Saving You (Words We Never Said #6)

13. Oz

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

OZ

On the way to his front door, Oz’s phone buzzed. He glanced down, hoping it was Ridge, but his stomach sank when he saw Grady’s name on his screen. He was the only one Oz hadn’t blocked, and for a moment, he considered deleting it without checking to see what he said, but he thought about Ridge and changed his mind.

Instead of unlocking his door, he leaned against the wall and swiped his phone open.

Grady: Hey. Any chance I can see you tonight?

Oz: I just got off work. What’s up?

Grady: I’m staying with Ridge for a bit. You come over here to do stuff with his kiddo, right? Can you pop by? I don’t have my car right now.

Oz’s stomach sank to his feet. Grady was staying with Ridge and didn’t have his car. That had his sister written all over it. His curiosity was too strong to turn him down.

Oz: I need a shower and some real food. Can you give me an hour?

Grady: As long as you want. Ridge is on an overnight and won’t be home until tomorrow. I’m keeping an eye on Ina for him.

For a moment, Oz was pissed off. Ina deserved to be with a sitter who spoke her language. But then he remembered Grady wasn’t the problem. Or, well, he was part of the problem, but it wasn’t him creating the language barrier.

Oz: Sounds good. See you in a bit.

He went inside and decided to take his time getting ready. He didn’t put too much effort into it since it wasn’t very likely he was going to see Ridge at all. Thanks to Grady, he knew how upside down his schedule could be, and the fact that Ridge had made it work as a single dad at all was impressive.

Still, he did choose a pair of nice sweats—the kind of sweats that Ridge had peeled off him Sunday night. He also chose a comfortable, oversized sweater so he didn’t look like he was trying too hard. He styled his hair and, at the last minute, threw on his processors because he wanted to know exactly what was going on with Grady, and he knew the man wasn’t fluent enough to relay it all.

He didn’t mind hearing after a long day of silence, and after microwaving a frozen burrito, he climbed back into his car and put on his ’90s grunge playlist, bobbing along as he stuffed his face. He did his best not to hope for the worst when it came to his sister, but he was struggling with that.

He didn’t want that to come back and bite him in the ass, but there was no world where she didn’t deserve a kick in the face. So, yeah, maybe he could hope for the worst as long as he promised not to take too much joy from it when her life fell apart.

Oz pulled up in front of Ridge’s place and left the driveway open in case he came home. Which he wouldn’t. Oz had no business hoping for that. He stared at the faint grease stain on the pale pavement for too long though, then shook himself out of it and walked to the door.

It was strange knowing that Grady was there and Ridge wasn’t. That Oz had seen this place time and time again, but without having had Ridge’s come on his body. Without knowing what he tasted like.

He took a deep breath, then rang the bell and watched as the lights behind the little curtain flickered. He couldn’t hear a noise, and he never did ask if there was one.

A beat passed, and then Grady was there, standing aside so Oz could walk in.

“Hey, Ina’s…oh.” He stopped and lifted his hands. ‘INA-sleep.’

Oz waved him off. “I can hear you. It’s fine.”

‘I know, but—’ Grady started.

Oz pinned him with a stare. “I promise that if I say it’s fine, it is. Your signing is still rough, and I want to know what’s going on. So please use your voice.”

Grady bowed his head and took a breath. “Got it. Sorry. I really am trying not to fuck up here, okay? And I know I owe you years’ worth of apologies.”

That much was true. Grady was a good guy, but he had never stood up for Oz, and it was hard to hear that the man supported him when he’d never shown it.

“Let’s sit.” Oz plopped into his usual spot on the couch and kicked the edge of his foot up on the coffee table. “You and Alora are separated?”

Grady dropped into the recliner, perched on the edge. Oz noticed most of the firefighters sat that way. It was different. And hot when Ridge did it. “Looks like it.”

“She kicked you out?”

“I left,” Grady corrected. “She and I got into a big fight after she had Darcy over for dinner last night.”

Oz felt his stomach hit the floor, and he hated himself for being surprised by that. “I see.”

“I didn’t know she was going to be there,” Grady insisted. He sounded desperate, like he was afraid Oz wasn’t going to believe him. “I don’t—uhg, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with her. I don’t know what happened.”

