39. Annabelle
Annabelle
T his has been the longest week of my life.
After Sawyer finally came back to the hospital and we were both discharged, we picked up Noah and came home.
Not without a heated discussion. Sawyer wanted us all to stay with him, and I fought for us all to come back to the farm.
He thought we would be safer with him, but I didn’t want anyone to run me from my home.
So he relented, packed a bag, and he’s been staying with us all week.
The house, of course, was a mess, evidence of our sickness spread throughout, and as Sawyer attempted to return calls and catch up on emails at my new dining room table, I tried to soothe the boys’ fears and get us all back to normal.
Or our new normal. Which now consists of looking over my shoulder every five minutes.
And while Sawyer hasn’t left physically, he hasn’t really been here mentally.
He’s drowned himself in work, bent over backward for me and the boys, but it’s all done with a very firm armor of self-loathing.
We’ve talked a little, so I know he thinks this is all connected to his past fiancée, Mandy.
But that was years ago, and I fail to see how it would be his fault.
I don’t know what this means for us, and the thought that this might derail what we started festers inside me.
The soft touches we’ve shared, the passing kisses and affection, they’ve all stopped, and my heart aches, knowing he’s putting emotional distance between us because of fear of him being responsible for our issues.
Fear of me leaving him because he brings danger to my door. Just like Mandy did.
Now, as I dig in the dirt, trying to get my lavender cuttings in the soil so that my harvest for the next year isn’t a total loss, I look up for the hundredth time, watching Kevin and Noah finish the milking, my eyes on them both now more than ever before.
The new rules at the farm are that everyone has to stay within sight.
No one can run around, play hide and seek, or be anywhere without anyone else. Much to Noah’s sulking.
As the boys lock up the shed, I watch them run down the hill to where I am, and I smile. I haven’t smiled much this week, but I need to show them we are okay, even though I don’t believe it.
“All done, Ma,” Kevin says, slightly out of breath.
“All done, Maaaa.” Noah’s also breathless, his little legs taking him a touch longer to get to me.
“Good. Thanks, boys. I’m nearly finished here.”
Kevin starts to help, and Noah digs in the dirt. The wind is calm, the sun is high, and it feels nice, being on my land, with my boys, albeit still lingering with nerves.
I look up and around again and spot Sawyer.
Stressed? Yes. Had little sleep? Also, yes.
But he’s still suited up, looking well out of place like he always has.
Even though he stays every night, he’s ridiculously underprepared for farm life.
But I know he’s still working on the deal for Gertie’s, having emailed the final proposal to Van Cleef only yesterday.
So while my hands are in the dirt, he’s taking care of the business side of things, and our fingers are crossed that we’ll get some good news soon.
“You know, you look so beautiful when you dig around in the dirt,” he says as he approaches, and I pause, looking up at him.
“You really need to get out more, if that’s the case.” I laugh lightly, and he smiles. It’s small, but it’s there.
“I really wish you would come to my place. Stay with Sutton and me until this all blows over.” He says the same words he says to me every day.
“I’m not letting whatever is going on push me from my home. I’ve lived here all my life, and if I ever leave it, it will be my choice, not one I’ve made under duress.”
He nods, having heard it all before.
“Stubborn. Sexy, but stubborn.” I smile at that. Liking that he’s acting a little more like himself. My heart stutters, hoping he’s coming back around, hoping that I haven’t lost him.
“How’s it going? Do you think it will take?” He comes to where we’re digging, looking over the replanting I’ve done.
“Looks hopeful. But if I had more space, I would do another crop just in case. Worst case, they both don’t grow.
Best case, they both grow, and I have a lot of product.
” I stand, wiping my dirty hands on my jeans.
The kids wander in front of us, packing up and sorting things for me.
My hair flies in my face as the breeze picks up, and his hand lifts, pushing it from my cheek and behind my ear.
He hasn’t touched me like this all week, and it makes my stomach flutter.
