42. Freya

42

FREYA

S oft fingers brush my hair out of my face, and I blink my eyes open. I’m not sure when I dozed off but my head’s resting against my arms on the edge of Oz’s desk.

River’s fingers run through my hair again, sending shivers through me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“Oz texted me. You need sleep,” he says.

I rub my eyes and push myself to sitting. “No. I’m good.” I brought a stool up from downstairs earlier and I’ve been sitting with Oz, watching Layla for hours now. I do need sleep, but I don’t want to leave Oz here by himself.

River shakes his head. “I’m not asking.”

Oz takes his eyes off the screen for a moment, his hands curled around a fresh cup of coffee. “Go Freya, I’ll be fine.”

I’m tempted to argue with him. Dark shadows hang behind his glasses. He needs sleep too, but I know none of us will be able to convince him to take a break.

I bite my lip and look up at River.

He holds out a hand and raises a brow.

I sigh and take it, letting him pull me up.

“Where are we going?” I ask as River leads me out into the hall.

“Oz’s dad set up the room above the garage for us. We booked the hotel, but no one wanted to leave.”

I walk with River, past Layla’s empty room and all the way to the end of the hall. We go down a few carpeted steps and into the space above the garage Oz told me they had converted when his third sister was born. It’s set up as a guest room now with a double bed and throw pillows in burnt sienna and soft oranges.

What looks like various pieces of artwork done by Oz and his siblings when they were kids hang framed on the walls.

Jude is sitting on the beanbag in the far corner, speed reading a book, and I spot a painting signed by Layla next to him—a young girl dancing, her tutu made of tissue paper.

I walk over to it just as the bathroom door opens and Eli comes out, a towel slung around his shoulders. Normally, a shirtless Eli would have me melting, but my stomach sours and I look away.

River comes up behind me. “Are you sure you can do this? Meeting with Zach tomorrow?”

I shrug. “I’ll be fine.”

“Freya…”

“I said I’m fine,” I bite out, pulling away from River and heading for the bathroom.

I close the door behind me. The space is small, and steam still fills the room from Eli’s shower. The warmth feels good. It reminds me that I’m alive. That I survived. I think I’ve been cold for hours now, ever since my dad held the knife to my throat. Ever since Eli shot him.

I can still feel his weight on my shoulder, dragging me down as the life drained out of him. I should feel relieved now he’s dead but all I can think about is the fact I have a brother.

I stand in front of the sink and stare into the mirror. Condensation fogs the glass, blurring my reflection. It’s like I’m here, but not quite here.

Hushed voices from the guys’ filter through the closed door. They’re talking about me.

I reach out and draw a line in the condensation with my finger, making crosses on my chest. I’m still staring at my reflection in the mirror, watching droplets of water run down like blood, when the door opens.

Eli steps in front of the mirror and rests against the sink. He doesn’t touch me, but his gaze rests heavy on my shoulders. “Time to talk, Freya,” he says softly.

I stay silent, staring through him. I can’t be here. This can’t be real.

“I know pain, Freya and I know fear. I’m not saying it’s the same because it’s not, but the more you try to ignore it, the bigger it gets.”

I stay numb.

Eli sighs. “If you don’t face this now, what’s going to happen when you see Zach? You’re disassociating right now, can you trust your body not to do that tomorrow?”

“It’s my body,” I snap, jabbing a finger into my chest.

Eli nods slowly. “I know that. Do you?”

My gaze drops to the edge of the counter, tears pushing at my eyes. “He touched me,” I whisper. “He’s inside of me, and I want to tear myself apart and burn every trace of him off my skin.”

“It takes seven years for every cell in your body to die and regenerate. He hasn’t touched a single part of the you that’s standing here today.”

Eli’s words sink into me, and I look back up at him as he steps in close.

“Do you know who has touched you?” His hand settles on the nape of my neck.

I tense, waiting to see how I’ll react but my skin doesn’t crawl. I don’t want to pull away.

“Me. River. Jude. Oz.” Eli trails his hand over my shoulder, down my arm. It’s not till his other hand settles on my hip and his thumb touches my stomach that I react. I lurch backwards, slamming my elbow into the shower door.

“Shit,” I say, my breath shaky. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He holds out his hand. “Come on, come with me.”

It takes me a second, but I reach for his hand and let him lead me back into the bedroom.

Jude’s moved to sit on the edge of the bed. River stands in front of the door, arms crossed, sleeves rolled up far more messily than normal.

