Seek and Cherish: A small-town rockstar rom-com (Sanctuary Book 5)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Jaxon

Idrive out of that parking lot as fast as I can while also being safe. I’m sure there’s already video online of me fighting with Dell. I don’t need someone to get footage of me driving recklessly.

Once we’re on the highway, the mountains ahead in the distance, I glance over at Honey. She’s bent over her phone and muttering to herself. I make out something that sounds like, ‘touring? No way.’ She hasn’t said a word to me since we fled the restaurant and I can only imagine what she thinks of me.

There are so many things I need to explain to her, but what I say is, “Normally, I would have stayed and talked to those girls. I would have taken a picture with each of them and signed whatever they wanted me to, but I didn’t want to stick around with Dell there.”

“I get it.” She doesn’t look up. Her words sound tight and unhappy.

“I didn’t want Dell to try anything else with you or for the cops to show up. The private investigator couldn’t track him, so I knew there was a risk of him showing up.”

“You told me that before I met with Maya.” She’s still not looking up. She must be really pissed.

“I’m sorry, Honey. I should have—”

Finally, she looks up and meets my gaze. “Don’t give me shoulds, Mac or Jax or Jaxon or whatever the hell your name is. You made a choice. Own it.”

“Honey, I—”

“Focus on the road. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

I pinch my lips together and drive in silence for as long as I can stand it. I make it as far as the mountains before I can’t take it anymore and pull into the first outlook.

I park and turn to face Honey without looking at the view. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

She looks up at me, but I can’t figure out her expression. Her eyes are glassy like she’s sad, but her mouth is set in a firm line. “Your ex is just letting everyone think you cheated on her?”

I was mentally prepared for her to say so many things, but none of them included anything about my cheating. “What?”

“I overheard your phone call. I assume you were talking to your ex? You were reminding her she was the one who cheated, so she didn’t have a right to be angry with you. I figured the break-up was why you’re hiding out, but it’s because everyone thinks you cheated on her.”

Relief washes over me. “You’re mad at her?”

She scowls. “I just can’t believe it. I call myself good at reading people and you—” She shakes her head in disgust.

Shit. “I’m sorry—”

“Before we get into that, I need to know who you really are. It makes sense now that you saw right through me when I was trying to persuade you to help me. You’ve been a celebrity since you were a kid, a lot of people have tried to manipulate or use you, right?”

I nod. “Pretty much all of them.”

She nods, unsurprised, but looking impossibly sad. “But not your aunt.”

“Never my aunt.” I wave a hand. “I’ve had an amazing life, Honey. Don’t look at me like you feel sorry for me.”

“And the rest of your family?”

“They had certain expectations of what I owed them. I disagreed. We aren’t close, but we still talk on the major holidays.” It hurts to say the words aloud. I don’t share that part of my life with anyone, but I owe it to Honey.

“People are shitty, but family can be the absolute worst.”

“They can be.”

“I have been.” She looks down, her expression pensive. “I can’t believe I got it so wrong.”

“Got what so wrong?”

“You.” She’s silent for several long moments, staring out the windshield at the view, deep in thought. “I couldn’t imagine any other reason for you to be holed up in the woods, but I was so wrong. How did I get it so wrong?”

“What did you get wrong?”

“I mean, I know I’m terrible at reading men when I’m attracted to them.” She glances over at me. “Pheromones, you know? But I thought I was being so careful with you, not letting myself get close to you, because the last thing in the world I wanted to do was fall for another criminal.”

Fall for? I’m so caught up in the idea she might be falling for me it takes a moment for the rest to sink in. “You thought I was a criminal.”

“You’re hiding in a safe house in the woods and only leaving dressed as Bigfoot. Obviously, you were never a college professor.”

“I wasn’t?”

She blows out a zerbert and laughs. “I didn’t believe that story for a second. At least I didn’t get fooled there. I just never imagined…” Then, like flipping a switch, she narrows her eyes, all humor vanishing from her expression. “What happened with your ex? How’d she convince the world you’re a cheater?”

