9. Chapter Nine
Mom left for a girl’s night over at the warehouse. I was going to join them after I showered but decided to text her that I wasn’t coming. I told her I had homework and would just heat up leftovers.
You guessed it, I don’t have homework. I’m … well, okay, if you must know, I’m curious. You know, about the toy.
So, here I sit, freshly showered, in only a towel. I’m turning the object in my hand on and off. It’s not doing anything, though. How does the damn thing work? The light comes on, but it doesn’t, well, it doesn’t do what I think it’s supposed to do.
I mean, I guess it doesn’t matter. I wasn’t really going to try it anyway, was I?
What if it makes me feel bad? Maybe I’m so fucked up, the feeling will never go away. Maybe the whole of my sexuality is really broken.
My phone dings, and I mindlessly grab it, expecting an argument from my mom about ditching girl’s night.
Tank: Let me know when you’re strapped in and ready to go.
Me: What do you mean?
Tank: Oh, little shadow, I know you’ve activated my gift. Now, lie back, get into position, and I’ll do the rest. FaceTime me, and it will be an even better experience.
I reach for the box, juggling it in my hands as I try to read the instructions on the back. It says it’s great for long distance fun … oh. Oh!
What the fuck am I going to do? Deny. Deny. Deny.
Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
The phone vibrates in my hand. Shit, now he’s calling.
My entire body flushes in embarrassment. He knows I turned it on. Of course he does.
“Hello,” I answer quietly, pulling my towel around me tighter.
“Little shadow,” he breathes heavily on the phone.
“I was just looking at it, okay? I’m not actually going to, you know, put it there.”
“Put it where?”
“Just stop.”
He sighs. “I didn’t leave it in your drawer to embarrass you. There’s something about you that makes me do crazy shit. You make me crazy.”
“I make you crazy?” I run my finger over the silicone object in my hand.
“Certifiably.”
“Hmm.” I like that. Slowly, I lie back, staring at the ceiling. Maybe this will work. It won’t hurt to try. “If … if we do this, I’m going to mute my end. I don’t want you to hear …” I stop. “That would be too embarrassing.”
He groans. “If that’s what you want. I’m not going to lie, though; I’ve been looking forward to the noises you’re going to make for me.”
His words have me moving the towel aside and rubbing the toy over myself. I let out a little whimper. It feels so good.
“That’s it, baby. Get it good and wet for me.”
That’s all the encouragement I need before sliding the item into place. Oh god, it hits a spot that makes me have to bite my lip to keep from groaning out loud.
“You good?” he asks, reminding me I’m not alone.
“Yeah.”
I continue to stare at the ceiling, pushing away the bad thoughts that are doing their best to consume me. I’m in control. This is for me. I want this. I can stop it at any time.
“Okay, baby. I’m going to keep talking you through it, but you can go ahead and mute yourself now.”
So that’s what I do. I put him on speaker, mute my end, and drop the phone beside my head.
The first little vibration has me snapping my knees together and arching off the bed.
“Oh god,” I say out loud, thankful he can’t hear me.
His throaty chuckle erupts over the phone. “Just a nice little buzz to let you know who’s in charge.”
“Asshole.”
“I want you to put your hands over your head, and don’t move them,” his deep voice echoes throughout my room.
I do as he asks, slowly letting my knees fall apart. A nice little warming hum begins, and my eyes fall closed, no longer interested in the ceiling.
“Does that feel good, little shadow? I’m so jealous of that fucking thing, getting to be all snug in that hot pussy of yours.”
His dirty words make me moan out loud. God, I wish he was here with his warm breath on my ear.
My hips start to move, chasing the next little burst of pleasure. More. I need more.
As if on command, the vibration quickens, as does my pulse. I think about moving my hands to help the toy along, but I don’t disobey him. My breath comes out in short little pants that fill my bedroom as he continues to work me up with the roughness of his voice.
“Are you almost there? I bet you are. I can’t wait for the day I get to hear you beg me to let you come.”
Oh, shit. No. Not yet. I don’t want it to be over yet!
