19. Drew
Drew
I couldn't have run out of there faster if I tried.
It was clear by now that Mother Red Cap couldn't or wouldn't help us so there was no point wasting time with her. Not when someone else, a friend, could have the answers we were looking for all within their grasp.
I wanted to curse, to spit at me, to punch me for not thinking to ask my friends for help sooner. For not reaching out, but I couldn't. I wouldn't go down that rabbit hole. I thought I knew how many of my strings Horus was pulling at all times, but clearly he'd been pulling far more than I was ever aware of. Why else wouldn't I ask another god for help? Why wouldn't I tell them of my predicament? I may have been able to shield my mind from him but that didn't mean he hadn't messed with it in the first place. Had I even made any of my own decisions to begin with?
Yeah. Not going down that rabbit hole. No sir.
I came out of Mother Red Cap’s den to a moody but light morning sky and yet the streets were still empty, too early for anyone to be about, at least not in droves. I turned the corner and found the nearest door, letting us both home and back out into Soho, onto Bateman Street.
The flashing neon sign above the door that spelled Bewitchink was switched off and the shutters in front of the tattoo parlor were down.
"Looks like it's closed," Sett said.
I ignored him and stepped to the side to press the doorbell.
Sett watched me with narrowed eyes and I didn't know if that was pity hiding behind them or something else.
Whatever it was, I didn't care. I needed to find a way out of Horus's grasp. Of all people in this world, he should know what that was like and why I needed it so badly.
I kept my focus trained on the doorbell. He had to be home. Sandro had to be here. This parlor was his entire life. Where else could he be?
The more seconds passed, the harder I pressed.
He has to be here. He has to.
My finger turned red and almost bent in a most unnatural way and Sett wrapped his hand around mine and stepped into my field of vision.
"I don't think they're home, sweetheart."
I swallowed a frog in my throat but avoided his gaze. He'd called me sweetheart when I was anything but. I didn't know how long it'd be before he realized. I didn't need to speed things up by looking at him and making him see the rotten man inside.
"Of course he is. He's probably in bed with his god of a boyfriend and just getting dressed."
That was the hope.
And that was why I kept buzzing. That and I knew he was hard of hearing so I wanted to make sure he heard or saw or felt the doorbell ring before I gave up.
Sett didn't budge either. His gaze warmed the side of my face and it gave me goosebumps. He was already doing so much for me. More than anyone could or should have done for me after everything. And yet I couldn't do anything to help the situation. If I didn't find a way to liberate myself, I couldn't free my brother or Sett's son. Or find a way to get rid of Horus once and for all.
I was useless. I might have come to my full power. I might be able to bend time to my will without the risk of asphyxiation, but I was still enslaved by a cruel god so I was, for all intents and purposes, useless. Just a dude in distress.
"Drew, don't shut me out. Talk to me. What are you thinking?" Sett asked and cupped my cheek.
"N-nothing. I…I just need this."
"I know, sweetheart. I know you do. But we'll find a way. I promise."
I didn't want his promises. I didn't need them. He'd already done so much and I'd betrayed him so many ways, so many times. Even if I'd been under Horus's control, it was still me that had done those things. My hands, my body.
"I should have never—" I started when someone spoke up behind me.
"Are you looking for Sandro?" A woman approached us and we stepped aside as she clicked something on her keys and the shutters started moving up.
"Uhm. Yeah. I…he's a friend," I said, barely able to look the woman in the eyes.
She had gorgeous green locks, dark skin and the kindest of smiles, which only made me feel guiltier when she revealed who she was.
"I'm afraid my son is out of reach these days. I'm just here to tidy up and keep the parlor dust-free for his return," she said.
"Oh," I said and took another step back. "Uhm…do you know when he'll be back?"
She narrowed her eyes and glanced from me to Sett before she answered. "Not sure, love. He and Hades are busy ruling over the Underworld these days but hopefully soon because we miss him."
Crap .
"Th-thanks," I said and turned to leave as Sandro's mom entered the parlor and the shutters closed behind her.
He wasn't here. He wouldn't be here for the foreseeable future. My friend was a freaking king of the underworld, probably all-powerful, and I couldn't reach him.
This was punishment for everything I'd done. Fate, luck or whoever were making me pay for my sins and there was nothing I could do to change that.
I would always be Horus's subject, no matter what Sett did.
My brother would never be free either.
Sett and his son would die because of me, or we'd be stuck in a hopeless loop like in Groundhog Day until we grew bitter and tired of each other and everything I'd put us through.
