5. Eloise
5
ELOISE
I stretch, and when I do, my hands and feet both meet an end. My eyes snap open, and I realize I fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t eat enough last night. By the time the pizza arrived, I was already three beers deep, which wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t craft beers with higher-than-average alcohol contents. I couldn’t help myself. I can’t recall the last time the three of us were in a room together, and it had me on edge. At some point, the combination of beer and anxiety I felt got the best of me, and I sat on the couch and never got back up.
I push myself up on the sofa and look over the back toward the kitchen. The pizza boxes are still out, but other than that, nothing is amiss, which is a good sign. That must mean Arlo and Cal behaved after I checked out. Tossing the blanket off, I swing my legs over the edge of the couch, only for my feet to crash into a hard stomach.
A loud groan has me covering my mouth and peering over to see my victim. “Oh my God, Cal. Are you okay?”
“Never better,” he says hoarsely as his head turns toward the sound of my voice and he opens his eyes.
“Why are you down there anyway?”
A lazy smile forms on his lips. “Didn’t want to miss the first sleepover with my girl.”
I shake my head, my own smile unavoidable. “This hardly qualifies as a sleepover.”
He leans up onto his forearms. “I was asleep and you were asleep at the same time… in the same room. It definitely qualifies.” Then, sitting up, he adds, “I’ll sleep on the floor every night if it means I get to wake to that smile.”
I bite my lip. I’m not immune to the words coming out of his mouth. A big part of me wants to drag him off to the bedroom right now, but some of the best things are worth waiting for. I clear my throat. “What are your plans today?”
His eyes zero in on mine before his eyebrows rise. “Shit! What time is it?”
I reach for my phone on the coffee table. “It’s only seven a.m.”
He gets to his feet but only after picking up his playbook. “I have a game tonight. I need to get to the stadium.” He starts toward his room but stops before disappearing down the hallway. “Just so we’re clear. I prefer sleepovers with you in my bed.”
I close my eyes and drop my head so he doesn’t witness another earned smile. His antics are wearing me down, and he knows it. The sound of a door opening has me saying, “I get it you want me in your bed, but—” My words die when I look up and see Arlo. I cover my face to hide my mortification.
“I don’t want you in my bed… However, I’ll take breakfast.”
“Ugh…” I groan.
He sits on the couch adjacent to mine. “What was the but?”
“Huh?” I look at him in confusion.
“You said, ‘I get it you want me in your bed, but…’”
I know my cheeks are now red. I didn’t mean to give those words to him, and the admission feels wrong, considering I’m the one saying no. I realize I’m the problem, but since it’s Arlo and not Cal, I give him the words that contradict everything. “I was going to say, but you already know it’s where I want to be. Teasing will not get me there faster. It only makes walking away harder.”
The words have barely finished leaving my lips when Cal reappears, his piercing amber gaze locked on mine. The heat I see in them as he crosses the room straight for me tells me he heard every word. When he reaches me, his eyes soften. I’m waiting for him to give me another one-liner, a taunt I love as much as I hate. I love the smile they put on my face. He always made me smile. I just hate that I feel like I can’t fall and let myself drown the way I want to. It’s not only my heart I have to protect anymore.
The tease never comes. Instead, he pulls a lanyard out of his pocket and hands it to me. “This is your family pass. It will get you and a guest into every game.” He nods toward Arlo. “You can even bring this guy if it means you’ll come.”
I take it, and he heads toward the door.
Turning to Arlo, he adds, “Feel free to stay as long as you need. I have to get to the stadium.” He gives me one last look, drinking me in before closing the door.
“Are you going to go to the game?”
“No,” I say without any further explanation.
“Would you go if I went with you?”
I twist the lanyard around my index finger. “I’d consider it. I’m just not ready.”
“Lou, I support all your choices, you know that. I know what’s at stake, but let me say this, all you need to do is say the word, and there’s nothing that man wouldn’t do for you. He loves you. I know I questioned that along with you for a long time, but he’s in the dark, Eloise.”
I stand up, unable to sit any longer. Over the last year, a lot of things have come to light. As teenagers, we didn’t discuss our family dynamics in depth. We both wanted to escape what awaited us back home, so we never talked about it. I’m an heiress to a multibillion-dollar publishing house. Well, what used to be. Over the past two decades, the company has evolved under my mother’s leadership, expanding its reach far beyond publishing. When it came to Cal, I wasn’t sure what was waiting for him back home. We didn’t go there enough, but what you don’t change, you accept. If Cal wanted something different, I didn’t see it, but I didn’t pry either. Had I done so, things might have been different. It’s always the what-ifs and maybes that we regret the most.
I anxiously bite the skin on the side of my thumb. “I’m looking into Lucas’s threats. I’ve never been able to find any credibility. I know he and my parents have a history, but things don’t add up.”
