Chapter Fifteen
Wilder must have told his family about the call from the sheriff and Beth’s plan to return to Texas to arrange her sister’s funeral, because the next morning, when she was packing her car, they were all there.
She had tears in her eyes as she said goodbye to Wilder’s brothers and sisters-in-law, present and future. She tried to return Avery’s jacket, but the expectant mom told her to hold onto it for the journey home, since she wouldn’t be able to wear it for the next few months anyway.
Everyone took turns hugging her, expressing their condolences, and promising to see her again soon.
Obviously they were assuming she’d bring Cody back to visit.
Or maybe she’d be the one coming back to visit Cody, if Wilder followed through on his plan to apply for legal custody of the baby after he had the results of the DNA test.
Over the past ten days, he’d proven that he was more than capable of being the father Cody needed. Equally important, at least from her perspective, was the support of his family. And Beth knew her nephew would be lucky to be part of the close-knit and loving Crawford family.
But she couldn’t think about that now. She’d barely processed losing her sister—she couldn’t bear to consider that her nephew might be taken from her, too.
It had been a long time since she’d been part of a family.
Since the death of their parents almost ten years earlier, Beth and Leighton had only had one another to rely on.
Though she’d hoped that reality would bring them closer, there remained a distance that she hadn’t been able to breach. And now she never would.
She wished her sister had called instead of emailing. She would have liked to have spoken to her one last time. To tell her that she loved her, no matter what.
“Damn, it’s quiet in here,” Max remarked, when he entered the house at the end of the day.
Wilder nodded. “I thought the same thing when I came in.”
“And there’s nothing cooking in the oven for dinner, is there?”
“Not unless you put something in there. And if you did, you forgot to turn on the heat.”
Max shook his head. “You want to go to the Ace to grab a burger?”
“Not really,” Wilder admitted.
“You have to eat.”
“I’m not feeling very sociable,” he said. Truthfully, he wasn’t feeling very hungry, either.
“Want to tell me what you are feeling?” Max prompted.
“Really? You want me to talk about my feelings?” Wilder asked skeptically.
His father shrugged. “I know I’m probably not your first choice of confidant, but I’m the only one left here.”
And it was a testament to how raw his emotions were that Wilder found himself opening up. “I’m mad at her,” he admitted.
“Who? Beth?”
“Leighton.”
“Well, there’s no point in being angry with a dead woman,” Max said bluntly.
“I know,” he acknowledged. “And yet—I can’t deny that’s how I feel.”
“Why are you mad at her?”
“Where to begin?”
“At the beginning?” his father suggested.
He sighed. “Okay, I’m mad that she never even reached out to tell me that she was pregnant.”
“Understandable,” Max agreed.
“And then, after not telling me that she was pregnant and not telling me she had a baby, she just drops him at my door and expects me to take care of him.”
“That’s one way to look at it,” his father allowed. “Another is that she trusted you to take care of him.”
Wilder just shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand how a woman who supposedly loves her child could walk away from him.”
There was a long silence as his father considered his response—or maybe he, too, was thinking of another woman who’d done the same thing.
“Are we still talking about Leighton?” Max asked.
“Of course,” Wilder said.
Because he and his brothers had learned a long time ago that asking questions about their mother only resulted in upsetting their father.
“Not every woman is cut out to be a mother,” Max said now.
“So why would she assume that I could do any better at parenting? And if she needed a break, why didn’t she leave Cody with his aunt? Anyone with eyes can see how much she dotes on the little guy.”
“You have enough siblings to know that those relationships are never simple,” his father pointed out.
“It just doesn’t make any sense to me,” Wilder told him.
“Is that all?”
“What do you mean?”
“I think you need to consider why you’re as outraged on Beth’s behalf as you are about everything else,” Max suggested.
“And why do you think that is?” he asked, because it was apparent his father had already arrived at his own conclusions.
So he was more than a little surprised when Max shook his head and said, “That’s something you need to figure out for yourself.”
When Beth got back to Dallas, she drove straight to the funeral home. After she’d signed the paperwork and paid the bill—which pretty much depleted her savings account—she automatically turned her vehicle in the direction of her condo.