“You sure this is a good idea?” Eli asks from behind me.

My brow furrows in confusion but Jude nods. “It will work. She won’t like it, but it will work.”

Eli sighs. “Forgive me, kitten,” he says and then his hands are on me, holding my arms behind my back and locking my wrists together.

“What are you doing?”

River steps forward and looks over my shoulder at Eli.

“Her stomach,” Eli tells him.

I freeze. “No.”

River takes another step forward and I wrench against Eli’s hold. “Let me go. Let me the fuck go.”

I can feel my heartbeat in my throat and sweat gathers on my brow. My breath is so thin I’m going dizzy.

River hovers his hand over my stomach and a whimper slips from my lips.

“Freya, look at me,” River orders. “You are not a child. You are not helpless. If you don’t want me touching you… don’t let me touch you .”

His words penetrate the haze over my mind, and I take my first clear breath in what feels like an age. I couldn’t stop Zach.

I couldn’t fight him. But I’m an FBI agent now and even before that Carmen spent hours teaching me how to fight. How to defend myself.

It suddenly clicks what Jude’s plan is.

I couldn’t fight back then, but I can now.

River’s hand moves closer to my stomach.

I lean back into Eli’s hold and use him as leverage to kick out, planting my foot in River’s chest and sending him flying backwards.

My foot comes back down into Eli’s knee, and I take advantage of the moment he stumbles to free myself from his hold.

I move so my back’s facing the wall, my fists raised, just as River recovers and turns to face me.

Not every victim has the luxury of being able to fight, sometimes the body just freezes, but right now the adrenaline inside me rushes to my fingertips and burns like a fire in my chest.

River raises a single brow. “That all you got?”

I grin like a maniac. “Not even close.”

I launch forward, making like I’m going in for a punch but dropping at the last second and sweeping River’s legs out from under him.

He rolls towards me, recovering from the attack and jabbing the heel of his palm into my hip.

I dodge, the move unbalancing me. I use the fall to my advantage, dropping onto River’s back and bringing my elbow into his kidney.

He grunts and his arms buckle. He crumples onto his stomach.

I reach for his arms to pin them behind his back but he’s too fast, pushing back up and bucking me off.

I land with a thud, carpet burn stinging my shoulder as I skid across the floor. The air leaves my chest, but I don’t lose focus.

River dives towards me. Shit. If he gets me pinned on my back, I’m screwed.

I bring my left hand up to grab his shoulder and hook my legs around his waist, pushing against the floor with my right arm and using his momentum to keep us spinning till he’s the one on his back and I’m straddling his hips.

I grab his wrists and press them into the carpet above his head.

I pant.

River smiles up at me, his chest rising as heavily as mine.

The floorboards behind me creak but I hold River’s wrists in one hand and slip my knife from my boot with the other.

I press the edge of the blade to River’s jeans, right against his dick.

“If either of you two take a single step, I will make River into my own personal shish kebab,” I warn Jude and Eli.

River winces.

Eli chuckles darkly.

I glance over my shoulder to see Jude’s eyes wide as he holds a hand over his crotch. “Dear god Freya, not the jewels.”

I snicker and shake my head, slipping the knife back into my boot. As mad as he makes me sometimes, I don’t want to hurt River.

Even while we were fighting both of us were pulling our punches to avoid serious damage.

Besides, I like his cock too much to harm it. I just wasn’t going to let him cheat again this time.

I let go of his wrists and sit up, resting my hands against his abs. “I win,” I say.

The corner of River’s mouth ticks up. “I guess that means you’re in control.”

I run my tongue along my lips.

River’s eyes trace the movement, heat burning in his blown pupils. That’s when I realize I’m straddling him, and River is hard. I shift my hips and he groans, his eyes flaring.

I smirk. “I guess it does.” I lift up his shirt, spread my palm over his abdomen, and circle my hips.

River’s jaw tightens so I do it again.

He goes to move his hands, and I shake my head. “Nuh uh. I’m in control, remember. So be a good boy and keep your hands by your head.”

River chuckles low and runs his tongue along his teeth. “Oh, you’re going to pay for that.”

My tummy flips with anticipation, but River can punish me later, right now, I need this. I need the control.

River’s length is firm and ready, pressing against my core through my pants. I rock against him a couple more times, the sensations shuddering through me, but I want more. I want to make him come apart for me.

I slide farther down his legs and undo his pants. His chest heaves as I pull his boxers down and his thick cock bobs free.

