Shadow and Skulls (Rebel Skull MC Series Book 6)

1. Chapter One

“Do you not want to sleep with me because of what happened to you?” Jason asks.

My heart plummets to my stomach. “What do you mean?”

The light from the dash illuminates his face as he stares at me. His head falls back against the headrest, and he grips the steering wheel tightly. “I know what happened to you. It’s no big deal. Just let me help you get over it.”

The lights in the valley twinkle below us as I focus out the windshield, wondering if this is why everyone at school has been treating me differently. I thought it was because my brothers weren’t around this year, that maybe no one really liked me to begin with. But maybe it’s because everyone has discovered who I really am.

“Who told you?”

He turns toward me, his gaze heavy on the side of my face. “It doesn’t matter.”

The pain from the knife firmly lodged between my shoulder blades begins to ache. The twins.

Jason crawls between the seats, rocking the entire car as he lands in the back. “Come on. The guys have been giving me a hard time because we haven’t moved past first base.”

“What guys?” I ask, my mouth falling open.

“You know. Matt and the guys.” He may as well have just said the entire basketball team.

“You’ve all been talking about me that way?”

He shrugs. “It’s just how guys talk.”

It had to be my brothers. Maybe Carson and Cole told him about me just to keep him away. They probably thought it would repulse him. I know they were worried about leaving me without a chaperone when they left for college. I didn’t think I needed one, but now …

Obviously, their little plan didn’t work because Jason doesn’t seem to care that I’ve been with other men.

I’m so angry at them I could scream.

I climb in the back, falling clumsily onto Jason’s lap. He laughs, pulling me to straddle him. His hands instantly go to my face, and he kisses me. I’ve never thought he was particularly good at it, but that is an understatement tonight.

His kisses are fast and wet as he drags his mouth over my cheek and down my neck. This is usually as far as he gets before I stop him. Right now, I just want to get this over with. I need to show Jason, and I guess the entire basketball team, that I’m not broken.

Everything is fine until he takes off my pants and pushes me to lie down.

“Don’t cry,” he whispers. “This is how it’s supposed to be. You’re my girl.”

He kisses me one last time, then tucks his face in the crook of my neck as if he can’t bear to see the tears running out the corners of my eyes. I stare up at the ceiling of his car.

“What’s the difference between a prostitute, a mistress, and a wife?” one of the club men asks before finishing the last of his beer and tossing it into the fire.

The other guys chuckle. “How the hell would you know the answer? You don’t have any of the three!” someone yells, making the men laugh louder.

“Very funny.” He smirks. “Do you fuckers want to know the punchline or not? Anyway, the prostitute asks are you finished yet, the mistress asks oh, can we do it again, and the wife says beige … I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”

The entire group of men groan in unison. “That joke is older than you are,” someone says.

Jason’s ceiling is black.

My eyes fall closed as I slip away to my safe space. A few minutes later, a grunt pulls me away from my mind, thrusting me back into reality. Jason goes soft inside of me as he pants against the side of my neck.

“Get off,” I say calmly.

His head jerks up and he stares into my eyes, blinking slowly.

“Get off!” I scream, pushing against his chest.

He holds his hands up and backs off me. “Jesus, Kelsie.”

I sit up, tugging my shirt down while I grab my pants from the floor.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Not looking at him, I snag my white Nikes and open the door.

“Kelsie!”

Jason curses under his breath, following me, his pants hanging open. “Get in the car, and I’ll take you home.”

I shake my head, stopping a few feet away from him to put my shoes on.

He takes a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m serious, Kels. Your brothers will kill me if I let you walk home.”

When my heel drops into my shoe, I straighten and look at him. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” Then, I sprint away.

I jog all the way to JD’s. The second my feet land on the other side of the fence, I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m on safe ground. Picking my way through the yard, I look for a mud hole. The minute I find one, I plop my ass right down into it.

My hands shake as I call my dad. When he picks up, I don’t even try to hide the tremble in my voice. “Daddy,” I cry.

“Where are you?” he asks, and I know he’s already on his way out the door.

“I’m at JD’s. I’m sorry to call you, but I didn’t want you to worry about me. I know you’re busy.”

“I’m never too busy for you, sweetheart. I’m on the way.”

“No. It’s okay,” I sniffle. “It’s silly. I’m so embarrassed. My friends and I were having a scavenger hunt up in the hills, and I fell in a mud puddle. Mom’s going to kill me because I’ve ruined my brand new white pants.”

He starts to chuckle. “Baby, goddammit, you scared your old man. Mom isn’t going to be mad at you for getting a pair of jeans dirty. Accidents happen.”