Only as she was getting Cody ready for bed did it occur to her that he might have been more comfortable in his crib at home rather than the portable playpen he slept in when he stayed with her.
But she couldn’t go to her sister’s apartment.
Not tonight. Not knowing that Leighton was never coming home again.
She blinked back the tears that burned her eyes as she snuggled with Cody on the sofa in the living room.
She didn’t know if he sensed her tension or if he’d spent too many hours in his car seat over the past two days, but he seemed as wired as she felt.
Though it was well past his bedtime, his eyes remained stubbornly open and fixed on her.
“I don’t know what to say to you,” she admitted. “How to explain what I don’t understand myself. But what I can tell you, with absolute certainty, is that your mama loved you. She might have been uncertain about a lot of things, but there’s no doubt she loved you with her whole heart.”
Cody couldn’t possibly make any sense of what she was saying, but perhaps he understood that she needed him as much as he needed her. He laid his head on her shoulder, rubbing his cheek against her shirt as he snuggled in. He exhaled a shuddery sigh, his breath warm against her throat.
By the time she finally got him settled and crawled into her own bed, she was completely drained—physically and emotionally—but sleep eluded her.
She couldn’t help wondering what she might have done differently so that her sister might have made different choices along the line.
Or even just one different choice so that she wouldn’t have been behind the wheel on that icy patch of an unfamiliar road so far away from home.
Logically, she knew it wasn’t her fault. Leighton had always made her own choices, and quite often risky ones. But now, because of her choices, Cody was going to grow up without his mother.
She would have to talk to Wilder about his plans, but since receiving the call from the sheriff, she’d been focused on doing what she needed to do for her sister. There would be plenty of time, after Leighton was finally laid to rest, to worry about custody of her nephew.
But she already knew in her heart that she wouldn’t fight Wilder if he decided that he wanted to raise Cody on the Ambling A. Not just because that was a fight she knew she wouldn’t win, but because she knew that Cody needed a father—and Wilder deserved the opportunity to raise his son.
Ranching was both exhausting and satisfying, and it wasn’t often that the activity in Max’s mind overruled the weariness of his body.
But tonight, he couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation he’d had with Wilder, the questions his son had asked about his mother—without admitting that he was asking about Sheila.
Max rarely let himself question the choices he’d made in his life, but he had doubts now and they were keeping him awake when he really needed to sleep.
Had he done his kids a disservice by letting them believe their mother had chosen to walk away from them, choosing her lover over her family?
He’d been so hurt to learn of her affair. Furious with Sheila, devastated by her betrayal, he’d lashed out at her. She’d chosen someone else over him, and all he could think about was hurting her the way she’d hurt him.
And Logan, Hunter, Xander, Finn, Knox and Wilder had all been casualties in the battle between the two people who should have put their children’s needs above all else.
Love truly was a double-edged sword, and his children had been cut deeply. Thankfully, time—and love—had healed their wounds. Of course, Max liked to think that his decision to bring them to Rust Creek Falls for a fresh start had played a part, too. And for his five oldest sons, it had.
But Wilder was still guarding his heart.
Not that anyone who didn’t know him as well as his father would see it.
To the rest of the world, he was just another cowboy blessed with effortless charm and a cocky grin.
Only Max knew how much hurt hid behind his smile and why he didn’t let anyone get too close.
Watching his youngest son with his son had given Max hope that Wilder’s shields were starting to come down. No matter how much he tried to hold back, he couldn’t resist responding to the child’s sweetness and innocence.
The child’s aunt had made a connection with the reluctant daddy, too.
And not the kind of superficial connection that Wilder was famous for, but something real and deep and meaningful.
But now Beth was gone, and Cody with her, and Wilder’s defenses weren’t just back in place but actively being reinforced.
Which left Max with no choice. He was going to have to tell him the truth. He was going to have to fess up to all his sons.
But he had to start with Wilder.
Wilder stumbled into the kitchen on a mission for one thing: coffee. He’d slept like crap for the past two nights—and no, he wasn’t blind to the fact that was the same number of nights that Beth and Cody had been gone.