Seek and Cherish: A small-town rockstar rom-com (Sanctuary Book 5)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Jaxon

”Ihate you,” someone yells from a passing car as I walk down the sidewalk, a security agent, Kane, on one side, Heidi on the other.

I wince, but keep walking. It’s not the first time someone’s shouted at me since I got back to LA.

I’ve been called a man whore, Satan’s spawn, a fuck boy, but I’ve also been mobbed for autographs and had people gleefully shouting my name.

Some people keep up with celebrity gossip better than others and there are more than a few Lucia stans who will blame me for everything no matter what the truth might be.

And none of it has had the emotional impact I expected while I was hiding away. All of it feels far less important than it did before I left. I’m not sure why. I mean, missing Honey is part of it. A broken heart, as it turns out, makes most things seem less important, even eating and sleeping, but it’s more than that.

Something about getting away for a while changed me at a cellular level and the goals I’ve been working toward since I was a kid. Everything that seemed vitally important to my survival just feels like part of a job now. It feels less like it defines me.

Heidi pulls open the glass door to the towering, modern building and I step inside, Kane close behind. People, most of them in suits, barely glance in my direction. They get celebrities in here on the daily. I’m barely a blip on their radar.

Heidi takes care of everything, and I follow along. The elevator carries us to the tenth floor and then it’s hair and make-up and shaking hands and smiling at ad execs. I pose with an energy drink I’ve never tasted and have no desire to try, allowing the world to think they should drink it if they want to be just like me.

It’s never bothered me before, endorsing something I’ve never actually used. It’s part of the job and brings in money when I’m not touring.

I can’t explain why it bothers me now. Maybe because it feels like a con. I can’t deny I judged Honey when she first admitted to her past as a con artist. No one would argue what she did was right or good. But aren’t I just as bad? Convincing people to spend money on something that might be trash for all I know?

Or maybe it’s because there’s a rhythm pinging in the background of my thoughts, lyrics pushing at my cranium, wanting to be put down on the page before they’re lost. I’ve always loved to write, but it’s never felt so urgent.

Maybe because I’ve never felt so many conflicting emotions at one time.

“Mr. Hayes?” A man in a suit walks over to me, expression severe. “There’s a man downstairs who says that he has an appointment with you.”

I almost laugh aloud at the tenseness in his expression. I’ve seen other celebrities at these sorts of things have people showing up to see them, but I’ve never had anyone here. “What’s his name?”

“Asher Aldridge, sir. Security is prepared to remove him. We just need the word from you.”

“He’s a good friend of mine. Send him up.”

The man, who looks younger than me, nods, though his eyes have gone wide as saucers. Asher’s a big, brawny guy, but he’s good-looking enough to fit in around here. I have no idea why this man is shocked I’m letting him come up.

Heidi hurries over from where she’s been talking to the make-up artist. “You have a visitor? You didn’t you tell me someone was coming by.”

Heidi likes to always be in the know. It’s how she does her job as well as she does.

“I wasn’t sure he was going to make it. The jet was delayed.”

“You sent the jet yourself?” Heidi’s practically bouncing in place. “This isn’t that guy you were fighting with in that diner, is it?”

I wrap an arm around her shoulders and give her a side hug, because she looks like she needs it. She lets out a squeak of dismay. I’ve never hugged her before.

“It’s okay, Heidi. He’s a friend from Catalpa Creek. I’ve got everything covered.”

She shoves my arm off her shoulders. “You obviously don’t have everything covered, or security downstairs would have been prepared and would have let him straight up.”

“You’re right. I should have told you.” I just really need to see this visitor and I didn’t want to jinx it by talking too much about it. “It won’t happen again.”

As soon as Asher walks in with a big smile, his bag in one hand, I understand the security guard’s unease. Asher’s in workout pants with sneakers and a workout tank that’s neon green. His beard has gotten longer than he usually wears it and his hair is mussed - he must have the fastest-growing hair on the planet. Also, his eyes are red-rimmed.

He drops his bag on the floor and storms right over to me, oblivious to the commotion around us. “Hey, Jax.” He wraps his tree trunk arms around me in a bear hug that lifts me off my feet.

I laugh, beyond happy to see him. “Thanks for flying out, Asher.”

He sets me on my feet. “I would have flown coach, man. You didn’t have to send your private jet. Did you miss the memo about the climate crisis?”

“I know how busy you are at the gym. The jet is faster.”

He crosses his arms over his chest. “You also didn’t have to hire someone to work the gym for me while I was gone. I could have covered that for a quick trip to LA to see a friend.” He reaches up and scratches his head through his thick, messy hair. “Especially when your heart is broken.”

When I called and asked him to come out, he didn’t question it. Even though I just saw him a week ago and he’s crazy busy with the gym. Now, I understand why. “You’re a good friend, Asher. Maybe the best friend I have.”

