may have let Gavin believe otherwise, Drew hasn’t answered a single text or call since the day Kaia was conceived and he shoved his big brother out of our hotel room. He closed the door between us that night, in Tennessee and in our relationship.

It’s not like Drew would have told anyone about us anyway. We’d kept our relationship a secret before the pregnancy. With our brothers being best friends and work buddies, we didn’t want to muddy the waters between the two. Especially since we lived in different states.

The only reason either brother found out we’d been sneaking around for the last several years is because Drew’s brother heard my scream during the start of a particularly rough nightmare-turned-panic attack.

Walking in on your brother and your best friend’s sister while neither are clothed leads to questions no one wants to deal with.

My knee bounces against the glove box, and my knuckles turn white with their grip on my phone as I try to bring my focus back to the e-book I’ve been slowly working through.

Usually, Laura Beth’s medical romances are my bread and butter, but I can’t slow my mind enough to focus on the snack of a doctor who falls for the nurse who works three jobs to stay afloat.

I glance in the backseat again, forcing a deep breath as I take in Kaia’s sleeping form.

Turning back to the front, I set my phone in the cup holder, clenching my eyes closed as I drop my head into my hands.

Blunt nails press into my scalp as I massage it roughly.

I take a breath and open my eyes, shaky hands reaching for the center console as Gavin slows for a traffic light.

I fumble through all the junk until I find the emergency bottle of anxiety medication.

I shake it twice, the sound of a single pill bouncing around soothing something inside of me. As I try to remove the lid, Gavin places a hand on my unsteady ones. I look up to meet his concerned hazel eyes.

“Unless you plan to convince Kaia to accept formula for the first time when she wakes, you can’t take that one right now,” he says while holding his hand out for the canister.

I willingly place it in his open hand, and he turns his focus back to the road as the light turns green.

“Everything is going to be okay. Try not to create issues that don’t exist yet. ”

Rolling my eyes, I huff. “Just a few hours ago, you were arguing otherwise.”

“Yeah, well, we’re almost there now. So, buckle up, buttercup.”

I take a deep breath, trying to cleanse the ensuing panic from my system. He’s right, of course. My mind is conjuring all the possible ways this could end badly.

When I still don’t say anything, Gavin sighs. His fingers slide up and down the steering wheel, his own anxious tell. “What’s going through your head right now?”

“What if I can’t do this? What if being back here triggers too many memories? What if this is all too much, for everyone?” For Drew, but I don’t say that part out loud.

I know the words my brother wants to say are along the lines of Where was this hesitation before I called Kelsey?

but he’s a good sport about it. He knows it’s just my anxiety talking.

I haven’t stepped foot in Havenwood in a little over a decade.

I never came back, because the trauma inflicted by my mother and stepfather was too great.

Every happy memory I’d ever had here had been wiped away by the trauma and heartache they brought to this sweet little town.

Back then, Gavin was in his twenties and lived in our dad’s old house.

By the time he caught wind of the situation, it was too late.

I was a shell of my former self, the happy-go-lucky child that never met a stranger.

The bullet wound in my arm was luckily the worst of the physical damage done to me.

I can’t say the same for my egg donor and her dealer.

“You need to breathe, Leila,” he says, his tone as firm as the grip on my arm. His touch serves its purpose, grounding me from the memories that are trying to burst from their cobwebbed crates.

As my eyes take in our surroundings, a sleepy whimper sounds from the backseat. Luckily—or unluckily, depending on who’s asking—we’ve made it to the outskirts of town, where our dad’s old house sits. Gavin must have pulled into the drive while I was lost in my head.

The white one-story ranch house with black shutters and a matching front door isn’t much size-wise, but it’s plenty big for the three of us for now.

Gavin steps out of the SUV and opens the back door, unlatching the car seat from its base and bringing Kaia around to my side.

Her eyes are still shut, but her little fists are bunched tight.

She’ll be starving when she does wake. We stopped once about ninety minutes in, but she slept the remainder of the trip.

Glancing around, I recognize one of the ranch’s trucks on the street and count my breaths while looking only at the tiny human.

If I don’t see the Flynn brothers, then they aren’t there…

right? Please let it be the older brother.

I’m not ready to face Drew yet. I just need a few hours to settle in, and then I’ll hunt him down. Maybe.

It’s been eleven months since I laid eyes on Drew, when he made it clear that we couldn’t keep doing this.

Whatever this was. We’d been on and off in secret for years, only getting together when he and his brother Declan visited Gavin on their way to pick up horses in Kentucky.

He’d told me he loved me. And I had been na?ve enough to believe him.

Things are different now. I’m not here for Drew. Not really. I’m here for Kaia.

And with that thought, I steel myself for the heartache that is sure to come.