Secrets and Stardust

Chapter 55

Iyana

Once she had healed herself, Altair scooped her into his arms. A part of Iyana wanted to quip how they always ended up in this position—him carrying her, cradling her to his chest as if she was precious, but she couldn’t speak through the sobs. Nothing about her felt precious. Two men had died by her hand within a span of hours. Yes, she had healed Zane, brought him back from the brink of death—which, if she was thinking rationally, was very impressive—but she had snuffed out two lives, those hearts never to beat again. Uther’s death was…complicated. While she understood why he needed to die, there were moments where she wanted to kill him, and that was the part that terrified her. Iyana’s hands were made for healing, not murder.

She looked down upon those hands as Altair walked them back towards the mouth of the cave. Drying blood coated her skin and collected under her fingernails. No matter how much she scrubbed and scoured, those marks would never completely fade. Tremors racked her body.

“Shh, astalle,” Altair soothed. “You’re alright. You’re safe.”

Iyana barely noticed Altair lowering himself to the ground, but then his warm arms enveloped her completely. She couldn’t stop shaking, but at least her tears had dried. Altair gently rocked them back and forth, making calming sounds and smoothing her hair back.

“I killed them,” she whispered.

“I know, my love.” Altair pressed a kiss to her temple. “You did what you needed to do.”

“I was going to heal the other man, but he pulled the knife out and he bled out too quickly.” The words rushed out of her in a torrent. “I know there’s an artery there. Why would I stab him there when I could have chosen any other place?” Tears threatened again, prickling behind her eyes.

“Iyana,” Altair said, his voice hard, “I need you to listen. You did that in self-defense. If you hadn’t protected yourself, he would’ve killed you, and he wouldn’t have hesitated. He would not feel guilty for murdering you.”

“But I could have stabbed him somewhere else! Some place where there isn’t a giant artery running through it.” Resentment of herself and her choices rose. While she appreciated Altair’s reassurance, it didn’t change the fact that things could have, and should have, been done differently.

Using gentle fingers under her chin, Altair angled her face so she was looking into his golden eyes, which sparked with rage. “My star, if you hadn’t ended his life, I would have. Anyone who raises a hand to you, or thinks about harming you, has sealed their fate. I’ve half a mind to go kill those men over there, but I’m allowing Zane to dole out punishment.”

A shiver ran through Iyana, different from the tremors of before, which she’d realized had stopped. There must be something wrong with her if she found his promises of murder and retribution arousing and slightly endearing. She decided not to delve into it, instead saving it for later. Once she’d been able to process all that had happened.

Altair’s eyes cooled, the murderous intent fleeing. “How do you feel? Physically?” Because they both knew that mentally she was far from okay.

Iyana flexed the hand Uther had demolished. It had healed fully, but she feared the phantom pains of the bones being pulverized would stay with her for a long time. “Fine. Emmeric offered to help me heal, but I was able to do it on my own.”

“Good. That’s good.” Altair paused, and she tucked her head into his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart, letting it soothe her frantic mind. “And your magic?”

Iyana had drained her magic before plunging the dagger into Uther’s chest, but now she reached out, calling to it and the amulet. It flooded her veins immediately. A little less than before, but it was refilling quickly. The relief her powers brought her released a sigh from her lips. It eased any lingering aches and pains and soothed her heart and mind. Whispering, you’re fine, you’re okay.

“Still there and whole. I know I expended a hell of a lot of magic, but it’s coming back. I hardly feel tired now. It seems the amulet regenerates my stores faster. And I didn’t need to tap into my Kanaliza, either. In fact, he tried to channel magic to me. It was too much…I had to shove it back to him.”

Altair smiled down upon her, resuming the stroking of her hair. “I’m so proud of you, my love,” his voice broke slightly. Iyana raised her hand to stroke along his cheekbone. He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. Coming so close to death had helped her realize what was most important to her. And she was currently sitting in his lap. Iyana wouldn’t waste another moment, not while Altair didn’t know she wanted to spend forever with him.

“Altair, what does astalle mean?”

“I told you. It means starheart.”

“No, what—” she sighed, trying to gather her thoughts “—what does it mean to you? I know you said it was a term of endearment…it just feels like for you, it means more.”

Golden eyes frowned at her. “Why are you asking?”

