Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
Sasha
It was funny to watch JD’s reaction when the head nurse on staff insisted I leave her hospital in a wheelchair. And even funnier when she threatened him with two orderlies. I didn’t doubt he could wipe the floor with those two men, but he’d been forced to show restraint and allow them to do what they wanted. Stubborn man.
The truck ride, on the other hand, now that had sucked. Bear tried to sit in the back with me, but JD had growled at him to take the front seat, which had resulted in complete silence the entire trip. Thankfully, Axel took pity on us all and turned on the radio to some classic rock station so at least there was that. But it was when we turned into the compound that I got really nervous.
The crunch of gravel under the truck’s tires sent shivers down my spine.
Memories of that night rushed back and sweat broke out on my skin. The explosion had happened so suddenly it had taken what felt like forever for me to realize what was going on. I didn’t run. I didn’t scream. I didn’t do anything but stand frozen in place as debris rained down on me. Even the wave of unbearable heat didn’t move me.
It wasn’t until the flames caught my eye that I thought about moving, and by then it was too late.
Smoke rolled across the ceiling in thick waves, carrying an acrid burning scent. My skin tightened, each new breath I took scorching my lungs as the inferno closed in. Through watering eyes, I saw shadows moving in the orange glow, but couldn’t tell if they were coming to help or…
“Are you okay?” JD’s brows were pinched in concern, but I could barely make out the words coming out of his mouth. “Jesus, Sasha.” He unbuckled my seat belt and pulled me into his lap. “It’s okay, baby. I swear nothing is going to happen to you again. The whole club is going to have your back.” His fingers were on my face, brushing the hair out of the way and making soft touches that I knew were meant to soothe me.
Any other time, I would have been thrilled by his touch, but right now I could barely breathe, let alone think.
“She’s having a panic attack,” Bear said from the front seat, his concern loud and clear.
“I got that,” JD responded. His hands were cupping my face now and turning my head to meet his gaze. “Look at me, Sasha. You’re safe here, I promise. The man who hurt you was taken care of.”
“What?—What does that mean?” He’d caught my attention and I wanted to know more.
“It means he’s dead. So he can never hurt you or anyone else again.”
“Jeez, boss. I’m not sure she wanted to know that much.”
JD glared at Bear and if I wasn’t struggling to maintain control it might have been amusing. But there was one thing I needed to say.
“Actually, I do want to know that. I think—I think it makes a difference.” I stared at JD as I said those words, hoping he understood what they meant to me. I wasn’t unaware what kinds of things an outlaw MC club did, and I had some previous experience that their business was sometimes steeped in violence. But this had been so much worse than I’d ever expected.
What had happened here was on another level and whether it made me a bad person or not, I was glad that he was dead. Maybe that knowledge would let me sleep just a little bit easier.
“I’m not going to share the details with you, but you can definitely rest easy knowing that he is gone and unable to hurt anyone else.”
I blinked. Was that enough? Apparently, it was going to have to be. For some reason that made my eyes water as relief, or guilt, or whatever else emotion I couldn’t quite identify rushed to the surface.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered, brushing his thumb across my cheeks. “Please, baby,” he whispered gruffly.
“I don’t mean to. But it seems like something that happens more often these days than ever before. I hate it.”
“C’mon, Bear. Let’s go get the bags and get things settled. The Prez has got this.”
Bear might have said something in return, but I didn’t hear it. With the intensity in which JD stared at me, I could do nothing but get lost in the vibrant green intensity of his eyes that mesmerized me.
It wasn’t just the eyes though. Everything about him captivated me. It had since the first night I met him stripping at the MC’s strip club. Not once had I ever felt shy about stripping for money. I’d done that and worse to keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach. Things like shame had no place in my world. But this man…
He’d looked at me then much like he looked at me now. With a deep well of hunger that had never been focused solely on me before. It made my breath catch, and my heart pick up speed.
Of course he was handsome. Probably more so than a world-weary, rugged man like him should be. He had the face, the thick, dark hair threaded with gray, and a trim beard. And his form fitting t-shirt and jeans showed off a rocking hard body. He looked so good he could be the poster child for the saying that men get better with age.
But it was so much more than that. He was more.
The confidence he wore like a second skin, and the power he exuded without lifting a finger or his voice. And none of it seemed to come from anger or the pit of evil that lived beneath the skin of so many. That fact drew me in more than anything else. I didn’t exactly lack in confidence, but I’d never been close to anyone like that. Maybe what I needed was a little bit more of that to rub off on me so that I could regain my equilibrium.
