Session 33

Chapter twenty eight

Cassius had finally gone home after a week, and I was grateful. It gave me time to think and do other things, like run to the drugstore and buy ten pregnancy tests. I knew the hospital doctor had to be wrong. This couldn’t be happening to me.

Back at home, I peed into a cup and lined up the tests on the bathroom counter, my hands trembling. One by one, I added urine to them. Waiting was agonizing, especially when, one after another, they displayed the same outcome—positive. My heart sank further.

"I fucked up," I whispered to myself, my voice cracking. This was not part of my plan. I got a man, and now everything was changing.

I sat on the side of the tub, and the tears came, wetting my cheeks as the reality of my situation hit me like a freight train. I felt dizzy but didn’t feel like walking the twenty short steps to my bed. My heart pounded in my chest. Sliding into the bathtub, I rested my head on the side.

What in the hell was I going to do? Cassius and I were in an awkward place. He kept saying he loved me, but I wasn’t motivated to say it back—even though I did. What did that mean?

I felt super tired. The next thing I knew, Cassius was waking me up. I wished I had never given him a key. When my vision cleared, I saw him holding a couple of the tests. His face was unreadable.

"You're pregnant?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," I answered, my voice hollow.

"Is that why you were crying?" he asked, his eyes searching mine.

"Yeah," I answered again, my voice breaking.

"Happy tears?" he probed, hope flickering in his eyes.

I shook my head. "I don't know what to do. I can't be pregnant."

His face hardened, a flash of anger crossing his features and darkening his eyes. "You shouldn’t have been fucking me raw and lying about birth control if you couldn’t be pregnant." He slammed his hand against the wall beside the door.

"I'm on birth control! I wasn’t lying," I yelled back, pushing myself up from the tub and wrapping my robe tightly around me.

Cassius's expression was one of pure frustration. He followed me and started pacing my bedroom while I sat on the side of the bed. I hadn’t meant to respond to him like I had. I wanted to talk about it like adults.

A crash echoed through the room. I looked up, and my six-foot mirror was in shards.

"This is not how this is supposed to happen!" Cassius shouted.

I sat there with my mouth open. What the fuck?

“Get out!” I screamed.

He stared at me with wide eyes as if he couldn’t believe what he’d done. Then a million emotions played across his face. The last one made him look like he was about to argue with me, but then his shoulders slumped. He took a step toward me, his face crumpling. "Angel, please... I..."

I shook, getting up from the bed, my heart pounding. "Get. Out."

Cassius's knees buckled, and he collapsed to the floor, sobbing. He crawled towards me, stopping and wrapping his arms around my legs, pressing his face into my stomach. "Please, don’t kill my baby," he begged, his voice muffled and broken.

The shift left me feeling drunk. How had he gone from throwing shit to crying?

"Cassius, I..." I started, but my voice faltered. I didn’t know what I was going to do, so I didn’t want to make any promises.

He looked up at me, tears streaming down his face. "I know I’ve made mistakes, but I want this. I want us to have this baby. We can figure it out together."

I stared at him, feeling trapped and overwhelmed. His grip on my waist tightened as if he was afraid I’d slip away if he let go. The room seemed to close in around me, the walls pressing in, making it hard to breathe.

"I don’t know if I can do this," I whispered, my voice trembling.

"You don’t have to do it. We can do this," he insisted, standing up and wrapping me in his arms. "I’ll be here for you every step of the way. I promise."

I wanted to believe him, but doubt gnawed at me. "What if I’m not ready? What if you’re not ready? We just met each other. Not even a year has passed since…”

He cut into my words. "We’ll take it one day at a time.”

I nodded slowly, but the panic in my chest wouldn’t ease.