“Well, you’ve got two hundred acres waiting for you. Bob has signed it all over today. That land is now ours.” He offers me a small smile, which doesn’t reach his eyes.
My lips purse, unsure what he means. “That’s your investment, though.”
“I bought it for you.”
I think my heart stops. “I can’t accept two hundred acres! That’s ridiculous, Sawyer,” I tell him, huffing a breath. He’s truly something else.
“Of course you can. Acts of service, remember?” His smile widens, and I could melt from the sight.
But I shrug that off and shake my head. “I’m not taking your land, Sawyer.” That’s way too much. This man does so much for me; I can’t just take a large parcel of land like it’s a simple gift or something.
“Fine, pay me a lease and do with the land what you want.” He shrugs. My breathing escalates at the prospect. I could do a lot with that land.
“You know I don’t have the money.” I’m disappointed by that fact, but it’s the truth.
“Well, that’s not exactly true…” he says cryptically with a smirk.
“What?” I pause, eyes widening, knowing something has happened.
“Just had a call with Valerie Van Cleef. She accepted our proposal. Congratulations, Annabelle, your business has just had a multimillion-dollar investment, with your rose-scented soaps now going to be found in over one hundred hotels around the country.”
The world around me stops, and I think I almost faint.
“What?” I whisper, completely shocked, happily so.
His tone centers me as he takes another step closer. “We got it, baby. We got the deal.”
My hands start to shake and my eyes water. I search his eyes for any sign that this isn’t true, and when all I find is sincerity, I throw myself at him. He barely has time to catch me before I jump up into his arms, my legs circling his waist as I hold him tight.
“You got it, Sawyer. Oh my God, you’ve changed my life. Oh my God… Oh my God!” Tears fall, good tears today as I grip on to him. He wraps me up in his arms firmly, never letting me go, and I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling like he’s back.
“You will have money for the kids' college. You can let go of the teaching job and focus on the farm and Gertie’s. You can get the repairs done to this place like you want to,” he tells me close to my ear, listing all my dreams. I bite the inside of my cheek to hold back a sob of joy, feeling the sting of new tears, my cheeks wet, my heart still thudding harder than ever.
“I can’t believe this is happening…” Pulling back to look at him, my mind goes back to the other good news. “So I’ll need to lease your land, after all.”
“It’s yours for a dollar a month.”
I balk, but I can’t help laughing, even as more tears fall. “Sawyer! That’s ridiculous!”
Chuckling, he slowly lowers me to the ground. “For the first six months. Once Van Cleef kicks in, we can renegotiate with Gertie’s paying the lease if that makes you feel better.”
I think about it. It’s still not remotely equal, but I know that’s the best he’s going to offer.
“Deal.” I hold out my hand for him to shake, and he grabs it and pulls me to his chest.
“Thank you, Sawyer. Thank you,” I say against him, genuinely thankful for everything this man has done for me and my boys.
“I’m sorry I’ve been distant this week,” he whispers into my hair as his hold on me tightens, his head ducking into my neck, like he’s scared I will disappear.
“It’s okay…” My hand rubs up and down his back.
“It’s not. I just can’t be responsible for danger coming to you. I can’t be the one who hurts you.”
I pull back and look at him, reaching up to cup his face. “You never would hurt us, and regardless of whether or not what’s happening around here is connected to you, that’s not on you at all.”
He looks unconvinced.
“What is a crime is the fact that you haven’t touched me all week. You haven’t fulfilled your promise of breaking my bed.” A small grin comes to both our mouths.
“How about we rectify that tonight? Once the boys get to sleep?” He leans in to kiss me.
“I think that’s a great idea.” I smile against his lips, before he kisses me thoroughly, like he hasn’t seen me for months.
“Ew. Please!” Kevin says, and we pull apart, seeing Kevin holding his hand over his eyes and his other hand over Noah’s, my two boys standing right there next to us.
“Ahhh… Wait till you fall in love, Kevin. You’ll want to kiss your girl every chance you get,” Sawyer says easily, and I still. Love? Did he just say love?