Seven of Hearts

7. Leah

7

LEAH

A s the door closed and Logan’s footsteps faded, I stared at the playing card that he pinned to the fridge.

What. The. Hell?

The playing card stared back at me.

I’ll do better. -L

What the heck was that supposed to mean?

My gut churned with unease as the last ten minutes replayed on a constant loop. He hadn’t been in my apartment long, but it had been long enough to throw me completely off kilter.

I slumped against the kitchen counter and cried as the scent of his cologne lingered around me.

I had been doing so well over the last six weeks.

I had made it through the first two doctors appointments by myself.

I had been managing the never-ending plight of morning sickness.

I hadn’t taken a single day off work.

I had kept him far away from the outskirts of my mind. If I didn’t think about him, I wouldn’t crack and text him.

But now, he had been here—in my most sacred space. In the place where I had hidden away to fall apart after finding out I was pregnant.

Unexpected and unplanned as it was, I wanted this baby. I had always wanted to be a mother. It was one of the reasons my last relationship had ended.

Maybe for me it was a blessing in disguise. But the look of devastation on Logan’s face when I answered the door...I’d never forgive myself for upending his life.

Logan Solomon had been the one I had always wanted, the one who got away, and the one I could never have.

For the first time in my life, I felt truly alone.

Kylie had been a great support for the physical things—bringing me food when I couldn’t stomach anything more than mashed potatoes and ginger ale. Waiting in the lobby of the doctor’s office while I went in for my appointment.

But she could never know that?—

Oh no.

She could never know that she was going to be an aunt. That this little one would be her niece or nephew.

A fresh wave of grief washed over me as I sank onto the floor and hugged my knees to my chest.

What was I hoping for? That he’d walk back in the door? That he’d hold my hand? That he’d hug me and tell me that everything would be okay? That, even though I was going to go at it alone, I would be a good mom?

I was seriously losing my mind.

Logan owed me as much as I owed him.

Absolutely nothing.

And maybe that’s what hurt the most.

My phone buzzed atop the kitchen table. I scrambled up and darted for it, holding on to the false hope that it was Logan.

Kylie.

I wiped my eyes and nose with my sleeve and tried to steady my voice. “Hello?”

“Hey,” she said. “Bryan and I are leaving Kristin’s house. I wanted to see if you needed anything before we head home.”

I sniffed.

“Leah?”

“Sorry,” I said with a deep sigh. “Bad night. I’m fine, though.”

“Bad nights must be a trend today,” she said. “Logan’s party was a bust.”

Guilt boiled inside me. “That sucks.”

“Yeah. I think it hurt Kristin more than Lo. He’s changed so much since he got out of college. I feel like he was just waiting for the day he could finally get out of here and pull away. I guess I can’t blame him.”

More tears slipped down my cheeks.

Every time she talked about how much Logan hated it here, how much he had changed, and how different he was, it drove the knife in deeper. I couldn’t reconcile my selfish desire with the selfless need to bear the burden of what we had done together on my own.

“I hope his birthday was good,” I rasped.

“Hopefully, he’ll get his head out of his ass before he goes back to Chicago tomorrow,” Kylie said. “He disappeared in the middle of the party and then came back with an attitude. It’s whatever. I’m over it.” She sighed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to dump that on you. I was calling to see if you needed anything, not to unload family drama on you. Want me to find some mashed potatoes and bring them by your place?”

“I’m not hungry,” I said, even though I was. My stomach had settled after throwing up, and I needed some calories.

“Okay,” she said. “Are we still on for girls’ night? We can apartment hunt or work on your baby registry.”

I wanted to curl up in a ball and do nothing but sleep through my day off. “Maybe a night in,” I said. “Mashed potatoes and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. ”

“Honestly, that sounds like the best night ever. And I’m not even pregnant,” Kylie said with a laugh. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Ky.”

I had just ended the call when there was a knock at the door.

Logan, maybe?

I smiled sadly at the sight of my next-door neighbor holding a dinner plate. “Good evening, Leah. How are you feeling?”

I rested my hand on my stomach, feeling a little of the unease settle. “Okay. Still a little sick.”

He nodded understandingly as he nudged his wire-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I made some extra in case you were hungry. Lentils and spinach with some ginger and garlic chicken. It should sit just fine with you and the baby. But maybe start with small bites until you know the baby approves.”

Dr. Mehta was a retired obstetrician. He was a sweetheart who had taken pity on me when I showed up at his door at nine o’clock at night to ask what smelled so good. After hearing me throw up over and over again through our shared wall, he quickly figured out my situation and started dropping by to offer advice or bring me something to eat.

Even after being retired for nearly a decade, he still dressed in his office clothes and loafers for his daily walk around our apartment community. A grocery bag hung from the crook of his arm. He handed me the plate and shuffled the bag toward me.

“Some fruit I got at the store. The mangos didn’t look terrible, and the strawberries were still decent.” His eyes were kind as he glanced down the hallway to the stairwell. “And the young man who was here?”

I set the plate on the kitchen island along with the grocery bag. “He’s the father. I told him.”

Saying it out loud made stomach acid float up my throat and burn my tongue.

Dr. Mehta nodded understandingly. “A tough conversation to have, but I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” I said as I let out a heavy breath. “And thank you for the food. That’s so kind of you.”

He smiled. “I cooked for all four of my daughters while they were having babies. It’s an honor, Leah.”

Dr. Mehta said his goodbyes and left me to eat dinner in peace. I’d shuffle whatever I didn’t finish into a Tupperware container for tomorrow, then wash the plate and refill it with cookies or brownies. It was the least I could do, and he had quite the sweet tooth.

The silence weighed heavily on me as I moved my stamp and dried flower collection out of the way and sat down to eat. Alone.