He beams and looks around. “You hear that?” he bellows. “I’m Jaxon Hayes’ best friend. Maybe next time, don’t hassle me about visiting with him.”

No one even looks his way, except for Heidi, who’s staring like she’s not sure what to make of my friend.

“I can’t say I blame them for hassling you a little,” I say. “You look a mountain man from an eighties workout video.”

He pats his beard. “I lost a bet with Clover. I can’t cut my beard or my hair until August.”

“And the neon tank top?”

He glances down like he forgot he was wearing it. “Oh, yeah.” He grins. “It’s an ugly fucking shirt, isn’t it? I spilled coffee on my good one on the plane and I didn’t want to wear any of my going out shirts in case getting hammered at the clubs to feel better is on the agenda.”

“I don’t drink. You know that.”

He shrugs. “It’s LA. I don’t know the rules.”

I have no idea what that means. “I’m almost finished up here. It should be about another half an hour and we can go.” I point to a stack of boxes behind him. “If you like this energy drink I’m promoting, you can grab a box or two. Maybe give it out at your gym.”

Asher leans forward and slaps a hand on my back. “I don’t know how things work out here, but I’m your friend. You need me, I show up. You don’t have to buy my time or whatever.”

I stare at him. I hadn’t realized that’s what I was doing, but he’s right. So much in my life is and has been transactional. “I’m not sure I know how to be friends with normal people.”

“That’s okay. I’m a great coach.”

“I’m Jaxon’s assistant, Heidi Hinton.” Heidi offers her hand to Asher, but he pulls her into a hug. She lets out another squeak, and he immediately releases her.

“It’s nice to meet you, Heidi,” Asher says. “Jaxon talks about you like you’re family, so I feel like I know you already.”

I swear Heidi’s eyes go glassy, but she blinks and it’s gone. She straightens and pushes back her shoulders. “I can show you around while Jaxon is finishing up.”

By the time I’ve finished shooting, Asher has made friends with everyone in the place and demolished the snack table. I practically have to drag him out of there.

“Look,” Asher says, once we’re in my car, Kane driving, Heidi headed home for a well-earned break. “I’m here for you, man, whatever you need, but I’ve never been to LA before and I’m dying to see…” He pauses and scratches his head.

I take his pause to be nerves. “Whatever you want, Asher. I don’t know every celebrity in Hollywood, but I have the connections we need to get you the meetup.”

He grins. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t give a fuck about celebrities. I actually want to get another tattoo while I’m here and there’s this tattoo artist who’s supposed to be the best in the world. She’s probably booked up ‘til 2030, but if we have time and she has an opening, I’d love to see about getting in to see her.”

Not at all what I was expecting. “You know, there are tattoo artists in Virginia. Really good ones, probably.”

He shrugs. “This tattoo is the most important one I’m ever going to get. I want it to be done by the best.”

“Okay. I’ll ask Heidi to try to get you an appointment while you’re here. If she can’t fit you in, I’ll fly you back out when she can.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “You don’t need to do all that. I’m not asking you to pull any strings or pay for anything. It’s just something I want to try to do while I’m here.”

“I know.” Oddly, my eyes are damp. “You don’t need me to pay you to be my friend, but I have the means to help you out and I want to do it. Isn’t that what friends do?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” He slaps his knees. “Now, what about you? Need a shoulder to cry on? Want to go to a gym and work out so hard you forget your own name?”

Now, I feel awkward. “Actually, I was hoping you might just want to hang at my place. Maybe grill up some veggies for dinner, play some cards, give me some real world advice?”

He stares at me for a long moment. “You want advice? From me? Did I forget to mention I’ve done jail time?”

I laugh. “You’ve mentioned it.” I stare out at the passing cars on the freeway, before turning back to him. “I’ve got friends. Not very many, but they’re good friends and I trust them. But they’re in the business. They’ve lived in this celebrity bubble I’ve lived in my whole life and they don’t know how to see past it any better than I do. I need someone who’s on the other side. Someone I trust. You and Clover and my aunt are it, but you’re the only one I feel like I can really talk to about this.”

He beams. “You want to get Honey back. I knew it.”

“No.” I’m thrown for a minute. “That’s not really the kind of advice I’m looking for. I’m not what Honey needs and I’m pretty sure she’s figured that out, since I haven’t heard from her.”

He shrugs. “The woman doesn’t confide in me or Clover, as far as I know. But can you honestly say you want to live the rest of your life wondering if you could have made it work with her?”

“It’s not that simple.” I stare out at the amazing view, but all I want to see is the mountains of Catalpa Creek. I’ve missed that place before, but never like this. “There’s a lot you don’t know and you’re just going to have to trust me when I say it’s best for Honey if we don’t get back together.” Not that I’m sure we were ever really together as far as she was concerned.

