Chapter 16 Brody
As we walked arm in arm through the park, the warm breeze ruffling our hair and the soft chirping of birds filling the air, I couldn't help but marvel at the perfect, peaceful beauty of the moment.
Even as I basked in the glow of Clark's presence, I could sense a hint of nervousness in the way he kept worrying.
"Hey," I said softly, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. "What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
Clark glanced up at me, his eyes wide and uncertain. "I guess I'm just wondering what this all means, you know? For us."
I frowned slightly. "I thought we were on the same page about wanting to see where this thing between us could go."
"We are," he said quietly, his gaze dropping to the ground. "But I'm a Little. And you're not a Daddy. At least, not yet."
A rush of understanding washed over me. He had bared his soul to me. And I was still fumbling in the dark, still trying to figure out who and what I was in the context of this whole new world.
"Clark," I said softly, coming to a stop. "I'm not a Daddy, not in the way that you deserve. I'm still learning, still trying to understand how to be that for you. But that doesn't mean I'm not all in, okay? That doesn't mean I'm not committed to you, to us.”
"Really?" he whispered, his voice small and uncertain. "You're not just curious, or experimenting, or trying to figure yourself out with me as your guinea pig?"
"No," I said fiercely, my heart clenching at the thought. "No, baby, never. I would never use you like that. I may not be the perfect Daddy right out of the gate. But I know that I want to try. For us."
Clark let out a shaky breath, his eyes shining with a mix of relief and wonder. "Okay, that's more than enough for me, Brody.”
“I like you so much, Clark.”
“You like me?” He said with a gasp.
I chuckled. “Wasn’t that obvious?”
"I guess. I like you too."
"Hey," I said softly. "How did you first get into age play?" I asked, my voice low and gentle.
"It's hard to say, exactly," he said slowly, his brow furrowing as he searched for the words. "I think I always knew, on some level. When I was a kid, I used to imagine that I had this whole other life, this secret world where I could be small and safe and taken care of, where I didn't have to be big or brave or responsible all the time. But as I got older, I started to realize that those feelings and needs weren't going away. I started to feel ashamed of them, started to think that there must be something wrong with me.”
He gave me a small, shaky smile. "It wasn't easy," he admitted. "Especially when I started dating. Most of my boyfriends complained that I wouldn't open up to them, wouldn't let them in all the way."
"I'm so proud of you," I said fiercely. "For not giving up and keeping your heart open, even when it would’ve been so easy to just shut down and lock everyone out."
"I wanted to, sometimes," he whispered, his gaze dropping to the ground. "Wanted to just accept that I was always going to be alone, that no one would ever really understand me, or love me, for all of who I was."
He then told me about Liam, the boyfriend who had found his pacifier in his dorm room and mocked him mercilessly for it, who had called him a baby in a tone dripping with disgust and derision.
"It was like all my worst fears come to life," Clark said quietly, his gaze distant and pained. "Everything I had always been afraid of, everything I had tried so hard to keep buried and locked away. it was all just confirmed, in that one awful moment."
"God, Clark," I whispered. "That's the cruelest thing someone could do to a person they claimed to care about."
His grip tightened on my hand. "Yeah," he agreed, his voice small and far away. "And it made me so scared, you know? So terrified of ever letting anyone else see that part of me, of risking that kind of rejection and humiliation again."
I leaned in close. “I swear to you. I will never make you feel like you have to hide, like you can't be your full, authentic self with me.”
What I wouldn't give to see Clark in his Little headspace, all soft and sweet and trusting, his guard down and his heart open wide. To be the one who gave him that sense of safety, that feeling of being cherished and loved.
I hooked my fingers under his chin and tipped his face up to meet mine. "I'd very much like to kiss you now. If that's alright with you."
Clark's tongue darted out to wet his lips, leaving them glistening temptingly in the low light. "Yes, please," he breathed.
Cradling his delicate jaw in my palm, I fitted my mouth to his like two puzzle pieces clicking into place, and proceeded to pour every ounce of reassurance, acceptance, and adoration into the union of our lips.
Clark sighed into the kiss, his fingers curling into the fabric of my shirt as he surrendered fully to my lead. I kept the pressure chaste but firm, a promise and a vow all in one.
We finally broke apart, breath mingling in the scant space between us.
"Wow," he exhaled, a giddy little grin spreading across his kiss-swollen mouth. "That was..."
"Absolutely perfect," I finished for him, already leaning in to taste his smile again.
As we meandered through the tranquil park, a question that had been niggling at the back of my mind finally tumbled out.
"So, when you're in Little headspace, what's the best way for me to take care of you? I want to make sure I'm meeting your needs and not accidentally overstepping any boundaries."
"Honestly? Just having you there with me is the most important thing. Sometimes that's all I need to feel safe and loved."
His gaze turned distant. "There was this one day back in college, during finals week, when I hadn't slept in like two days, on the verge of a breakdown. Alex found me hiding in my dorm room, surrounded by textbooks and empty Red Bull cans, and he just knew."