Admitting this part might be harder than telling her I actually am a cheater. But I’ve never been anything but monogamous. It’s not in my nature to cheat. “Because I let her. When I found her in bed with Theo, I assumed we’d quietly break up and the truth never had to come out. Her publicist was worried a break-up for no good reason would hurt Lucia’s image. People loved us together and her publicist felt the public would blame her. So they leaked a story first.”

“And their story was that you cheated. Why didn’t you contradict it?”

I shrug. “People believe the version they’re fed first. It’s hard for anyone to change their mind and it would have been a big risk for me to go public with my side.”

She crosses her arms over her chest, her expression so fierce a shock of lust surges through me. Her scent fills the car and I have the most intense vision of pulling her onto my lap and kissing her until she’s forgotten all about my lies and my drama.

“I don’t buy it,” she says, bursting my fantasy bubble. “People love drama and they adore taking sides. If you’d put your version out there, it would have taken just one time for the public to see her and Theo together for them to side with you. And they are together now, right? The gossip sites say they are.”

“They are.” I sigh. “Look, Lucia has more to lose. Society expects a man to cheat, but they brand a woman who cheats a whore and a bitch. Lucia’s whole image is this sweetheart, good girl, nice to everyone she meets persona. She could lose her career over this. I’m just losing a few months until it all blows over.”

“What about the woman they claimed you cheated with? Both of them?”

“Roxie was ecstatic for the chance to get more attention. She’s been clawing for a toehold in this business for years and erase her child star image. Vivian’s just looking for any kind of attention she can get. She and I dated briefly a few years back, and she leaked those photos and pretended they were recent.”

“And you’re not denying any of it.” She tilts her head to the side, studying me. “You want an excuse to get out.”

She seems so certain, but she’s not making any sense. “Get out of what?”

She drums her fingers on her knee. “Want to know another one of my secrets?”

Always. I want to know her from the soul out. “Sure.”

Her eyes flare like she heard my unspoken words. “I had an opportunity to design dinnerware for one of the most famous ceramics corporations in the world. It was a dream of mine. Some artists want to see their artwork on the walls of the top galleries. I want my plates and mugs in every kitchen in America. I want little girls and boys playing with tiny replicas of my designs.”

“I’m assuming you didn’t take the job.”

She shakes her head. “You’d assume wrong. I took the job. I lived in Germany for two months. It was long hours, but it was work I loved and I was happy for six weeks.”

“What happened?”

She shrugs. “I realized I had the wrong dream. Or maybe I had the right dream, and I just didn’t want it badly enough to sacrifice the joy of a mountain view and the opportunity to grow as an artist. I could have become world famous there, but only if I adhered to certain guidelines. No one wants a Bigfoot mug at their dinner table, but I wanted to make Bigfoot mugs.” She pulls a carrot from a side pocket of her cargo pants and snaps off a bite. “I didn’t know I wanted to make Bigfoot mugs then. I just knew I wanted to color outside the lines sometimes.”

“You couldn’t do both?”

“Not if I wanted my name on both. Creativity is only acceptable in dinnerware when it doesn’t veer too much toward quirky and outlandish.”

“I’d buy your quirky, outlandish dinnerware.”

“You aren’t the only one, but I’ll never have my dinnerware in every home in the country. I’ll never achieve the fame I once thought I wanted. I didn’t have the hunger for it and you have to have the hunger for that kind of success in order to make the sacrifices it always requires. What sacrifices are you no longer willing to make?”

Her words speak to something deep under my breastbone I’ve been trying my hardest to ignore. “The truth is…” I dig deep to tell her the truth, a truth even I hadn’t realized. I owe her that. “I have no real idea what I’ve sacrificed. This life is all I’ve ever known and I’m not sure…” I shake my head, frustrated with myself and the too small interior of the car. “I have everything anyone could ever want, and maybe, if I feel like it’s not enough, the problem is me. I’m good at being a rock star, and any doubts I have about that are just a momentary lapse. Probably.”

She smiles slightly. “And that’s why you didn’t fight the lies your ex spread? Because of doubts? Is that why you hid away from the world, instead of wearing your scandal proudly?”

“Sure. Or maybe I just needed a vacation from it all.”

