Season of Gifts (Neighborly Affection #8)

16. Jay

Chapter sixteen

Jay

M rs. Eickhoff’s apartment building didn’t lie on the direct route from Jay’s office to Oscar’s. He didn’t have to turn down the side streets; he didn’t have to navigate the narrow lane parked up with cars. He could’ve gone straight from the office to the diner to meet Alice for their Tuesday lunch.

He rode past anyway, his body leaning to make the turn, his legs pumping up the little incline, faster without the weight of a weekly grocery order. Officially he’d been reviewing the schedule this morning. Mostly he’d been staring at Mrs. Eickhoff’s obituary online.

A private memorial service will be held for the family at a later date.

Private. Later. So she got nothing now, nobody celebrating her life, no gathering for her friends.

Survived by her two sons and their spouses and three grandkids, the notice said. Not a word about the gals in the rummy club who actually saw her every day. She’d outlived her husband and two siblings. Maybe she’d been the youngest in her family, too. Had she told him that? The memories slipped away, a blur of Tuesdays. He couldn’t say for certain when a thing had happened or what was said, only that she’d bragged about him to the gals while he put the groceries away and invited him to join the game or look at family photos or take a huge slice of the dessert she’d made.

He took his time locking up the bike outside Oscar’s. He’d tried to wait longer at the office, but his legs couldn’t stand it, and the more he paced, the droopier Carrie’s face got watching him. But even with the detour past Mrs. Eickhoff’s, he was seventeen minutes early for lunch.

Holding the menu gave his hands something to do. He should’ve stayed outside, should’ve kept riding, maybe to the park and back, but now his coat was off, and their regular waitress was hustling over to his table in her squeaky-clean white old-lady sneakers.

“My goodness, I’m glad to see you’re in one piece!” Bonnie set two silverware napkin bundles on the table. “Last week your poor girl hardly looked up from her phone. Thought something might have happened, but of course I’m not one to pry.”

Last week at this exact minute he’d been on the phone with Mrs. Eickhoff’s son. He must not have been fast enough with the text to catch Alice before she’d left for lunch. She hadn’t said anything. He flashed a bashful smile at Bonnie. “Just a work emergency. I’ve been forgiven for standing her up.”

Rehashing last week wouldn’t help him any, and Alice had probably forgiven him days ago, so the tiny lie didn’t count against him. He’d apologize to Alice later, though.

“And this week you’re early, so as not to worry her. Young love.” Hand over her heart, Bonnie closed her eyes and scrunched her shoulders like the universe was hugging her. “Didn’t expect you for at least another ten minutes. You want to wait for her to order?”

“Yes. No.” Scanning the menu, he let the beverages come into focus. The wind had been biting today. “Can we get hot tea with milk? The chamomile? With…” Henry had tried years ago to get him hooked on tea before bed. Tea tasted too sour-bitter without—what had Henry called them?—enticements. “Umm, honey and ginger? But not until she gets here. I don’t want it to get cold waiting.”

“I think we can manage that, hun.” Bonnie tapped her nose twice. “Such a smart husband! You two are just the cutest. You tell her she has a good one.” Glancing past him, she pretended to scribble on a pad and nodded. “Gotta go fetch a bill for those folks, but I’ll be back to check on you.”

His face didn’t turn red; he didn’t have a strong blush reflex like Alice did. Henry making him kneel in his waiting pose in front of a mirror while he praised Jay had shown him that. Praise made him wriggly on the inside, not colorful on the outside. He repeated the praise silently—smart, good, those were nice words, but they weren’t the ones heating his chest. Husband . That was the word.

Danny would call that recognition or validation or something at therapy. The ring on Jay’s finger said he belonged, and now other people saw it when they looked at him. Danny would also say—well, no, Danny didn’t say things so much as he asked questions that made Jay say things. He was like Henry that way, always asking stuff that needed more than a yes or no answer. But Danny would agree if Jay said belonging was super-important to him—core to his identity, he called it—and that he’d lost his sense of it with his family this year. So no wonder he kept shifting gears this week, trying to find the right pace for a daunting climb, wobbling after losing Mrs. Eickhoff, slipping a foot off the pedal when Henry left without him.

He tucked the menu back in the holder; he didn’t need it anyway. Today would be a vegetable soup and BLT day. He’d sent Henry a picture of his clothes again this morning, but still no reply on his phone. Yesterday he’d gotten back a message before lunch.

He should be in Maine with Henry. He could run ninety percent of his business through his phone, and Carrie handled the rest from her desk. Alice could go up Friday, but he should be up there today. The afternoon train would get him there by dinnertime. Ride home, pack a bag—he’d just tell her, flat out, that he knew he’d be more useful there.

Bonnie returned faster than he’d figured, carrying two cups of milk-foamy tea and extra honey packets out from behind the counter.

