Chapter Fifteen
Scott
Whatever was going on with George—Scott felt there was something—a block prevented him from finding out what it was. His mate had been an hour late the day before and Scott hadn’t wanted to make a fuss, mating was about finding balance. Wasn’t it?
Was he balanced? Not in the damn slightest. Something his demon kept pointing out every time Scott’s anxiousness took charge.
You’ll drive him away with your pernickety behavior. Our poor honey bear can’t relax for a moment without you fussing every time he does something.
I am not fussing!
You followed him into the bathroom, cleaner in hand, and when he offered for us to get in with him, you gave him some baloney about the spray upsetting his bear's nose.
Well, it would. Those chemicals could be harsh. There was no way he wanted to inflict that on his blissful one.
He was inviting us to shower with him, not for you to spray that cleaner on the glass to get rid of water spots. How can we be connected when you don’t notice when our honey bear has something else in mind? He doesn’t want you cleaning every five minutes. Why won’t you listen to me?
Was I really that bad?
His demon rolled his eyes at him and started to recite everything he’d done since George had moved in with them—sort of.
It took five minutes and Scott’s stomach was rocking and rolling like he was cast out to sea on a tiny bit of wood, trying to keep his balance. He was fussing, oh, to the demon gods.
Shoulders sagging, he trudged into Christa’s office—or Luka’s, or was it Merihem’s again, since Christa had disappeared without a word—a file that contained the new contracts he’d typed up ready for a signature from Merihem. The other demon had come in because of Christa’s lack of appearance, not that anyone seemed too concerned, so Scott kept his thoughts and questions to himself. He had enough on his plate if he was as bad as his demon side believed.
Was that why George had been late the day before? Was he needing more time away from Scott and his fussy nature?
“Why do you look so glum?” Merihem was alone, Luka having left to go and visit a band across town an hour ago. “You found your blissful one, you should be on cloud nine.”
He sounded so smug and looked so happy, Scott scowled at his boss. “I am,” he snapped, totally out of character.
Merihem’s gaze narrowed on him, and he blushed, realizing how he sounded. “Sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”
“So it would seem.” Merihem pointed to the seat in front of the large desk he was sitting behind. “Sit.”
Scott wanted to object, knowing that George would arrive soon, if he wasn’t late again. He’d happily stand outside in the rain and wait so as not to inconvenience his mate. Except, this was his boss, and Scott was nothing if not a professional—if he discounted the one moment of snappiness.
When he had taken the seat, Merihem gave him a careful look. “You aren’t happy.” It wasn’t a question, more an observation, one Scott didn’t feel the need to answer. “Has this got anything to do with your family?”
Scott jerked upright.
What had Merihem heard?
Being Controller for the demon and human realm, he suspected there was little Merihem didn’t know. “What have you heard?” he asked, sounding choked.
Had his family done as they said they would and gone to the king?
Not that the king could do anything to change his status. Could he? The thought dug right in, and Scott’s panic at not being everything he should be was there, waiting to emerge. Did Merihem have instructions on how to deal with the issue? Was that why he’d come to the office today?
Stop being foolish. Merihem works here.
Did the rational comment help? Did it hell! How could it, when Scott was terrified of losing what he held most precious over everything—George?
“Your family is well known in the demon realm for their… views on certain things.”
That was the polite way of saying they were snobbish assholes. Scott didn’t need Merihem to tell him, but had they been to see the king? “Have they been to see the king?”
Merihem, who up to this point had looked amused, now gave him a look that was indeterminate. “Not that I am aware. Why would they want to speak to the king?”
Scott debated for a few seconds, staring at Merihem. The other demon wasn’t someone he’d ever have considered confiding in. Except, with Dakata in the forest, what choice did he have? It wasn’t like he had any friends, and George wasn’t an option. “My parents aren’t happy that I have a blissful one who is a bear.”
“So, it’s none of their damn business. Fate chose George for you as a perfect match.”
The second the words left Merihem’s mouth, and they sank in, Scott was up and pacing. “You see, that’s it, right there. How can we be perfect for each other when I can’t seem to make my blissful one happy with my…” he blushed to his roots, but kept going and avoided looking at Merihem using his demon’s word, “fussing.”
Merihem didn’t laugh, and that helped when he came forward, resting his elbows on the desk. “Fussing? You might need to explain that a bit more.”
Scott continued to pace. “My childhood gave me a few issues with control.” A few!
Will you leave me to have my personal breakdown over here alone? No one needs comments from the peanut gallery!
“You mean your anal tendencies with having everything orderly?”
“Anal?” he fired back indignantly, “I’m not anal.”
You are.
Merihem rose and walked to the office door. “Come with me.”
Scott frowned but followed, unsure why they needed to leave the office. He stopped at the door of Scott’s office. He pointed inside. “Tell me what you see?”
Back was the frown, and he was starting to wonder why he’d picked Merihem to talk to. He glanced inside and saw nothing out of place. Just how he liked it. “What am I looking for?”
Merihem walked in, went to his desk, and moved a stack of orderly papers. Scott was right behind him, tutting and shifting them back.
“You’re like Peni.”
Scott stopped what he was doing to return his attention to Merihem. “What do you mean?” Peni was a pygmy goat, not a demon.