This was how my life was going to go. I was doomed. I'd been doomed from the day Horus had rescued me only to make me one of his men whether I wanted to or not.
I took a deep breath.
And another.
And another.
But I couldn't.
The more I tried, the harder it became until my lungs had completely seized. My airways had shut down and I wheezed, desperate for air, for freedom, for salvation, or for a merciful death. Anything was better than this mess I'd gotten myself into.
"Drew! Drew!" Sett appeared in front of me and grabbed me as I collapsed to the ground fighting for my life.
The less air I breathed, the harder my heart pounded, the tighter my throat felt. Another hopeless, vicious circle I could not escape.
"Focus on me. Look at me. Look into my eyes." Sett leaned me against a wall and pointed to his golden eyes as he patted me down.
They were so pretty, his eyes. So shiny and unique and so easy to get lost in. Not that I deserved to be lost in them. I didn't deserve them. I didn't deserve him. Sett deserved someone who was his equal. Someone whose own body didn't turn against them just because it felt like it.
"That's it. You're doing great, Drew."
Before I knew what was going on an inhaler was shoved into my mouth and as soon as the first dose hit the back of my throat, I closed my eyes and held my breath, acting on instinct alone.
"That's it. Hold. Hold. Eight, seven, hold," Sett whispered, his voice my only anchor to reality. "Three, two, one and breathe out."
I let out a long breath and already my throat, my airways, everything inside felt steadier but I took another shot and this time, when I counted down, I stared back at Sett as he guided me.
He was so calm. So gentle. Times like these, it was hard to believe he was a god. Or maybe Horus had destroyed all my ideas of what gods should be like and Sett was the norm, not the exception. That seemed far more likely.
"And exhale," he said and my body eased as the medicine and magic took full effect all over my lungs.
"Thank you," I mumbled as my brain returned to normal function and I was able to think straight again.
"You don't need to thank me." He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles before he smiled.
"I do," I said. "You…you have no idea what's been going on in here." I pointed to my temple and swallowed.
"What's wrong, Drew? Tell me. Talk to me. You know I'm here for you."
I sighed and turned away from him. I focused on the rubbish bin across the street instead.
"It's all…it's hitting me now. What my life has been these last few years. How much uncertainty there is. I don't know what's been real and what's been fake. I just hate what he's done to me. And what I've done to people. I hate everything and I don't know how to fix it all."
I stopped before I hyperventilated again and had another asthma attack.
"It's just…everything I told myself about the situation with Horus, I don't know how much of it was real and how much was his doing. I don't know what parts are me and what aren't. Did I decide to start making the Apokryphon Elixir so he can't read my thoughts, or did he command me just to give me a false sense of security? Has Gene been free all this time, or has Horus been playing with my memories so I don't know?"
Sett took my other hand in his and brought them both to his lips, piercing me with his wonderful, gentle gaze. "No matter what, I'll be here for you to help you through it. Okay? I promise. We'll figure it out together. And we'll deal with the answers. Together."
I might have come to my senses, somewhat, but I still didn't understand what a god like him wanted with me. Why would he want me and to be with me? It made no sense.
"You're going to regret that," I said. I knew he would.
"I very much doubt that." He let go of my hands and cupped my face instead, leaning his forehead to mine and breathing into me just as I breathed into him.
I wanted to let myself go. To let myself believe there was a future with him. That we belonged together, but he had met his soulmate and lost him. It had been another god. I was just a stupid, little witch who had done terrible things.
How could we possibly fit together?
"So now that's twice you've saved me," I mumbled. "And I've killed you twice. I'm not a fan of these odds."
Sett smiled.
"Don't forget I killed you once too. But you were unconscious already. It still counts though."
I chuckled. "Okay. The odds are getting better. Now you just need to kill me one more time and I need to save you twice."
Sett sighed. "My sweet, sweet Drew. Don't you get it? You already have."
He shook his head with a desperate smile and he locked his lips with mine. It was medicine, a cure-for-all, the sweetest kind of salvation. When he kissed me like that, when he held me like that, I could almost believe him. I could almost believe I wasn't all that bad. But then he let go and reality returned in its place.
"Come on, who's the next god you know?" he stood and offered me his hand.
I took it, knowing full well I may betray him again. That there might be something inside me outside of my control that demanded his blood, his soul, his heart.
I was rotten.
I was rotten to the core.
But the least I could do was try to save everyone else from him, from Horus.
And from me.