Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
The kiss started slow, just lips brushing one another. It was tender and gentle. It was a sigh, a release of the breath we’d both been holding all day. Twenty-four hours ago, I’d been obsessed with the idea of taking the next steps with him, but I’d been wanting to move the wrong thing forward. I’d wanted to push us physically. Instead, we’d progressed in a different way.
We’d admitted that we were in love with one another. I’d swallowed my fears surrounding those words and him, and I had made the leap. He’d been there to catch me, and then he jumped with me.
I felt safe with him. Even though there were so many things that should’ve made me feel unsafe, I didn’t. Not with him. I sighed into the kiss, and he took the opening to slip his tongue past my lips.
His tongue’s exploration of my mouth added the first spark of heat to the kiss. Our bodies moved until we were pressed against each other. I could easily lose myself in his kiss, in the way his hands came to rest on my waist. I could feel his warmth through the cotton of my tee shirt. It was as soothing as the kiss itself. I put my hands on his shoulders, pulling him in closer. Our knees touched, and I struggled not to push things further.
I knew why he wanted to take things slower now, and I had to respect that. When he was ready for those next steps, he’d let me know. But when he pressed me backward and draped his body over mine, I forgot that for a moment. I straightened the leg pressed against the back of the couch and allowed him to slot himself between my legs. He fit comfortably, like he was designed to be there.
The familiar weight of his body on mine teased me, sending blood rushing south. I wanted to touch him and had to remind myself that he was in control now. He was the one who was setting the pace of our physical relationship. I had to remind myself of that fact again as he pressed his half-hard cock against me. I let out a soft exhale into the kiss, trying hard not to moan at the feeling.
I lost the fight when he rolled his hips again. I was more than half-hard, and I knew that he could feel it. How could he not? I rolled my hips up to meet him. Every roll of our hips made me harder, and I could feel his body reacting the same way. When he let out the first breathy groan against my lips, I felt my control waver again. I pulled away from the kiss, and he chased after my lips like they were something he craved.
When he couldn’t reach them, he began kissing down my neck. “Aaron,” I groaned. How could I keep control over myself if he was constantly tempting me?
He pulled away and hovered over me. He looked concerned, and I could understand why. Every other time we got like this, I was fine. I was the one pushing things, trying to add fire to our relationship. I was never the one to pull back or pump the breaks. “Everything okay?” he asked after a few moments.
“Everything is great,” I assured him.
He didn’t look convinced. “You sure?”
“I’m sure.” The skeptical look in his eyes pushed for more, and I obliged. “I just don’t want to push you too far, too fast. I understand now.”
“You understand now?” he questioned. He sat up a little, and I followed suit. “Are you sure you understand?”
I thought I did. Maybe I didn’t. Was there some other reason he didn’t want to sleep with me? I tried to squash down the rising tide of insecurity. “Maybe I don’t?”
He laughed and shook his head. “I wanted to tell you before we slept together,” he told me softly. “Maybe not the way I did yesterday, but I did want to tell you.”
“Then why did you?” He looked confused again. “Tell me yesterday, I mean. Why did you tell me if you weren’t ready?”
“I was ready; I was just terrified.” Terrified? I was the least scary person that I knew. “I was afraid that you’d be overwhelmed by it.” Great. So I’d done exactly what he’d been afraid that I’d do. I hoped it counted for something that I’d come back. That even if I’d been afraid of what a relationship with him would look like, I’d come back after I’d gotten my head together. “But then yesterday, you asked if it was about you. You looked so down about it… I couldn’t be the reason for that. Not when I knew that it had nothing to do with you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Can you stop apologizing for everything?” He laughed and grabbed my hand. He stood and pulled me off the couch with him. I was confused, but I followed his lead. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer. He planted a quick kiss on my lips. “The thing is… you know now.” He gave me another kiss, walking me backward a step. “You know everything now.” Another kiss, and another step. “You know how I see you. You know how I feel about you.” Two more kisses and two more steps. I realized what direction he was leading me. “I’m ready now.”
I nodded and took the final few steps toward my bedroom door. He’d never been in there before. We’d never taken the first steps over that threshold. It had been an invisible line, like we knew what would happen if we ended up in a bed together. I didn’t blame him for that concern. When I was around him, I wanted to push every single boundary.
I reached behind me and found the doorknob, pushing the door open. I walked us backward into the room, stopping when my knees hit the mattress. The kiss broke, and he rested his forehead against mine. “I love you,” he whispered again, the words warm on my lips and in my chest.
“I love you too,” I repeated. I dropped my hand to his and laced our fingers together. “Are you sure you’re ready to do this?”
He pulled his head back. His soulful brown eyes met mine, and there was the smallest smile on his lips. “I am.”
“If you change your mind…”
His smile grew larger. “If I change my mind, I’ll tell you. Do you have condoms?”
I knew it didn’t matter that I was on PrEP. Maybe one day, we’d cross that boundary, but not yet. Neither of us were ready for that. I motioned toward the small table by the side of my bed. “They’re in there. With the lube.” I sat down on my bed and pulled him down to sit beside me. “James is very vocal about safe sex. He puts condoms out in the break room and encourages us all to take as many as we want or need.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Meaning I always have a supply.”
I watched as Aaron reached into the bedside table and pulled out a condom and the small bottle of lube I kept in there. He rested both on the top of the table, and looked back at me. “Saw some other interesting things in there,” he teased.
I felt my cheeks burn red. My sex toys. He’d seen my sex toys. “Well, I’ve been with this amazing guy for six months,” I teased, “and I’ve been taking it slow with him. Meaning I’ve needed to take care of my own business.” I saw the hunger in his eyes. It warmed me from the inside. “Maybe one day, I’ll let you watch.”