“Peni likes things orderly. Neat. His childhood was full of chaos, and it shaped him. In the beginning, he struggled with how messy I was, especially when I didn’t understand his need to clean up after me. That he couldn’t shift his attention—unless I gave him something else to occupy him—from the mess. It stresses him.”
As Merihem spoke, Scott found he could relate to Peni’s feelings.
“Does George do anything to distract you? Help you take your mind off the perceived messiness ?”
Back to blushing, he found it hard to meet Merihem’s amused gaze, when he clearly used the same technique on Peni when Scott nodded. Then it struck what he’d said, ‘perceived messiness.’ Did George think him fussy or anal?
You’re both.
Thanks!
“I think you should talk with my blissful one. He’s got a lot in common with your view on things. He might be able to help… give you some pointers.”
Scott eyed Merihem intrigued by the idea. Despite being uncomfortable discussing such things with others, he was desperate. Point in case he was talking to Merihem, who, up until meeting Peni, most definitely hadn’t worried about wearing clothes or who he fucked and where. Scott had heard all the rumors the same as everyone else about Merihem.
He’d changed. Did that mean Scott could change? Be whatever it was that would make George remove the wall between them?
He nodded and checked his watch. “I’ve got half an hour before George arrives, would now be a good time?”
Merihem stood in silence for a few seconds, then Peni appeared looking flushed and holding a cleaning cloth. “You could have given me another minute to put my cloth in the washer.” He nodded shyly at Scott, tucking the cloth into the back pocket of his jeans. “Merihem said you’d like to have a chat.”
“If you have a few minutes and wouldn’t mind.”
“Of course, Merihem can finish off what I was doing when we go home.”
Merihem chuckled and kissed the tip of Peni’s nose. That he had to bend nearly in half didn’t seem to faze him, or that he had an audience for his show of affection. “Anything for you, my love.”
Scott glanced at Merihem and arched a brow when Merihem showed no sign of leaving.
“Alright,” he groused, shaking his head, heading back out of the office and shutting the door.
Peni looked about the office and grinned widely. “You are not like Merihem at all.”
Scott once more examined his space and huffed. “No, but it seems that being like this for my blissful one isn’t good, if I listen to my demon.”
“Oh…” Peni stared at him. “Is he like Merihem, a little messy and disorganized? Or is it worse than that?”
On that, he had to think. “His place is more… disorganized, and I suppose, a little chaotic. It’s clean, but nothing appears to have a right place to go.” Was it disrespectful to talk about such things about his blissful one? “My home, everything has a place. When something is used, I expect those things to get cleaned and put back into an orderly fashion.”
Peni took a seat and gave him a thoughtful look. “Was your home life as disruptive as mine?”
“I’m not sure what you mean by that?” Scott took the seat next to Peni. “My family… is that what you mean?” At the nod, he continued on. “They remain disappointed in me,” he confessed for the first time.
“How so? I look at you and I see someone who seems to know what he wants, is successful, and has a life he has chosen.”
“I am. I’ve worked hard to make them see me on the same level as them.”
Peni tilted his head to the side. “Level? I’m not sure what you mean?”
“I’m a pale blue demon, who looks nothing like my family. My siblings. I’ve been a constant source of ridicule for my family since I was born. I… I overcompensate.” Even as he said it, Scott got the magnitude of those words. He overcompensated in all areas of his life, work… home… shit!
He was overcompensating with George too. Trying to prove he was worthy, despite what George said. His bear had not once shown he wasn’t worthy. He’d gone toe to toe with his parents when they were awful towards him. Not George, but him .
Now we’re getting somewhere.
As that sank in, he voiced his deepest fear. “I’m trying to overcompensate with my blissful one…”
Peni rubbed a hand on the sleeve of his suit jacket. “Because of your family, and you’re worried he’ll reject you.”
Scott’s breath whistled through his teeth as he nodded his agreement. His whole life was about rejection. If he wasn’t perfect for George, in Scott’s mind, it stood to reason he would reject him, just like his family.
“I understand that. I need everything to be clean and in its right place because my dad had sex everywhere in the house. Dirtied everything. He wanted me to be like him and rut right alongside him, uncaring how I felt about it. Merihem understands my quirks, and I’m learning when it’s okay to not obsess.” He glanced at the closed door, grinning, before his expression went back to serious. “Have you talked to George? Explained how hard it is for you?”
He shook his head. “I haven’t, because I feel this barrier between us,” Scott confessed. “So, I try harder to be perfect for him.”
Making matters worse.
Peni gave him a sympathetic smile. “It’s hard sometimes explaining how things are. But George seems like a nice bear, so maybe you should have a talk to him, too… about this.”
With that in mind, Scott tidied his desk twenty minutes later and headed down to meet George with a promise that if he needed to talk again Peni would listen to him.
The new cab pulled up to the curb, and Scott smiled brightly at George, who wore a more half smile, not appearing as happy as Scott to see him.
There was the wall, and Scott’s heart jammed against his ribs and remained there. He slipped into the seat next to George. His smile dimmed, and he frowned when he noted the shirt George wore was not the one he’d had on that morning. Scott didn’t miss that his bear had recently had a shower and had not used the body wash in Scott’s home.
His buoyed mood over the conversation plummeted. “I’m doing this all wrong,” he wailed and promptly started to sob, his emotions all over the place with his insecurities.