“I guess I was wrong,” Asher says in a tone that suggests the opposite.

And I’m not going to take the bait. “Seems likely.”

Luckily, Kane drives us through the gates and up the drive to my house, distracting Asher.

“Wow,” Asher says. It’s not a gargantuan place by Hollywood standards, but it is ten thousand square feet on three acres. It’s never seemed more ostentatious to me than it does now. “You live here by yourself? You sure you don’t have a harem hiding in there?”

“It’s an investment property.” I repeat what my agent said to me when I was considering what to buy. “And it’s hard to find a smaller property around here that will include the kind of security I need.”

Asher frowns. “Like a prison.”

I laugh, though it feels hollow. “I don’t know anyone else who would call my home a prison.”

“Dude.” Asher gives me a solemn look. “I’ve been in prison and it’s a total shit show. I’m not being literal, but you’ve got armed guards and, no matter how big your cell is, it still looks like solitary confinement from where I’m sitting.”

I stare at him. “Are you just trying to put the worst spin on everything out here to convince me to move back to Catalpa Creek?”

His grin makes my heart warm. No one else in my life has ever wanted me in their lives bad enough to suggest I should just leave this life behind. Most of the people in my life are only here because I’m famous.

“You’re a good friend.”

His expression turns serious again. “Are you happy here? Because I’ve seen you living in a cottage that’s one hundredth of the size of this house and you seemed happy. You seemed free.”

“I couldn’t leave the house unless I was wearing a Bigfoot costume.”

“My bad.” Asher smirks and waves a hand. “I get confused sometimes. I thought if someone smiles and laughs all the time, they’re happy and if they’re frowning and scowly, like you were at that photo shoot, they’re miserable.”

We park in front of my house. “Everyone’s miserable at a photo shoot.”

Kane opens Asher’s door, but before he gets out, he pretends to toss his ridiculous mess of hair over his shoulder. “Not me. I love a photo shoot.”

I laugh. Since he’s arrived, I’m happier than I’ve been since I got back to LA. But that’s probably just because I’ve been catching up on work and haven’t had time to get together with friends.

“Want me to show you your room?” I ask as we step into the foyer.

Asher spins in a circle, head back as he stares up at the two-story ceiling with high windows and a ridiculous crystal chandelier. “I don’t care where I sleep. I want to hit the pool.”

“Sounds good. Don’t you want to change in your room, though?” He grins, toes off his shoes and grabs the waistband of his pants.

I slap a hand over my eyes. “Dude. I love you, but I’m not ready to skinny dip with you.”

“Relax. I’ve got swim shorts on.”

I lower my hand to see that he is actually wearing tiny swim briefs. His clothes are strewn on the floor around him and he’s rubbing his hands together like he’s ready to race through the house and cannonball into chlorine water.

“I have to change, but you can wait for me in the pool.”

I lead him through the house to the back and my Olympic-sized in-ground pool. Unlike most of the fancy houses in Hollywood, mine isn’t on the side of a mountain. I’m in lower Bel-Air where it’s quiet and I don’t feel like I’m above it all.

As soon as we’re outside, Asher races to the pool and does indeed cannon ball into it. Barley and Begonia watch, going very still, from behind their newly installed fences. Their homes and play areas are smaller here, but they seem happy enough with it.

It won’t be long until their kids arrive, according to a local vet.

I head to my room and change. Before I go back outside, I shoot a text to Heidi about getting Asher in to see the tattoo artist he mentioned.

***

“It’s done,” Asher says as he walks into my office. He’s in black cargo pants and a black, fitted t-shirt. His idea of being dressed up, apparently.

I spin on my office chair, glad for a break from looking over my tour itinerary. “Let’s see it.”

He pulls off his shirt to reveal white gauze taped to his left pec. Wincing, he peels back the tape and pulls down the gauze to reveal a puffy purple flower with the word Clover underneath.

It’s a delicate tattoo for such a rugged guy, but no odder than the pineapple tattoo on his biceps. “That’s a hell of a statement. You must be serious about Clover.”

He smiles fondly, love on every line of his face. “I’m as serious as it gets. She’s the only one for me.”

“I’m happy for you. For both of you.” It’s true. And if his requited love for Clover makes me miss Honey even more fiercely, that’s my problem, not his.

“What you doing up here?” Asher asks. “If I had a pool like yours, I’d never leave it.”

“Contrary to popular belief, rock stars actually have to work pretty hard.” Asher and I spent hours in the pool yesterday and sat up late talking after we had dinner, but the conversation hadn’t gone beyond life experiences and sports talk. Neither of us mentioned Honey. I didn’t want to push, even though I’m dying to know how she’s doing.

I didn’t invite him here for that.