“But these cost me an entire week’s pay,” I whine, pushing myself from the ground with one hand. Slowly, I make my way up to JD’s house.

“I’ll come get you.”

“That’s okay. JD said he’d give me a ride.”

“Is he there? Everyone is supposed to be out looking for Katie.”

I peek around the corner, spotting his bike in front of the porch. “He’s here.”

“Okay, then. I’ll see you as soon as I get back to the house. Mom is over at the warehouse, so you and I will have time to figure out how to get that stain out before she gets home, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I sigh, stepping up to the porch. “Thank you, Dad. I knew you’d make me feel better.”

“Love you, honey. See you in a bit.”

“Love you, too.”

I pull the phone away from my ear, running my finger over his contact picture. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I knock on JD’s door.

He answers as he’s sliding his arm into his leather cut. “Kelsie?”

He grabs me by my shoulders, looking over my head as he pulls me into his chest. I inhale deeply, comforted by his familiar scent. When he gets me inside and closes the door, he pushes me an arm’s length away so he can look me in the eye.

“What’s wrong?” Concern wrinkles his brow.

“Nothing.” I kick my Nike’s off by his front door. “I fell in the mud.” I point to the back of my pants.

His gaze takes in the mud covering the back of my white jeans. He shakes his head. “Where’s your car?”

I hug myself. “I was with Jason.”

JD’s lip curls in disgust. He’s never hidden his dislike for my boyfriend.

“And a bunch of other people,” I add quickly. “We were having a scavenger hunt, and I slid in the mud. I’m just embarrassed about it, okay?” I slide past him. “I need to get out of these. Do you have a pair of sweats I can borrow?”

He grabs my arm and pulls me back to him, dipping his face toward mine. He sniffs.

“We weren’t drinking.”

“Just making sure.” He leans away from me, but his expression of concern remains unchanged. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, just worried Mom is going to kill me. Do you know how much these cost?”

“Your mother isn’t going to care about that, and you know it.” He folds his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know what I’m worried about.” I wave my hand, dismissing my fear. “I’ll just hit the shower. When I’m finished, could you give me a ride home?” I back away from him toward the hall.

He sighs. “Yeah. I’ll find something you can change into.”

“Great. Thanks,” I say cheerfully, bouncing on my toes.

He follows me down the hall, ducking into his room before coming out with a neatly folded pair of sweats.

I give him a big smile. “Hopefully none of my classmates saw my walk of shame,” I joke, taking them from him before disappearing into his bathroom.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I strip down and quickly rinse myself off in his shower. When I get back to the living room, he’s just closing the front door.

Please don’t let that have been Jason … or my dad.

I stand awkwardly, holding the sweats at my waist. “Who was that?” I plop down on the couch to put my shoes on.

“Katie.” He lowers himself beside me.

Crap. That means my dad will be home sooner than I thought. I was hoping to be in bed before he got there.

“Oh, that’s good. Dad said you guys were out looking for her.”

“Yeah, well, she’s alive and well. I need to meet her out at the crusher in a bit. She’s got a truck for me to dispose of, but I’ll run you home first.”

I smile to myself. Katie is bad ass. She’s one of my favorite people.

He places his hand at the back of my head. “Your mom has been worried about you. She says you haven’t been yourself since school started.”

“Yeah, well it’s no fun being the oldest kid in high school. I should be in college by now.”

His hand falls away from my head, and he laughs. “Shit, kid, I didn’t get my GED until I was twenty-four. It’s not a fucking race, you know?”

“I wish they’d let me get my GED. I hate school.”

He looks surprised by this. “I thought you loved school. You’re a star student, a cheerleader, and you’re dating the school’s star basketball player. What’s not to love?”

My face falls. “I haven’t told Mom and Dad yet, but I quit the cheer team.”

“What? Why?”

Shrugging, I push off the couch to stand. “It’s lame. That’s all. I’ve got a paper to write tonight. I need to get home.” I move to stand in front of the door, waiting for him.

He sighs, following my lead.

When we get out to his bike, he hands me a helmet. I grab it, but he doesn’t let go. “You need to tell your mother you quit the team, Kelsie.”

“I will,” I lie.

He doesn’t buy it. “What are you going to do when they come to a game and you’re not on the side of the court cheering?”

My head falls. I know. I know. I’ve been trying to figure out an answer to that question myself, but I haven’t come up with anything.

“Just tell her why you quit. She’ll understand.”

All I can do is sigh. My mom and JD are not only business partners, they’re also best friends.

