Chapter 6
CHAPTER 6
brANDON
I’m shaking.
Trembling like a leaf as Casey carefully peels off the shirt I lent him. He drops it to the floor of my bedroom at my feet, and I swallow hard, staring at his perfect, pink nipples. We left the concert behind, and I thought I was ready, but now that we are back in my apartment, I’m not so sure.
I’m breaking into pieces as he strips in front of me, not sure what to do to quell the fear creeping up my throat.
Maybe this is too much to want. Too much to think I could have from him, even if he says it isn’t. I was bold before, but now I’m crumbling inside again.
“Safe,” Casey whispers, unzipping the pants I lent him to expose his teal boxers.
I nod, reaching for the hem of my shirt. I pull it off as he steps out of the last of his clothing, coming to stand in front of me, naked and beautiful. My breath hitches in my throat as he reaches for me, pulling me closer to him using the belt loop on my jeans. Casey presses a kiss to my lips that feels like a promise, then lets me go. He runs a hand down my chest, swirling a finger across the vines that tangle across my pecs.
“You’re so fucking hot, Brandon,” he murmurs as his hand moves from my skin to trail down his own bare chest. His eyes fill with desire as he takes his cock in hand, giving himself a few slow, needy strokes while I watch, getting lost in the movement of his hand on himself. “You wanna fuck me?”
“Yeah,” I reply, my mouth dry as Casey moans softly, then lets go of himself to lick his palm before taking his cock back into his slick fist.
I shuffle out of my own clothing, watching him touch himself as my need for him grows. My own cock juts out from my pelvis, the tip glistening with precum, but I don’t dare touch myself. I don’t want to risk anything without a condom on, and I’m too enthralled watching him pleasure himself to move at the moment. He grins at me as he touches his bare skin, his free hand coming to pluck at his pert, pink nipples, like he knows I am enjoying whatever show he is putting on for me.
“Lube?” Casey asks, crawling onto the bed, his cock swinging between his legs.
“Bedside table,” I say, but he already has the drawer open and is fishing around inside for the bottle. When he finds it, he pulls it out and sits back on the bed, making a show for me of slicking his fingers and spreading his legs. That is when I snap into movement, crossing the bedroom to grab a condom from the same bedside table the lube was kept in.
“Brandon,” Casey whispers, and I glance down at him, condom in hand and cock twitching with need and want. He closes his eyes and slides a slicked-up finger into his hole, whimpering slightly at the pressure of it.
“Fucking hell,” I murmur back, as he moves his finger in and out of himself, letting loose soft little moans with every tiny thrust. “Casey, that’s so hot.”
I tear open the condom, heart racing and hands shaking still as Casey touches himself, playing with the rim of his slick hole before delving back inside with a finger. He pulls out, then adds another finger inside, wincing and panting at the pressure that two, thick digits give him. I take care with slipping the condom onto my cock, taking my eyes off him for a second to make sure that I am covered and safe. When I look back, Casey is watching me, his eyes filled with lust as I reach for the lube and slick my length with it. His fingers move in and out of his body and his cock rests on his belly, the tip deeper pink than the rest of his shaft.
He stops moving his hands on himself and gestures for me to come closer to him, but the moment I crawl onto the bed, he seems to change his mind about where he wants me. Finally, he gets on his knees and gestures towards the headboard. “Sit.”
I give him a mock salute, hands shaking, and stomach filled with nerves and fear as I do as he says, crawling onto the bed and propping myself up on the headboard. I inhale a shaky breath, watching with anticipation as he moves to straddle me, his bare cock bumping along my sheathed one. I almost make him stop, rattled by seeing his bare cock so close to touching mine even with the condom on, but he looks at me then, like I am a thing of beauty instead of dread, and I hold off the words that want to come loose from my lips.
Casey lifts his body and steadies himself, reaching down to grip my cock in his hands. His forehead crinkles as he places my tip at his entrance, then slides me back and forth over his hole a few times. Finally, he presses down against me, lowering his body onto mine as his head tips backwards. I can feel myself slide into him deep and reach forward to grip his hips in my hands as he takes me into him.
