Scoring with the Coach’s Daughter (Maine Megalodons #3)

12. Samantha

12

SAMANTHA

The bed feels too big without him. I roll onto my side, then onto my back, then to the other side, because I’m missing the warmth of him next to me. I run my hands over the cold sheets where they used to be warm. There’s no working around the fact that I miss him. The methodical whir of the ceiling fan is no comfort tonight. It’s too late to be awake, but my mind won’t quiet down long enough to let me sleep.

I must have pissed him off. I don’t know why I’m always defensive. He’s incredible and the feelings I have for him both excite and terrify me. It’s dangerous, the feelings I have for him have me in knots. What if he leaves like Rob? I try to shake off my insecurities but it’s easier said than done.

He’s only been here for a few weeks, and this is all new to him—and me. Of course, it’s fun. It’s new and I love how my heart races when he walks into a room. It’s exhilarating. He’s effortlessly inserting himself into this house, into my life, and every corner of my heart in record time. I can still hear his laugh echoing through the rooms, the way it softens when he’s talking to Ellie, coaxing her out of a mood. Like with the sugared cereal. He has a way of making life fun even when he’s correcting her.

Then, there are the times when he makes me feel like I’m the most important person in the world. I roll over and pull his pillow to my face, sniffing for the faintest trace of his cologne.

I press my palms into my eyes, trying to shut it all out. He’s not gone yet, but I can already feel the ache of what’s coming. Sooner or later, he’ll return to Maine. He’ll be back with the team, and they will be playing in stadiums across the States. He’ll slip back into his life and we’ll be a distant memory of his pit stop in South Carolina. We’ll be in his rearview mirror.

Isn’t that what famous athletes do? I can’t expect this to be the real thing, right?

I roll onto my back again and stare up at the ceiling, willing my doubts to go away. Does he want us to be more? He’s alluded to it, but does he know what he wants?

More importantly, can I trust him?

I assumed I was a one-night stand. But he’s been here days with no word of when he’s leaving.

I’m a country girl at heart. We’re too different, aren’t we? He came here because he needed to recover, to escape the noise of his life for a while. He didn’t come here for me, or for Ellie, or for… whatever this is that’s happening between us.

But the problem is, this doesn’t feel temporary to me. He’s here on an extended stay. He could have rehabbed his knee anywhere, but he chose here. Is my dad playing matchmaker?

Then there’s Ellie. I see the way she lights up whenever Jake’s around. I’ve noticed how patient he is with her, and how he treats her like she’s the smartest, most capable kid in the world. I feel the way my heart beats a little faster whenever he walks into the room, my smile isn’t for show, and he makes me happy.

Very happy .

I find myself waiting for him to pop into the kitchen, the inn, or the restaurant. I love his texts. I love waking up with his arm draped over me. I love his smell and his laugh. I love how he teases me.

I want to believe there’s a world where this doesn’t have to end—but I know better. He has his life and his career in Maine. I can’t ask him to put that on hold for me — for us. Not that he could do that even if he wanted to. He makes millions and I’m not worth that! I wouldn’t risk my career over the possibility of marriage either. Marriage?

What made me think about that?

We haven’t been dating long enough to make those kinds of decisions. But the only alternative is a long-distance relationship and that would be a nightmare. So what are our choices?

God, this relationship feels impossible. Isn’t that always that way?

I’ve been here before—hoping, waiting, wondering if someone will call or if they’ll come back. I thought Rob would come back after the reality of my new life sunk in, but it was presumptuous on my part. I thought I knew him, we dated for two years, and he left me shortly after Ellie arrived. I should be counting my lucky stars that I didn’t have children with him given the fact he wasn’t accepting of Ellie. But now I wonder if it was his fault.

The scars remain and I worry I will never trust a man again. I thought Rob had my back, but I was wrong. Will Jake have my back?

The idea of saying goodbye to Jake makes my stomach churn. I don’t know how I’d look him in the eye and tell him we should break it off now, instead of waiting for the inevitable parting of ways. I think women are like milk and all relationships have an expiration date. The only issue I have with that is it could be days or weeks. And in that time, Ellie and I are getting— mm —attached.

He's been around so it’s not impossible to think he knows what he wants. But what man doesn’t think they want one thing when in reality, it’s not? Rob shocked me when he left. It’s as if our life deviated from the script and I wasn’t good enough for him.

I’m terrified that history will repeat itself. I’m afraid to let him in because it means risking my heart. Will Jake tire of me? But if I don’t give us a chance, I’m afraid of passing on the possibility of finding love and the possibility of us as a family and of expanding that family. I’d also lose the possibility of Jake as a father figure to Ellie.

Then there’s Dad and the fact that he never wanted us to date football players. The team is away from home and it’s tough on a marriage and the family. My father missed many dance recitals and plays over the years. And like Jake, he tried to be present when he was with us. Perhaps that’s what made the clam bakes an important part of my childhood—we were all together for the summer.

I roll onto my back again and hug the pillow tightly, trying to push my conflicting thoughts away. I’m stuck in this never-ending loop. I’m seesawing between wanting to leap into this and seeing where it takes me even though it’s probably not the smartest thing to do.