He releases the helmet, and I shove it on my head before climbing on the back of the bike behind him.

“It will be best if she hears it from you. It’s not that big of a deal.”

That’s the second time I’ve heard that phrase tonight.

It’s no big deal.

When we pull into my driveway, I see my brothers sitting on the front porch. JD reaches down and pats my calf after we pull to a stop.

“Promise me you’ll come to me if you need anything.”

I slide off the bike as the boys watch me. “Thanks for the ride,” I say, making no promises. I give him a kiss on the cheek and then turn to face my brothers.

JD pulls onto the road, giving my dad a one fingered salute as he pulls in.

I try to hurry into the house, to avoid running into my father, but Cole reaches out and snags me.

“Why are you with JD? You left with Jason. Where is he?”

Jerking my arm out of his grip, I glare up at him. “It’s none of your business.”

Carson nods toward my sweats, his eyes pulling tight at the corners. “Kels, just answer him. What happened?”

There was a time when I loved these two more than life itself. But then they left, and nothing’s been the same since. “Why should I tell the two of you? So you can go and tell everyone?”

I storm past them both, slamming the front door behind me. I rush up the stairs, falling onto my bed in a fit of tears.

The door quietly clicks shut behind me. When the bed dips, I sit up and barrel into my dad’s chest. He doesn’t ask me anything, and I love him for that. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to, because the bad feeling is back. I haven’t felt it in such a long time. I’d hoped it was gone.

My mind wanders back to my encounter with Jason as I let my dad hold me in the safety of his arms.

Beige … I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.

I remember when I first heard that joke. It made me wonder if all women escaped the way I did … do. The way the mind can so easily ignore the body, focusing on anything besides what’s happening to it.

Tonight confirmed it doesn’t matter who I’m with. My mind will always wander from reality. I couldn’t even stay present with my boyfriend.

Jason and I started dating around this time last year. I’ve never let him go further than kissing me. Not because I’ve been scared. It’s because I haven’t wanted to face the fact I might truly be broken.

I grab my stomach as the sick feeling infects me, sneaking into my veins. I don’t like the way I feel when I’m with a man. Like I’m bad. Wrong. Disgusting.

All the therapy in the world can’t fix it, either. I know my thoughts are intrusive, and I can recognize them easily enough as they creep in. Even though I’ve learned to rationalize all of that, it doesn’t stop my body from reacting to or feeling it.

“I quit the cheer team,” I finally blurt out, knowing I need a reason to be crying.

“Okay.”

Pushing off him, I wipe my eyes and look at him. “Okay?”

“Okay.” He shrugs. “Kelsie, I want you to do things that make you happy. If cheer isn’t making you happy, then by no means do I expect you to keep doing it. You’re old enough to make your own decisions. I just wish you would have come to us. We could have talked you through it. Is there a reason you quit?”

“It’s just not the same this year.”

“I understand. It’s different without your brothers around. It kinda sucks, doesn’t it?”

I give him a small nod. “I’m sorry, Dad. I should have told you guys. I’ll tell Mom tomorrow.”

Dad picks up my dirty white pants. “Wow. You really did a number on these, didn’t you?”

Laughing lightly, I take his hand as he stands. He pulls me to my feet. “Let’s go get these washed up before your mom gets home.”

“I’ll meet you down there. I’m just going to change quick.”

As Dad and I scrub dish soap into my pants, the sick feeling stays.

“You know, white jeans probably weren’t the best choice of attire for a scavenger hunt.”

“Yeah, well, there really isn’t a good time to wear white pants,” I joke.

His laugh pulls a smile to my face. I never get tired of hearing it.

After we put the jeans in the washing machine, he guides me to sit in the living room with the boys. “Thought we could all watch a movie together.”

I duck out from under his arm. “Sorry, Dad. I have a paper I need to finish up.”

He grabs my ponytail gently pulling me back to him. “Not so quick. I asked if you had homework before you left with Jason. You said you didn’t have any. Sit.”

I groan, plopping onto the couch between my brothers.

“I’ll make the popcorn. Go ahead and pick a movie.”

Carson grabs the remote. “Your pick, little sis.”

“I’m one month older than the two of you. I’m not your little sis.” I look at my nails, ignoring their stares.

When I came to live with Lily and Dan, I was behind in my studies. My uncle wasn’t concerned with my academics. He was worried about how much money I was making him. My parents worked tirelessly to get me caught up as much as they could, but I still had to enter school a grade behind.

“What’s your problem with us?” Cole asks.