“You ready for a little more?”
“No,” I whisper to the silence of my room.
He kicks the thing up to expert level, and my spine bows clean off the bed, my eyes rolling into the back of my head.
“Fuck!” I yell, coming so hard I don’t think it will ever stop.
Evidently, that’s what he wants, because he pauses the vibration for a brief moment. Then he ramps it back up, sending me straight to the moon.
“Oh god!” I scream, my entire body trembling on the bed.
“Are you screaming my name yet, little shadow?”
He’s panting, and I know his hand is wrapped around his cock. For the first time, I wish I was face to face with a man … I wish I could touch him. That he could touch me.
The realization of what these thoughts mean hits me as another orgasm rocks my entire world. I yell out again.
My bedroom door swings open, and JD rushes in. “Kelsie, are you okay?!” he shouts before stopping dead in his tracks.
I jump to my knees, covering myself with my discarded towel. The little toy between my legs hums as I scramble for my phone.
“Does that feel good, little shadow?”
Oh my god! My fingers fumble over the phone before finally hitting end call.
JD spins away from me, his hands landing on top of his head.
“It’s … it’s not what it looks like,” I say quietly, reaching between my legs to remove the toy.
“Your mom said you had my keys. I … I’ll wait for you downstairs,” he says, not looking at me as he leaves the room.
My phone rings, and when I answer, neither of us says anything.
When I start to cry, he shushes me. “Hey, it’s okay, baby. I’m sorry we rushed things. I’m on my way back to you.”
I can hear him rustling around. He’s dead serious about coming home.
“No … no, it’s not that. JD just walked in on me and … oh, god, he heard me scream … and you … he heard you,” my voice rises as I realize the severity of what just happened.
I’m sliding my legs into my panties as I hold the phone between my shoulder and ear. “If he tells my dad, he’s going to kill you. I have to go stop him.”
Tank chuckles on the other end. I know he thinks I’m overreacting, but I’m not. That’s exactly what’s going to happen if I don’t get downstairs right now and beg JD to keep my secret.
“Laugh all you want, but it will be the last thing you do if Big Dan finds out.”
“So, you screamed, huh? Damn mute option,” he grumbles. “We’re headed back tomorrow,” he adds, completely ignoring my comment about his imminent death.
Once I’m dressed, I give myself a once over in the mirror. My cheeks are flushed. “Whatever. I’m going to let you go. I’ll talk to you when you get back. That is if my dad doesn’t dispose of your dead body in a ditch somewhere along the way.”
His laugh filters through the phone as I hang up on him.
I rush down the stairs, slowing my steps as I reach the bottom. JD is looking out the front window. It’s dark outside, so …
Our eyes connect in the reflection of the glass.
The bad feeling tries to creep in, but I’m not going to let it. This is the first time … well, the first time something sexual left me feeling good. It’s not from the orgasms, either. I’ve had them before. Your body will do things against your will, trust me. I don’t know … I just feel good. In fact, I think I’d like to try it again. So, I’m not going to let anyone make me feel bad about it. Not even JD. I’m an adult. Not a child.
He slowly spins around to face me. “I’m sorry,” he says, dropping his gaze to the floor. “I heard you yell and thought someone was hurting you.” His cheeks turn bright red over his greying beard.
I tug at the bottom of my sweater. “Um, I should have locked the door.”
He shakes his head sadly. “What are you doing, Kelsie?”
“I … it was nothing.”
His jaw ticks, and his fists clench into balls by his side. “He’s a Skull.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “What? Am I not good enough for a Skull?”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. What about Jason? This isn’t like you.”
“Like me?”
He runs his hand through his hair. “You’re not a cheater.”
The laughter that erupts from me makes him take a step back. “Jason and I aren’t together anymore.” I wave him off, done with this conversation. I’m suddenly very hungry.
“You can’t see Tank, Kelsie.” He follows me into the kitchen.
“Oh really?”
He watches me dish out last night’s leftovers onto a plate. “Kelsie, talk to me.”