She nods, smirking. “The tough life of a pop star. Singing all those cotton candy melodies would wear down anyone.”

I snort. “Have you ever even heard one of my songs?”

She wrinkles her nose. “If I have, it was by accident. They play the worst music in the grocery store.”

I should be offended, but I’m too happy to see her smiling and teasing me. “My songs are not Muzak, thank you very much.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it.” She shifts to face forward. “I’ll never listen to them.”

This would be the perfect opportunity for me to start the engine and head for home. I could change the subject, keep the conversation light, but I don’t want anything to fester between us. “I’m sorry I lied to you.” I reach out to touch her, to get her to look at me, but I’ve lost that right. I lower my hand. “It’s been a really, really long time since I’ve met anyone who didn’t recognize me immediately. I assumed you’d make the connection eventually and, when you didn’t, I just wanted to find out if I could be a regular guy, the kind of guy someone like you would actually want to spend time with.”

She glares at me. “I just can’t believe I didn’t see it. It’s so obvious in retrospect.”

“You’re right to be mad. I deserve for you to be mad at me, but I only lied about what I do for a living. I never lied to you about who I really am. I love to cook and spend time out in nature. I have no poker face and I’d rather play Go Fish, anyway. My toes get cold even on the hottest day—”

“You really should have that checked out.”

“And I love spending time with you. Be as mad as you want, but please don’t cut me out of your life.”

Her eyes go wide. “I would never do that. I still need your help finding a treasure.” Her smile is slow and possibly the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Of course,” My smile turns into a wince as a cut on my lip stretches painfully.

“Ouch.” She reaches out and gently touches my lip with her thumb. “When did this happen? I didn’t think he got a good punch on you.”

I shrug. “Maybe not any good punches, but he got a few hits in.”

Her eyes go soft as she reaches up and runs her fingers lightly over my cheekbone. From the feel of it, I’ll definitely have a bruise there.

I lean into her touch, feeling no pain as she presses her lips to mine.

She pulls back immediately. “Does that hurt?”

I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck, her hair soft against my skin. “Not even a little.”

I don’t have to pull her back in. She’s right there with me, kissing me.

Her lips are soft, like she’s being careful with me, so I squeeze her neck just a little and kiss her harder.

She responds by nipping my bottom lip, apparently no longer caring about my injuries, and I open to her as she runs her finger through my hair, gripping like she needs me closer.

I slide a hand to her waist, but my elbow hits the steering wheel on the way and the horn lets out a loud honk.

She breaks away and looks around like she thinks someone else honked at us.

“It was just me.” I grab her hand and lace my fingers through hers, giving it a small squeeze.

She stares at our hands together for a long moment and, when she looks up, her smile is radiant. It fills me with joy, all my fears and worries washing away in its glow. “A car’s probably not the best place to make out.”

“Probably not.”

She looks down at our hands again. “I probably shouldn’t have kissed you. It’s just… The biggest thing holding me back has been thinking you were a criminal and, now I know you’re not…” She stares at my lips like she’s been entranced, then shakes her head. “But I still shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“I’m glad you did.”

She looks up at me, her expression concerned. “This could get complicated.”

I definitely don’t need more complications in my life. “It doesn’t have to. We can have fun together and leave it at that.”

She lifts her head and looks out at the view. We’re only a about a third of the way up the mountain, but in front of us the valley stretches out, all green and blue sky. It’s gorgeous here, and being on the side of this mountain surrounded by all this beauty relaxes me. I can have this with Honey. I don’t have to overthink it.

She’s not famous, and no one knows about us. I can find out what it’s like to have a normal relationship out of the public eye.

“Okay,” she says. “As long as you understand, my family comes first. I’ll choose to spend time with them over you, and we need to make finding the treasure a priority.”

“And I’m going back to LA soon. I’m sure you don’t want to move to LA or tour with me.” I can’t keep the hope out of my voice or my heart.

She turns and looks at me. “Absolutely not. This has been enough of a road trip for me. I can’t stand non-stop pop music.”