Iyana’s heart beat out of control. His gaze flicked down to her chest like he heard the change in tempo. What she said next would alter the entire course of her life.

“Because I want to know if it’s something I can call you while we spend forever together. My astalle.” There was a sharp intake of breath as he searched her face. But Altair didn’t appear as happy as she thought he would. Was he questioning her meaning? Or if she actually wanted to spend the rest of her life with him? Oh gods, what if he had changed his mind and didn’t want her to be with him forever? Altair interrupted her spiraling thoughts.

“You thought about my offer? At winter solstice?” he asked, his voiced hushed.

Iyana nodded. “I love you, and I want to be with you for longer than my mortal life will allow. So, yes, I want you to make me immortal this winter solstice.” Exhaling a shaky breath, Altair brought his brow to hers, closing his eyes. Iyana took a moment to appreciate the contours of his beautiful face. A face she’d be able to gaze upon for hundreds or even thousands of years. That length of time was incomprehensible to her, but the amount of love she held for Altair would carry through an eternity.

“Please say something,” she echoed his words from the library back to him—when he had first told her he loved her, and she stood there in shock.

“My astalle,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

She frowned. “Sorry for wh—”

His lips crashed to hers before she finished her question, and she melted into Altair’s embrace, completely forgetting what she was about to ask. He kissed her with a hunger, like a man possessed, like he’d never have another chance to kiss her again instead of the millions of kisses that lay ahead of them. Iyana moaned, and he consumed the sound with his tongue. Gods, only Altair could make her feel this way. Like she was worthy of love. Like his only ambition in life was to make her happy—make her body sing. His hands were tight on her neck and low back, holding her close to him. Fire bloomed at every point of contact, and she never wanted this to end.

Thoughts of Uther, of murdering that soldier, were nowhere to be found. Iyana hardly cared that blood and dirt coated every inch of her body, when normally she’d beg Altair for a bath first. No, he loved her—sins, grime, and all—and she would spend an eternity with him. She circled her hands behind his neck and tugged him even closer, melding their bodies together. Her heart was so full it ached, skipping beats as Altair matched her ferocity. Her lungs struggled for breath.

Iyana’s eyes flew open. Something was wrong. She shoved against Altair’s chest to separate from him. Something was happening to her body, and she needed his help. Was she wrong earlier? Using all the magic from the amulet had to have consequences. Were the repercussions now manifesting? She knew she wasn’t meant to possess so much power. The amulet was too much for her to handle. It was going to kill her. Her insides felt as though they were being sucked dry, like her soul was being dragged out of her body.

Altair wasn’t letting her go, continuing to kiss her with his eyes closed, hands tight against her. She tried to shove away from him again, but he only pulled her closer, trapping her hands between their bodies. Oh gods, the pressure in her chest was growing. Iyana couldn’t breathe. Her life force was being drained from her. Everything screamed. Her lungs were on the verge of collapse; her heart beat in a staccato rhythm.

Iyana stilled her movements. No. No, it couldn’t be. She refused to believe the thought crossing her mind. Renewing her struggles against Altair, she tried speaking, but he still wouldn’t release her. Instead, he tightened his hold on her; the pressure increasing.

It was him.

Black dots speckled across her vision. The fire of her magic was dwindling, being transferred from her body to his. The woman made of flames reached out a hand, and Iyana tried to grasp at it, to hold on to some small kernel of her magic. Their fingers brushed briefly, but Iyana couldn’t hold her, and Altair ripped her away.

Her head swam, her lungs screamed for air. Altair was going to kill her. Her magic was gone, her body on the verge of collapse. There was nothing she could do to parry his might. She was helpless—a lamb who had tried to play at being a wolf. Altair had outsmarted her. Played her. And she fell right into his trap. Willingly dove in as soon as he paid her the slightest bit of attention. Gods, Emmeric had tried to warn her, and she had practically spat in his face.

Right when she was on the edge of losing consciousness, she felt Altair’s warm hand against her chest. The hand that had held her own, caressed her face gently, given her pleasure. That hand had turned against her. Metal broke and knew he’d torn both the amulet and the necklace made of Imo’s ashes from her. The necklace he had made for her. The gesture she thought had been so thoughtful at the time. Iyana registered the loss of both immediately, the last of her magic leaving her body as he wrenched the amulet away from her skin.

Then she was falling.