Oz didn’t have a good answer for him. His sister had been better in the past, but he never felt entirely safe with her. “No offense because you do seem like a good guy, but you’ve known her all of your adult life. How did you not know this was coming?”

Grady’s cheeks flushed. “She wasn’t like this before. I mean, shit, the whole reason she agreed to go out with me was because I knew ASL.”

Oz felt like he’d been smacked upside the head. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah!” Grady said, throwing his hands in the air. “I was working at this shitty-ass burger joint near campus, and there was this old Deaf guy who’d come in every Thursday. I’d always serve him because I was the only one who knew how to communicate. She was in there with some friends when she saw me. She told me all about—well—you, and she said she’d never want to marry a guy who didn’t respect her brother.”

Oz felt like the rug had been ripped out from under him. Alora had met Grady before Oz was in college. Before he’d had a single introduction to ASL. “I couldn’t even sign back then,” he said so quietly he couldn’t hear himself.

But Grady picked up on it. He looked stunned. “What?”

“I didn’t learn until my sophomore year of college, when I was brave enough to take a class.” Oz’s hands were shaking now, and he clenched them into tight fists. “We had a few homesigns, so I could go without my processors sometimes, but yeah. I wasn’t allowed to learn it, and I was terrified to tell my parents I’d signed up for the class because I thought they’d cut off my financial aid if they knew.”

Grady licked his lips slowly. “She said you two used it. That…that she used to interpret for you.”

Oz wanted to laugh. She had—sort of. When they were in public and he had the old processors that made everything sound like the inside of a tin can full of static. She’d yell into his ear until he understood on those bad days when his lipreading failed him.

He took a breath. “Yeah, no. She learned a little after I did, but none of them ever took classes. It wasn’t allowed in the house.”

“Motherfucking…” Grady trailed off and groaned, his head flopping backward and hitting the cushion behind him. “I thought the whole thing was because of the girls. I knew she was freaking out that it might be genetic, and I thought—Christ, I thought she was scared because you had such a hard time with communication.”

Oz managed a smile, and he shrugged. “Surprise, I guess.”

“Fuck me. She lied to me. For years ,” he said. His own hands were trembling, and he jumped up, pacing the room. Suddenly, he spun and stared at Oz. “I can’t do this.”

Oz figured as much. At some point, Grady was going to break, and Oz knew he should bow out now. Let him figure out how to fix it himself. “I understand. I’ll head out and?—”

“No,” Grady said in a rush. “No, don’t go. I don’t mean this. I mean her. I can’t be married to someone who lies and manipulates me. How can I love someone who would treat her own kid the way your parents treated you?”

“Your girls aren’t going to go deaf,” Oz said quietly.

Grady grimaced and shrugged. “Maybe not. Maybe they will. Who the fuck knows. All I care about is that my girls know that they are loved no matter what. There are no conditions with me, and I’m…Christ.” He let out a noise, which Oz was pretty sure was a sob, and he missed half of what Grady said next because he covered his face. When he looked up, his eyes were red, and he dropped his hands, lifting one to his chest. ‘I’m sorry.’

Oz stood up and walked over, carefully pulling Grady into a hug. Grady collapsed against him, whole body trembling faintly as he clung tightly. Oz had to wonder when the last time was that Grady had been held like this, the poor bastard.

He was falling apart, and Oz knew there was going to be a fight ahead. Alora wasn’t going to let this go easy, and he knew she would use the kids as her ace in the hole if she had to.

“I know a lawyer,” Oz said softly.

Grady lifted his head. “Oh, yeah?”

“Uh, I don’t know if he’s in family law, but he probably knows people if he’s not. He can point you in the right direction at the very least.” He felt a little bad for volunteering Monty like that, but he didn’t think the guy would mind.

None of the guys would. Hell, they’d probably take on Grady like he’d always been part of them, if that’s what he wanted. But there would be time enough for that later.

Grady sniffed. ‘Thank you,’ he signed.

Oz nodded, then let Grady cling to him again. They stood there for what felt like forever, and right as Oz’s body started to feel fatigued, he heard the faint sound of a door slamming. For a moment, he thought it was Ina waking up, but a second later, a body appeared in the archway to the living room.

Ridge stood there looking half-frantic, half-confused. ‘Am I…interrupting?’ he signed.

‘He’s having a moment,’ Oz replied back in kind.

