5. Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Sage
Naomi. A name I never wanted to hear again in my life. She conspired with her brother Sorin and it resulted in Luka being taken. Now that she was my enemy, I was shocked Winnie would even consider me calling her.
There was nothing that bitch could say I wanted to hear. Luka was dead and she was now trying to get to me. Unsure if she wanted to take me back to my father or kill me, I wasn’t playing her games either way.
Once I heard Winnie leave, I came out of the bathroom and threw on the clothes I’d laid out. I didn’t have the energy to take a shower. Honestly, I usually took them before bed anyway, and I wasn’t ready for my daily cry yet.
When I came out of my cabin, the night air was crisp, the moon bright and full. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone, heading straight to my spot. I knew Winnie had gone into town with Drag and a few others, so most of the people who would bother me weren’t around.
As I took up my roost in the woods, I heard Vivi ask Kimber if there was a portable speaker she could use. Within minutes, music blasted into the darkness.
With a sigh, I glanced over my shoulder to see what the hell they were doing. Vivi and Jimmy were chatting as they passed a bottle of whiskey back and forth in front of the blazing bonfire. There were two other humans with beers in their hands.
My gaze swept over Nellie and the overly-processed bleached hair that came to her shoulders. She was short and medium built with bronzed skin you can only get by using fake tanner. Jimmy took a liking to her, but she was someone I couldn’t stand, even before the war. She was one of those people who liked to gossip about others and be everyone’s friend, and it made me want to punch her in her big ass nose. I refrained back when we were in Venom together because not only would I’ve gotten an infraction, but I would’ve also been yelled at by my dad. But if she pissed me off out here in the middle of nowhere, New Mexico, I wouldn’t hesitate to kick her ass.
My eyes bounced to Randi who was rail-thin and tall. Her complexion was fair and had a pink undertone to it. She’d rarely talk but I did once hear her say she’d prefer working the night shift because she burned super easy in the sun. She was modest in her appearance, mostly wearing long sleeve shirts and slacks, even on warm summer days, and her hair was a dull brown she’d always kept in a bun. We weren’t friends before we came here but she had always been nice to me.
When Vivi caught sight of my staring, I quickly turned away, avoiding eye contact.
“Sage! Come drink with us! It’ll make you feel better.”
“No, thank you,” I murmured softly, aware that she could hear me due to her impeccable vampire hearing.
How the hell can these people celebrate when we’ve lost so much?
“Come on. It’ll numb your feelings!”
As I stared into the woods, numb feelings didn’t sound like such a bad idea, especially if I didn’t have to socialize with anyone. In theory, I could take a few shots before returning to my spot.
Fuck it.
Vivi squealed in excitement as I strolled toward them. I kept my eyes on her, completely avoiding the others when I approached. She held the bottle out to me, and I took it, not even checking the brand before taking a swig. The alcohol made a fiery path, running down my throat and landing hard in my empty stomach. I took another big drink before handing it back, a small cough leaving me.
“That tastes like shit.”
Vivi tilted her head, eying me like I was a zoo animal on display. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” I lied effortlessly, like I’d been doing for months.
“Are you sure?”
The sincerity in her voice along with the sadness in her eyes made me avert my gaze to the bonfire. A pooling of emotions swirled in the pit of my stomach as I watched the flames flicker. Vivi was one of the few people who understood exactly what I was going through, yet I didn’t know what to say to her.
How can someone express the depths of emotion without looking like a lunatic?
What was I supposed to say?
That I’m exhausted.
Exhausted from the constant thoughts occupying my brain, each talking louder than the other as if they’re determined to win an imaginary race.
Maybe I could say I’m furious.
Furious I let myself be fooled into thinking I was an impervious gladiator, when in reality I was more delicate than a candle flame fighting against the winds of a storm.
Or how about showing them I’m angry?
Angry I opened a sliver of my heart and allowed myself to care for someone, unknowingly setting myself up for failure.
I could simply express that I’m feeling sad.
Sad after realizing the hand dealt to me would never be higher than the one the house holds.
Perhaps I should tell them I’m broken.
Broken into a million sharp pieces when the one person who owned the glue was probably dead.
I shouldn’t say I’m jealous.
Jealous of the people who still felt peaceful during a gentle rain when it no longer soothed my weary soul.
What about saying I’m lonely?
Lonely because I refused to let anyone occupy my time while buried deep in the dark, depressing grave that was once my life.
But I can’t say those things, right?
Because that would not only make people empathetic but also uncomfortable; therefore, my emotions would stay hidden beneath the heavy barricades I’d created until the fragile glass of my soul shatters, sending shards in all directions, striking anyone in their path.
An icy breeze puckered my skin when it came through and changed the direction of the bonfire, the flames now swirled toward me. I took a step forward, moving in closer, and the fire licked at my pants, ready to engulf my entire existence.
“You can’t get that close.” Vivi tugged on my shirt, pulling me back a foot, leaving the fire without a victim. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Unable to look at anyone, afraid they would see the emotions my eyes held, I never turned around. “Like I said. I’m fine.”
My words were empty. Hollow. Meaningless.
I had lost my society, my family, and the person I loved the most.
I was not fine.
Far from it, actually.
I watched the flames flicker for a few minutes before someone tapped me on the shoulder. When I turned around, Randi handed me the whiskey without saying a word. I graciously took it with the plan to only have one or two more drinks . . . or until my emotions were numb.
Time was non-existent as we emptied the bottle of whiskey before Vivi grabbed another. I lost track of how much I’d drunk, but my worries felt insignificant now. I wouldn’t say it made me happy, but it did what Vivi said.
I was numb . . .
The alcohol had completely taken over my senses, leaving me with a fuzzy brain. I looked around and noticed Vivi was the only supernatural person in the vicinity.
“Where did Kimber go?”
“Winnie sent her and Erik to a cell phone place or some shit.”
“There’s usually more people out. Where’s everyone else?”
Vivi shrugged unconcerned. “Some went with Drag and Winnie on a supply run, the others went to see Drag’s new niece.”
No chaperones.
Only me, her, and three ex-Venom members who wouldn’t dare reprimand me for anything, which made it a perfect night to not give a fuck.
“Pony” by Ginuwine came over the speaker and I threw my hands in the air. “Turn it the fuck up!”
Jimmy gave me a look of concern before he turned the sensual music louder. Vivi began swaying her hips, having fun dancing her ass off. I wanted to enjoy myself as well, so I stumbled toward her and joined in.
We passed the bottle of liquor back and forth between us, dancing away our worries.