“Oh, she’s not—”

Alice stepped through the jingling door eight minutes early, lowering her scarf and grinning at him.

Bonnie set the saucers on the table. “Mm-hmm, don’t you worry, I was keeping watch for you.”

“Thank you, Bonnie.” He matched her whisper before standing to greet his wife, his arms dramatically wide. “In the flesh. No lonely phone lunches today.”

Alice swept into a hug, kissing his cheek and whispering, “Did I miss something?”

“Big reunion,” he murmured. Bonnie had retreated, but keeping his voice low couldn’t hurt. “I think the staff thought we’d had a fight.”

Alice gripped his chin and give him a loud mwah kiss on the lips. “I’d much rather look at your face than my phone, sweetheart.”

He settled her coat around the back of her chair and held it for her before grabbing his own. “Thanks, Alice. Gotta keep my good husband rating.”

Lowering her face to the teacup, she inhaled deeply and let out a rumbly sigh. “Honey and ginger? You get an A-plus rating from me, even if this means I want to curl up and nap under my desk after lunch. Life should be more like kindergarten.”

Peggy had been pregnant with Becky and grouchy as hell when Jay was in kindergarten. He’d fetched more things that year than a golden retriever with an automatic tennis ball machine. “So I was thinking I should go to Maine tonight. Be there to help out. I know you can’t go up yet, but—”

The crease in her eyebrows and the pinch in her lips stopped him. “Jay…”

“He’s all alone, and his mom’s sick.” She’d had a freaking heart attack, for fuck’s sake. And okay, yeah, Henry had said again last night on the phone that he’d be at the hospital all day and they couldn’t do anything for him, so there wasn’t any point in disrupting their lives, but that was just him being all managing dom. Jay could do plenty to help out. “I can keep him supplied with snacks, and make sure he’s showering and sleeping, and take care of the house, and—”

“You are absolutely capable of all of those things.” Hands wrapped around her teacup, Alice stared him straight in the face, her hazel eyes miniature wreaths. “But this…” Her gaze fluttered before landing on him again. “Everybody reacts different to hospital stuff. It’s scary and unpredictable, especially when it’s a parent. And he’s used to…” She tipped her head side to side. “You know, being in control of things. So this is really tough on him.”

“Right, that’s why he needs our help.”

“No, that’s why he needs us to listen to what he says he needs.”

Frustration sat uncomfortably in his gut. He and Alice didn’t disagree on things. Not important things, anyway. “I just think—”

His phone chirped three times as chimes erupted from Alice’s side of the table. She won the race, holding her phone, shaking her head while he was still unzipping his pocket. “It’s not him.”

At least they were back to thinking alike. “No, he would’ve called without a heads-up text.”

She flashed a smile as he unlocked his screen; her phone had been the one to startle them last night after their walk through the Common to see the lights. They’d sent Henry a selfie to show they’d gone ahead with his calendar activity, and he’d called them ten seconds later. No visiting hours that late.

“Shit.” Alice bumped the edge of her phone against her forehead. “I didn’t know they were so close, and I didn’t want…”

Ollie had messaged in their group chat:

Has anyone heard from Mama Helen?

She’s not answering her texts.

Three frowny faces followed.

“Because of your dad, yeah.” His grumbling frustration smoothed out. Alice was like Henry, used to controlling situations—and the flow of information. Just ’cause she didn’t agree with him didn’t mean she wasn’t worried and anxious too. Him fighting her on when to visit only made more stress for her. “You didn’t want to worry her.”

“I’m just trying to hold things together.” Alice fumbled for his hand, and he curled his palm around her fingers. The teacup had warmed them; good call on that. “I know you’re not ten years old. Either of you.”

“And I know you have extra smarts”—she opened her mouth, and he waved her down—“not because you’re smarter than me”—she was, but this wasn’t that battle—“but because you’ve been through this. I just hate not being there. I wanna be doing something. Helping.” Serving, he didn’t say, but she’d understand.

A new reply bubbled into the chat.

No joy here either, Nat wrote. I could drive out to check on her, but it’ll take a few hours. Pretty sure my boss would be cool with that.

“Huh.” Alice lifted an eyebrow at him. “Did your sister get a new job?”

Not that she’d told him about. But Nat had never been one to stay too long at something; she went where she wanted and talked her way into what she wanted. He shrugged, his hands full with phone and Alice. “Seasonal, maybe? Becky would’ve said if Nat was helping out at home. At the farm, I mean.”

His niece updated him almost daily since Alice had fired off those photos from the local place. Her excitement about his dad finally taking her seriously and starting new sidelines and actually paying her little brothers to help out instead of making the work mandatory family chores like Peggy had done to him—well, she’d quieted his guilt some about not going for the busy season.

Tap-tap-tapping, Alice sent a reply in the chat. Henry’s already on it. We’ll fill you both in after lunch.