Grady sniffed again. “Ridge is here, isn’t he?”

Oz laughed and eased him back before spinning him around to face his friend. “I think you need to be on crisis duty.”

Ridge nodded, but he didn’t stop staring at Oz. It was almost like he couldn’t. Even when he walked the five steps over to Grady, his eyes were locked on Oz’s face. And when he took Grady into another hug, his gaze didn’t waver.

“So, I should go—” Oz started.

“Wait,” Ridge said quickly. ‘I want to talk to you. Go to the store with me so I can pick up a few supplies for Grady?’ he asked with one hand.

Oz bit his lip, but he knew he wasn’t going to say no. There wasn’t a chance in hell he was going to give up spending extra time in Ridge’s presence. ‘Ok.’

Ridge smiled, the expression full of happiness and relief. Had Oz really done that? Had he put that look on Ridge’s face? Or was that his relief because he wanted to take this time to end things with Oz?

Oh God, what if Ridge was in love with Grady? What if this was like Myles’s story? Ridge probably had a crush on Grady, and now that Grady was going to be single, there was no room for Oz. Not if he wanted a clear path to his own happily ever after.

His stomach hit the floor, and he opened his mouth to tell Ridge he couldn’t go after all, but the man was already guiding Grady to the couch and explaining that he and Oz would be back in a few. “Text me if you need me, okay?”

Grady nodded. “Yeah, you got it. And Oz…hey. Thanks. I owe you so much.”

Like the destruction of your marriage , he thought, but he wasn’t foolish enough to say that out loud. ‘No problem,’ he signed instead.

Grady closed his eyes and settled back into the cushions as Ridge grabbed Oz by the wrist and hurried him toward the door. Oz had no idea what the hurry was. He wanted to drag his feet—to savor this as long as he was allowed, which was clearly only going to be a few more minutes.

But Ridge wouldn’t let him. He hustled Oz to the car, opened the passenger door for him, and barely waited until his arms and legs were safely inside before he slammed the door. His heart was hammering against the inside of his chest.

Don’t freak out , he told himself. Be polite. Thank him for his help. Don’t beg. Don’t show him how pathetic you already are after a single fucking blowjob.

“Shit,” Ridge said when he got in. His breath was heaving in his chest loud enough that Oz didn’t have to focus to hear it. “ Shit . Are you okay?”

Oz was startled. Not the question he expected Ridge to ask him. “Um. I’m not the one crying and falling apart.”

“Yeah, but he’s crying and falling apart because he’s leaving the woman who has spent years tormenting you,” Ridge said. He sounded almost angry. “He’s my friend, and I’m there for him, but you’re my priority, Oz. Are you okay?”

He felt stunned, like he’d taken a blow to the head. Of all the things he expected Ridge to be, he hadn’t expected protective. And he hadn’t really given himself much space to think about how all this with Grady was making him feel.

He licked his lips and realized in that moment he wasn’t brave enough to check in. A lie was easier. “I’m fine.”

Ridge hummed loudly, then leaned over and cupped Oz’s cheek. Oz’s breath halted halfway up his throat. “I know you said not to ask anymore, but can I kiss?—”

“Yes,” Oz gasped.

Ridge smiled, closed his eyes, and leaned in. Their lips pressed together, soft and careful at first, and then something snapped, and Oz grabbed him, urging the kiss deeper, heavier, needier. He parted his lips and let his tongue touch Ridge’s, tasting the lingering spices from whatever he’d had before he came home.

After a short forever, Oz forced himself to pull back. “Why, ah…are you home early?”

“Grady texted me and said you were coming over. I kind of panicked.” He pulled back and rubbed the back of his neck, offering a sheepish smile in the low light of the car. “Adele saw me freaking out, so he sent me home. It’s going to be a slow night anyway. I hope.”

Oz closed his eyes and let himself just feel. He was overwhelmed, and there was a pressing anger and sadness from everything, thanks to his family, but it was eclipsed by this. By this absolutely fucking ridiculous, wonderful man.

How was he supposed to do this without falling head over heels?

It was already too late.

“You didn’t need to do this,” he said softly.

Ridge scoffed and lifted his hands. ‘I wanted to. I worry about you all the time, which I know isn’t my right.’

‘It feels nice,’ Oz told him. He was maxed out on lies. ‘No one’s ever cared this much.’