I lean across the console and kiss her again. I mean for it just to be a quick peck, but she meets me more than halfway and we’re making out again, lost in each other.

I’ve gripped her hip and am trying to pull her onto my lap before she stops me. “We should get back to your place first.”

“But my place is still thirty minutes away. We have this mountain to get over first. And there’s no one here.” I’m not serious. I do not want my first time with her to be in this tiny car, but… “And we have the whole forest. Plenty of space to work.”

She shudders. “It’s like you don’t know me at all.”

“I’d protect you from spiders and bears and—”

“Forest monsters,” she practically shouts. She squeezes my hand hard and shakes a finger in my face. “I don’t know what your kinks are, but I will never, ever, ever have sex in nature.”

I bite back a laugh and put the car in drive. “Never say never.”

“Never, Jaxon.”

I drive us out of the lookout and back to the mountain road. “You pretend like you aren’t impressed that I’m a rock star, but you sure were quick to kiss me after you found out.”

She barks out a laugh, and my chest warms. “You are not a rock star.”

I gasp, pretending to be offended. “My last album went platinum.”

“Right. Because you are a pop star. You fly to concerts on a fluffy pink cloud, slide back down to earth on a candy cane and emerge to perform on a lemon drop stage to crowds of people with soft hands.”

I glance over at her. “Soft hands? What does that even mean?”

“People who don’t work with their hands for a living.” She squeezes my hand in hers like she’s making a point. “People who’ve never slept on the street or seen the barrel of a gun from the wrong side.”

My heart breaks a little. “You’ve done those things?”

She waves a hand. “Once on both counts. My hands are pretty soft. I’m just saying, rock stars play rock music. They’re not afraid to get dirty and rough, to scream out their pain. Their fans are the same. Totally different from pop stars.”

“So because I don’t scream or have a hard-hitting bass beat, my songs have no emotion?”

“I didn’t say that.” She’s all confidence, chin high, nose in the air. “But yes. If I’m feeling a lot of things that are overwhelming me, I listen to rock music. Usually heavy metal. It speaks to my soul. Pop is a manufactured good feeling with no substance.”

“Huh. Want to bet on that?”

She laughs. “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Jaxon.”

“I’m serious. When we get back, I’m going to play a song for you and I promise you will feel something.”

“That’s what she said.” She lets her head drop back as she laughs.

“Laugh it up now. You’ll see.”

She gets quiet, staring out the windshield, and nerves slink into my belly. “Am I truly forgiven? Do you trust me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive.”

That shocks me. Is this some sort of trick? “I lied to you about what I do for a living. After you opened up to me, I paid you back with lies.”

“But I knew you were lying all along.” She shrugs. “I’m more annoyed with myself for not figuring out sooner you’re a pop star. The touring thing should have been a dead giveaway, but I was completely stuck on you being a criminal because of my own baggage.”

I grip the steering wheel tight as the road gets curvier. “You knew I was lying? Why didn’t you say something?”

“If you wanted to tell me the truth, you would have. I was having fun trying to figure you out.” Her tone doesn’t match her words. She may have forgiven me, but I’m certain she doesn’t trust me.

“I promise you, Honey. I’ll never lie to you again. You can ask me anything, and I’ll tell you the truth.”

“What if I ask private questions about Lucia? Don’t you famous people all have NDAs all the time?”

She’s trying to make light of this, but there’s a heaviness beneath her words. I reach over and take her hand, lacing my fingers through hers. I focus more fully on the road now that I’m steering one-handed, but I know these roads well enough to know I can drive safely with one hand. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. I was a selfish bastard, but I promise I won’t do it again. You can trust me.”

She gives my hand a small squeeze, but she’s still not looking at me. “I get why you lied to me, Mac…. I mean, Jaxon. Just know that I’ll always be able to tell when you lie, because you are a terrible, terrible liar. And, if you lie to me again, we’re done.”

“You matter to me, Honey. And I swear to you that no matter what happens between us, you can trust me.” I’d do just about anything for this woman.

She’s silent for a long time. “I really hope that’s true,” she says finally. “Because I know where you live, I know all of your secrets now, and I can be a petty, petty bitch.”