I circle it with my palm, drawing my hand up and down his silky length.

River closes his eyes and presses his lips together, breathing through his nose.

I grin, loving the effect I have on him. Then I lick my lips and dip low, my hair falling around my face as I take him in my mouth.

“Fuck that’s hot,” Jude mutters from somewhere behind me.

I move my hips, wiggling my ass for him because apparently, I like putting on a show.

I dip low again and hollow my cheeks. The musky taste of River fills my senses and I let it drown out everything else. Every bad thought and ghostly touch.

River’s abs flex beneath my fingers as he restrains himself.

I’m not holding him down anymore. He could thrust his hips, force me to take him deeper, but he knew, before I did, that I needed to remember my own strength. So he’s letting me take what I need.

I lift back up and swirl my tongue around his tip, flicking over the slit at the head of his cock before going back down.

I know he’s close when he throbs in my mouth.

“Freya,” he warns but I ignore him. I want to finish him. I want him to lose control.

I take him deeper, till my nose is pressed against his abdomen and I’m swallowing to stop from choking.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” River curses. His hand comes to my head but he’s gentle as he threads his fingers through my hair and his hips jerk with his release.

His cum hits my throat and I swallow every drop of him down before sitting back up.

My eyes are watery, and I taste him everywhere.

I feel lighter. Brighter. Like he’s washed away the dirty feeling my memories left behind.

River lifts up on to his elbows, still catching his breath. He stares at me with wonder in his eyes. “You’re a fucking goddess.”

His abs flex as he sits up and slides his hand around the back of my neck. “You always have all the power, Freya. Remember that.”

I sit up straighter, his words building back up parts of me that feel broken.

Eli comes up behind me and gathers my hair back off my face. He bends over to speak into my ear. “How does it feel to take control, kitten?”

I smirk up at him. “Like I’m a fucking goddess.”

“Good.” Eli runs his hands up my arm and Jude mirrors him on my other side.

I lean back into them.

Eli flicks his tongue over the shell of my ear. “Now we’re going to remind you how good it feels to surrender that control.”

The moment flips and Eli and Jude hook their hands under my shoulders and pull me up to standing. My heartbeat accelerates.

They hold me still as River gets up. He buttons up his pants but takes off his shirt, leaving the hard planes of his chest and every sharply defined muscle on full display.

He flicks a hand, signaling for Jude and Eli to let me go.

I know better than to move though. River’s commanding gaze holds me in place.

“I hope you enjoyed that,” he says, “because that was the first and last time you’ll ever call me a ‘good boy’ and get away with it. Now, strip.”

I purse my lips to stop from smirking. I did enjoy that and I’m not quite ready to give up all the control. “Bit hypocritical, don’t you think? Given how many times you’ve called me a ‘good girl’.”

River cocks his head, a predator assessing his prey.

My core tightens.

“Jude, get your phone out. It seems unfair Oz has to miss this. I think perhaps we should make him a video.”

Jude grins and slips his phone from his hoodie.

I eye him, my belly fluttering and anticipation tingling over my shoulders.

River steps in close. “You are my good girl, even when you’re acting like a brat.” He hooks a finger through the belt loop on my pants and tugs me in towards him. “The difference between me and you is that you like being good.” He lets go and circles around till he’s standing behind me. “The things I want to do to you , on the other hand, are far from good. And in case you didn’t notice when my cock was down your throat…” His hand circles my neck. “I’m not a boy. I’m a full-blooded man. Now be a good girl, do as you’re told, and strip for the camera.”

I suck in a breath, my pulse flitting under River’s touch. I lean into his hand, but he steps back and nods towards where Jude is holding his phone.

He raises an expectant brow.

My teeth dig into my lower lip. I’m not exactly much of a performer but I’m still riding high from having River at my mercy and I feel like putting on a show.

I cross my arms over my front and slowly lift my shirt over my head. I let the material flutter to the floor on top of River’s feet before unbuttoning my jeans.

I wriggle my hips more than I have to as I slide the pants down my thighs then I turn around so my back’s facing the camera and bend at the waist as I take the pants off my ankles.

A sharp smack stings my ass, and I whirl around to face River, fire in my eyes.

He narrows his gaze. “Still being bratty I see.”

I smile sweetly and go to take off my bra and panties, but River stops me.

“Leave them. We’re going to play a game.”

I quirk a brow. “You, Mr. Serious, want to play a game?”

