Saving You Losing Me

Chapter 39

CHAPTER 39

CLARA

C andy is nervous. She’s a sweet girl with long blonde hair and baby blue eyes and her slim figure is accentuated by the cutoffs that ride high against her ass. Her t-shirt clings to her body with resignation because her enormous chest dominates her slim frame.

I am trying so hard not to dwell on the fact she’s Atom’s girl, but I must face the fact that if it’s not her, it’s definitely somebody else.

She guides me to a staircase at the end of a corridor and despite my earlier reservations, I’m pleasantly surprised how clean and modern this place is.

She’s obviously feeling awkward, so I say nervously, “This place isn’t what I expected.”

She shrugs. “Many would agree with you. We’re bikers, honey, not slobs, and we have standards.”

“I didn’t mean to offend.”

She stops outside a locked door and turns to face me with curiosity shining in her wide eyes.

“I never expected to see you here, Mrs. Santobello.”

I wince at her choice of words.

“Please, call me Clara. I am no longer using that name.”

“Seriously!”

She appears shocked and then apparently notices I’m not exactly looking my best and concern replaces incredulity and her gaze softens.

“You don’t look so good. Can I help?”

A small smile escapes me. “You know, I think the adrenalin is wearing off, and it hurts like crazy. I don’t suppose you have any painkillers I could take?”

“Of course. I’ll show you inside and get what you need.”

She shakes her head in dismay and opens the door and once again I’m astonished at how modern and clean this apartment is. It’s as if nobody ever stays here. Everything is perfectly set in place, like a hotel room, and Candy wanders inside and smiles.

“Do you like it? Atom said I could help with the decorating. I had the best time choosing it all.”

My heart dashes against my crushed ribcage. She must be with him. I wouldn’t blame him. She’s gorgeous, and he has every right to be happy. I didn’t appreciate how much it would hurt, though.

I fall silent and she regards me with curiosity.

“I’m sorry, honey, but I’ve heard so much about you from the guys. Nobody dares say your name around Atom and I’ve always been curious why?”

“I’m his worst memory, I guess.”

I ease onto the couch, the adrenalin deserting me and it’s as if my entire body is on fire.

Michael’s thrashing is reminding me of the horrors I’ve been through, and tears blind me as the shock sets in.

“Clara.” Candy sounds concerned and drops beside me.

“It’s okay, honey. We’ll fix you up. You know, Atom may be the president and we go against him at our peril, but well, we look after our own and if you’re living here, then that offer includes you.”

Living here.

I close my eyes against the possibility because it’s all I ever wanted. To live here with Atom and make a life with him, but then fate intervened and ruined my life.

I open my eyes to find Candy staring at me with concern and I whisper, “Is he happy, Candy?”

She smiles, but it has a sad edge to it.

“If you mean the kind of happy I have with Diesel, then no, honey. He is distinctly unhappy.”

“Diesel?” My heart lifts as a dreamy smile brightens her face.

“I’m Diesel’s old lady and he runs the repair shop. We’ve been together for five years now and I count my blessings every day.”

“An old what?” I blink in disbelief because Candy can’t be more than twenty-three or four and she giggles. “It’s a biker term for wife. Or steady girl. Diesel is the only man I have ever loved, and he grabbed hold of my heart and held on tight. I never once looked at another man the second our souls merged and we realized there would never be anyone else in our lives.”

A sharp pain knifes me through the heart because I know that feeling. It’s a shame fate had other ideas, though, and I’m happy for Candy and her man. At least it worked out for someone and asI shift and the pain slices through my chest, her eyes widen with concern.

“I’ll fetch those pain killers and a notebook and pen.”

She winks as I raise my eyes and whispers, “Shopping list. You tell me what you need and I’ll arrange it.”

She nods toward the closed door. “Whatever your history is with Atom, you’ll figure it out. His bark is worse than his bite, and it all makes sense now.”

“What does?”

She grins. “Why he’s never committed to one girl. His heart belonged somewhere else and if I were you, I’d give it back to him. He sure needs it.”

With a small giggle, she leaves me alone and as I sink back on the safety of the couch, a spark of hope flares through the damage inside me.

Michael is dead.

I never realized how that would affect me because, for the first time since that fateful day, I am finally free.