“Why don’t you ask Jason?”

“Why the fuck would we ask Jason?” He shakes his head, glancing over mine to exchange a confused look with his twin.

I kick my feet to the coffee table, dropping my head against the cushions. “He’s your friend. I’m sure you share all kinds of information with each other. Maybe he can tell you why I’m mad.”

“Boys, did you tell Jason something that would embarrass your sister?” Dad asks as he hands me a giant bowl of popcorn.

He sits in his recliner, kicking it back. Both boys instantly deny any wrongdoing.

“What do you think they told Jason? Don’t make them guess.” He gives me a stern look. My dad doesn’t like games. He shoots straight from the hip, and he expects all of us to do the same.

Slowly, I curl in on myself. “They told him about me.”

Both of their mouths fall open.

“Kels, no way would I tell anyone your story.” Carson shakes his head.

“Me, either. We didn’t tell Jason or anyone else anything about your past,” Cole adds.

I don’t need to look at either of them to know they’re telling the truth.

“Wait. Jason knows?” Carson asks. “He brought it up to you?”

The footrest on my dad’s recliner drops closed, and he leans forward. “Boys, go upstairs.”

His tone makes both of them instantly offer me an encouraging hug, then they jog up the stairs without question.

My dad is quiet for a long time. “Did you really fall in a puddle tonight?” he asks.

“Yes.”

He runs his hand down his face, muttering under his breath. “If you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine, but you will be doing some talking tonight.”

The sick feeling intensifies, pulsing against my veins.

“Fine.” I stare at the ceiling. “Jason asked me if the reason I never want to move past first base is because of what happened to me.”

When my dad doesn’t respond, I lift my head. I both love and hate the way he is looking at me. He doesn’t hide his love or concern for me. The man is unwavering in the way he lets people know he loves them. But I hate the look of helplessness that’s hidden in the shadow of his gaze.

I don’t like it. I don’t want my dad to feel bad for me. No one else should have to help me carry the burden of my pain. It only creates more victims.

“It’s okay, Dad. I’m sorry I blamed the boys. My past is a matter of public record. I’m sure Jason found out another way.” I push off the couch. “I’ll go apologize to them.”

“Not so fast,” he says right as Mom walks in.

I groan, falling back onto the couch dramatically, my arms flailing to the sides.

My dad fills her in on the cheer team and Jason. She stares at him while reaching over to pull me against her chest. Her sweet blueberry scent wraps around me. I smile, ignoring their conversation, lulled by the gentle way her fingers are running through my hair.

“Baby, was Jason pressuring you tonight?” she asks.

“Hmm?” I hum, blinking my eyes open sleepily.

She wraps her hands around my face, her thumbs brushing lightly under my eyes. “Talk to us, honey. Does this have something to do with why you quit the cheer team?”

“What? No.” I push away from her. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not like we were trying to hide my past. Jason found out. It’s no big deal.”

It’s no big deal.

Mom looks over at Dad, concern turning down the corners of her mouth.

“Listen, I quit the cheer team because it’s not the same without the boys. And tonight, well, Jason’s question caught me off guard. But it’s fine, because I was going to have to have the conversation with him sooner or later.”

When my mom starts to speak, I stand up. “I’m going to go apologize to the boys, and then we should watch that movie. It’s their last night home. I don’t want to waste it.”

She doesn’t argue. Her gaze lingers over me as I jog up the stairs.

The boys are sitting on their beds when I get there.

“I’m sorry.” I lean against the doorjamb, not looking at either of them. “Do you guys still want to watch a movie?”

They stand at the same time. Cole squats in front of me, pointing to his back. I giggle and hop on, wrapping my arms around his neck. Carson quickly rushes past us, and then the competition begins. They push and shove at each other all the way down the stairs. I hold on tight, giggling the entire time.

“I win!” Carson cheers as he reaches the bottom step a second before us.

Mom is settled on Dad’s lap. She sits forward to scold us. “How many times do I have to tell the three of you not to run down the stairs?”

“I wasn’t running.” I tuck myself between the boys, the three of us still wrestling with each other for space.

“Traitor,” Cole says, now fighting with Carson over the popcorn bowl. I pull it from them, setting it on my lap.

“You’re going to get hurt someday, and then you’ll wish you would have listened,” my mom grumbles.

“Boys, listen to your mother.”

“Boys? What about Kelsie?”

“She wasn’t running,” my dad agrees, pulling my mom around the waist to get her to relax against him.

The twins eventually decide on an action movie. As it plays, I wish more than anything we could stay like this forever.