I’m too practical, and too grounded in reality to toss caution to the wind. My sister lived that way and look what happened to her. I want to believe in the fairytale and to let the chips fall where they may, like Jake, and dream the big dreams even if they seem impossible. Jake’s superpower is that he’s cavalier about trying new things and he’s not afraid to take risks, and that scares me, too.

“Get over it, Sam,” I mutter to myself, my voice barely audible in the stillness. I’ll never sleep if I overthink Jake and me. It’s so complicated.

It’s easier to keep my walls up. It’s safer this way. I’ll have fewer risks being alone than taking a chance on Jake and falling in love. I’ve spent years building this life for Ellie and me and letting Jake in feels like I’m asking for trouble.

Who gets their fucking happily ever after anyway?

It only happens in romance books and movies!

I close my eyes, squeezing them shut like it’ll somehow force the thoughts away. We’re adults when he leaves, I’ll have to figure out how to go back to the way things were before he arrived—before he made me start dreaming about what could be instead of what is.

But even as I tell myself that, I can still feel his presence and I take comfort in the fact that he hasn’t gone far. He was so fucking hot flipping pancakes in my kitchen. I can get used to him walking around in sweatpants and I imagine what he’ll look like in summer with his tanned body glistening under the sun as the ocean waves crash at our feet. Perhaps we’d have kids.

I hate how much I miss him. I yearn to have him kissing and teasing me. He’s the yin to my yang. He has a way of making everything feel just a little bit brighter and lighter.

I drift off into a fitful sleep. Will Jake come by tomorrow?

Morning dawns and dark clouds outside match my black mood.

Jake’s not here.

I’m filled with apprehension as I enter the kitchen and Ellie is pulling out ingredients for pancakes. My heart breaks a little because Jake’s not here.

“Where’s Jake? I want to crack eggs for the pancakes.” She stands on the kiddie stool to reach the mixing cup, grabs it, and places it on the counter.

I glance anxiously out the screen door as I make coffee.

“I’m not sure. He might be sleeping in,” I reply. Ellie already thinks of us as a family, but Jake and I are still trying to figure out what we are to each other. I envy her sometimes because her world isn’t complicated with men and life-altering decisions.

I glance at my phone and judging from the time, I wonder if he’ll be taking Ellie to camp today.

My heart skips like a stone across a creek when I hear a knock at the door.

Ellie bolts to the back door and greets Jake. “I knew you’d be there. We’re making red velvet pancakes today!”

“Are we?” he asks, glancing at me for feedback.

“Yeah, we’re really hungry,” I add, pulling the frying pan out of the cabinet.

“Well, I guess we’d better get on it. We can’t be late for camp!” he says. I hand him a cup of coffee to make him feel welcome. Baby steps, right? I’ve decided that I’m not ready to give him up after last night’s kerfuffle.

He gets points for being mature enough to show up. There’s no need to punish Ellie just because we’re on the outs.

After breakfast Ellie runs upstairs to dress for camp, leaving us alone.

“We need to talk, Sam.”

“I know.” I busy myself with the dishes but Jake takes my hands in his. How does he know I deflect with tasks when I’m vulnerable? I’ve always felt that if I stop moving, I’ll break.

He slips a hand under my chin and looks me in the eye.

“I’m not here for a fling. I know Rob hurt you but I’m not him. I have deep feelings for you and Ellie. Can you meet me halfway?”

I nod, because if I stand here another minute I’ll cry. He cares enough to have a conversation. We might not be perfect, but we both know communication is essential if we are to become closer to each other.

“I’m sorry I was aloof. It’s on me. I know that.”

“Great. Then let’s chalk it up to bad behavior,” he smiles at me and I choke up. A tear slips down my cheek. How the hell did that happen? He uses his thumb and wipes it away.

“Better?”

I nod.

“Good, because Peanut will be here in a minute, and I don’t want her to think I made you cry.” I love how he uses my nickname for her.

I nod again. But he did make me cry, but in a good way, because he's caring and compassionate. He has many endearing qualities but the one that rises above them all is that he understands me better than I understand myself at times.

He pulls me to him in a huge bear hug as Ellie yells, “Let’s go, Jake. We can’t be late!”

“Alright, Peanut. I’m coming.”

They leave and I set about my day with a lighter heart knowing we’re okay.

After work, I join Jake and Ellie in the kitchen as afternoon light streams through the screen door. A warm glow is cast on the cluttered table where Ellie is huddled over her art project. Her brow furrows in deep concentration as she struggles with the latest project she wants to perfect for camp—a mural design that, as far as I could tell, she’s completely lost interest in. Crumpled pieces of paper surrounded her like defeated soldiers, and her pencil taps the table with rhythmic frustration.

Jake sits across from her, leaning forward on his elbows with a lopsided grin. His presence seems larger than life in our modest kitchen. He’s tall and his presence has a way of commanding attention. Not only that but he’s managed to fit seamlessly into the rhythm of our lives.

“Okay, Ellie,” Jake says, with a warm and encouraging voice. “What if you stop thinking about what they want and focus on what you want? Forget the rules for a minute.”