“Do you like the work?” Asher plops onto the couch near the door, shirt still off.

“How is Honey?” I can’t resist asking a moment longer.

Asher’s smile is slow. “This is the real reason you invited me all the way out here, isn’t it? You didn’t have to hook me up with a tattoo appointment first, man. You could have just asked.”

“I don’t want some half-assed answer or for you to protect her feelings because your loyalty is to her.”

He crosses his arms over his chest. “So, my loyalty should be to you now, right? Bros before hos?”

“No.” Is that what he thinks of me? “Not at all. I just want to know—”

Asher doubles over and bursts out laughing. “Your face… Priceless.”

I grab the closest object, a pen, and throw it at him. It bounces off his shoulder and hits the floor. He sits up, oblivious, and swipes at damp eyes. “I like you, Jaxon. I like you for Honey. I want you two to get back together, so I’m going to be honest with you.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“I have no idea how she’s doing. She doesn’t share with me. But I do know she’s fucking obsessed with this treasure, and she’s convinced Dani and Clover to go into the woods with her to find it.”

“She couldn’t get Daisy and Goldy to go? She really wanted all the sisters to look for it together.”

“They stayed behind, but they’re going to help with cleaning and identifying the value of the treasure or whatever.” Asher tilts his head to the side. “I’m guessing whatever they find, if anything’s even out there, won’t be worth much, but Honey is acting like it’s going to change their lives. They’re set to inherit millions from their dad. I don’t get it.”

“It’s not about the treasure.” I run a hand through my hair. “Look, Honey would hate me for telling you this, but someone needs to know. It’s never been about the treasure. Honey just wants to get to know her sisters, to be close like they were when they were kids. She thinks the treasure will bring them together.”

Asher scrunches his brow. “I don’t get it.”

“I don’t either, but I think Honey’s tried everything else she can think of, short of admitting she wants more time with them, and this is her last-ditch attempt. Her Hail Mary. When are they heading out?”

“They left this morning. I should be hearing something soon.”

I wish I was out there with them, but even if I’d been in town, I wouldn’t have been invited. If there was anything to worry about, the PI would have been in touch. “Do you think Honey misses me?”

“I fucking miss you.” Asher sticks out his lower lip. “Isn’t that enough for you?”

He’s trying to lighten the situation, but I’m not in the mood. “I’m thinking about giving it all up. That’s really why I asked you to come out here. I want your advice.” This is the first time I’ve said the words aloud and they don’t feel any less terrifying coming out of my mouth than they did in my head.

“Would you be giving it up for Honey?” Asher leans forward, elbows on his knees.

I’m almost afraid to speak the words aloud. But a week hasn’t been enough for me to stop missing Honey and I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t at least try to find a way for us to work. “If she’ll have me. I can’t see a way forward for us as long as I’m touring eight months of every year and doing commercials and writing music.”

“And if she won’t have you?”

And that’s the question I don’t want to think about. “The only way to find out is to make a major change to my life and my career. I have to prove to her how serious I am and that I’ll keep her protected from my fame.”

“Is that what you want?” Asher runs his fingers through his beard thoughtfully. “Because if the only reason you’re making the change is to spend more time with Honey, it’s never going to work out. You’re going to miss all this.” He gestures at my office. “And you’re going to either leave her for it or resent her.”

“I don’t know.” The words come out with no force. It’s the question that’s been keeping me up at night. “That’s why what I said yesterday about staying away from her being the best thing I can do for her is also true. I’m not sure I can keep her safe from my fame and I don’t know what our future will be. I don’t remember anything other than this life. There are things about it I hate, things I know I don’t want to do any more, but I have no idea if there’s anything else out there I’d like better.”

Asher nods. “Six months living in a cabin off the grid wasn’t enough to help you decide?”

“That wasn’t real life. That was hiding. What would a life look like for me in a small town with guards keeping overzealous fans away from me? What’s my life when I’m at home every day doing…?” I throw up my hands. “What do normal people even do all day?”

“Sounds like you need to figure a lot of things out, man. Good news is you’re loaded. You can afford to try out a different life for a little while and see how it goes. You can take a year off, and I’m sure everyone would be thrilled if you wanted to come back. Just don’t drag Honey into any of it until you’re sure about what you want.”

I sigh. “I was really hoping you’d tell me what to do.”

Asher smiles sadly. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all my fuck-ups, it’s that the idea of one right answer or one right path is a fucking myth, man. We’re all throwing sand against the wall and hoping something sticks. You’ve just been lucky enough that the sand you threw when you were eight stuck in a major way.”

“I have no idea what you just said, but it somehow makes perfect sense.”

Asher grins. “That’s why they call me the guru of good advice.”

“No one calls you that.”

His eyes literally twinkle, like he’s more myth than man. “But they really should.”