‘I had a feeling, and I hate that for you. How can I help?’

Oz shook his head. ‘I don’t need anything. Really. Seeing you was nice, and I want to be there for Grady. I’m glad he’s leaving. I feel guilty because there were things he didn’t know until tonight.’

It took Ridge a little bit to fully process what Oz was signing, but eventually, he got it. ‘His wife lied to him, didn’t she? About you?’

Oz nodded, biting his lip.

‘I knew it. He’s such a good guy. I could not figure out how he was with someone like that. I can’t imagine him falling for someone who was so terrible to their brother.’

Oz shrugged. ‘For some people, that doesn’t matter.’ He supposed he was glad Grady was a better person than that. And maybe if he’s gotten to know Grady better—if he’d made an effort earlier—things wouldn’t have ended like this.

Once again, was this all his fault for not having some kind of spine with his family?

“Hey,” Ridge said aloud.

Oz glanced over and realized Ridge had been waving at him to get his attention. “Sorry. I don’t know if I’m handling this very well.”

Ridge shook his head. “Can you wait here for a second?”

Oz frowned, totally confused. “Yeah, no problem.”

Ridge said nothing else before jumping out of the car and jogging toward his front door. In spite of the raging chaos in his chest, he couldn’t help but enjoy the view of Ridge’s bouncing, bubbly ass. He wasn’t anywhere near able to get hard right then, but it still left a small flicker of want in his chest.

When he disappeared through the door, however, Oz’s mood crashed. He sat back with a heavy thud and covered his face with both hands, letting out a shaking groan. God, he felt like such a messy waste of space. He knew it was his trauma talking—the depression that was starting to creep around the edges of the comfortable life he’d built.

But it was hard to shut those voices up.

They’d been quiet for so long, too. They got a little louder every time he had to see his family, but he’d kept himself so busy those moments had been few and far between. But he was starting to wonder if it was all an illusion. At some point, he’d have to let himself be still. He couldn’t keep going like this.

He was going to crack if he tried, and that wasn’t how he wanted to live his life. He wanted something normal, damn it. Something easier than this and happier. He wanted some real fucking peace. Not just the idea of it and not just fleeting moments.

He jolted at the sound of the door opening and dropped his hands, looking over at Ridge, who was watching him with a concerned expression. He flushed. He was getting a little tired of needing a rescue and giving people an easy reason to pity him.

‘Can I come over to your place?’

Oz blinked at him. ‘My place?’ he repeated.

Ridge nodded. ‘Yeah. For the night.’

Shock rushed through Oz so profoundly he didn’t know what to do. His hands felt frozen in midair, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. Was Ridge asking what Oz thought he was asking?

After a beat, Ridge slapped himself in the forehead. “Not for sex,” he said aloud. “For company.”

Oz slowly thawed. “Oh.” He licked his lips, then raised his hands. ‘Do you not want to be around Grady?’

Ridge laughed. ‘I like Grady, but I’d rather be with you. He needs some space right now anyway, and Ina won’t wake up until tomorrow morning. He was already going to watch her, and he said he’d like the distraction of taking care of a toddler, so…’ He trailed off with a shrug.

Oz glanced behind them at his car. He had work in the morning, but if they left early enough, they could swing by, and he could get it. Yes, he did need to learn how to exist in the quiet, still moments without someone to distract him, but maybe tonight wasn’t the night to start.

And if Ridge did want to fool around, Oz wasn’t totally opposed to the idea.

“Yes,” he finally said.

Ridge looked thrilled, which was…nice. And unexpected. “Great. What time do you need to get to the school tomorrow?”

“Seven. If we leave at six thirty, it’ll be enough time for me to get my car,” Oz told him as he reached for the seat belt.

Ridge nodded, but instead of starting the car, he leaned over and put a careful hand to Oz’s jaw. “One more kiss? For the road?”

Oz indulged both Ridge and himself. The kiss was soft, sweet, and there was a power behind it to shut out all those voices—his own and the angry echo of his family’s words and accusations. He lingered as long as Ridge would allow and then sat back with a sigh when it broke and Ridge turned to the road.

The moment was nice. It was full of the softness he’d been craving, and he wondered if there was any hope—any at all—that he’d get to keep something like this in the future.