“Both on your phones.” Bonnie tsked them, laughing, as she stopped beside their table. “You’ll give the boss ideas about switching to phone ordering, and then where will I be?”

“Retired and on the beach, with your feet up and people bringing you lunch for once.” Jay winked at her, charm smile in full blaze. If his presence could make one person’s day brighter, he wasn’t gonna waste the chance.

“Oh, honey, if only.” She pressed a finger to her lips and lifted it toward the ceiling. “Just send that wish straight to heaven. Now, what can I getcha today?”

He let Alice rattle off her choices first, then switched his sandwich pick to a grilled cheese but with bacon, because hers sounded yummier than his BLT plan. Bonnie hustled off to put in their order. Their sisters were waiting for answers, and he had zero ideas. Lead with Henry’s mom being fine, except they didn’t know that, not for sure. Something could’ve happened overnight, and Henry hadn’t called yet today.

Alice stroked her thumb across his wrist, a little ticklish but soothing, the way he sometimes rubbed the rocks he collected. “Thank you for coming all the way out here. I’m sorry it’s an extra trip now just to see me.” Lip twitching, she ducked her head. “We could talk about not meeting—”

“I want us to keep meeting for lunch.” Panicky, he did sound that, but Danny would cheer for him spitting out his feelings right up front. Better than waiting to be told how he felt. “I don’t want our tradition to change.”

One more change this week would send him hurtling downslope, off track and out of control.

“No, no, sweetheart—” She shoved her phone aside and reached for his other hand, so they guarded the borders of their table with outstretched arms and knuckle-whitening grips on each other. “I should’ve phrased that better. Henry would’ve—” Eyes squinched, she shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. I was just going to ask if you wanted someplace else that’s closer to you, or maybe a different day when you have a run that brings you this way. That’s all. You’re never getting out of lunch with me, not ever.” Her light tap against his wedding ring rippled through him. “I own you. And you own me.” Glancing around, she leaned in and whispered, “And Henry owns us both.”

He nodded so firmly he almost wrenched his neck. “No matter where he is.”

He’d gone two weeks without Henry at holidays before, and this was only two days so far. But Henry’s mom hadn’t been sick then. And Henry needed him. Didn’t he? Serving a master who didn’t need him or want anything from him would be… Empty . The word rattled in his head, and he tried to shudder it out down his spine.

Alice studied him. She didn’t have Henry’s neutral face; when her gears turned, her eyes narrowed, and her lips shifted, and she somehow looked both far away and inside herself at the same time. “I’m sorry your routines are all out of alignment. I hope this”—she swirled his wedding band around his finger—“is a good reminder that Henry being out of town is only temporary, and that you have people who love you. Like me.”

The tiny quiver in her voice, and the smile that darted away before her teeth showed—fuck. Her uncertainty flattened him. Focusing so hard on what he wanted, what he figured Henry needed, he’d ditched any thoughts about what Alice needed from him. He had a dominant right here in front of him who needed his support and service.

“Well.” He finger-walked up her forearm, nudging her shirtsleeve up, his nerves tingling against the soft skin of her inner arm. “We did go on a date last night, and I did let you kiss me under the lights.” Henry had sketched the mama duck and ducklings from the park with winter scarves and hats for the card directing them to the light show. “And there was all that naked spooning for hours.” Without Henry, they’d rolled into the center of the bed. Jay had buried his face in Alice’s hair and wrapped his arms so one of her breasts sat protected in his palm all night. “I think your love message is coming through loud and clear.”

Her smile came out, finally, and her shoulders settled as she sighed. “In that case…”

“Yes?” He left off Mistress in public, but his tone implied it.

She leaned back in her seat and sipped her tea. Blinking slowly, like a pleased barn cat, she eye-fucked him across the table. “I guess we’ll be doing the same thing tonight.”

Walking through the city’s holiday lights? He eased his knees farther apart under the table. “But the card says it’s a Christmas movie night.”

“Exactly. It’s a date. Following the path Henry laid out for us. You’ll choose a movie to share, and so will I.” Sliding free of his teasing fingers, she wrapped her hand over him and stroked his forearm. “Obviously we don’t know what outfits he intended, but we can improvise. A pajama party.”

He lowered his voice. “But I don’t wear pajamas.”

“Rules are rules.” Her smile shifted to one side; her eyes darkened. “You gotta wear whatever you sleep in.”

Alice’s flirty face raised the thermostat in the diner. Even better, she didn’t sleep in pajamas either.

He would stay home and take care of the dominant he had, unless the other specifically told him to do otherwise. That would be serving both of them. “I will if you will.”

“Of course.” She squeezed his hand tight, her gaze a promise. “The rules apply to both of us.”

“Then I’m in.”

The anxious push to head north quieted. They’d hit a lousy stretch of road, but nothing fundamental had changed. The rules still existed. He could still follow them, still trust in them. Alice was here to enforce them.