“Bran,” he moans as his warmth squeezes my cock, his body rippling around mine. He tilts his head forward as he raises himself off me, the slide just as slow now as it was when he first opened himself for my cock. Slowly, he pulls off then pushes back on, riding me carefully, his forehead scrunching at either the effort of it, or because he is in pain.
“Okay?” I ask as his body grips me impossibly tight.
“You feel so good,” he responds.
Casey moves his hips and moans, his hands resting on my shoulders. He leans forward and catches my lips with his, kissing me as he starts moving on my body at a faster pace. I skate my hands up his sides as he rides me, moving my thumbs over to rub his nipples as I know he likes.
We’ve been here before. In another world, far before worse things like HIV came into the picture. I remember his body and the way he lets loose those soft little noises with every thrust like he is embarrassed of them yet can’t stop them at the same time.
They are beautiful, and he is beautiful, hair no longer tucked behind his ear but falling forwards as he kisses me, tickling my cheeks. Casey ends the kiss and tips his head backwards, a smile on his face as his cock rubs against my warm stomach. He reaches a hand down and grabs himself, stroking as he rides me. I move my own hand down, covering his to take over as he moans and writhes on my cock.
He comes with a shout, spilling clean, white cum over my stomach in spurts. Sweat bears on his forehead and he reaches up to wipe his hair off his face, then leans down to kiss me again, wrapping his arms around my neck. I’m so deep into him that I don’t know where I end and he begins. Casey moans softly and lifts himself off my cock, then pushes his body back downwards, drawing pleasure out of me along with the tendrils of fear that live inside me now.
I’m close. So close, and that is where fear lives.
That is where I start losing my composure. The closer I get to release, the more the dread creeps up inside me, but Casey feels so good wrapped around my cock, and I am starting to unravel inside my own head.
“Casey,” I choke out, needing him to know. Begging him to understand that I’m becoming untethered inside, fears and doubts rattling through me, shaking loose from the bones that build me up.
“Trust me,” Casey whispers, gently placing his hands on my cheeks as he moves his body on mine. His thumbs stroke my cheekbones, and I lean into him, letting him cradle me there in his safety. Every muscle in my body tenses and flickers with his touch, and there is a threat growing inside me. To run. To fall. To break into pieces here in front of him. Any. Or all.
“Just breathe, Brandon. That’s all you have to do. Trust and breathe.”
I close my eyes because it’s easier.
I close my eyes because I can feel tears prickling at the backs of them, and while I trust him, I don’t trust myself.
I close my eyes and breathe him, taking him deep into places nobody has ever gone. Places nobody understands, but I know Casey would, if I let him.
I know Casey will.
I lean in more to his touch as he gently tilts my head down and places his lips against my forehead. His hips move at a steady pace, bringing him away from me and then closer than anyone’s been before. My heart, my lungs, my everything becomes his as he rides my cock and presses his lips to my sweaty skin. I am falling apart beneath him as my orgasm creeps closer to the surface, tension rippling up my spine. I hold my breath, like that will help. Like that will stave off the pleasure I suddenly don’t want.
Don’t need.
Yet am getting anyway.
I hold my breath as everything inside me gives way, my body loosening as I fill the condom deep inside of Casey’s warm body. I moan softly at the feel of it because his body is beautiful and his hands are kind, releasing the air into the space between us, then find I’m holding my breath again as I wait for things to get worse.
For him to realize what we’ve done and what this could mean.
For the panic to set in.
“Breathe, Bran. Just breathe. Everything is perfect,” he whispers, stroking my cheeks, kissing my forehead, giving me what I deserve least and need most.
Giving me himself, despite knowing that I contain monsters being locked away by medications I will be on for the rest of my life. This will not be easy, though they will become undetectable in time. They will always be there inside of me, yet he doesn’t care. Casey gives me himself without hesitation, and I am not worthy of any of him, but I know that I will spend a lifetime earning his hands, lips, words.
“I could love you,” I whisper, and that thought scares me. Draws breath from lung and makes heart hammer behind my fragile ribcage. “Do you know how scary that is, Casey?”
“There are worse things,” Casey Morrow says.