A wistful smile curved his lips. "He just cleared away the mess, put on some soft music, and pulled me into his lap. Let me curl up against his chest while he stroked my hair and hummed quietly. I slipped into my Little headspace almost immediately, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like I could breathe again."
"I want to be that safe space for you," I murmured.
We lapsed into comfortable silence for a stretch, the tranquil sounds of nature enveloping us as we strolled hand-in-hand. As we neared the playground, a mischievous grin spread across my face.
"So, if we want to do this right, we should probably establish some ground rules," I began, affecting a faux-serious tone. " Like, what's your stance on spanking as a discipline method?"
Clark's steps faltered, his eyes widening comically. "What?" he sputtered.
I dissolved into laughter at his expression. "Relax, baby boy, I'm just messing with you. Mostly."
Narrowing his eyes in playful suspicion, he swatted at my arm. "Jerk," he huffed. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."
Still chuckling, I slung an arm around his shoulders and tugged him into my side. "But we should probably come up with some safe words, just in case. What do you think about using the traffic light system? I read that on the forum. Green for good to go, yellow for slow down, red for stop everything immediately."
He tilted his head, considering. "That could work. Or, we could use food-related ones instead! Like, 'broccoli' for green, 'carrot' for yellow, and 'tomato' for red. Since you're such a veggie lover and all."
I gasped in mock affront. "Not all of us can subsist on chicken nuggets and juice boxes alone, you brat."
Clark's gaze then snagged on something over my shoulder. I turned to see the colorful playground equipment behind us, the metal slide glinting invitingly in the fading sunlight.
"You wanna have a go, don't you?"
Clark startled, a pink flush stealing across his cheeks. "What? No, it's for kids."
I just looked at him steadily, one eyebrow raised. He fidgeted under my amused scrutiny, finally letting out a gusty sigh.
"Okay, fine, maybe I do," he admitted. "I can't believe how cool you're being about all of this.”
A tiny smile flickered across Clark's face, but uncertainty still clouded his expression as he glanced around the near-empty park. It was getting dark, but a few scattered joggers and dog-walkers still meandered.
Just as I opened my mouth to reassure him that we could try again another time, a flicker of movement in my periphery caught my attention. Turning slightly, I spotted a lone figure hovering near a tree several yards away, half-hidden in the shadows.
He seemed coiled tight like a snake poised to strike, and it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I couldn't make out his features from this distance, but an uneasy prickle skittered down my spine.
Clark, noticing my sudden stillness, followed my gaze with a puzzled frown. "What's wrong? Do you see something?"
"No, it's nothing. Just thought I recognized someone for a second."
An image of Sterling sprang to mind, with his cold, dead eyes. But Clark had assured me Sterling was in hiding. I turned to look for the figure again, but he was gone.
I gave Clark’s hand a gentle squeeze.
"You got this, sweetheart," I murmured, infusing my voice with calm encouragement. "It's just you and me out here. No one else matters."
Clark swallowed hard, his grip tightening on mine. "Promise you won't laugh?"
"Never," I vowed. "I'll be cheering you on the whole time."
Then, with one last searching look at me, he released my hand and marched toward the playground with purpose. Pride suffused my chest as I watched him clamber up the short ladder, his movements still a bit stiff and self-conscious. He paused at the top of the slide as he glanced down at me.
"You've got this, my sweet boy!" I called.
A grin, sunshine bright and achingly beautiful, before he plopped down on the smooth plastic and pushed off with a whoop. He hit the ground in an uncoordinated tangle of limbs, his delighted laughter echoing across the empty playground.
"Again!" he crowed, scampering to his feet and making a beeline for the ladder once more. His eyes sparkled with unfettered joy, the earlier tension nowhere to be found.
Chuckling, I leaned against the playset and watched my boy clamber up and down the slide to his heart's content, each gleeful shriek of laughter more precious than the last.
Finally, I swooped him up into my arms, twirling him around until he was breathless and giddy.
"Having fun?"
"The most fun!" He beamed up at me, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Can we do this every day?"
“Sure. What if we made stuff like this a regular part of our dates from now on? Like, we could hit up the zoo next weekend.”
He was practically wiggling with excitement. "And we could build the biggest blanket fort in my living room. With fairy lights and everything."
I tapped my chin, pretending to mull it over. "I dunno, you don't think we're a little old for blanket forts?"
His brow furrowed before he caught my teasing smirk. "Hey!" He poked me in the ribs, pouting adorably. "You're never too old for forts. It's like, the law."
"Oh?" I adopted a serious expression, nodding solemnly. "Far be it from me to break the sacred blanket fort laws. I guess I'll just have to leave the construction to the expert, then.”
"Nuh-uh!" he shook his head vehemently. "You gotta help. Forts are a two-person job. Them's the rules. I can't do all the work while you just sit there looking pretty."
My lips twitched at his imperious tone. "Aww, you think I'm pretty? I'm flattered, my sweet boy."
Pink bloomed across the bridge of his nose. "You're missing the point."
Unable to resist any longer, I swept him back into my arms and silenced his flustered protests with a smacking kiss. He melted against me instantly, his slender arms winding around my neck as he sighed into my mouth.