“Have you tried asking Cal? You don’t have to lay it all out there. Just have a casual conversation.”
I pace back and forth in front of the window. “You’re right. This is stupid. I’m overthinking all of this. I’m making everything harder than it needs to be.” I sigh as I throw my head back and stare at the ceiling to find my center.
“Hey.” He’s at my front, his hands rubbing my shoulders. “I’d be just as fucking anxious if Katie was back in my life asking for a second chance after all the things she walked away from.”
Turns out one of the reasons Arlo was so adamant that I tell Cal about the pregnancy was because a week prior, the girl he’d been casually hooking up with dropped a bomb on him. Katie gave birth to Zander and only stuck around for a few months before taking off. It’s another reason he and I have become close over the years. We were both single parents. Sure, I have Cal. He wants to be and is part of Adler’s life, but I didn’t hold him back from college, and I definitely never wanted to stand in the way of him going pro. He’s never missed a holiday or birthday, but he’s on the road often during the season. Cal has given me a lot of space to call all the shots, but his patience is waning.
“You have time. Do what you believe will get you the end you seek the most.”
I softly push my fist into his chest with a small smile. “For someone who believes he’s terrible with words, you always seem to have the right ones.”
His eyebrows rise in surprise. “Those were good?” he questions skeptically.
“Yeah, they were good. You’re going to make some girl really happy one day.”
“Ehhh…” He shrugs. “I’m not worried about someday. I’m more concerned about right now. If you’re good, I’m starving.”
This time, I pack a little punch in my playful jab. “Come on, I’ll throw on some fresh clothes, and we can grab something around the corner.”
I can’t be sure what stirred me awake. All I know is that the paranormal feeling of being watched has settled over me and falling back asleep is not an option. I strain my ears, listening for any noises that may have caused me to wake. I’m not used to living in a city, but we’re on the top floor of the building, and this late, the hum from the streets below has typically settled. It’s not until I find the courage to open my eyes that another sense kicks in, and my fear vanishes. I can smell him: sandalwood. Leaning onto my arms, I sit up and blink rapidly, willing my eyes to focus before they’re ready, and that’s when I see him.
Callum is across the room, sitting in the chair beside my window.
“What are you doing?”
“Watching you sleep.”
“I can see that. Why?”
“Because it calms me.”
Something in his answer resonates because I spent the entire day replaying how my morning started with him on the floor next to me. It was honest. His words were playful, but the action spoke of something different, and knowing he did that has had me feeling a certain way all day. I didn’t know what that was until just now. It was calm, warmth, peace, and love. As much as knowing watching me sleep brings him joy, if I wasn’t willing to share a place with him, I can’t very well let him sit in a chair night after night watching me sleep.
“Cal—”
“My place was empty when I got home. I had to see…”
“You thought someone else was in here with me.”
He’s quiet, and my stomach starts to fill with dread. If we can’t trust each other, there’s little hope for our future. A seed of doubt can kill all this before we even have a chance to start.
“Old habits die hard, but I think I knew I’d find you alone before I stepped out of my front door, but I needed to see you. Arlo was gone, and more than anything, I thought maybe you left too.”
I click on my bedside lamp. “Why would I leave?”
“You didn’t come tonight.”
His game. Damn it. I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around my legs. This is why you’re here, Lou. Give him the truth. “I’m warming up to it.” It’s not a lie. It’s also not the whole truth, but a partial one is a start. Our son has been to his games, but I was never the one to take him. I sent my brother or my father in my place. It’s on the tip of my tongue to say more, but I’m not ready for the hurt that comes with it, especially when I see the stress my absence tonight already caused him. He sits on the bed, and I add, “I’m not ready to give up the simple life I’ve carved out.”
“An heiress with a simple life. If anyone could pull that off, it would be you.”
I furrow my brow and drop my gaze. We have so much to talk about that there’s no good place to start, but telling him I don’t have the money he thinks I do seems like as good a place as any other. “I’m not an heiress anymore.”
“Hilarious, Eloise. You get along with your parents just fine. I don’t believe they took away your trust fund for one second.”
“You’re right. They didn’t. I transferred mine to Iverson.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Okay… what money are you living off of?”
“I work.”
“Where?”
“For my dad. I realize I don’t look the part, but I paint boats.”
“You paint boats?” he questions slowly.
“Yes, inside and out. Plus, I seal the wood.”
He rubs the spot between his eyes.
“Is it really that hard to believe?” I ask, somewhat disheartened by his response.
“No.” He shakes his head. “You painting boats actually makes perfect sense. I can picture you in a cute pair of jean overalls spraying walls.” His eyes settle on mine. “Why haven’t you taken my money?”