River hums. “Eli, hand me my tie.”

Eli retrieves a dark navy tie from River’s bag on the floor and tosses it over.

My toes curl as River wraps the silky material over my eyes and knots it behind my head. “What are the rules?” I ask as my world goes dark.

“We’re each going to take turns touching you. You need to figure out who’s who. You guess correctly, you get to come.”

The hairs on my arms and legs spike as I sense River walking behind me.

His breath teases my ear. “You guess wrong, the winner fucks whatever hole he wants.”

I suck in a breath through my nose, my core clenching tight. No one has ever had me like River, Jude, Eli, and Oz. I feel pretty confident I can win this.

I wet my lips. “Let’s play.”

All three guys move around, feet padding against the soft carpet. Then they go still and a quiet sinks into the room. Memories of the last time I was blindfolded with Eli have heat pulsing between my thighs.

The air caresses my skin. I should be cold, standing here in nothing but my underwear but I’m so turned on I’m burning.

Someone walks over to me. I jump when delicate fingers graze my arm. For a second, panic bubbles in my chest but then I remember the game and focus on figuring out who is touching me.

I realize then what the point of River’s game is. He’s giving me a distraction, a way to ground myself in the present and not get lost in flashbacks. My heart blooms at the lengths these men will go to, to make sure I feel safe.

After what I learned today, letting someone touch me should be terrifying but I focus on the fingers skating from my wrist to my collarbone. The slightly calloused fingertips. The soft contact. The touch is fleeting but I know who it is already. “Hey, Jude,” I whisper on a smile.

His hands land on my hips and he groans, burying his face in the crook of my neck. “How the hell did you guess that so fast?”

“Only you are that gentle.”

Jude presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Maybe I wanted to lose so I could do this.”

I hear him drop to his knees and then my panties are being dragged down my legs.

Jude’s curls are heaven against my inner thighs. It’s the only warning I get before his nose nuzzles my clit.

I drop my hands to his shoulders to steady myself as his tongue darts out, trailing from my core before flicking over the most sensitive part of me.

“Jude,” his name falls from my lips on a rush of air. Flutters roll over me as he fucks me with his tongue, alternating between spearing inside of me and sucking at my clit.

“That’s it, babygirl, come for me, let this pretty pussy make a mess of my face.”

My breath comes short and choppy as pleasure coils deep in my stomach. I dig my nails into Jude’s hoodie, gripping tight as my release explodes inside of me. Wetness rushes between my legs and Jude laps at my core, drinking me up.

He groans in pleasure before standing up and kissing me again.

I can taste myself on his lips and I’m ready to fucking mount him but he pulls away and I’m left standing in the middle of the room, trying to calm my heartrate.

I don’t have to wait long before someone’s touching me again. I laugh under my breath as a firm hand collars my throat. They’re making this too easy. Eli’s the one who loves to collar me but I’m not the only one who knows that. Eli wouldn’t have made it so obvious and River, well River thinks he’s clever.

“Good boys don’t try to trick people, River,” I say, lifting my hand to curl around his wrist. The cool metal of River’s watch confirms I’m right.

River grunts out a laugh and steals a demanding kiss. “Just for that comment, I think I’ll save your orgasm for later.”

Trust River to change the rules to his own game. The man does not like to lose.

I don’t argue though, because I’m still too sensitive to come again right now. Plus, this game is fun and far too easy.

To be fair to them the next person is harder to guess. He starts at my ankles, the touch switching back and forth from confident to teasing as he trails patterns up my legs. Then he dips a finger inside of me and my brain glitches. Arousal clouds my thoughts as he adds a second finger and plunges in and out.

It’s Eli.

Or is them taking it in turns too predictable? Still, my gut tells me it’s Eli but then I feel it. Cool metal against my thigh. River’s watch. The sneaky bastard.

“Back for more so soon, River?” I ask.

My smile drops when the answer comes from across the room. “Nope,” River says, amusement coloring his voice.

The fingers inside my pussy withdraw and the blindfold is lifted from my eyes.

I blink.

Eli smirks down at me. “I win.” He hums and tiptoes his fingers, damp with my arousal, over my chest.

I glance at his wrist. He’s wearing River’s watch. “You fucker.”

Eli grins. His fingers tap their way over my shoulder and down my back. “I think,” he says, “I’ll take… this hole.” His fingers tap my ass.

I curse.

Eli pats my butt. “On the bed, kitten. Face down.”

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