Ellie sighs dramatically purses her lips together and blows a stray lock of hair from her face. “That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have to turn this in tomorrow. My camp counselor, Amy, is going to think it’s awful.” Her face falls and I wonder if I’ve imposed my perfectionism onto her.

Jake chuckles, unfazed by her dramatics. “Come on, I doubt that. Besides, you’re not painting for Amy—you’re painting for you. Show her what makes you, you.”

“Like, what?” Ellie asked, her voice skeptical but with a flicker of curiosity.

I leaned over Jake’s shoulders to see her picture. There is something magnetic about the way he calmly resolves issues. And that this makes him valuable to his team. He treats her as though her five-year-old worries are just as important as the pressures he faces as a professional athlete. I want to step in, to be the one to reassure her, but I hold back.

The way she looks up to him warms my heart but at the same time, I feel like I’m being replaced.

Jake leans back in his chair, tapping his chin theatrically. “What about all that cool stuff you showed me last week? Those sketches with the animals? I remember a lion and—what was it?”

Ellie’s face lit up. “A fox. I like foxes.”

“See? That’s what I mean. Why not start there? Make it wild and colorful. Don’t worry if it’s perfect.”

She hesitates, then slowly reaches for her crayons and holds a brown one poised over her paper. “You really think that’ll work?” She sits back in her chair and intently reads his face. She’s a child and yet she’s sizing him up.

Jake grins. “I know it will.”

As Ellie began to sketch, the lines flowed more confidently, I busied myself with making dinner. I try to ignore the knot of emotions twisting in my stomach. Watching Jake with her was a double-edged sword. He brought out a side of Ellie I hadn’t seen in a while—adventurous, creative, and willing to take risks.

“Sam?” Jake’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I turn to find him watching me, his expression curious.

“Hmm?”

“You okay over there? You’ve been chopping those vegetables long enough for them to be purèed.”

I blinked and realized I’d chopped the potatoes into minced cubes the size of garlic. Shit! The man turns my brain to goo. “Oh. Yeah, just lost in my thoughts.”

His grin conveys the fact that I’m busted. He doesn’t miss anything. But instead of teasing me over it, he turns back to Ellie, who is now fully engrossed in her work. Her eyes are concentrated on her paper.

“She’s talented,” Jake says, breaking the brief whiff of tension.

“She is,” I agreed, my voice softer than I intended. “My sister was, too.”

Just then, my phone rings. and the caller ID announces Dad. I dry my hands and answer it.

“Hey, Dad,” I said, leaning against the counter.

“Hey, sweetheart,” his familiar voice came through the line. “How’s everything going? Ellie doing okay?”

“She’s good. Busy with camp. We’re just hanging out at home this afternoon.”

There was a pause. “Have you seen Jake? He’s seeing a doctor not far from you.

Hmm. Was this a setup by my father? “Yeah, in fact, he’s here. He’s staying at the inn.”

Dad’s tone shifted, his concern coming through loud and clear. “Sam, I know you’re a grown woman, but the last thing you need is to get hurt again.”

Dad knows how torn up I was when Rob ditched me. We were together for years, and everyone loved him but he didn’t love me enough to work through my sister’s death or to love a child that wasn’t his. I guess he wasn’t so perfect after all. It’s when the rubber meets the road that we learn the limitations or the flaws of a person. Looking back, I don’t know how I missed it.

Again, meaning it’s been three years since I was in a relationship. Mom tells me to rush out and find a man and dad is pulling me back. Is it any wonder I’m a hot mess in the dating scene?

“I know, Dad,” I said, my voice tighter than I intended. “I’m fine.”

“I’m sure you are.”

I bit my lip, my grip on the phone tightening. “Do you want to speak to Ellie?”

“Sure, that would be great.” I hand the phone to Ellie who chats away, filling her grandfather in on camp and she brags about Jake and how incredible he is.

She’s a cheerleader in the making,

After a few more pleasantries, we hung up, and then the weight of Dad’s words settled over me. Does he know something that I don’t?

Jake’s voice broke the silence and he slid his arms around me and pulled me tightly to his muscular chest. “Everything okay? ”

“Yeah. Just Dad being... Dad.”

“Let me guess—he’s not thrilled about me being here?”

I sigh as I turn in his arms to face him. “He just worries. About me, about Ellie. About getting too attached to... anyone. And Mom wants me married tomorrow and to stop living in the past.”

Jake nodded slowly, his expression unreadable. “I get it. He just wants to protect you.”

I met his gaze, and the air between us us heavier than it should be. I want to say something to explain that it wasn’t about him, not really, but the words wouldn’t come.

“Aunt Sam!” Ellie’s voice shattered the tension, and we both turned to see her holding up her drawing, a vibrant, chaotic mix of animals and colors. “Look what I made!”

I forced a smile, pushing my doubts aside. “It’s amazing, sweetheart. Amy is going to love it.”

Ellie beams, and Jake gives her a high-five. “Told you it’d turn out great.”

As they celebrated her success, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt. Watching Jake and Ellie together is something I’d always wanted but wasn’t sure I could find. He’s good for her, no doubt about it. But Dad’s words echoed in my mind, and I wondered if I I’m making the right decision.