“I haven’t taken it because I don’t need it. It’s your money. Your blood, sweat, and tears earned every penny, not mine. If I needed it, I’d take it. We aren’t married. When Adler is with you, you pay for things. When he is with me, I pay for things. It’s fair.”
He subtly shakes his head and presses his lips together in a thin line. He’s biting back words.
“What is it? Don’t keep things to yourself because you think you might hurt me. We have to communicate for this to work.”
His fingers aimlessly fiddle with mine. “You don’t have to do this alone. You’ve never had to do it alone.”
“I know what I chose.” I open my mouth to say more but think better of it. It’s late, he hasn’t been to sleep yet, and I’m partially awake.
His eyes are downcast on our fingers when he asks, “Was I really that bad?”
I put my hand on top of his and squeeze hard. “You’ve never been bad. Cal, we were so young. I wanted to be your first pick, not something you got stuck with?—”
“I wanted to be stuck with you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. All I’ve ever wanted you to do was take my heart, every fucking piece. I’ve never understood any of this. I know that heart inside of you beats for me.”
The organ inside of my chest pounds wildly. He’s saying all the right things, more than most men ever would. My eyes leave our hands, only to find his on mine.
“Are you scared of what you might find? Scared that everything you never thought I could be has been right here all along.”
“Cal, I?—”
“Don’t answer that. I know all of this is more than that, but I don’t plan on wasting any of the time you’re giving me not telling you exactly what I feel.” I pull in an anxious breath, and he says, “While we’re on the subject of time, I have to leave tomorrow night. We have two games in Boston. What are the chances of you coming with me?”
The earthly glow of his amber eyes, even in the dim light of my room, makes saying anything but yes hard as hell, but I blink away the fog and find my senses. “Doesn’t the team fly down on the team plane?”
“Yes, but I can buy you a ticket and you can meet me there.”
“And what about the hotel? Aren’t there curfews and room checks?”
He scoots a little. “Who said you’d be in my room?”
My cheeks heat from my assumption. “That’s not what I was getting at.” I try to play off my flippant comment.
“Yes, it was. Don’t lie.” He leans in, and I don’t move. I know he won’t try anything I’m not ready for, but he also likes to push the boundaries. Cal has always looked at boundaries like a dare. He gets that they are there, and he’ll respect them, but that doesn’t mean he won’t give you ten reasons to question why you set them to begin with. “Now you have to come…” He’s close enough. I can smell his minty breath as it dusts over my face, and still, I don’t move. Two can play his game. “I can think of a few places I’d like to hide you.”
“I’m guessing the closet and bathroom aren’t either of them?”
“Smart girl,” he says as his eyes drop to my mouth.
I let his eyes linger just long enough to suggest I’m considering allowing him to do precisely what he’s asking, and then my hand finds his chest, and I push him back. “Too bad I have a perfectly comfortable bed here that’s already paid for and I don’t have to hop on a plane to sleep in. Plus, I have a painting I need to work on if it’s going to be ready in time for the charity auction.”
He bites his lip and smirks at my antics. “Fine, but if you’re going to stay here, I want you to sleep in my bed.”
“What? Do you have cameras in there to film your escapades or something?”
“No.” He rubs his jaw. “But that’s not a bad idea.”
“Shocker,” I mock. “But the answer is still no.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” I pull the blankets around me. “I don’t want to sleep in a bed you’ve had other women in.”
“You’d be the first woman to sleep in it. You’re the first woman I’ve ever brought there. I don’t bring just anyone to my home. It’s where I relax, shut out the world, and turn off the noise. I can’t do that with memories I don’t care to have lurking the halls. But you—your memories are ones I want to haunt me for the rest of my days. They’re dark and light, bitter and sweet. They’re echoes of a past I long to live again.”
The one thing I don’t remember about Cal is his words. He was always goofy, never failing to put a smile on my face, but all the sweet nothings and telling me exactly what he’s thinking is new, and I know he’s aware they’re making me stumble. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“Not a chance.”
“Fine.”
“Fine?” he parrots.
“You heard me. I’ll do it, but you don’t get to sleep in that chair tonight and I’m tired.”
He sticks his hand out. “Deal.” We shake on it, and he stands up, only to reach across, steal a pillow, and toss it on the floor.
“What are you doing?”
“You said I couldn’t sleep in the chair. You said nothing about sleeping on the floor.”
I roll my eyes and stifle my smile. Reaching for my bedside lamp, I switch off the light. “Suit yourself.”
Fear and happiness grip my chest as I press my head against my pillow. When he does stuff like this, his words feel true. They aren’t empty. Instead, they feel like true reflections of his heart. However, it’s the possibility of losing it all once again that scares the hell out of me.