“What about letting me join in?” he questioned.
His voice was a low and sensual purr. Fuck, if he decided to talk dirty to me in that tone, I might just lose my mind. The idea of letting him join in, especially if he was talking to me like that… Fuck me sideways. I nodded. “Yeah. I would let you. You can use them tonight…” I looked down at my hands before finding enough bravery to meet his eyes. “You can use them to get me ready.”
He paused, and I could see the hamster wheel turning in his head. He slowly shook his head. “Tonight, I want it to be just us. Nothing else. Not for our first time.”
“Okay.” I leaned in and gave him another soft kiss.
The kiss heated quickly and after a few moments, we were laying down on my bed, our bodies pressed close together. We found ourselves in the exact position we’d been in on the couch, rolling hips and chasing friction. Our hands began to explore one another’s bodies, and every single moment felt heavier than the last. I knew what was coming next.
I swallowed hard as he reached between our bodies and found the button of my jeans.
This was finally happening.
My hands shook as I undid the button to his pants and pushed them down. He rose to his knees and pulled them down further, tugging his boxers down with them. I saw his cock for the first time. I had only felt it through his pants, and it more than lived up to expectation. It wasn’t the longest dick I’d ever seen, but it had a nice girth and curved slightly to the left. My mouth watered at the sight of it. I wanted to taste him so badly that I had to clinch my blanket in my fists to hold myself back.
His hands at the waist of my jeans brought me back to the moment, of what was actually happening instead of fantasies. “Lift,” he instructed softly. I lifted my hips and he slid my jeans and underwear down, freeing my hard cock from their confines. He crawled down the bed, peeling my pants down until I was left naked with him. Our pants fell to the side of the bed.
Our eyes met before he leaned back over me. The first feeling of his bare cock rubbing against mine sent sparks coursing through my body, and a moan escaped my lips. “Fuuuck.”
He rolled his hips again, and another obscenity fell from my lips. It was more intense, skin to skin without fabric separating us. I reached down between our bodies and wrapped my hand around our shafts, making us a tunnel to fuck into. The combined friction of my hand and his dick rubbing against mine was driving me insane. I wanted more, but I was in no hurry to spreed run through this.
His moans vibrated against my lips as we rutted against each other, precum lubricating the slide and making it smoother.
I could feel the precipice coming closer, and I knew that if we didn’t slow down, we would go careening over the edge before we were ready. Or maybe that was just me. I loosened my hands. I didn’t want everything to be finished yet. I wanted to know what he felt like when he slipped inside of me, how he felt moving in my body.
“You okay?” he whispered, pulling away from the kiss.
I nodded. He raised a skeptical eyebrow, and once again I felt like my innermost feelings were being dragged out. “I didn’t want to…” I raised my eyebrows and trailed off. He looked smug.
“Got it.” He lifted his body from mine and reached over to grab the lube. “I don’t want to finish like that either. I want to finish inside of you.”
I wanted it too. I wanted it so badly.
“Please,” I whispered.
I watched hungrily as he coated a finger with lube. He rubbed the finger around my rim, and I couldn’t fight my moan. It had been so long since someone touched me like this. My noises grew louder the longer he teased me. One finger went in, and as soon as I adjusted to it, he slid in a second, then a third. His fingers grazed my prostate and sent tidal waves of pleasure crashing over me. Obscenities poured from my lips, and it only seemed to egg him on further. He was turning me into an incoherent mess. My cock was leaking onto my stomach, and I thrust into the air, desperate for friction and finding none.
“Please,” I whimpered. “Please Aaron. I need… Fuck, please I need you.”
His hungry eyes watched me as I continued to beg, and he fucked me harder on his fingers. Shit, why hadn’t we been doing this before? Sure, he hadn’t been ready for anal, but there was the whole buffet we could have been sampling. His fingers grazed my prostate again, and all thoughts stopped.
There was only pleasure.
I whimpered again when he withdrew his fingers, desperate to be filled with something. He grabbed the condom from the table and tore it open with his teeth. His other hand wrapped around his dick, stroking it slowly. I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life. I couldn’t disguise my hunger as he slid the condom down over his length. He slicked his cock and positioned the head at my entrance.
“You okay?” he asked softly. When I nodded, he began to push inside, slow and steady. There was the familiar bite of pain followed by a surge of pleasure. He pushed in little by little until he was fully seated. He gave an experimental thrust, pushing a moan from my lips. “You like that?” he questioned. That low and lusty quality was back in his voice, and it drove me insane.
“Yeah,” I answered. “Love it.”
He began to move, slow strokes, alternating between deep and shallow thrusts. I wrapped my legs around him, and he bent over me, kissing me deeply. Our bodies collided together as our tongues danced. It wasn’t fucking. I had been fucked before, and this felt entirely different.
This was a connection of body and soul, of mind and spirit. If we weren’t kissing, we were looking deep into one another’s eyes. This was the most intense experience I’d ever had.
Making love.
That’s what this was. I’d never had anything like this before.
The sounds of our lovemaking filled my small bedroom. Our low moans were music to my ears. “Getting close.” His words were soft, spoken directly into our kiss.
I felt his hand wrap around my dick, and in a few strokes, my release spilled over his hand and onto my stomach. His thrusts grew erratic and his moans louder as he came into the condom. When he finished, he collapsed onto my chest.
We kissed lazily for a few more minutes before he pulled out and tied off the condom. I grabbed an old shirt from the floor and haphazardly cleaned myself off.
“That was worth the wait,” I exhaled. “Give me a few minutes to find my legs and we can see if we can Tetris ourselves into my shower.”
“Sounds perfect.” He laid on his back, and I curled up against him.
When his arms wrapped around me, it felt like home.