“Do you trust me?” he suddenly asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Yes,” I immediately responded without thought. That had never been in question. He thought I was angry with him, but it wasn’t anger. “I never blamed you for what happened. Still don’t.”
“You should,” he said quietly. “It was my responsibility to keep everyone safe.” The darkness that lurked in his eyes seemed to take over, and I could see him retreating behind his fortress of walls that he always used to keep me at arm’s length.
I lifted my hand to his cheek and brushed him lightly, the scrape of his beard soft and springy against my skin. “I don’t believe that. Your shoulders are big, but they aren’t that big. No one expects you to carry the weight of the world on them.”
“I’m the president, Sasha. That means exactly that. Don’t worry too much about me though. I can handle it. It’s you who needs taking care of. I need you safe. That means I keep you close for now. Okay?”
I compressed my mouth into a tight smile and nodded my head. He may think he has to be everyone’s rock, but that was exactly the thing that drew me to him even deeper. Someone needed to watch over him too. He had his brothers, but I knew in my gut that it wasn’t enough. A man like him, he needed so much more. And I wanted that to be me more than anything else in this world.
And there lay the real, deep dark problem. I needed him to need me. And not just to keep me safe.
As if he could read my mind, I watched his eyes darken and the hunger I saw deepen. “Sasha,” he whispered a moment before I pulled him down to my mouth, locking us together right there in the truck. I didn’t know if it was my need that sparked his or the other way around, but either way it exploded in the heat of that touch as his tongue licked into my mouth and took complete and total possession.
While I had a solid feeling that this was a huge mistake, I would not pass up an opportunity, even if it meant the end of our road. It was worth it.
One of his hands moved up the column of my throat, his hands big and strong on my neck, continuing the path until his fingers tangled in my hair. I moaned into his mouth, eager for more.
Oh God, it had been so long since I’d tasted him like this. All white-hot heat and musk and masculinity. We’d shared comfortable moments and casual touches before, but nothing like this—not since that one night…
Now this felt like coming home.
And then it stopped.
JD pulled free of my mouth and stared down at me, both of us breathing hard. He couldn’t deny that kiss. He just couldn’t. No matter what words came out of his mouth.
His hand was still on me. Big and warm. Not to mention too careful for a man who was always trying so damn hard to push me away.
I expected him to let go. I waited for it.
But he didn’t.
Instead, his thumb brushed the side of my face. Soft. Like he was trying to fix something. Or like he wanted to soothe me.
My pulse beat erratically, making it difficult to breathe. His brows were pulled tight, his mouth a hard line, but his touch said something else.
And I ached for him to just call me his .
But he didn’t.
“Fuck. I’m sorry,” he said, pressing his forehead to mine and doing the one thing I couldn’t handle. If he was about to tell me again that he didn’t want me, I might scream. Especially since the length of his hard cock pressing against my stomach would make him the world’s worst liar.
“Don’t say anything,” I whispered, hoping to stop him before he made things worse. I could feel the denial and rejection coming again a mile away, and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to deal with it.
“I still shouldn’t have done that.” The hunger he’d looked down on me with still simmered in his eyes, but now it mingled with regret.
I scrambled to sit up, thankful that the worst of my panic at being back on the compound had dissipated. Too bad it came on the back of JD’s pity kiss. As was typical with him, he didn’t resist my attempts to get away. Instead, he helped me up and steadied me with a firm grip on my elbow.
With a brand-new ache in my chest, I turned and pinned him with a glare a moment before I yanked out of his grip. His lips turned up in a small smile, and I half wanted to scratch his eyes out to show him there was nothing funny about any of this. How dare he?
That wasn’t going to happen. The best I could do at the moment was get as far away from him as I could. Fortunately, the compound was huge and once I got re-settled in the apartment I was assigned to, it wouldn’t be that difficult to keep my distance. As long as I stayed away from the clubhouse, all would be good.
Halfway out the door, I glanced up and found we were not parked at the employee housing like I’d expected. We were in front of JD’s cabin.
“What’s going on?” I looked back and forth between the house and JD, wondering where Axel and Bear had disappeared to. Bear didn’t need to be exerting himself day one any more than I did. “Why am I here? And where is Bear?”
A deep frown crossed JD’s face, and he made a noise that sounded a little like a snarl. Rolling my eyes, I stepped forward.
“I’m tired, JD. I don’t want to fight. Just take me to housing and let me get settled.”
“No.” He shook his head sharply. “You’re staying with me. Like I said. I need you safe and the safest place is here.”
My stomach fluttered with equal parts nerves and fear. “But?—"
“No buts. This is my compound and I have the final say. You stay here.”