I sit down across from him, shoveling the first bite into my mouth. “He’s helping me,” I finally admit when I see he’s not going to give up.
“He’s taking advantage of you.”
“He’s not.”
“He is.”
“I know what it feels like to be taken advantage of, JD. This is not that.”
The front door swings open, and my mom rushes in. I narrow my eyes on him. Did he call her already?
She pauses, looking at us both before focusing her attention on me. Her gaze roams over my neck. “Charlotte said she gave you the necklace.”
My hand instantly trails over my throat where the necklace had been before I broke it. “Yeah, it’s in my jewelry box upstairs.”
“Why aren’t you wearing it?”
I shrug. “I don’t want to lose it. I know how special it is to all of you.”
Her big brown eyes blink rapidly. “Kelsie, a little girl has been wearing it. You’re not going to lose it.”
Little does she know I already have.
“I’m going to head out,” JD says, interrupting us.
“Did you get your keys?”
Oh fuck. I was supposed to drop his keys off to him. He looks at me.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I forgot to drop them off to him. They’re at the store.”
He stands up, reaching across the counter to cup my cheek. “That’s okay. You’ve been busy. I’ll get them tomorrow.”
His gaze roams over my face, his brows pulling tight. Silently, I beg him not to say anything about Tank.
“Stop by the junkyard tomorrow,” he says. “I have something I want to show you.”
“Yeah, sure.” My head falls, my cheeks burning.
He pats the top of my head.
“I’ll walk you out,” my mom tells him.
The minute the door closes, I rush upstairs to hide the vibrator. As I’m tucking it away, my stomach does a little flip. I busy myself drying my hair. She’ll be up here soon.
Sure enough, she appears in my doorway. “Can I see it?”
Using the hairdryer, I point to the jewelry box on my dresser.
She makes her way over to it. I watch her in the mirror as she swipes at her eyes, dangling the necklace in front of her face.
“I think you should wear it,” she says, not taking her eyes off the shiny trinket.
“I don’t have anything to wish for,” I tell her, shutting the hair dryer off and laying it on the vanity.
“That’s not the only thing it’s good for.” She steps behind me and drapes it over my neckline. “It started as a gift of love … it travels by love. Charlotte loves you, Kelsie. She wants to see you happy.”
“I love her too, but I don’t want to lose it.”
“I’m not saying that won’t happen, but if it does, it will be okay. Everything happens for a reason. It will end up exactly where it belongs.”
My finger runs over it as I stare at her reflection.
“My friend, Jenny, would have loved you. She’d be pleased to know my daughter was wearing it.”
She takes the brush from me and begins to run it through my hair. “Are you ready to talk about what happened between you and Jason?” The way her eyes dart away from mine tells me this has been weighing heavily on her. “You know, my first boyfriend coerced me into thinking I owed him something. Is that what happened with you?”
My head falls. The woman is too perceptive sometimes. I should have talked to her about this before now, but I guess it’s just embarrassing. He only went out with me to get in my pants. I, of all people, should have seen through him.
“He wanted more than I was willing to give,” I tell her honestly.
“Did he …?” Her hands fall from my hair as she holds the brush to her stomach.
“He didn’t force me,” I tell her honestly.
She nods, settling herself on the vanity bench beside me. “But that doesn’t mean …” She stops herself, shaking her head. “I’m sorry for pushing you off on him last night. I just wanted you to have fun with your friends and be happy again.” She runs her hand down her face.
“Mom, I am happy. It’s fine. We broke up. We’re finished. Let’s not worry about him anymore, okay?”
“Are you sure that you’re okay? You’ve been so quiet lately.”
Nodding, I give her a side hug. “I’m always quiet, Mom. I’m fine. It was just a little rough patch. Lexi can have him.”
Her mouth falls open. “She didn’t …”
“She did, but it’s fine.”
“She’s your friend.”
“No, Mom. I don’t think she was ever my friend, but that’s okay. I have true friends in the club.”
She smiles at this. “That’s true, and I’m sure you’ll make lots of new friends at college next year.”
I nod, forcing a smile on my face. “I’m sure you’re right.”